by Jeulia Hesse
She shivered in his arms. “Come on. We better get dressed.”
They exited the water and in the early morning light, Kevin collected their discarded clothing from the bank of the pond. He handed her clothes to her as he determined who was the owner of each article. As he retrieved both pairs of their shorts, they were barraged with a series of text messages from each of their phones.
“Must have just gotten a signal,” he laughed.
“It’s so spotty here. You can move a few feet and get a signal, take a few steps and its dead as a....”
“I got ten missed calls!” he shouted. But then his smile faded to concern. “Look at all these texts.”
She dug in her shorts for her phone, quickly scrolling through the messages as apprehension built in her gut. “We’d better get back. It’s something about Annie. Apparently, she didn’t show at the party. Everyone is looking for her.”
She grabbed his hand as they quickly made their way down the forest path to his truck. She would call once she had a good signal, away from the mountain. This wasn’t good. No one knew where her cousin was.
The last message she had gotten was a call from Ada. Worry and apprehension permeated her voice. Annie had not shown up to the party as expected and had not come home either. The girls had gone out around the same time last night, but no one had seen Annie since she left the inn. The tone of her aunt’s voice on the message had her stomach churning with anxiety and guilt. “I hope you know where your cousin is. Your friends said you were with Kevin last night.”
Guilt burned in Christina’s stomach. She and Annie had always looked out for each other, ever since they were small. They were best friends. It was that simple between them. Yet here she was, sneaking around with Kevin while Annie had gone missing. Deep dread came over her as the couple careened down the gravel mountain road.
Christina had no idea where Annie could be.
10 Months Later
April 2011
SHE PULLED AWAY FROM his attempt at an embrace, pushing her palms flat against his chest. He had expected her dismissal. It was what he had grown used to over the past few months; nonetheless, it still hurt. “Crissy...?” he whispered the question into the air, not anticipating a response.
“I took a job in the city.” She said icily, steeling herself for his reaction.
He placed his hands to his thighs and exhaled slowly. He dropped his gaze to his empty hands. Hands empty of her, as she pulled away, reflecting the void he was feeling inside. He could not bring himself to respond to her statement. Deep in his soul, he had expected it. She had been pulling away since Annie disappeared, and it mystified him. Not only was she pulling away from him emotionally, but now this push of physical distance was sealing the deal.
He stood looking at her slender form in the moonlight, waiting for a response. He wanted to take her in his arms, kiss her silly and profess his undying love for her. He wanted to whisk her away to the nearest justice of the peace and make her his. Instead, he remained still, knowing as he knew her that that kind of action would push her away for good. She would be forever gone if he tried to pin her down.
She had a drive to prove herself in the world. A drive she had doubled down on. With Annie gone, all eyes were on her. She felt she carried that responsibility to succeed. He also knew that she carried a horrible guilt, since she was here and Annie was not.
They had all been tortured by Annie’s disappearance. There hadn’t been a clue, not a single piece of evidence or even a suspect had been unearthed alongside her missing cousin. Now, after a year of waiting for anything, they had begun to slowly move on with their lives. They had all been changed, but most of all, Christina had.
He took a cautious step toward her. He reached out to touch her fingers, just the tips, gently and lightly. He knew anything more would be too much, and she would pull further away from him. “I will always love you,” he whispered, his voice husky with emotion.
She pulled her hand away from his and walked toward the path back to the house. She stopped, turning back to him. She tilted her head without making full eye contact. It seemed like she was going to say something, but then she stopped herself. Turning her face downward and angling her body away from him, she walked away, along the path back to the house where her aunt waited. The same house where her aunt would wait forever for her daughter to return.
Watching Christina go, Kevin felt an indescribable burning grow in his chest and his broad shoulders slumped with despair. He knew at that moment that his heart was breaking, cracking his chest open. As the tears coursed down his face, he watched until he could no longer see her figure on the path.
Chapter 1
2018
The early spring rain that had held off during the brief graveside service started to pick up intensity as the mourners carefully picked their way back to their cars over the soft sodden ground. Christina stood, watching them staring solemnly while her mind drifted miles away. She wanted to be anywhere but here.
An unexpected squeeze on her arm startled her from her thoughts. The grip was strong and bony. “We’ll meet you down at the parish center,” said a wiry old woman. Her name was Mabel Brown and she spoke loudly, carefully over-enunciating her words.
Christina smiled to herself, realizing that Mabel was probably accustomed to talking to her husband in that manner. He was a stubborn man who was hard of hearing but refused to wear his hearing aids. “OK great, thank you again for arranging all that...” Christina replied.
“Not sure who will come,” Mabel retorted, gruffly shaking her head, “probably anyone looking for a free lunch.”
Mabel turned away, walking carefully on the muddy grass. She was one of Ada’s oldest friends. They had grown up together in this small town on the side of a Vermont mountain and had known each other nearly 60 years. Ada had a habit of making derogatory comments about her to Christina whenever they had a spat, which was often. Mabel was prone to drama and loved to sensationalize any situation she could. Ada had once said that Mabel could “complicate a two-car funeral.”
