I overhear Callan and Damon telling Levi the horrors of childbirth, and he laughs and waves them off, but something tells me he’s in for a big surprise.
We laugh, eat, talk, and joke around, but by the time everything is cleaned up, and the sun is setting, I’m feeling uncomfortable from all the food I’ve eaten and tired from being up so long. Levi and I tell everyone thanks for the party and bid them goodbye before we climb back into the car to head home for the night.
I drive us home, and on the way, Levi drunkenly tells me everything he loves about me. I would be jealous that he got to drink, and I didn’t, but he makes it worth it. He’s cute and flirty, declaring his love for me again and again.
“And I love your cute little toes,” he says with dreamy eyes and a smile. “And I love your long, blonde hair that’s always sooooo soft. And I love your plump pink lips that always taste of vanilla and sugar.”
I laugh. “You know that’s my Chapstick, right?”
He frowns. “What?”
“That taste. It’s not how my lips naturally taste. It’s Chapstick.”
“No way!” he argues.
I laugh and shake my head. “Okay, if you insist.”
“Annnnnd, I love your little belly button. It’s cute and small. And it’s an outie,” he says, going back to his list.
I laugh and shake my head, happy to see him having a good time.
We finally make it home and up to the apartment. He walks from one side to the other, bumping against the walls in the hallway. I follow along behind him, laughing. He walks into the bedroom and strips off his clothes, falling into bed. He holds his arms out, waiting for me to join him.
I slide out of my jeans and pull off my top. I sit on the edge and remove my jewelry, then curl into his side. He wraps his arms around me and breathes me in deeply.
“You don’t even know how much I love you, do you?” he slurs.
I smile at his words, feeling a warmth spread over me. “If it’s anything compared to how much I love you, it’s a lot,” I reply.
He gently squeezes me and presses a kiss to my head. “I don’t know what I’d ever do without you,” he whispers as his eyes drifted closed.
“Lucky for you, you don’t have to.” I wrap my arm around him and let his heat and scent settle over me. I’m drifting off to sleep before I know it.
I wake in the morning and open my eyes to the brightly lit room. The morning sun is spilling in from between the slatted blinds, making the dust particles in the air look like glitter as it floats and swirls around. I stretch and yawn, finding the bed empty. I stay put, just giving myself time to wake up and figure out if I’m going to be sick or not.
After some time of lying awake, I sit up slowly but don’t stand. I sit on the edge of the bed and let my body get used to being upright. I feel slightly dizzy just from going from laying down to sitting up. Once everything levels out, I stand. But before I can take a step, everything begins to swirl around me. I fall back onto the bed just as Levi is walking into the room, holding a tray of breakfast.
“Whoa,” he says, placing the tray on the dresser as he rushes to my side. “Are you okay? What happened?”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I think my blood sugar is a bit low.” I begin working myself up the bed to lay back down. My ears are ringing, and my head is starting to hurt.
“Good thing I brought breakfast.” He stands, picks up the tray, and places it on the bed before crawling up himself.
I roll to my side and pick up a strawberry. I take a small bite and chew it slowly, savoring its sweet taste. As I eat my strawberry, I find scrambled eggs and toast. He picks up the fork, stabs at a clump of eggs, and feeds it to me.
“How are you feeling?” he asks as I chew.
I shrug one shoulder since my mouth is full. When I swallow it down, I take a sip of juice. “Not great. I—” I start, but the phone ringing cuts me off. I reach over and answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hello. This is Missy at Dr. Mann’s office. I’m looking for Danielle Finlay.”
“This is her.”
“How are you doing today, Mrs. Finlay?” she asks politely.
“As well as can be expected,” I mumble.
“I’m calling today because we got your blood work back. It looks like you have A negative blood.”
“Okay?”
“Are you familiar with Rh sensitization?”
“I can’t say that I am,” I reply, starting to worry.
“Okay, let me see if I can explain this. Blood type is determined by the type of antigen in the blood. Most people have the Rh factor, and they’re considered positive. You, however, are negative. What can happen is your body could develop antibodies to an Rh-positive baby. Long story short, your body will attack the baby, thinking it’s something foreign. Your body attacking the baby could lead to a number of diseases and anemia, but it can be dangerous enough to cause serious illness, brain damage, and even miscarriage.”
My mouth drops open, and I’m frozen. “Why have I never heard of this?” I ask.
“It’s fairly common, but only about fifteen percent of women are Rh-negative. A long time ago, this would have been a serious problem, but now all it requires is a shot around the twentieth week of pregnancy and after delivery. But if you start bleeding, you must come in right away so we can administer the medication early.”
“Okay, thank you for calling and letting me know.”
“Anytime, Mrs. Finlay. I hope you have a good day, and get plenty of rest.”
I hang up the phone and look over at Levi, who’s watching me like a hawk.
“Turns out, I have negative blood.” I pick up a piece of toast and take a bite.
“So?” he asks, confused.
I explain everything the nurse just told me, and he looks worried.
“Do you think your dizzy spells have anything to do with it?” he asks.
“I doubt it. I think that was due to my blood sugar, or maybe even my blood pressure. I’ve always had pretty low blood pressure.”
