Chapter 23
Subs and Twinkies
Jeremy, Maren, Lyrna, Tina, the ferret, and a cohort of ghosts and abominations were in freefall for a moment, and then landed in a hot pile inside a squishy cavern, which was dimly lit by the phosphorescent walls. Everything was claustrophobic and squirming.
"Have a seat. Over here." The ferret hopped across the teeth of the "sub," which were all flat like molars. A few ghosts' bellies glowed a faint green, and the ghosts and abominations began spreading along the perimeter of the mouth.
"We're inside something's mouth!" Jeremy wormed through the crowd and frantically attempted to peel back the rubbery lips of the sub.
"Hurry, hurry!" hissed the ferret. "You'll want to sit along the teeth. Don't want to be caught by the tongue."
Maren yelped and leapt into a gap in the teeth and into the slimy gums of the sub. Tina landed beside her.
As the crowd was settling, the floor wobbled and the red-black tongue of the sub rose up and slid along the roof of the mouth. Jeremy jumped up on a tooth. "Tell me right now why I shouldn't fry this fish!" Jeremy held up his hand and sparked. "You've led us here to kill us!"
The ferret hissed and hopped from foot to foot. "Jeremy, you must be discreet! At the beginning of each ride, one of the passengers is consumed for fuel. Stay on the teeth where the sub can't feel you. Don't draw attention to yourself."
Jeremy allowed the spark to fizzle. He hesitated and then took a seat beside the ferret on a particularly large tooth. Lyrna was nowhere to be seen. He watched as the sub's tongue slid down the inner cheek. He could hear the ghosts closest to the tongue reciting prayers.
"Why are they praying?" Jeremy leaned forward and then covered his mouth with his sleeve. "It stinks in here."
"Ssh!" hissed the ferret. And the tongue rolled to the front of the mouth, near the tooth in front of Maren and Tina. They burrowed deeper into the gums.
"What's it doing now?" Jeremy leaned forward. "Maren and Tina are in the gums. Hey!"
The sub began to shift its jaw.
"I told you all to get on the teeth," scolded the ferret.
"Tina!" Maren pulled Tina close. The tongue wobbled angrily overhead.
Jeremy's eyes began to flicker an electric blue. "I'm going over there." Jeremy jumped off of the tooth.
"Leave it alone," hissed the ferret.
Lyrna scurried beside Jeremy. "I'm not just going to sit here and get digested."
The tongue slapped against a tooth to Jeremy's right, and Jeremy could feel the hot saliva splash on his back. He picked up Lyrna by the ear tuft and made ready to launch himself onto Maren and Tina, who were paralyzed by fear.
But the tongue beat him to it, and flopped onto Maren and Tina, slowly caressing them. Maren was almost as disgusted as she was terrified, and began to gag from the feel of the giant taste buds on her face. A praying ghost nearby went into a frenzy, and floated to the roof of the mouth. The tongue paused for a moment, and then left Maren and Tina for a livelier catch. The tongue wrapped around the floating ghost and tossed it back into the dark tunnel in the back of its mouth. There was a tremendous gurgle, and the ghost was gone. The other ghosts and abominations erupted into applause, and then started gossiping as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. The tongue, meanwhile, had turned back into a floor.
Maren peeped up from behind the tooth, beads of perspiration and saliva clinging to her forehead.
Jeremy trotted over to her and slumped onto the tooth. "I think that tops Jonah."
Tina's head poked up from the gum line. Her mouth twitched as she stumbled for words. Her voice caught at the back of her throat and then she started screaming.
Jeremy rushed over to her and covered her mouth with his hand. "Quiet!"
Tina nodded, her eyes wide and brimming with tears. Jeremy released his hand and looked around at the ghosts and abominations, all of whom had taken a sudden interest in the party. "It's nothing," he called out before turning to the ferret. "So? You want to explain?"
"The sub wouldn't have chosen any of you. The living don't burn as clean, so to speak. The soul is tougher to extract. Besides, part of the chosen ghost's soul merges with that of the sub. There is no death, only transformation. That spirit is now part of the spirit of the sub, but it retains its self. That is Mantel's covenant; there is no absorption, only amalgamation." The words sounded rehearsed.
"Would have been nice to know before we came in here," said Jeremy. He lowered his hand to Maren and she accepted. He pulled her up beside him.
"I'm disgusting," she moaned. Her dress and gladiator sandals was covered in a thick coating of saliva.
Jeremy pulled her close to him and patted the top of her head. Strings of spit connected his hand with her hair. "Yes, you are." After a pause, he continued. "So why were the ghosts praying to God?"
The ferret flinched. "They shouldn't be, really," the ferret whispered. "They cling to their old fears." The ferret flattened its ears. "It's a touchy subject with Mantel."
