Even fears.
She had never known her parents. Her loyalty to her coven and her belief in their system had been unwavering before she had met Eric and Mari had come into the world. Since then, she had often wondered if her life would have been different if she had known her parents, even just her mother.
When Mari had discovered Eric wasn’t her biological father, the conflict inside Cass had only grown. She had started to wish she’d had parents, a father in her life, even one who had chosen to have her as his daughter as Eric had with Mari, had chosen to raise her and love her.
Seeing Mari’s life from the moment she had been born, how being raised in a warm, beautiful part of France, and in a loving family, had shaped her into a good woman, one who was very balanced and kind, had made Cass question what she was doing even before she had been summoned by her coven on her two-hundredth birthday.
Before Eric and Mari, she had been happy to do her duty, viewing it as only a minor inconvenience in her life, a year sacrificed for the greater good of her coven.
Now, she couldn’t imagine doing it, even when she was resolved to go through with it.
Even when being around everyone in this damned house was only making her more aware of how little she knew about being part of a family.
She didn’t know how a family really functioned, and discovering the ups and downs of one, witnessing the love and the fighting, the reconciliations and the protectiveness of everyone in this one was only making things harder for her.
She closed her eyes and forced a confession, admitted something she had been denying, too afraid to allow herself to voice it, even to herself.
Too afraid of how much it would hurt her.
Cass opened her eyes and looked at Daimon, wishing she was brave enough to put a voice behind what she was about to admit to herself.
She didn’t want to bring a child into a cold world like her coven, where it would never know her, where she would have to stand by and watch her daughter grow up never knowing who she was and not allowed to tell her either. Several witches would bear children along with her, and those babies would be given the same birth date regardless of when they had been born, and would be kept away in a nursery until they were all one year old.
Something the coven did to ensure none of the mothers knew which one was their child.
A battle raged inside her, fiercer than ever, a war between duty and desire. She owed her coven everything. They had raised her, taught her all she needed to know to succeed in the world, and had given her the freedom she had desired, passing contracts to her that had kept her in enough money to do as she wished and had given her the opportunity to see the world.
In return for all that, she could do this one thing, couldn’t she?
She stared into Daimon’s eyes as they slowly softened, concern surfacing in them, and cursed him.
Being around him had only made things harder for her.
The scent of snow and spice came from him, a smell that reminded her of home, but with him, it wasn’t cold that she felt.
He made her feel warm.
He made her question everything.
He made her feel everything.
And that was bad.
She couldn’t—wouldn’t—fall for him.
He was meant to be a pleasant distraction, whatever they shared all about fulfilling lust and having fun while it lasted.
But she had the terrible feeling it was too late and he was already so much more than that to her.
That the frozen heart that was melting wasn’t his.
It was hers.
Chapter 17
Daimon grunted as he ducked and rolled, came up onto his feet and reached beneath his left arm at the same time. He slipped his finger into the ring on the hilt of one of his throwing knives, funnelled his power into it and let it fly. It shot across the gently undulating grassy hill and nailed a daemon in his shoulder.
The male went down.
Two others jumped over his body and rushed Daimon. Lightning struck the one on the left. The daemon exploded, showering his comrade in black blood and bits of flesh and bone, and the ground rocked as a boom echoed across the hilly landscape of Lantau Island, rolling into the pitch darkness.
The second daemon reached him and Daimon threw his hand forwards, unleashing three spears of ice that pierced the male in his thigh, stomach and chest at a diagonal.
Daimon breathed hard as the male hit the dirt, sliding to a halt just a few feet from him.
There were too many of them.
He checked on his brothers, tracking Cal and Valen as they battled the daemons who were attempting to keep them away from the gate.
A gate which the two Erinyes were trying to open.
A wall of daemons stood between him and his brothers and the goddesses. So far, the two furies had only managed to make the gate appear, at which point Daimon had felt it and had ordered Cal and Valen to come with him while Ares remained with the women. He hadn’t expected to find the Erinyes here, with at least four dozen daemons surrounding them. He had thought they would be long gone, teasing him and his brothers again, drawing them out before running away.
Gods, he was glad he had demanded Cass stay at the mansion with Marinda.
The sorceress had had a few choice things to say to him in response to that, and he knew her anger hadn’t all been about him ordering her to remain where she was, sidelining her again in order to protect her from their enemy.
She was still angry with him for reading the letter, and he deserved it.
“I can get closer.” Cal’s voice broke into his thoughts and Daimon shook his head.
They couldn’t risk approaching the gate, because it would open if they got any closer to it. They also couldn’t risk attacking the Erinyes with any of their powers, just in case the gate was caught in the crossfire. The two goddesses were standing too close to it.
And on top of that, they couldn’t risk spilling their blood, just in case that was the reason the Erinyes had remained this time, hoping to injure one of them so they could get their hands on some of their blood. It would give them the power to open the gates again.
