by Jenny Kane
‘More like just before dawn.’ She pointed to her shopping. ‘Would you like a biscuit?’
*
Thea had been relieved when Tina asked if she’d mind making up a batch of soup for the following day’s lunch. It had been good to get lost in the unthinking task of peeling, chopping and slicing vegetables.
The stock was beginning to soften the potatoes, carrots and leeks, and a handful of pearl barley and mixed herbs had been thrown in when she became aware of someone watching her. She knew it was Shaun without looking. Her nervous system went into overdrive before either of them had spoken.
‘Why do you think I was the one who came to see where you were in the laundry when you went to fetch the bath towels?’
Shaun’s opening line had not been the one Thea expected. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Because I wanted to see you. Be alone with you. I wanted to say something to make us better. But when I got there…’ Shaun paused, his forehead crinkling as he tried to frame his words, ‘… you were so closed off. I didn’t know how to begin. And Dylan was waiting.’
Thea shuffled her feet against the kitchen floor. ‘He really enjoyed being a bubble zombie.’
‘Apparently he can’t wait to tell Tom, but won’t be telling his mum.’
‘Really?’
‘He said something about Mummy not liking messy games.’
Thea raised her eyebrows. ‘Helen wouldn’t have minded.’
Shaun gave a half smile. ‘Helen would have joined in.’
Taking her phone from her pocket, Thea checked the screen. ‘I’ve sent lots of messages, but I haven’t heard anything from her. Have you?’
‘Nothing.’ Shaun picked an out of date newspaper up off the table and flicked the pages through his fingers without noticing what was written on them. ‘I’ve had an email from Julian though.’
‘Oh God.’ Thea’s entire body went cold. ‘What did he want?’
Not missing the level of panic in her voice, Shaun stepped towards her as if to give her a hug, but then stopped, the paper forming a flimsy barrier between them. ‘To talk to me when I get back.’
‘Oh.’
‘The email didn’t mention the rest of the team. Just me. As production meetings are a group affair, I have to assume this isn’t one.’
‘Oh.’
‘Have you had any more messages from him?’
‘No.’ Thea stirred the soup a little faster. ‘And nor have I replied to the last email.’
‘Why not?’
‘You mean, apart from the fact it has split us up?’
‘You see us as separated?’ Shaun laid down the paper, his voice like lead.
Thea grasped the wooden spoon’s handle tighter. ‘No. Yes. I don’t know. I hope not, but well… I did spend the rest of the night in Helen’s room after you turned away. Am I staying there?’
‘Depends if you’re intending to meet Julian, I suppose.’
Battling hard not to snap, Thea said, ‘I’m not.’
Shaun licked his lips. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hug her or shout at her. Instead he tiptoed around the issue, asking, ‘To be clear, you aren’t meeting Julian because you don’t want a career in television?’
‘No!’ This time Thea’s groan escaped as a growl as she repeated what she was sure she’d already said a hundred times. ‘I never did. And even if I had, I’d never pursue one with Julian. Didn’t you listen to anything I said in the garden? I hate to think what the price tag would be for his help.’ Thea kept her eyes on the soup. Its comforting aroma was the only thing stopping her from screaming in frustration at going around in conversational circles.
‘With Julian, the cost would be very high I imagine.’ Shaun swallowed carefully. ‘You were on the receiving end of a text, an email and overheard an out of context phone call.’
‘And I was foolish not to tell you. We’ve done this conversation. A lot.’ Turning the heat down under the soup, Thea asked, ‘Have you heard from Ajay or Andy?’
‘Only to confirm they’ll see us on the fourteenth of April.’
‘Us?’ Thea held her breath. She could feel Shaun’s breath on the back of her neck, and silently willed him to put his arms around her.
‘You are coming back to the Cotswolds, Thea, aren’t you?’
‘I don’t see that I have much choice. We can’t leave the last bits of filming undone.’ Thea kept talking. She hated the sound of the brittle practicality in her voice. ‘It’s as well we have individual campervans. I’ll understand if you want me to move mine to the other side of the car park.’
