by Deja Voss
“It doesn’t matter what you wear, babe.”
I mean it, too. I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about what she was wearing. She’s always just pretty to me. If she had a specific style before her accident, I couldn’t tell you what it was. I just know I like her and that’s enough.
“Well, we’ll just have to see about that.” I help her get the shirt over her cast, trying not to be a creep as I gaze over her tits just hanging there in my face like the most natural thing in the world. “I’ll take it from here,” she says, and I go out in the kitchen to put some bread in the oven, knowing well enough that if she needs some privacy in this tiny place, I better give it to her.
I stir the soup in the crockpot and hope she doesn’t mind eating the same thing twice in a day, but judging by the way she acted earlier, I think she really likes it. It makes me feel good and a little proud that I made her happy without even having to ask. I try to think of more things like that I can surprise her with. I wonder if she’s a cake or a cookie person? I haven’t baked in a long time, but I remember most of my mom’s recipes by heart.
As I look in the cabinet at all the dry ingredients and punch a few notes in my phone, a high pitched scream that sounds like somebody’s getting murdered comes from the bathroom.
I take off running, and my heart sinks. Jewel’s standing there in her weird outfit I picked out, screaming into the mirror.
“Jewel, come on, let’s go in the other room,” I say. “There’s no sense in you freaking yourself out.”
I grab her around the waist, but she pushes me away. We’ve purposely kept her away from the mirror, keeping her distracted as possible when she goes in the bathroom, hoping we could keep her from catching a glimpse of herself until she was more healed.
“The doctor says it’s gonna look worse before it looks better, babe. They fucked you up real good. The swelling has gone down a lot,” I say, standing behind her, brushing her hair out of her eyes. I guess at this point I don’t even really notice it anymore, but for her, it’s a whole new face to learn.
“I’m gonna be sick,” she says, pushing away from me. She folds herself over the toilet and starts puking. I run my hand over her back.
“Babe, it’s gonna be fine. It’s temporary. Everything needs time to heal.”
“My ear is gonna grow back?” she wails through dry heaves.
I hate seeing her like this. Her confidence is already low to begin with, and anyone in their right mind would probably flip out if they saw their face all covered in contusions and black and blue. Anyone would be shocked the first time they saw themselves missing a body part. She’s not wrong for how she feels, and I feel guilty from hiding it from her to begin with.
“I’m gonna kill them all, Jewel. I promise. The guys who did this to you.” I sit down on the floor next to her and hug her as gently as I can. “They’re gonna fucking pay.”
She gulps and sighs and rests her head on my chest. “I deserved it,” she says.
I don’t like what she’s saying, and even worse, I don’t like the fact that she believes it.
“Why would you say something so terrible?” I ask. “Nobody ever deserved what happened to you, Jewel, especially not you.”
“Brass, I haven’t been completely honest. I just… I needed to make sure I could stand on my own two feet again before I told you because you’re going to chuck me out on the street.” She starts crying into my t-shirt, wetting it with her tears.
“Never,” I say, stroking my fingers through her hair. I’m really fucking confused, but the Jewel I know could never do anything that would make me want to throw her out on the street. She’s stuck with me no matter what. There’s nothing in the world that could make me hate her, not now or not ever.
“You didn’t read the note,” she whispers.
She looks up at me with her black and blue eyes, her swollen nose, her bruised cheeks and all I can see in her eyes is fear.
“I was trying to protect the memory of Barney. You guys loved him so much and I never wanted to stain that memory, but I don’t think you know how bad he actually was. I never told anyone what the note said, but the only reason why Floyd took me is because he thought I was going to pick up where Barney left off. He thought I was going to work for him as a rat.”
I struggle to take in what she’s telling me, my mind filling with disbelief. Barney was a lot of things, but I never questioned his loyalty to the MC. He was a troubled guy, but at the end of the day, he always pulled through for his brothers.