Christina watched her for a moment, as Mabel walked gingerly down the small hill to her enduring husband who was holding the car door open for her. As Mabel reached the car, both she and her husband turned and looked back at Christina. “Don’t stay too long, you’ll freeze,” Mabel said. “It’s getting cold, and those city shoes won’t keep you warm.”
Christina glanced down at her feet, suddenly self-conscious of her high heels, unlike the more utilitarian shoes worn by other mourners. Only here could anyone make me feel incompetent, she thought, shaking her head. The older couple drove away from the grave site in their ancient, paneled station wagon. They both looked back at her, and Mabel’s lips were incessantly moving as she spoke to her husband. Self-conscious of their looks, Christina raised her hand and waved in a small gesture suited to the muted occasion. But the wave was not returned.
The rain started to become heavy, and a cold breeze blew through her unlined trench coat, making her shiver. The elderly couple probably wondered why she chose to stand alone in the chilly rain while everyone else left. Christina was used to others thinking that she was different. She had always been the outsider here and never quite belonged. She was the perpetual visitor from out of state. She opened the large utilitarian umbrella she kept in her car, ever the Girl Scout, and was glad she had thought to bring it with her for the brief service.
Kevin had not come to the funeral. She was sure as she was certain she would have sensed his presence if he had shown up. In a way, she was relieved to not have to face him or any kind of an awkward exchange. He had sent her a note after Ada passed; it was a kind gesture. Yet she had kept it, unsure of her reasons for doing so. She had left him behind as much as she had left her aunt. She recognized the old guilt rising in her gut.
She stood looking at the granite memorial. The family name was inscribed at its base in huge letters.
Stone
The memorial held sever
al generations of inscriptions, noting the birth and death dates for those buried nearby. A new marking indicated a date earlier this year – February 1, 2018 – as the most recent. Ada’s ashes had already been buried by the funeral home prior to the service, leaving a patch of fresh turf covered in mud splattered flowers. Funeral workers had already removed the few chairs from the service, but their impressions were left in the soft ground.
Christina had not cried during the brief service. Her grief was assuaged by a few months. But coming back to this place after so many years laid an emotional weight on Christina’s shoulders that she had not experienced when she was absent. She had avoided trips back, preferring to keep in touch with Ada over the phone. And sometimes, Ada even came to her in the city. Of course, as Ada grew older and became less able to travel freely, Christina had relented and visited her infrequently.
Gravestones covered the ground all around her. Large ones, like the Stone memorial nearby, and many more of varied shapes and sizes, as varied as the lives they represented. Small stones, heart wrenching for the brief lives they represented, were nearly covered by grass as they sank into the cold dirt over the seasons of alternating warmth and freezing temperatures. It was the latter reason why the services were held until today, as Mabel had insisted. Any friends of Ada’s that were capable of paying their respects would only attend a burial service when the weather broke. Then the threat of broken hips in the snow and ice was not an issue.
As Ada had no one remaining in her immediate family except for Christina, a brother-in-law and his son, so the delay was not an inconvenience. It had further put off the need for Christina to come back to this spot, which was a plan she favored.
Carefully, using the heels of her shoes to give her purchase in the soft ground, Christina made her way to a unique blush marble headstone nearby. The color of the stone was in contrast to those in the vicinity. She stood for a moment, her eyes moving slowly over the inscription carved into the soft marble. “Always loved, always missed, gone from our sight but not forgotten in our hearts.”
The first tears of the day began to well in her eyes as she read further.
Anna Margaret Stone
Born September 7, 1988 Lost June 19, 2010
Christina remembered that the last time she had come here was with Ada. It had been emotional torture. She was reluctant to come to the cemetery and could not fathom what Ada had been thinking at the time. “I need a place,” she had said, “To come and pay respects, to talk to her, to feel like... I have some kind of closure.”
Seeing her best friend’s name on a cold gravestone had torn Christina apart. It made her death seem so final – that she was really gone and would never be coming back. Her heart ached with renewed pain as she wept now, just as she had all those years ago. Christina had not been there to help her then, and now, nothing or no one ever could.
She turned and walked away from the cemetery, and got back to her car, tears coursing down her face.
There were no ashes, no casket, and no bones beneath that stone.
Chapter 2
Kevin pulled his truck into the parking lot of the parish center, scanning the cars for the Sheriff’s cruiser. He was nervous and really needed the moral support to face her. He desperately wanted to see her face, hold her hand and see how she was doing after losing her aunt. He realized that he’d come today, not totally for her, but for himself as well. She was in town, close by and in reach. There was no way he could put off that kind of an opportunity.
He wasn’t sure that he could go alone into the midst of old town matrons, all who would be watching his every move. Dammit, Shawn should show up. Ada was his old girlfriend’s mother for heaven’s sake.
A knock on his car window startled him and he gritted his teeth, suppressing an expletive as he rolled down his window. “Glad to see you made the time in your busy schedule.”