Shaun suddenly shot a hand out and spun Thea around to face him, sending a shower of hot soup across the hob. ‘Is that what you think I want?’
‘Well, yes.’ Thea felt the heat of the Aga against her back. ‘I gave you the chance to follow me, to talk to me, but you didn’t. You could have at least told me you believed I was being offered the job because I’m good at it rather than because of Julian’s alleged feelings for me – but you didn’t say that either. And every time we do talk, you ask me the same thing, I give you the same answer, but you won’t believe me. When Sophie fancied you in Cornwall, I hated it, but I listened. I gave you the chance to explain, and I helped you get out of the hole you’d blindly dug yourself into. I trusted you enough to give you the benefit of the doubt. If you don’t trust me, then it doesn’t matter how much I love you, does it?’
Shaun opened his mouth to protest, but his phone burst into life. ‘It’s the suit hire people.’
‘You’d better answer then.’ Thea turned back to the soup as Shaun walked out into the garden. Her appetite had completely gone.
Forty-three
Thursday April 9th
Sam woke up to find Tina sat at the little table in the corner of their bedroom. She was bent over her wedding planner notebook, concentration etched on her face.
Opening the bedroom window to its widest setting, Sam took his usual steadying lungful of fresh air on waking. While he saw off the panic that assailed him the second his conscious mind reminded him he was indoors, he asked, ‘What’s wrong?’
‘What makes you think anything’s wrong?’
‘Because you’re tugging on your pigtails as you write.’
Tina smiled. ‘Okay. Guilty as charged.’
Hopping back into bed, tapping the space next to him, Sam gestured to the notebook Tina held. ‘What have you been working on?’
‘You’ll laugh.’
‘Try me.’
‘I figuring out where, as we’re having an afternoon tea type buffet after the ceremony, we could ask Thea and Shaun to sit, so they look like they are still together, while at the same time not having them too close to each other, in case they have a row.’
‘Still together?’ Sam’s eyebrows rose. ‘Things aren’t that bad between them, are they?’
‘Are you kidding?’ Tina twisted round so she could see Sam’s face. ‘Hasn’t Shaun told you they’ve split?’
‘I knew they’d had a row, and something wasn’t right with the Cotswold dig. Are you sure?’
‘Don’t men ever talk to each other?’ Tina shook her head. ‘I’ve hardly slept worrying about them. And, if I’m honest, the impact on our wedding. I know that’s selfish, but we’ve already lost one bridesmaid. If the best man and chief bridesmaid can’t bear to look at one another, as well as the usher being broken hearted…’
Tucking her against his shoulder, Sam let out an exhalation of breath. ‘Look, I’m sure Shaun and Thea haven’t split. They’ve just had a major row. They survived when Thea thought Shaun was playing away in Cornwall. It was all a misunderstanding. This is probably the same.’
‘I wish it was.’
‘Even if they have decided to part, you know they would never let that ruin our day.’
‘Not on purpose they wouldn’t,’ Tina pulled a face, ‘but weddings are emotional occasions. What if someone says the wrong thing and sparks them off? What if they are stood side by
side in the aisle while we exchange our vows and it gets too much and one of them runs off, what if—?’
‘What if I have a word with Shaun and find out what’s going on before we jump to conclusions?’
‘Would you? Thea hasn’t said much. Until she brings up the subject, I don’t like to ask.’ Tina sighed. ‘Honestly, we just get your parents onside, and now this. Do you think Tom would be best man if Shaun takes off?’
‘Why would Shaun take off?’
‘I don’t know! Why did Helen?’ Tina could feel herself becoming panicky. ‘I suppose Mabel and Bert could change roles. There’s no age limit on being best man and bridesmaid is there?’
Giving her a gentle kiss, Sam shook his head. ‘We can’t ask Bert to do any more than he’s doing, not while he’s recovering from pneumonia. And Mabel loves being mother of the bride. We can’t take that away from her.’
‘I know. But our wedding is any minute now and everyone is falling apart!’
