His words ripped through her, left her limp with self-hatred. “It wasn’t calculated beforehand. I don’t know what got into me. It was that stupid party. I spent the night seething with jealousy. Everyone was so obviously in love and pregnant. And there I was, just this dried up shell of a person. Then, you kissed me and something awakened in me. Suddenly, I wanted to feel something besides pain. I wanted to be with you, my favorite person, and just forget everything for a few hours. I got drunk and in some part of my intoxicated brain I decided I wanted your baby. I had it all worked out after that third drink. You were the perfect sperm donor. Handsome and smart and so kind. It was like this loop in my brain. I want Lance’s baby.”
“Sperm donor?” He continued to stare at her with the same blank look in his eyes.
“Let me finish. Please. I swear on my life it wasn’t precalculated. The tequila did something to my brain.” She choked on her tears. “The next morning, I woke up, horrified at what I’d done, praying nothing would come of it.”
“But it did.”
“Yes, and then you did the decent thing, like you always do, and there was no way I could argue with the logic of a fake marriage. And by then I knew without a doubt how much I loved you, but I’d ruined it, like I do everything. The one decent man in my life and I managed to do something so heinous it can’t ever be forgiven. Please, just know how sorry I am. I know you won’t be able to forgive me, but I had to tell you the truth. You deserve that. I’m begging you, please don’t let this effect how you feel about the baby. She’ll still need you to love her even though you hate her mother.”
“Let me get this straight. All this time you’ve loved me, but you thought I’d never be able to forgive you, no matter how much I love you.”
“Yes.”
“And, that night was the first time you thought of using me as a sperm donor?” The corners of his eyes crinkled. Was he on the verge of smiling?
“Yes. I was in love with you, but I was in denial. I was scared to let myself go there with you because I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same way and I’d be heartbroken all over again. But clearly my subconscious wanted this because my drunken brain came up with the baby idea. I had it all worked out that I’d leave with the baby and live in the woods.”
“The woods?” He laughed.
He’s laughing?
“Or somewhere by myself. I swear, it was the tequila. I’d never thought of anything like that in my life.”
“You in the woods? That’s hilarious.”
“It’s not funny.” Why was he smiling?
“You were in love with me all this time?” His gaze searched her eyes for clues, like an archeologist with an ancient map. “Even before New Year’s?”
“Yes, on some level anyway. But then all my baggage ruined everything. What kind of person does that? Takes something so great and makes it ugly?”
He cupped her face with his hands. “If you think I could hate you for some drunken decision that was probably an unconscious choice to bring us closer, then you have no idea the depth of my love for you.”
Her vision blurred from the tears that swarmed her eyes. “It’s such a giant lie.”
“Everyone makes mistakes. The difference between those who move forward from them is only this—forgiveness. I forgive you. Can you forgive yourself for a mistake that’s going to bring us so much joy? A mistake that brought us together?” He caught her falling tears with his thumbs and brushed them away as smoothly as the words flowed from his mouth to her heart.
“When you put it that way—it doesn’t seem like such a big thing.” She hiccupped.
“I’m not totally innocent either. I knew all along I wanted to make you fall in love with me. When you told me you were pregnant, I took it as a sign that we’re meant to be.” He grinned as he reached behind them to pull tissues from the box on the table. “Can we agree it doesn’t matter what motivated us to do what we did that night? Those choices led us to right where we belong. Together.”
She accepted the tissues and wiped her eyes. “That’s the thing, though. The tequila was the delivery mechanism. What really drove me was my heartbreak and loss. Instead of compassion, my losses have made me bitter and jealous. Hateful. How can you love a person like that?”
“Sweetheart, you’re not Jesus.”
“What?”
“I mean, you’re human. Other than one rash decision in a moment of extreme weakness, a very honest human.” He smiled gently and caressed her trembling bottom lip. “Yes, that night you looked around the room and felt empty. I did too, and I haven’t gone through half the losses you have.”