Shawn grinned, leaning his bulk down to face his friend. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. My boy needs a wing man to face the town’s gossip grandmas. Plus, they usually put on a decent lunch, a good enough reason for showing.”
Kevin smiled to himself watching his friend pat his stomach, secretly glad lunch would be available too. It would offer fodder for conversation and something to do with his hands. He had not seen her in forever, except for at a distance several years ago. He was eager and nervous; what would she think of him showing up? He patted his own stomach, mimicking his friend. It was flat and muscled, thanks to his love of the outdoors. Hiking benefited him, easily retaining his physique after many of his peers gained guts that spilled over their belts.
Kevin got out of his car, joining Shawn, who was scanning the parking lot. He knew Shawn was checking to see who was in attendance. He likely knew who owned each vehicle. “So old pal, what is your plan? Will she throw herself at you, regretting all the years she let pass without you?” Shawn held his gaze on one vehicle in particular and furrowed his brow.
Kevin winced at his words. He wasn’t wrong. That was his dream. That she would come back to him and see that he still held on to hope for them. She would see they were meant to be together. He knew deep down that this was not realistic, but a guy could dream. He was being courteous coming to pay his respects to Ada. He had known her longer than he had known Christina, so it was only right that he come.
The two old friends entered the parish center together. As expected, the wall of elder female eyes fell on them as they made their entrance. He swore he could hear the whispers grow as Ada’s lifelong friends took in the two newcomers to the funeral reception. Several shifted their seats to have a better view of the men as they joined the short line to pay respects to Christina. He scanned the room quickly for any of Ada’s relatives from the Stone side and did not immediately see any before Christina caught his eye.
She had noticed him. A thrill rose in his chest as he spotted the flush growing on her beautiful face. Don’t get your hopes up, he thought. He nervously straightened his tie as he approached her from across the room, Shawn tailing faithfully behind. Reaching her, he formally grasped her hand and kissed her smooth cheek. “So sorry for your loss.”
Shawn repeated the sequence as Christina graciously accepted their condolences. “Thank you both for coming, I didn’t expect to see you.”
He noted she was keeping her tone neutral, addressing them both and not him singularly. “Of course, we came. Ada was part of our family. Or I should say, she made us part of hers,” Shawn replied.
Kevin noted a shadow pass over Christina’s face at his words and she outwardly winced. He didn’t understand it at first, but it dawned on him as Shawn droned on about the turnout and the lunch spread, buffet style, on the long tables against the far wall. Evidently Christina did feel guilty about not being around much for her aunt after Annie’s disappearance. Her untimely death must have grown that guilt as other non-family members stepped in to fill the void that she and Annie had left. Ada was a kind woman, so it was easy for her to stay connected with her daughter’s old friends. She had made it easy for both men to retain their relationships with her.
Christina’s expression changed as Shawn spoke, her eyes locking on someone over his shoulder. A furrow creased her brow as she turned her attention to Shawn. “Thank you for coming. Why don’t you have a bite to eat before you have to go back out?”
Christina moved them on to speak to the man who had come in after them. Kevin was disappointed in himself for not saying more, but was thankful for Shawn for being there to fill in any awkward moments. He didn’t really think through what he would say exactly. Stepping in the door had been half his battle.
He caught a cloud of heavy aftershave. Jeremy Stone grabbed Christina’s attention next. He was Ada’s nephew from her husband’s side, so it was fitting that he should be here. Kevin didn’t appreciate that he had Christina by the hand and was talking to her earnestly.
“I don’t like that guy,” Shawn stated, filling his plate full of food. “Lawyers and law enfo
rcement don’t always mesh. I get it, and I have some good friends that are lawyers, but he has always struck me as somebody that is just a bit on the slimy side.”
“Oh really? Interesting. Why do you say that?” Kevin took a seat beside Shawn at an empty table covered in a plastic tablecloth.
“No specific reason honestly. I mean he’s on the board for the local Bank, he’s involved in Rotary and does fundraising for the local non-profits. There’s not a run or walk for something or other that you don’t see his name or his father’s construction company as a sponsor.”
“Yeah, I see him involved in a lot. Hasn’t he helped some older people with their wills, or with family issues without getting paid? Wasn’t he helping Ada out too? I think he took over for her when she went into the hospital.”
Shawn sat back in his seat; a crumb of egg salad stuck to the corner of his mouth. He looked as though he was thinking of saying something, but thought better of it. “Yeah. It’s almost like he’s a little too good.”
Kevin laughed to himself. He knew it was ludicrous, that Jeremy was too good. But he knew what Shawn meant – there was something not to be trusted about him.
Plates of cake and Styrofoam cups of hot coffee appeared on the table next to the two men. Mabel Brown smiled at them, her smile widening as her gaze swept over Kevin. “Nice big slice for you, Kevin. You need a little meat on your bones.”
Melodious laughter interrupted the awkward moment with Mabel. Kevin knew the source of that sound; he would recognize it anywhere. “Oh, funeral cake, that looks great.” Christina said joining the men. She took a chair opposite Kevin, facing him across the narrow table.