“You knew about him being a rat?” I ask. I’m trying not to get angry with her. For all I know this is just some wild hallucination from the meds she’s been on. For all I know, maybe Barney told her stuff just to manipulate her. It’s not like he was the epitome of a great boyfriend.
…but a rat is a fucking huge accusation. It goes against everything our brotherhood stands for.
“In hindsight, I guess yes. At the time it didn’t make sense. He never told me I was doing anything wrong. He never told me anything, just where to drop the envelopes. I thought I was helping the club, but I think I fucked up.”
I hang my head trying to figure out where to go from here. Barney’s been gone over a year, but who knows what kind of damage he did to the club in his life. Who knows how deep it goes if they’re snatching our own up off the streets and trying to turn them. Who knows what kind of war Floyd is planning on waging now that he’s out.
I’m torn between my need to call a meeting and get this shit sorted out and my want to make sure this woman knows she’s not going to take the heat for anything her dead ass deadbeat boyfriend did. I can feel the fear coming from her by the way she quakes in my arms.
“You can’t blame yourself for this shit, sweetie.”
“I thought it was all just going to go away. He killed himself so they’d stop coming for you guys. It was the only way he could pay for his crimes.”
I grab a piece of toilet paper off the roll and dab at her teary eyes.
“He killed himself because he was too big of a pussy to own up for what he did. He’s the one who fucking did this to you. He left you behind to clean up his fucking mess.”
“I should’ve told you sooner. I swear, I didn’t tell them anything. I told them they’d have to kill me before they could turn me.”
“You’re a fucking soldier, babe,” I say. I want to punch something, break something, bring Barney back to life and kill him all over again with my bare hands. There’s no reason in the world this girl should be in this condition, hiding out and fighting for her life to save an MC that never looked after her. At least, not until now.
Now it’s gonna be my life’s mission to make sure nothing bad ever happens to her or near her again.
“Hello?” Gin’s shrill voice echos through the hallways. “You guys here? Ooh, what smells so great?”
Jewel shifts in my arms and I help her up off the floor. She leans over the sink and starts splashing water on her face, still sobbing as I rub her back.
“Brass, what the hell?” Gin scolds from the doorway. “We agreed, no mirror until the swelling was gone.”
“I did it myself,” Jewel says. “I guess I’m a glutton for punishment. I was feeling so good I just figured I was fine.”
“You are fine, baby,” Gin says. “It’s gonna be ok. Doctor says you’re gonna heal up good as normal. What are you wearing, though? You look like a skanky Rainbow Bright.”
I guess between the striped socks, the neon yellow shirt, and the pink floral shorts, she looks like she got dressed in the dark, but I don’t see any of that when I look at her. I just see the most beautiful girl in the world.
“It’s comfortable,” Jewel says. “I like it.” She winks at me, and I don’t know why, but I feel like I’m standing inside something that only the two of us understand. It makes me want her even more.
“Of course,” she says. “It’s not like any of us care. We’re your family. I just thought maybe I didn’t p
ack you enough stuff.”
“You did great, Gin. Really, you went above and beyond. Everybody has. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you guys.”
“Let me help you brush out your hair,” Gin says. “Let’s get you away from this mirror. Why don’t you go see what Rowdy’s doing, Brass?”
There’s a glimmer in Jewel’s eye like she doesn’t want me to go. I don’t know what snapped inside me but even not being in the same room as her is painful, like if I close my eyes too long, she’s going to disappear along with everything we have.
After what she told me, though, I know I need to get Rowdy on the same page. I knew this whole time this attack wasn’t random, and now that I’ve got some inside information, we need to rally and figure out how the club is going to move forward to put a stop to it. I’m all for straight up destruction, but those guys are so slimy, I feel like we’d spend the rest of our lives playing whack-a-mole with weirdos. We need to take it further than that.