The rest of the sub ride passed by uneventfully. The spirits kept to their kind, and Jeremy could occasionally make out the words "Mantel" and "demon." It was like his two greatest concerns were shared by every creature in the Maze.
The sub chugged along for four hours, twisting and turning through the canals. At last it slowed and began to rise to the surface. Maren was the first to climb out onto a wooden deck. "You said there was an oasis around here somewhere?" She gave the ferret a desperate look. "I need to bathe."
"This way." The ferret led the party past the docks and into a cavernous stretch of the Maze. Torches flickered on the rocky walls, warping their shadows as they passed. "Just through here."
It was the same oasis they'd come to months prior, and even the same deer-like creature was drinking from the pool. It darted towards the door, stood up on its hind legs, opened the door, and fled.
"Good times," said Maren, and she smiled at Jeremy.
Everyone gathered around the pool and drank freely. The effects were instantaneous.
Jeremy did a graceful dive into the pool, and soon Maren and Tina joined him. Lyrna preferred a tongue bath of her own. The green glowing liquid not only quenched one's thirst, but it stripped off the grime of the Maze.
After the respite, Jeremy grew quiet and wandered off.
Maren and Tina exchanged worried glances as they wrung their clothes out to dry. Tina was the first to speak. "So he really doesn't know his purpose? Seems strange to come all this way with no purpose."
"He's slow to open up."
"So you think he knows?"
Maren frowned. "No, but whatever it is, his responsibility is a heavy burden." She sighed.
"Do you find that attractive? You like the sweet and sensitive type, so maybe you think you can fix him. But Mitch was a better match—you guys were perfect for each other. Jeremy... he needs someone wild and spontaneous, someone who's a little rough around the edges. He doesn't need fixing; he needs someone to help him forget."
"Tina!" Maren turned on her, arms akimbo. "How inappropriate!"
"But Mitch—"
"And don't talk about Mitch right now!" There was a tense silence for a few minutes. Jeremy returned and the party continued walking.
"All right," said the ferret. "Just through here."
In front of them was a stone wall, unremarkably similar to most of the walls in the Maze.
"Shortcut." The ferret walked to the wall and stuck two claws into tiny holes in the rock, and jiggled them in a particular sequence. The wall rumbled for a few moments, and then swung slowly aside, revealing a hallway ending in a wooden door. The door had a sign on it, reading, "No trespassers, or else!" They walked down the hallway and paused.
Jeremy remembered the last time he'd seen the squirrely old hermit. Fedonis had been leaning up against the door and had fallen to the floor.
Maren pushed the door open and Fedonis, who was leaning of the door, toppled over. "By the buds of Mante
l!" he cried, and scrambled to his feet. As usual, he was wearing clothing resembling a potato sack and his hair sorely needed a wash. All manners of trinkets and bottles crowded the crude shelves lining the room.
"Aha! Faithful customers. What'll it be today? Hrm?" he said, a little more loudly than necessary. Fedonis hobbled over to his makeshift stand and assumed his post.
"Just, um..." Maren moved slowly towards the old man, eyeing up his potions and various talismans in case she needed to buy something to get him to talk.
Jeremy walked past her and pointed to his riddle stool set up in the opposite corner.
"Ah, information!" Fedonis wriggled free from his makeshift stand and wobbled over to his stool. "Welcome to the Circle of Wisdom!"
"Wait!" Maren crossed her arms. "We just wanted to know how you managed to stay safe all these years."
The old man blinked and then yanked at his white beard. "Well that's definitely information you'll be wanting then, sit, sit! I'll commence with the riddle!"
"But," blurted Maren, "we'd like to have your protection. That might be considered a service."
Fedonis sighed, shifted uncomfortably, and then spun around on his stool five times pondering how to classify the request.
Maren, Jeremy, Lyrna, and Tina waited patiently, but he remained quiet. Maren nodded at Jeremy and then continued. "We just wanted a safe place to rest for a few days, and figured your storefront—"
"And Circle."
"—and Circle of Wisdom seem like a permanent establishment, so we imagined you must have some type of security."
"Step closer, young missy." Fedonis the Hermit beckoned her with a gnarled finger. When at last Maren stood in front of him, he leaned over and gave her a great sniff. "Ah!"
"Ah," said Maren, baffled.
"Yes, I remember you three. And you've got a new friend, too, I smell." Fedonis sniffed in the direction of Tina and she recoiled. Fedonis wriggled his bushy eyebrows. "You've survived for a spell in this dump, maybe we could trade secrets."
Maren turned to Jeremy and looked at him pleadingly. Everyone but Fedonis knew they hadn't been confined to the Maze all those months between visits.