“Well, I don’t want you overdoing it. We go back to work tomorrow, and I want Maddie to keep an eye on you. We don’t need you passing out and hurting yourself or the baby.” His hand comes up to brush the hair away from my forehead.
I nod. “Okay,” I agree. It annoys me that I suddenly need someone to watch me again. After Nick, I was happy to get my freedom back, but I know Levi is right. I could stand too quickly and get dizzy again. I could fall and hurt both of us.
Every time I stand, a wave of nausea washes over me. I get dizzy, my eyes blur, and my heart pounds so hard that I can hear it in my ears. I decide to take it easy today, to eat plenty of food and drink lots of water. Hopefully, everything I’m going through is just from overdoing it yesterday with the doctor's appointment, the party, and then staying up so late.
23
Levi
Months pass, and the pregnancy never gets easier for Dani. Every morning, she’s sick and puking. Her blood pressure is too low, and she often gets dizzy and sometimes passes out if she stands too quickly. After passing out at work three different times, and hitting her head on a filing cabinet and needing stitches, Bennet put her on paid leave with the promise that her job will be safe. Now, she spends most of her time lying on the couch or in bed, resting, reading, and watching TV. Her doctor has her on a special diet that requires a lot of dairy and protein, and there isn’t much of it that she can keep down, but we try again and again. We’ve been told that her body just isn’t meant to carry children. If we were living back in the olden times, she never would’ve been pregnant this long. But thanks to modern medicine, she’s keeping the baby safe and healthy.
I don’t know how many times we’ve had to rush her to the hospital for bleeding, and every time I think we’ve lost a piece of ourselves from thinking she was losing the baby. It’s all so nerve-racking. Neither of us is sleeping well due to stress and worry, but I try to take on as much of
it as I can. I know she can’t keep her mind off the pregnancy, but she’s doing her best to hold herself together.
We’ve already talked and have decided not to have any more children after this one. It’s all just too much. We’ve even entertained the thought of having a surrogate or maybe adopting in the future, but nothing has been decided other than she cannot carry another baby. I’m happy as long as she and the baby are safe and healthy. I don’t mind not having any more children, or even going the less traditional route if she decides down the road that she wants to expand our family.
We’ve also been looking for houses online since she’s on bed rest. We know we’ll need more room with the baby coming, and we’d like to be out in the country. Bennet even offered to sell me a piece of his land in case we want to build a house. We’re considering all options, but I know deep down she can’t handle a move right now.
I close the laptop and turn my head, looking over at her. She’s beautiful as she sits next to me, reading a book and running her hand back and forth across her round stomach. “Let’s build,” I say out of nowhere.
She finishes the paragraph she’s reading and then looks over at me. “Yeah?”
I nod. “Yeah, I mean, why not? You can’t handle the stress and work it’d take to move right now anyway. If we build, we’ll get exactly what we want, and it won’t be done for months, so we’ll have plenty of time to have the baby and get you back to health before we even have to start packing.”
She smiles. “I like the sound of that,” she agrees.
I pick up her hand and press a kiss to the back. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I’m going to take a shower. Do you need anything? A snack, something to drink?”
“I think I’m fine, but thank you.”
I lean over and give her a quick kiss before walking down the hallway.
I step into the shower and let the hot water pour over my head. I let out a deep breath, blowing out the stress I’ve been carrying lately. I wash my hair and body and then sit on the bench to breathe in the steam. I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes. I see Dani, and it makes a smile form. God, I wish there were a way for me to show her how much I love her. There are no words strong enough for how I feel. There’s no action big enough or grand enough. I guess all I can do is show her every single day for the rest of my life how much she means to me, her and this baby.
I hear a scream, and my eyes pop open. I listen really hard, wondering if it was real or if I imagined it. The scream happens again, and I rush from the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist at the same time. I exit the hallway and enter the living room to find Dani on her knees, blood staining the carpet.
My eyes grow in size, and I freeze, unable to move or think or know what to do.
“Call 9-1-1,” she yells from her place on the floor.
Hearing her speak, it brings me back, and I jump into action. I grab my phone from the table and dial 9-1-1. It feels like it takes forever for them to arrive. I sit on the floor and hold her and cry with her. Finally, the EMT’s rush through the door. They strap her to the gurney and wheel her out. I grab my keys, wallet, and phone as I head toward the door. Then I realize I’m only wearing a towel.
I rush back to the bedroom and pull on some clothes. I’m running out the door moments later, and the ambulance is still in the parking lot. I climb behind the wheel of my car and drive up behind it, following it the whole way there.
We’re at the hospital ten minutes later, but they won’t let me in to see her while she’s being evaluated. My heart is pounding so hard I can hear it in my ears. I feel sick to my stomach and dizzy. I’m scared, worried, and angry; every possible emotion I could feel, it’s pumping rapidly through my veins.
I fall into a chair and pull out my phone, calling Bennet.
“Hey, man. What’s going on with you tonight?” he asks, sounding happy.
“I’m at the hospital,” I mumble.
“What? Why?”
“I don’t know. Dani, she just started bleeding. There was so much blood. It was all over her, the floor, me.”
