“Gabe mentioned that it might be up to me what happens to my world. I don't want to bring up bad things and ruin the mood here, but I have to understand what he meant by that."
Emuriel moved his finger off her chin but did not back away as he sighed. "I was trying so hard to make you happy first, to ease your pain, because I don't want you to feel these things. But I also cannot and will not deny you the truth when you ask it of me. What I said the first day we met was the truth, though I should not have been so harsh. You were so surprising to me. I knew that angels could love, but I didn't think it was in my sight, my heart, especially someone who came from a world that was being destroyed. But your world, it wasn't supposed to exist. It just wasn't. Just like the world we are on now, it will have the same fate. You have many choices you can make with that knowledge."
Alex bit her lip, not to be distracted by his closeness. She had to think this through. What choices did she have?
"I guess, I don't understand what my choices are or why it is up to me, specifically. There are three others from the same world."
"I may not know your powers, but I do know that you are most powerful and the leader among them. You are also the one with the strongest attachment on both sides of the matter....the dark angel you fell for on one side...and me on the other side." Alex gasped at the mention of him. It had never been so inherently clear before that Emuriel had feelings for her. It made her feel a strange tingle from head to toe, a pleasurable humming that was harmonious and sweet; one she couldn't even begin to describe fully. "You can choose to be on our side, go back long enough to say goodbye to your world, and we will save all of you when the time comes. You can choose to defy entirely what is right and go back to die with your world. Or you could decide to try and discover your powers and fight it all with a good chance you will fail. It is not impossible, but know that if you choose this, there is something you will never be allowed to have."
Alex racked her brain. So, her world could be saved? They could save it, and the Revenant would let her if she so chose?
"What would I not have?" she asked tentatively. She thought she might be willing to give up an awful lot for that chance. At least if she died that way, she tried to keep everyone's loved ones alive.
Instead of an answer with words, Emuriel allowed his lips to finally touch hers, and her stomach did flips as her heart did a fluttering dance inside of her chest. She had never had a kiss so sweet in her life. Kissing him was like breathing. There was no pain, no desperation, and yet she never wanted to stop.
"You would never be allowed to be one of us," he clarified in a whisper as he pulled away only a few centimeters. "You would not be deemed worthy of being by my side or among us ever again, even if you succeeded. You would live and die a mortal and nothing more or less."
She understood what he meant and why that would be something to give up. She would not just be giving up another chance at pure and sure love with Emuriel, as he was a light angel. She would also risk doing that only to lose her powers and die in mundaneness, never able to help anyone ever again.
"How would my world end?" she asked, determined not to cry. She needed to be strong in this decision and get all the facts.
"I will not lie to you about this. Your world will see the same fate as the one outside of these walls. Only, it will be less painful. Time will end, and the world will disintegrate like it never existed. A world cannot exist without time."
It made sense to her considering that was what was going on; the angel of time was dying. At least it would not be harsh and painful with much suffering, like there must have been during the horrible thing that had happened here.
"What did happen here? Gabe never told me." Alex put it that way because she was pretty sure Tanner was privy to that information and just not sharing all of it.
"The angel of war destroyed it with the use of the warring of the beings that inhabited it. It was bombed and burned and torn apart."
Alex gasped, feeling horrible for Gabe now that she knew, and he had to look at it each and every day. No, at least her world would not end like that.
"I will have to think about it and talk to the others, if that is alright," she said.
"Do what you must, but if you do not choose, eventually the chance to do so will be lost." She nodded in understanding and walked away from him, dripping and thoughtful. She longed for another one of his sweet kisses.
Chapter 14
Saying 'yes' to one thing means saying 'no' to another. That's why decisions can be hard sometimes. ~Sean Covey
ALEXANDRA was dreading what she had to do next. This wasn't a conversation she could take lightly, and she didn't think that any of them would be too pleased at the power that had just been placed in her lap. She didn't want them to think it had to do with her budding relationship with Emuriel, not one bit, but a part of her knew that without that element it probably would not be so complicated. She wasn't about to tell them there was a kiss or the fact that he would be a part of what she would be missing out on if she chose to fight. She couldn't base everything she did on romance anyway, that's not what a strong leader did. So, she would go and ask everyone, take it into consideration, and sleep on it. Ultimately, it was going to come down to what felt right in her gut; not her heart or mind because those too were tricky.
She found them just where she left them; in the game room, and she was still wearing her swimsuit, a towel wrapped around her waist. "Hey," she said as everyone silenced to look towards the door, where she was standing. "Can we meet in the room in about five or ten minutes? There are some things we need to talk about." She couldn't help but notice the way they all glanced at each other for a moment before responding as if they were one unit, as if she had somehow found herself outside of the group. What had she done wrong?