“You did?”
“Heck yeah. I was so in love with you. I thought you’d never return my feelings. Meanwhile, my best friends are living their dreams with their soulmates by their sides. There I was with hardly the courage to kiss you.”
“You did, though.”
“Yes, I did. I told myself I had to kiss you. Not just any kiss. It had to be epic. I needed to be more than I’d ever been before to make you see that we’re soulmates.”
He picked up the copy of Anne of Green Gables from her lap. “You want to know who I am? I’m Gilbert. I’m Gilbert to your Anne. He waited and waited for her, steady and loyal, even when he thought there was no hope of her ever loving him. That’s me.”
Gilbert Blythe. It was obvious now that he said it. He wasn’t Lancelot to her Genevieve. He was Gilbert to her Anne. Steady, generous Gilbert who sacrificed his own desires so that Anne’s dreams could come true.
“Anne with a ‘e’. Mary with a ‘y’.” He scooted closer and stroked her cheek clean of tears. “I’ll always come back to you. Don’t ever worry about that.”
She collapsed against him with her arms wrapped around his neck. “I thought I was going to lose you.”
“Yet you risked telling me the truth.”
“I knew a lie like that was too big. It would come between us somehow.”
“It’ll take more than that to shake me. As long as you want me, I’ll never be anywhere but right by your side.”
“Will you marry me for real?” She peeped up at him through her damp lashes.
“Baby, I already did.”
That night, Mary dreamt. She stood in the doorway of Meme’s nursery. Her mother sat in the rocking chair with a little girl on her lap. She read to her from Are You My Mother? The little girl was about six with dark pigtails and light blues eyes. Maggie’s Amazing Grace played from the speakers. The little girl looked up from the book. She smiled, and her face lit with the light of a thousand suns.
“Hi, Mama.”
“Meme, is it you?”
The little girl smiled wide. Her two front teeth were missing. “I love the room you made me. Nana reads me all the books.”
“Were you looking for me?” Mary sobbed and wiped her eyes. “I thought you might be afraid. I’ve been so worried.”
“I knew where you were the whole time. I knew you before I was even born,” Meme said.
“You did?”
“I was never afraid. I’m here with Jesus and my Nana, so don’t worry.”
Her mother looked up from the book. She was without wrinkles. Her hair, brown and shiny, hung in waves around her face. “Hello, darling. We’re having such a lovely time.”
“You look so pretty, Mom.”
“The air is wonderful here. Plumps the skin right up.”
“I love you both so much,” Mary said. “I miss you.”
“We know, Mama,” Meme said.
“It goes both ways, darling. But you mustn’t cry. We’ll be here for ten thousand years and for ten more after that. Don’t be sad any longer. You’ll see us when it’s time. Right now, Lance and the new baby need you. I’m terribly proud of you. You’ve been strong and brave.”
She woke. Tears dampened her pillow.
Beside her, Lance stirred and pulled her into him. “Are you all right?” he asked.
“Yes. Just a dream.” She
nestled into the curve of his body. “About my mom and Meme.”
“A good dream?”
“The best.”
“Try to sleep, my love.” He kissed her shoulder.
Lance and the new baby need you.
The shades were open. She could see from the top of the window a sliver of a moon and billions of stars scattered over the inky night. Her mother and Meme were up there amongst the stars. She smiled and closed her eyes. She slept.
On a night in early June, the entire gang met in San Francisco for Maggie’s concert. The album had been out for several months. Two singles had been released and were nestled near the top of the charts for the singer/songwriter category. Tonight, she would open for a popular folk-rock band, The Spangles. An all-female band, their audience was mostly women. Other than the Dogs, Doc, her father, and Kyle’s brother, Stone, there were only a handful of men.
Maggie had gotten them seats in a private box above the main floor. The venue held two thousand and was packed. While they waited for the curtain to rise, Jackson poured champagne and sparkling cider.
“I’m glad you guys are all here,” Jackson said. “I’m a nervous wreck.”