The best thing they could do was leave, but it was their duty to protect the gates and they couldn’t leave this one vulnerable. He wasn’t sure whether the Erinyes would be able to coax it open given enough time, and he wasn’t about to risk it by withdrawing.
One of the two blonde females looked over her shoulder at him, fury shining in her violet eyes.
He wasn’t the only one who was pissed.
Were the furies angry because he and his brothers were evading more than they were attacking, keeping the daemons busy while they kept an eye on the gate to make sure nothing happened to it, or were they angry because they had expected more than just Daimon, Cal and Valen to show up to fight them?
The central purple disc of the gate flickered, weakly glowing, and he focused on it as Valen and Cal launched another attack on the wall of daemons, attempting to weaken their forces enough that the Erinyes would be forced to withdraw.
Daimon struggled to focus as his thoughts kept shifting course, veering back to the angry sorceress he had left in Tokyo.
One who had looked as wounded by his demand she remain there as she had by his announcement that he had seen the letter on her desk.
He scrubbed a hand down his face and fixed his mind on the gate, on closing it. He felt the hum of power running through him as he connected with it, a comforting touch that boosted his strength, enough that he felt he could force it closed. If he could make it disappear, they could attack the Erinyes.
He could get back to Tokyo.
To that damned sorceress who had him tied in knots, going in circles, hating himself each time he completed a cycle of drawing her closer and pushing her away. He needed to get his head straight and his heart back in line.
He couldn’t shake how relaxed she had been with him in that cramped kitchen. She had been so open, offering smiles that had warmed the c
oldest parts of him, making him feel things he had no right feeling.
So he had ruined it all.
But gods, he had needed it out there, in the open between them.
He had needed her to know that he was aware she was meant to return to her coven, to the man waiting for her.
He was no longer sure whether he had been attempting to drive a wedge between them to save himself, attempting to force a confession from her or something else.
But as he stood focused on the gate, his mind emptying, his heart supplied a possible answer.
He had done it because he wanted her to pick him.
He wanted Cass to look at him the way Megan looked at Ares. He wanted everything his brother had, everything he had denied himself for centuries, everything he had never wanted but now craved to the point it made him crazy.
And it wasn’t because he could touch Cass.
He had been craving her from the moment he had set eyes on her.
But he couldn’t have her.
So he kept trying to force her away from him, even when he knew it wouldn’t change how he felt.
But he couldn’t give in to her.
This kind of feeling was going to last longer than the time he had with her. When she left, he was going to feel bad enough as it was, but if he let her get any closer, it would destroy him. He would never get over her.
“Daimon, are you fucking listening?” Valen’s voice broke into his thoughts and he turned his head to his right, his gaze landing on his violet-haired brother where he stood right in front of him. “This is not the time to zone out. What the hell is wrong with you?”
Daimon had been asking himself that question since Cass had stormed into his life, throwing everything into disarray. He didn’t have an answer to give his brother.
Lightning struck all around them, shaking the hills that stretched in all directions, slender moonlight casting silver highlights on their sides and sloping peaks. Half a dozen screams rent the night air, the vile scent of daemon blood thickening and choking him. Wind swept across the battlefield beyond Valen, sending another half dozen daemons crashing into each other.
“I’m listening,” Daimon snapped, ignoring the look Valen gave him that blatantly said his brother didn’t believe him.
“Get your head out of your pants,” Valen barked and reached a hand towards him, looking as if he was going to seize Daimon and shake him. He stopped just inches from him and glared instead. “Because you’re fucking this all up.”
Valen’s golden eyes dropped.
Daimon looked down as warmth suddenly seeped across his stomach and hip on his left side, stared at the slick patch that was already several inches wide.
He hadn’t noticed someone had landed a blow on him.
He growled, anger at the daemon who had done this to him colliding with fury aimed at himself for letting his mind wander during a fight. He swiftly checked the Erinyes, relieved to find they were still at the gate, and were no longer focused on attempting to open it.
They were struggling to defend themselves.
Marek and Keras worked as a team, using earth and shadows to drive the daemons back, taking several down in the process as they fought to reach the Erinyes.
The two blonde goddesses had closed ranks and were holding hands now, their bright violet eyes glowing in the darkness as they slowly backed off.
Behind them, the gate shrank and winked out of existence with a violent burst of purple light that dampened Daimon’s vision.
Not only had he failed to notice a daemon had landed a blow on him, but he had failed to notice the arrival of his brothers.
He cursed Cass, and then himself.
Black shadows raced from Keras, screams filling the air as they cut a path through the daemons, and then a keening feminine shriek.
“Sister.” One of the Erinyes turned a growl on his oldest brother. “You will pay dearly for that.”
But rather than attacking him, she cast a portal. The violet-black smoke rapidly billowed outwards and she backed into it, helping the other furie as she hobbled. Marek and Cal stepped and sprinted for it, and Daimon kicked off too, determined to get his hands on one or both of the goddesses.