They all turned to her and nodded. So, she left, making her way back to the room to change before the rest came back. She sighed, unfolding a fresh outfit. They got a new one about every two to three days now, so that was a nice change as well, but it was still not like home. She couldn't know if anything would ever feel like home again. It was almost like that part of her life was over, and she was caught in limbo, waiting for the next part to come.
When they all walked in, she knew it was time to get down to business. She didn't want to waste any more time in telling them what she had learned and making the decision. Now, she was ready to be rid of the burden and finally know what was coming.
"So, what has you so serious?" Nick asked, always the one to break the ice in the most obnoxious ways possible.
"I just talked with Emuriel about what Gabe had said earlier, about it being up to me, and I understand now. But I don't want to make any decision without all of you knowing everything. No secrets need to be between us. I want to hear what you all have to say. Please, keep an open mind, and just listen," she pleaded, knowing nothing she said would go over well.
The first thing she did was start out with what she knew about what had happened to the world they were in now and allowed Gabe to fill in the blanks for her. She thought it would help them understand what they would be up against if they decided to fight; knowing what a hard thing it would be to beat such a force as that.
"Does it hurt to still have to look at it every day?" Nick asked Gabe, and Alex watched him intensely, wanting to know what kind of pain or guilt he held. Not that he had made any choices about the fate of his world, but if he was still in unbearable pain, then she didn't know if it was something she could handle when she was a part of the decision.
"No, most days it does not. Some days, I still see it happening, and I have some fear or sadness, but if I am being honest, there was not much to miss about my world. The palaces were beautiful, the clothes, the architecture, but it was all so easily destroyed. Almost all of my life, all I knew was war and all of the horrible things that came along with it. I even had a very hard time with my powers being accepted by my own family. I loved them, but we did not see eye to ey
e in the end. I just don't regret it being gone so much other than there was no chance for more survivors."
Alex felt horrible for him having to go through that, but now it made sense why he was so against them and their world. He didn’t know what it was like to be so attached to a place and the people in it. "I just want you to understand, Gabe, that our world was not like that. It isn't like that. Not that there isn't bad because, of course there is, but there is a lot of peace and love to be had there. A lot to miss," Alex explained to him, making sure he was able to understand both sides of the argument, as well. His opinion was just as valuable as the others, but she didn't want him to remain ignorant and biased.
"I can see that. I get that. I would have loved to have been able to save my family even if we didn't get along. I am not doubting that you all have people you love and care about that you believe deserve to live. Your world is not at war with itself and collapsing in bloodshed. I can't say I could have handled the decision like this had it been up to me. But it all comes down to one thing in the end, for all of us. I think what is often the problem in all matters; what is right and what is wrong. The dark angels have done wrong, and they need to see out their punishments as well as these worlds going with them that have been tainted by their treachery. I am not telling you what to choose because it will always be up to you, but that is my two cents."
Alex respected him for saying it even if it was hard to hear. What was right didn't always feel right, and she should have known that. In a way, she got the feeling it was exactly the kind of thing that Oryx would have wanted her to get. She scoffed for a moment at the thought. She’d have to tell him the next time she saw him.
"So, then, what is it you're choosing between exactly?" Tanner asked her, and she knew it was time for the hard part.
"I can either choose that we fight, and there is a good chance we would still lose. I can choose to go back home and wait it out and die with the world. Or I can decide to go say goodbye to the world I grew up in and allow time to end and the world to disintegrate. It will be as if it never existed. If I make one of the first two choices, I do not get the chance to be saved anymore, and neither do any of you, and I also forfeit the possibility of ever working with the Revenant, as one of them, taking care of worlds."
"You can't seriously be thinking about not fighting for it, right?" Carlie said as if it were an obvious choice. Maybe if it were up to her, it would be, and Alex wouldn't have to worry about any of it.
"I am going to sleep on it, but I want to know what you all want. This is not easy or a burden I asked for at all. And like Gabe said, it does come down to right and wrong as well. If we fight, we would be defying what the angels want, what they know is right. We would have to come to terms with that."
"I think my answer is clear! We came to find you to fight, Alex, and I don't care what any good-looking angel is telling you," Carlie spat, causing Alex to sigh.
"You know what I think you should do," Gabe said with a shrug.
"I don't think I could ever make the choice to allow my family to disappear and no longer exist without a fight," Tanner said with an apologetic grimace. Alex’s eyes then landed on Nick who had not said a word.
"I am not going to fault you one way or the other. I already said goodbye to my family when I thought I was going to jail. The thing is, if they don't exist, they can't feel the pain of being poor, of being less anymore. I don't want something to happen to them, and I don't envy your choice, but I won't fault you for doing whatever you believe is right." His response surprised her, but none of them helped her. She thought they would, but not only were they divided, they were incredibly judgmental.
Alex laid her head down on her pillow. "I think I will have to sleep on it," was the last thing she said before she began to dream. All three angels that had penetrated her life, entered her dream state the same way they did her life; in a way she never could have imagined.