“She’s going to kill it,” Zane said.
“I predict she gains a bunch of new fans tonight,” Honor said.
“But none of them even know who she is,” Jackson said. “What if they talk all the way through her set?”
“No way,” Kyle said. “She’ll have them eating out of the palm of her hand.”
Violet, with her hand on her very pregnant belly, agreed. “They won’t be able to resist her.”
While they waited, everyone mingled and sipped their drinks. Mary, tired, decided to take a seat and just watch the scene unfold. The Dogs were busy babysitting a very nervous Jackson by sneaking him sips from a flask. Her father and Flora hung with Doc and Janet in the far corner. Violet, looking very pregnant, was also seated with Kara by her side.
Sophie arrived a few minutes later. Honor clinked her glass and asked if everyone could listen up. She nestled in the crook of Zane’s arm. “Now that Sophie’s here, we have something we want to share.”
Sophie beamed.
“We went through with the surrogacy plan,” Honor said. “Sophie’s pregnant. We’re due around Christmas day.”
Everyone congratulated them.
“What made you change your mind?” Kyle asked Zane when it quieted.
“You guys convinced me. It was suddenly obvious I was being totally selfish,” Zane said.
“We’re beyond excited.” Honor clapped her hands together. “Jubie is too. She wants a girl, of course.”
“Not to steal your thunder or anything,” Brody said. “But speaking of pregnant.”
“We are too,” Kara said. “And, you won’t believe it. We’re due around Christmastime too.”
“You guys are such copy cats,” Honor said.
She and Kara hugged. “I’m beyond happy for you,” Kara said.
“Maybe Pepper’s right. There must be a baby making magic potion in the water here in Cliffside Bay.” Kyle placed his hand on Violet’s belly. “Some of us make doubles.”
“They’re not a latte,” Violet said.
“You ladies complained there weren’t enough citizens under seventy here in town, so we decided to do something about it,” Brody said.
“I don’t think it had to be entirely up to us,” Lance said.
“If not us, who?” Honor asked.
Sophie glowed like only a twenty-one-year-old in her first trimester of pregnancy could. She slipped into the seat next to Mary.
“How are you feeling?” Mary asked.
“Like a rock star.” Sophie giggled. “But that’s my sister. Isn’t it so exciting?” Her aqua eyes, so like Zane’s, sparkled.
“No morning sickness?”
“Not a bit. I’m past twelve weeks already, so I’m hopeful I’ve dodged the bullet.” Sophie lifted her long blond hair off her neck. “My biggest complaint is how hot I am all the time.” Mary couldn’t help but smile. Sophie was easy to match with a character. Always positive, with a zest for life and a heart for others, there was no better choice than Heidi.
“We’ll be through the hot months by your third trimester,” Mary said. “Me, on the other hand, will enjoy my third trimester during the hottest months of the year. Not that I’m complaining. Whatever it takes to keep my little girl inside for a long as possible, I’ll endure.”
Sophie sobered. “Everything’s all right, though?”
“So far so good. I haven’t had a chance to tell you yet, but I think it’s amazing what you’re doing for Honor and Zane.”
Sophie flushed as she put her hair into a ponytail. “It’s completely selfish, if you want to know the truth.”
“I don’t think that’s the definition of selfish,” Mary said, smiling.
“Doing this makes me feel so good. When do we ever get the chance to give something really meaningful to the people we love?”
“Not often.”
“I have two half siblings I never knew about, and that we managed to find one another is a miracle, but to be able to honor my dad this way, is truly a blessing.”
Two young women joined them in the box. It took Mary a moment to place them. Pepper and Lisa. Maggie’s best friends from New York. They’d all gone to college together at NYU and had spent another eight years trying to break into the Broadway scene. From what Mary could remember from the wedding, Lisa had left New York around the same time as Maggie. Pepper was still there, as far as she knew.