“Is she okay? Is the baby alright?”
“I don’t know,” I say, tears falling down my cheeks. “They won’t let me in yet. I’m sitting in the waiting room alone, going crazy.”
“We’ll be right there,” he says, hanging up.
I let the phone fall from my hand as I rest my elbows on my knees and hold my head in my hands. Tears keep leaking from my eyes, and it only angers me. I have to be strong for her, no matter what they find. If she lost the baby, she will need my strength. If the baby is fine, then this is all for nothing. I just wish they’d come out and tell me something.
I sit and wait. I pace the floor and wait. I pull my hair and wait. I ask questions and wait. Time feels like it’s standing still, but every time I look at the clock, the hands are moving. Before I know it, Bennet is rushing into the emergency room with Maddie behind him.
“How is she? Is she okay?” Maddie asks, eyes wide and full of panic.
I shrug. “I don’t know. They won’t tell me anything yet.”
“This is bullshit. Stay here. I’ll find something out,” Bennet says, rushing to the desk.
I fall into a chair, and Maddie sits at my side. She takes my hand in hers, but she doesn’t say that everything will be okay, because nobody knows if that’s true or not. She doesn’t talk at all; she just lets me know that she’s here, waiting with me.
Bennet is at the counter for a long time before he finally comes back and sits beside Maddie. He leans forward so he can see me. “It looks like the placenta detached. Dani will be fine. They have her stable, but the baby had to be delivered early, and it’s still up in the air if she’ll make it through the night.”
My eyes pop up and lock on his. “She? I have a daughter?” I ask, feeling overwhelmingly happy. Dani and I decided not to find out the sex of the baby, wanting it to be a surprise.
He smiles. “Congratulations.”
“When can I go back and see them?” I ask.
“The nurse said they’re cleaning Dani up and they’ll come and get you when she’s in a room. The baby will be kept in the NICU. And if she makes it, she’ll probably be living here for several weeks until she’s full term.”
I lean back and take in all the information he’s given me. Dani is fine. I have a daughter. She’s early, but she’s here. And she’s healthy. She’s just a little early. And as long as she fights, she’ll be fine. I know I haven’t met my daughter yet, but if she’s anything like her momma, she’s a fighter. She won’t give up.
It feels like it takes forever, but finally, a nurse comes out to get me. Bennet and Maddie want to give us a little time to ourselves, but they promise to wait for me in the lobby. The nurse leads me down several long hallways, and then into a dark room. All I can hear is the machines running and the sound of her breathing. I sit at her side, and her skin is pale. She has dark circles under her eyes, and she looks thin, too thin. I wasn’t ready to see the baby bump gone yet, but I guess that’s out of our control.
I reach out and take her hand in mine. Her eyes flutter open, and she offers up a sad smile.
“How is she?” she asks.
“I haven’t seen her yet, but I’m told she’s healthy, just too little. She’s in the NICU. How are you?” I ask, brushing her hair away from her face.
She nods. “Not sick.” She smiles weakly.
“She’ll be fine, Levi. We had a little talk,” Dani says, smile fading away as sleep tugs at her.
“She’s a fighter,” I tell her, kissing her hand. “I’m going to go check on her and let you rest, but I’m not leaving. I’ll be here when you wake up. Okay?”
She nods, not bothering to open her eyes.
I stand and make my way out into the hallway. I walk up to the nurses' station and ask if one of them could take me up to see my daughter. I’m taken up to another floor and lead through more long
hallways until we enter a big room that’s filled with dozens of tiny little incubators. There are four nurses on this floor, and one of them walks directly up to me.
“Can I help you?”
“Yes, I was hoping to see my daughter. She was just born.”
“Your name?”
“Levi Finlay,” I reply, suddenly feels afraid and nervous.
“Oh, your baby girl is right over here.” She leads me to the corner closest to the nurses' desk. “She’s so little. I wanted to make sure I kept an eye on her.”
I look down into the clear case and see my daughter for the first time. She’s so tiny, smaller than any baby doll I’ve ever seen. Her skin is bright pink, and she’s only wearing a tiny little diaper that’s probably is meant for a baby doll.
“She’s beautiful,” I cry, unable to hold back the tears.
The nurse nods. “She is. She weighs four pounds. How far along was the mamma?”
“Thirty-four weeks,” I reply. “What’s all these tubes?” I ask, motioning toward the tubes that seem to be all over her small body.
“It’s respiratory support. Because the baby was so early, her lungs are sticking together and still underdeveloped. This will be a long, uphill road, dad, but hold in there.” She rubs my arm and walks away to check on the rest of the babies. I can’t do anything but sit down and watch her. She doesn’t move, her eyes don’t open—I don’t even know if they can open—and she doesn’t make a sound. I hate seeing any baby this way. She wasn’t ready to be born yet. Why did this happen? Why does she have to be born into a world where the only thing she can do is fight to live?
Just watching as her small chest moves up and down makes me cry. I want to touch her, hold her, and tell her that everything is going to be alright, but I can’t. All I can do is watch as she figures it out on her own, and root for her from the sidelines.
I watch as they feed her through a feeding tube, and then head back down to talk to Bennet and Maddie.
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