Chapter 15
You and I will meet again, When we're least expecting it, One day in some far off place, I will recognize your face, I won't say goodbye my friend, For you and I will meet again. ~Tom Petty
ALEX woke up the next morning earlier than the others with the whispers of the angels she had dreamed of still in her head. It was like she had gotten to speak to each and every one of them, though she knew better, however, she felt now she understood just what they wanted her to do. What they would accept as her choice. Only, she knew, looking around the room, that her choice was not going to be received well by all of her friends.
She got up and went out the door, finding no one watching it this time as if she was trusted now, as if they all were. Maybe Emuriel knew she would do the right thing, or maybe he just wanted to show her he trusted her to make whatever choice was best for everyone involved.
Alex felt numb as she let her fingers trail across the white walls surrounding her. She knew she should be more upset about what was to come and more worried about what the future would hold for all of them. Instead, she felt a calm surround her. She took it as a validation that the decision she woke up and had in her head, her gut, and her heart, was absolutely the right one. No one was going to be able to see it right away.
She did find it strange that the halls seemed to be empty, though she had never thought to ask if angels needed sleep. They could be in their beds, or they could have been called away on an important mission worth far more than babysitting a bunch of teenagers with superpowers; superpowers many of them had not used since being captured by the Revenant. Whether that was a coincidence or if some of the more powerful ones had been blocked Alex did not feel the need to speculate at the moment. She had learned many things since meeting Emuriel, one of those being the fact that the Revenant did things for a reason. Even if she couldn't immediately see the reason in it.
Alex sighed, knowing she could not avoid them forever, and started going back in the direction of the door and found herself just staring at it from across the hall. A strange feeling overtook her like she might face some kind of danger if she went in there. It was a foolish and paranoid thought, something that surely came out of her crazy experiences lately and lack of proper sleep; not to mention complete boredom. Chess and swimming only did so much to occupy her mind.
Alex sighed and walked inside to find that Nick was already up, sitting up on his cot and looking out that window again. Carlie had managed to curl up on there with him the night before, both of them half hanging off, and she was still sound asleep along with Tanner. Gabe had left the room after she had fallen asleep, most likely going to sleep wherever it was he had been staying before they met him. Though, she got the feeling it wouldn't be long before he and Tanner found a way to spend every moment with each other.
"You decided, didn't you?" Nick asked suddenly in a low tone. Alex stopped in her tracks and nodded, whispering her response.
"Yes, I did."
"You're going to let our world end, aren't you?" He didn't sound angry or surprised at all.
"Yes, I think it's the right thing to do. I know it doesn't make sense to us, but it just is. I don't think we could save it anyway."
Nick nodded. "I can understand that. I just don't know that she will." He looked down at Carlie who was little more than a mop of black hair at the moment in her little ball of sleep. Alex instantly felt a pang of guilt in her stomach, knowing he was right, and it would have nothing to do with her own connection to it. She would be angry for Tanner's sake; the one who had a family to lose there. But it wasn't like Alex didn't keep thinking about her parents in all of this. She had family too.
"Do you think we should wake her up and tell her now?" Alex asked, suddenly feeling more unsure about it as the door opened to reveal a very awake and freshly dressed Gabe.
"You have made your decision?" he asked, looking around the room. "I think we should all be awake to hear."
Gabe took care of her question, waking both Tanner and Carlie himself to hear the news. Of course, he wouldn't be as affe
cted as the others, only in his need to comfort Tanner in the loss of his family.
They gathered on the bed like they had the very first time they woke up there, only a new face was among them this time. It should have made Alex happy, but there was no happiness in what she was about to tell them. She hoped she could hold back the tears as she spoke, thinking surely, they would have started by now.
Alex didn't know how to do this with all of them so close to her, looking to her with differing expressions and hope in their eyes. She could tell Carlie had been ready to get up and fight, and she hated to disappoint someone who had become such a good friend, but it was necessary.
"I have been thinking and dreaming all night about this, and I don't think we should delay the decision anymore that has become obvious. It was not something easy, and the thought of it makes me sick. But in the end, like Gabe said, it does come down to right and wrong. I will not deny myself or the rest of you the chance to survive and be in the favor of the angels over selfish thinking, like, I deserve to keep my world and everyone in it when I was never meant to. We were never meant to. I hope Emuriel can shed even more light on that in the coming weeks, and we have the proper time to mourn what we have lost. Than we can all begin to understand our places in the universe." Alex was trying to explain her choice as reasonably as possible, but she knew it wasn't going to cut it when Carlie jumped up, hysterical screaming and tears coming from her, in response.
"How can you just let this happen; let the world fall apart and the people you love with it!" Carlie screamed, tears streaming down her face. Tanner looked on in shock, unable to say a word as his mouth formed a large 'O'. Gabe grabbed his hand in comfort, and Tanner didn't shake it off. Gabe did nod in her direction, letting her know he thought she was right. She had done the right thing.
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