Goodness, they were unfathomably pretty. Lisa was fair and blond, with a face that could only be described as classically beautiful. Honestly, she was so beautiful Mary had no idea how the woman wasn’t a famous actress. Of average height with an hourglass figure, she was all grace and elegance, with an innocence that reflected from her light green eyes. Her creamy skin, obviously untouched by the sun, appeared flawless.
Pepper, on the other hand, was small with dark hair cut in a short bob with bangs that would look terrible on most people but were perfect to frame her large, ash-gray eyes. Mary thought she was suited for her name, as she was fiery with a quick laugh and sarcastic wit. Mary’s mother would have described her as too thin, but Mary found her glamorous.
The crowd hushed as Maggie entered the stage. Carrying her guitar and dressed all in black, she greeted the audience a hearty welcome as the drummer, lead guitarist and bass player took their places. Her red hair shone under the lights. From their seats, it was hard to make out the features of her face, but in the overhead screen her fair skin looked luminous. She strummed the first chords of the title track of her album and began to sing. As her voice rang out into the hall, Mary’s arms covered with goosebumps.
Between songs, Maggie told short, mostly humorous stories of the origin of the songs and of her life in New York. Any time Mary looked over at Jackson, he was in the same position with his hands on his knees, pitched slightly forward, and a proud smile directed at Maggie.
Before the last song of the night, Maggie spoke into the microphone. “When we put my first album together, my producer and I approached it like a story. This is the journey of a long and circuitous road away from and back to the love of my life, Jackson Waller. I’ve loved him since I was six years old when he roughed up a mean boy harassing me on the playground. We lost each other for twelve years. During that time, I poured the ache of that loss into my songs. I’m happy to say, he’s here tonight, looking out for me once more, which I suppose means I’ll never write a decent song again. They’ll be nothing but sappy love songs about my husband.” She slipped her guitar strap over her head and set the instrument in its stand, then turned sideways with her hands pressed against her belly. “As you may have noticed, we’re having a baby in August. This is my last concert for a while. Thanks for being such a wonderful audience.” The crowd cheered. She went to the piano and spoke into the microphone. “Every song on this album is for J
ackson, but this last one is the one I wrote for our wedding. I hope you’ll enjoy it.”
She went to the piano and began to sing. Mary’s eyes filled as she listened to the ballad, thinking of her own love story with Lance.
When the song ended, Maggie thanked the crowd for being there and making her feel so welcome. Claps and whistles filled the room. They all leapt to their feet, shouting and screaming for their Maggie. She looked up at them and blew a kiss. “And thanks to my friends for coming out tonight and my brilliant, gorgeous husband. Goodnight.”
She left the stage, but the crowd kept cheering. Would she go back out? They clearly wanted her.
Maggie appeared without the band, holding her guitar. “Well, if you insist, I’ll play you one more. This is brand new one called “Song for Lily.” I wrote it last week for our baby girl.”
She strummed the guitar and sang into the microphone. This was a mellow ballad with hints of a lullaby in the melody. When she sang the first stanza of the chorus, tears sprang from Mary’s eyes. “Wherever you are, there I’ll be.”
After Maggie left the stage for the last time, Jackson buried his face in his hands. “I was worried, but she did very well, don’t you all agree?”
“We agree.” Zane punched him playfully on the shoulder. “As usual, you were the only one worried.”
The next day, Mary and Lance attended a party at Violet and Kyle’s new home to celebrate the end of Maggie’s first concert tour. Upon their arrival, Lance joined the men around the pool while Violet gave Mary a tour of the house. They started on the first floor, an open concept with the kitchen, dining room and living room meshed into one large space. The house was decorated in a traditional style but with hints of the contemporary tossed in for texture. Cream cabinets contrasted with a massive kitchen island in cobalt blue. Light granite counters speckled in gray shone under the light of tall windows. Dark furniture and walnut flooring hinted that this was a family house. “Less likely for little grubby hands and feet to do their damage,” Violet said.
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