Daemons crowded the path ahead of him and he snarled through short fangs as he threw his arms forwards. Jagged shards of ice shot up from the grass, impaling several of the daemons. The rest were swift to leap out of the way. His gaze shot to the portal and he bit out a curse.
It was gone.
On a black growl, he turned on the remaining daemons, hurling spears of ice in rapid succession, quickly taking down six of them as his brothers joined the fight again. The daemons didn’t stand a chance. Several of them scrambled to escape but Valen didn’t let them. Lightning crashed down around them, striking half of the daemons as shadows killed the rest.
Daimon pressed his hand to his side and breathed hard as the last daemon went down, needing a moment to gather his strength again.
Cal, Valen, Keras and Marek picked their way over the dead to reach him and he looked at the point where the gate was hidden.
A weight settled in his gut.
“I don’t like what happened here,” he muttered, his voice distant as his thoughts turned to Esher again. He glanced at Keras. “They attacked Hong Kong. This gate is bound to Esher, meaning it’s the one gate we can’t seal right now.”
Keras’s handsome face turned grave and he dipped his head, his green eyes revealing he’d had the same thought. “The enemy is aware of which gate each of us is bound to by blood.”
“Well, that’s a big fucking problem,” Valen put in as he shoved the long lengths of his violet hair out of his face, his golden eyes glowing in the darkness. “So the enemy knows way more about us than we thought?”
Marek nodded. “It appears so.”
“How the hell is that possible?” Cal looked between them all, the tips of his blond ponytail fluttering in the breeze that gently swept around him. “They took Esher and Marek’s blood… maybe that—”
Marek shook his head this time. “No. This is… It’s almost as if someone is feeding the enemy information.”
Which was exactly what Daimon had been thinking.
“Or they’re with the enemy.” Daimon exchanged a troubled look with Marek.
“The woman they keep mentioning?” Cal said with a concerned glance at Keras.
Keras twisted the silver band on his thumb. “I am not sure, but I shall send another Messenger to Father to see if he can think of anyone who might be working with them.”
“Last time you asked, he sent a list as long as my dick,” Valen muttered.
“So a short list?” Cal grinned at Valen when he scowled at him.
Keras raised his right hand and that was all it took to have both of them falling back into line.
Valen was right though. The list of possible enemies Hades had sent back had been hundreds of names long, far too many for their father to investigate, especially when Esher was missing and the majority of his legions were searching for him in the Underworld.
Keras’s green eyes shifted to Marek. “Are you feeling strong enough to close Rome?”
Marek was quick to nod. “Whatever it takes to turn the tide in our favour.”
“I can close New York.” Daimon lowered his hand from his side, aware that it wouldn’t be dark in New York for hours yet. As it was, Rome would only be on the cusp of nightfall. They were going to have to wait in the city for at least an hour before it was dark enough to summon the gate and close it. “We could go there after Rome. Ares and Cal could assist me.”
Keras looked down at Daimon’s side, his gaze gaining a concerned shimmer as he shook his head.
“It is best we do one at a time.”
Which was a nice way of saying he didn’t think Daimon was strong enough right now to handle it. That grated a little, but he tamped down that feeling and crushed it out of existence. His brother was right, and it was better they didn’t weaken their
forces by too much. Marek being out of action for a few days would be bad enough.
He wasn’t really sure why he had been so quick to offer anyway.
He looked at Marek.
Realised that he had wanted to be the one to sleep for a few days.
Between the nightmares of Esher in the Underworld that plagued him whenever he tried to sleep, and the nightmare that was Cass plaguing him whenever he was awake, he was bone-deep tired, on the verge of collapse.
Being in a coma-level sleep would give him back his strength, and if he was lucky, when he woke, either Cass would be long gone or she would have been so worried about him that she would have fallen madly in love with him while taking care of him.
A guy could dream.
He didn’t have such luck though. He knew that. If he slept for a few days like he wanted, he would probably never see Cass again.
And gods that would kill him.
He tilted his head back and looked at the stars that covered the heavens, at the spine of the Milky Way that arched overhead, and sighed.
He couldn’t go on like this.
He was drowning.
Darkness surged through him.
He let the wave roll over him and pull him under.
Chapter 18
Cass tried to listen to what Mari was saying as she talked to Caterina and Eva, but it was hard to focus when her mind was filled with Daimon. Anger clashed with worry, the spark he had ignited in her when he had benched her, as Valen had called it, still going strong despite the thousand troubling scenarios that were running through her head.
She nibbled the corner of a second brownie square and glanced at Ares. He was coddling Megan again, sitting with her on the cream couch to Cass’s left, his arm slung around Megan’s slight shoulders. His smile didn’t hide the concern that shone in his dark eyes, flickering in the embers that lit them.
Those eyes slid to her and narrowed in the way they had done every time he had looked at her over the past hour.
When Daimon, Calistos and Valen had left to go to the Hong Kong gate, she might have taken out her frustration and anger on Ares. Just a little.
Daimon: Guardians of Hades Series Book 6 Page 16