She leans in and kisses me on the cheek and it completely throws me off guard. My heart races and I nervously clear my throat as I step out of the room. I’ve been inside this woman, but something as simple as a little kiss, a little wink, her hand brushing off mine, completely throws me off guard. It’s in that moment I know we’re fated to be together forever. It’s so much more than a stubborn crush. She’s officially my ride or die.
Chapter Fifteen
Jewel:
“What was that?” Gin asks, shutting the bathroom door behind her. She’s got a massive shit eating grin on her face and she presses her tongue to the top of her teeth.
“Oh stop it.” I grab my hairbrush out of my travel bag, and try to drag it through my hair, but it hurts to lift my arm up over my head. I hate being so incapacitated. I hate feeling so weak. As much as I enjoy Brass’ caring attention, I don’t like the fact that I can’t even fix my hair without throwing out my back. I grunt in frustration and she grabs the brush out of my hand and starts working through the knots that have taken over my head.
“I see you over there little miss winky face, with your kisses and the longing gazes. You guys are so into each other, it’s kind of gross.”
“Is that such a bad thing?” I ask.
It’s pretty obvious my little crush on Brass has turned into a full blown fixation. How could it not? He’s fucking gorgeous, he treats me like a princess, and he makes me feel safe and happy. I am struggling to find a downside.
“Oh, I think it’s a great thing. Do you know how many times I prayed you would end up with a good guy? I just don’t want you to feel obligated. Do you like him because you like him or do you like him because he’s here?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I turn around and face her. She didn’t slap me in the face, but it sure feels like it. “You think I’m that shitty of a person?”
“Babe, I just wanted to make sure you knew you don’t have to settle on the first guy who looks at you. I know you’ve been struggling since Barney died. I know you’ve been trying to figure out what you want and you haven’t really put yourself out there.”
“Settle?” I throw my head back and laugh. “You call that man settling? Jesus, he’s a better man than anybody else I know. And it’s not like this is just some random new thing, Gin.”
“What do you mean? Are you guys like…” her eyes grow wide and her voice drops to a whisper. “fucking?”
“We did once,” I say, hanging my head. “At Barney’s funeral.”
“WHAT?!” she shouts before slapping her hand over her mouth. “What?”
“It was just a one night thing, I was sad, he was there, I don’t know. I tried not to read into it because I didn’t want to end up getting hurt. We never talked about it or anything, so I kind of figured he just wanted to put it behind him.”
“But you couldn’t put it behind you,” she says, squeezing my hand. “You liked him.”
“I mean…”
“And he obviously is fucking crazy about you. You little bitch,” she taunts. “You sneaky little snake.”
“Hey! I’m recovering from a traumatic incident. I’m missing a goddamn body part. I thought you were supposed to be my friend!” I tease.
“Oh honey, I just want all the details. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I bet that man is a fucking beast in bed, god just look at him. He could rip you in half like a sheet of paper.” She slams her fist down on the sink and shakes her head, her bright red hair bouncing out of her ponytail. “Are you guys like… doing it now?”
“Look at me, Gin. Do I look like I’m in any condition to be getting laid?” After seeing my face for the first time, I look like the kind of person who needs to be banished to some island for busted up bitches. I could probably get a job at a haunted house no questions asked.
“Might make you feel better,” she says with a shrug. “What do I know, though? He might have a twelve inch dick and I guess you shouldn’t be getting your ovaries scrambled right now.”
I know by not saying anything, I’m saying everything.
“Is it bigger than that?” she shouts. “What the fuck dude?”
I giggle. I’ve held this secret inside for so long, worrying what people might think about me, but it feels so nice being able to finally gossip with my best friend. Everything about today feels nice from the time I got to spend with Brass down to the fact that I finally cleared my conscious of my involvement with the Righteous Few. I guess it’s true that honesty is the best policy.
“You guys almost done in there?” Rowdy knocks on the door before opening it, and Gin grabs the hairbrush and pretends like she’s busy working on my hair. “We gotta hit the road soon. Got some shit to take care of before the morning. Let’s eat.”