*
Helen spent a long time staring at Tom’s bare back as he slept next to her. She wasn’t sure how many hours she’d been awake trying to work out how she’d managed to jump to so many incorrect conclusions.
What do I do now? I told the staff at the Roman Baths I’m back.
Tom gave a hedgehog like snuffle as he rolled over. The view of his naked chest and the memory of how she’d revisited it the night before clouded Helen’s judgement for a second.
I shouldn’t have slept with him.
She closed her eyes. An image of Dylan asleep in his little bed in Tom’s room at Mill Grange flashed through her mind. She’d only been gone a few hours in the grand scheme of things, yet she missed the little boy more than she’d imagined.
Tom grunted, flinging an arm over his head. Helen wondered what he was dreaming about.
The night before they’d gone for their long overdue curry. Helen had steered them to a restaurant she’d never been to before, not ready to go anywhere she’d be recognised. They’d talked for a long time, their meal largely cold before they got around to eating it. Awkward to start with, sticking to the safe ground by conversing about the fort, Tom had eventually got bored of skirting around the issue. He’d told her more about the phone calls he’d been fielding for Sam’s father, his attempts to get a tailor for Bert, and about the booking calls he’d taken for Tina while she was in wedding mode.
By the time Helen had been strong enough to address the matter of Sue, she’d felt beyond foolish. Tom had reassured her again that, no matter how much Dylan might want to be a family, being with his ex would not deliver a family atmosphere. It would bring arguments, resentment and a sense of loss that Tom didn’t want to live with.
A restful glow hit Helen’s chest as she remembered his words, ‘Anyone I was with now, who wasn’t you, would always be second best. I don’t want to settle for second best ever again.’
He loves me. I love him. We both love Dylan. But I told the Roman Baths staff that I’m back and Sam and Tina I’d left. I can’t mess them around just because I was an insecure idiot.
Tom turned over again, his arm finding her in his sleep, drawing her close.
As Helen cupped herself into his side, she let out a small gasp of pleasure as his fingers found her right nipple.
Is he awake, or was that an accident?
Not moving, feeling her whole body respond to the tiny movement of his fingertips, Helen closed her eyes.
Perhaps I’ll decide what to do later.
*
Mabel ran a duster around the frame of the nearest painting as Thea, her face drawn, quietly got on with polishing the dining room table. The old lady watched as her friend ran a finger over a section of the mahogany.
‘Isn’t that’s where the Nightjar got in through the window and scratched the table in the summer?’
‘In the middle of the night. Scared me to death.’ A lump came to her throat. ‘It was just after Shaun came to help restore the house. I don’t know what I’d have done if he hadn’t been here that night.’
‘You’d have coped alone.’ Mabel sounded very definite on the matter. ‘But I’m glad you didn’t have to.’
‘Umm.’ Thea ran her finger over the invisible wound that one of Shaun’s furniture restoring friends had fixed for them. ‘I was amazed by how much damage one trapped bird could do.’
‘Any living thing can act rashly when frightened.’ Mabel paused in her labours. ‘Do you want to talk about it, Thea?’
Thea shook her head. ‘Thanks, Mabel, but there is nothing to say.’
‘I doubt that, my dear, but as you like.’ Going back to the dusting, Mabel suddenly chuckled. ‘Do you remember when you first got here and found me and Diane cleaning things with vinegar? Whatever were we thinking?’
Thea laughed despite herself. ‘It took me a while to discover why Mill Grange smelt like a packet of crisps. We’ve all learnt so much since then. Changed so much.’
‘For the better.’
‘Maybe.’ Thea laid down her polishing cloth.
‘No maybe about it. Sam and Tina are getting married, Mill Grange is in safe hands and fulfilling a life changing purpose, and Bert and I have been given a new lease of life. Not something we take for granted.’
‘How is Bert?’
‘Same old chap, smiling when it hurts to breathe, smiling wider when it doesn’t. He’s loving having Dylan here.’
‘So is Shaun. He’s taken Dylan to Sybil’s for breakfast this morning.’
Mabel asked gently, ‘You didn’t want to go?’