“You fucking sneaky bitch,” she whispers as soon as he’s out of ear shot. “You better tell me everything. Every last fucking detail.”
I look at myself in the mirror and actually smile as she tucks my freshly brushed hair over the spot where my ear used to be. I guess you almost don’t even notice, and as soon as these bruises go away, I’ll be back to my same old self. Same old self, but different, thanks to this man who wants to make me his girlfriend. I kind of feel prettier than I ever have in my life, even in my ridiculous outfit. Knowing he picked it out kind of makes me like it even more.
We go out into the kitchen, and the boys have the table set. Gin pours everyone a glass of wine and Rowdy piles salad into bowls while Brass cuts into a loaf of freshly baked bread. I feel like a useless lump as I just sit in my chair and drool.
“Don’t mind me. After a month of jello and broth, I want to shove pretty much everything in my mouth,” I say.
“Of course you do,” Gin says, raising her eyebrows. I kick her leg under the table and we both start laughing.
“I’m glad to see you in such good spirits, Jewel,” Rowdy says. “Everybody really misses you at the bar. It’s not the same without you around.”
“Well I can’t wait to get back to work,” I say. I pop a piece of bread into my mouth, groaning in pleasure.
“Don’t get your hopes up too quick, Jewel,” Brass says. “I don’t think that’s such a great idea. No sense in rushing it.”
“I have bills to pay. As much as I’m enjoying this little hide out vacation, it’s not like my landlord is going to stop wanting paid.”
“It’s taken care of,” Brass says. I should be thankful, but I can’t help but feel a knot in my stomach. It’s one thing for the club to step in and make sure I can get back on my feet, but I’m not comfortable letting a man take care of my every need.
I think Gin senses my discomfort. “What he means is, as soon as you’re feeling better I’m sure we can find something for you to do. I know I have a shit load of book work for the club, and I bet the shop is behind, too. We’ll make sure you have what you need and you can pay us back someday. Right, Brass?”
He grumbles something under his breath and lifts his wine glass to his lips.
“D
id I do something?” I ask.
“He just means there’s no need to stress about about anything right now,” Rowdy says. “All you need to think about is healing. Everything will be there when you’re better.”
“I think what he’s trying to say is that he doesn’t think it’s ever going to be safe for me to leave this place. I’m gonna be a prisoner in this house for the rest of my fucking life. I’m fucked.”
“I think everybody should stop putting words in my fucking mouth,” he says, standing up from the table, pushing his stool out. “I got a lot of shit going on in my brain right now, and I don’t have time for this.”
He storms out the door, slamming it behind him, and Rowdy just shakes his head.
“What the fuck did I do?” I ask. “Am I supposed to stay like this for the rest of my life?”
“It’s not you, Jewel,” Rowdy says. He stands up and kisses Gin on the forehead before sliding on his leather jacket. “He’s fucking nuts about you. He isn’t lying when he says he has a lot of shit going on in his brain right now. We just pushed him over the edge. He’ll be fine.”
The rumbling of his motorcycle roars from the driveway, and Rowdy rushes out the door, shouting over his shoulder “I’ll bring him back in one piece, I promise.”
Gin sits there eating her soup, acting like she doesn’t have a care in the world. She reaches for another piece of bread, lathering it in butter, and takes a big sip from her glass of wine.
I drop my spoon to the bowl with a loud clank, trying to get her attention.
“What the fuck is that all about?” I ask. “Jesus, Lord, now I see why you don’t get serious with Rowdy. I can’t put up with this moody bullshit.”
I try to start clearing dishes from the table, but every step I take feels like all the bones in my legs are shattering. I get winded really quickly, and use the sink to prop myself up, groaning in defeat.
“First of all, don’t even start with Rowdy and I.” She comes over to the counter and wraps her arms around me, hugging me from behind. Tears of anger and confusion run down my face. Things were going so good.