‘I wasn’t asked.’ Picking the buffing cloth back up, Thea put the force of her emotion into polishing the wood. ‘Shaun doing things without me is something I’m going to have to get used to.’
*
Tom stroked a hair from Helen’s face. He could feel the slight shake to her body as she came down from the mutual high they’d shared. ‘I knew all was not lost because you took the stone Dylan gave you. I knew you still loved us.’
‘It was because I love you that I left.’
Tom reached out and picked up the stone from Helen’s bedside table. ‘But you are coming home now, aren’t you?’
‘I’m not sure I can.’
‘Why?’
Seeing Tom’s face fall, Helen gently placed a finger on his lips, ‘Not because I don’t want to, but because I’ve left such a mess behind me. Sam and Tina have been amazing friends, but I left their home and their job offer without a word. Plus, I’ve told my colleagues here I’m back.
‘The Baths are short staffed at the moment. I can’t disappear again straight away. I’ve let too many people down lately. You do understand that, Tom, don’t you?’
Forty-four
Thursday April 9th
‘Not as good as Sybil’s brunch, but edible I hope.’ Helen served two poached eggs onto Tom’s plate as he buttered a mountain of toast. ‘It’s a miracle I remembered to buy eggs, bread and butter. I wasn’t at my best in the supermarket yesterday.’
‘I’m sure it’ll be delicious.’
A new silence hung over them as they tucked in to their breakfast. Tom had admitted to seeing her point about not wanting to be labelled unreliable; that she had to see the new exhibition through now she’d given her word that she would. Helen could feel the effort it was taking Tom not to say, “but you said you’d stay with us, and you left anyway”.
Instead he’d said he understood and they’d been practical, discussing how they’d take turns to drive between Bath and Upwich, work and Dylan allowing. She knew he wasn’t happy about her decision to stay in Bath. Neither was she, but now she’d made the move, she felt her hands were tied. Helen was relieved when Tom’s phone rang, cutting through the awkward atmosphere.
The sound of shouting that leaked from the speaker, which caused Tom to hold his mobile away from his ear, filled the kitchen. Sue was not impressed that her son had been left at Mill Grange without his father.
Leaving Tom to cope with his e
x’s wrath in private, Helen headed upstairs to make her bed. As soon as she saw it however, she knew it had been a mistake to go into that particular room. The aroma of them hung in the air. It smelt of happiness, abandon and desire. Mostly desire. The bed linen, crumpled and half hanging off the mattress, was a stark reminder of what she was giving up. Not giving up, just not having on a daily basis.
Helen took a deep breath. ‘Space is a good idea. Tom and I got together quickly and I have responsibilities just as he does.’
You promised Tom you’d stay at Mill Grange.
‘And now I’ve promised to do an exhibition for Mike, and I have to draw the line somewhere. This promise has to be kept. Then I’ll make a decision about what to do next.’ Helen threw the sheets onto the floor, ready to go to the washing machine. ‘But first, I’ll call Tina and Sam and apologise.’
Helen was still fighting the voice in her head telling her she wanted to wake up to Tom every morning, and that she should do what she wanted for a change – which was only just losing out to her conscience that was yelling that she’d spent months doing what she wanted and it was time she stopped being self-centred – when Tom appeared.
‘I can tell by your expression that wasn’t fun. Dare I ask what Sue said?’
Leaning his back against the bedroom door, Tom exhaled in frustration. ‘Apparently she called Mill Grange last night to say goodnight to Dylan. God knows how she got the landline number. She was not impressed when he told her Daddy had gone away for the night.’
‘Oh hell.’ Helen didn’t know what else to say.
‘I’m going to have to go. Sue more or less demanded that I stop at Tiverton on the way home to explain myself and discuss looking after Dylan in the future.’
Helen felt guilt wash over her. ‘You don’t think she’ll use this as an excuse to say you can’t see Dylan, do you?’
‘Maybe.’ Tom’s face was grey as he slumped onto the edge of the bed. ‘She’s used my behaviour with women against me before. To be fair, in some cases she was right to, but this time—’
‘It’s my fault. If I hadn’t taken off…’