"Well," said Jeremy. "We've survived mainly due to luck," he winked at Maren, "but also, because of this." Jeremy held out his palm and the air surrounding his skin twitched with static. A burst of blue energy expanded and contracted into a ball, and he cradled the orb of light, rolling it about in his hand. He looked to Fedonis, who was entranced by the light. The old man began to lean forward, and Jeremy had to pull his hand away to prevent the hermit from sniffing the electricity.
"Ah!" said Fedonis. "That is quite a bauble!" He leaned forward. "Where did you get that?"
"I just..." Jeremy bit his lip.
"The Dragon's Horn?"
"Sorry?"
Fedonis eyed Jeremy suspiciously and caressed his beard. Then he took to twirling his long white ear hairs around his fingers. "Tell you what, you teach me how to do that, and I'll let you partake in Fedonis's security system."
Jeremy and Maren simultaneously sighed. "I can't do that," said Jeremy at last.
"Hrm," said Fedonis. "Well, I like the cut of your jab, young man. Tell you what. You go and fetch some supplies from the Dragon's Horn for me, I'll give you shelter."
"That hardly sounds like a deal," said Jeremy.
"A haggler, eh?" Fedonis rubbed his bushy chin and squinted.
Maren gave Jeremy a little smack. "What's the Dragon's Horn, exactly?"
Fedonis gave her a wry smile. "Never been? The Dragon's Horn is a series of chambers with chests, each bearing some discarded soul remains condensed in liquid form or infused in objects. Mantel, God curse him, experiments with soul remains and sometimes has unpleasant or unnecessary... leftovers. And they're not always just traces, you see. Real souls—not yet sorted, but contained." Fedonis waved at his store, with all its potions and miscellaneous objects. "My business. In my youth I braved the Dragon's Horn and was lucky enough to come across some choice items. I traded these with other creatures, humans, and souls, and developed a bit of a reputation." He snorted. "Now I send others to the Dragon's Horn, but they are handsomely rewarded with my best stock." Fedonis crouched down behind his stand and stood up holding an armful of Twinkies. "Ah, you want, yes? Came in with some backpackers who fell down a volcano."
Tina did want and she lunged forward, pushing past Jeremy and Maren. "Yes! Can I? Please!?"
Fedonis laughed. "One for each," and he handed out the Twinkies, even giving one to Lyrna and the ferret. Everyone quickly unwrapped the Twinkies and shoved them into their mouths.
"There's plenty more where that came from, and of course, I have hidden supplies, well-guarded too. So, how about it, you hooligans? Hrm?" The old hermit cocked his head to the side and smiled broadly, showing his few remaining teeth.
Maren licked the cream off her fingers and then took in a deep breath. "So we just go to the Dragon's Horn, open some chests, and bring back whatever supplies we can find? What's the catch? Why's it called the Dragon's Horn?"
Fedonis stretched his arms overhead and then began to hack. "Hrm-hrm! Dragon's Horn. They say there exists an object of immense power called the Dragon's Horn and that it was lost a long time ago, accidentally discarded in one of the chests. It belonged to Mantel himself. Rumor has it you can blow into the horn and summon Doppelgangers."
"A double walker," whispered Maren.
Jeremy hesitated, then shook his head. "I'm sorry, what?"
Fedonis nodded to Maren, whose eyes were large and fearful. She continued, "A doppelganger is an evil double. You see a double of your friend or someone you know, in your peripheral vision, and it portends illness or danger. You see your own doppelganger... and it's an omen of death."
Jeremy shivered. He recalled the deep-sea creature they saw on Watico. He could do without any more omens.
"And this is in one of the chests at the um, the place called the Dragon's Horn?" asked Tina.
"So named," said Fedonis, wagging his finger. He paused and then scratched his ear. "Ah, and then you must know that some chests in the Dragon's Horn contain poisonous vapors, which are concentrated hate. These vapors can be violent or jealous, dangerous see? But then, sometimes you'll catch a breeze of love, which might have come from a digested soul with some good left in it. Ah, that's nice. That, there." Fedonis pointed to a jar above him. It contained a bright orange liquid. "One part jealousy, two parts love. And then some secret ingredients, of course." Fedonis winked. "It's a love potion. I dare say one of you ladies might want this to secure this handsome young man? Or," Fedonis turned to Jeremy, "perhaps an unrequited love?"
Jeremy scoffed at the potion. "We're all settled, thank you."
Lyrna puffed up and ran to the far corner of the room. "Come!" she yelled.
"Yes, talk to your pretty pets. And don't forget, I have the potion for whatever ails you. It might seem like a risky undertaking," said Fedonis, "but, ah, no! So much the riskier to live in the Maze without adequate protection! You'll perish before you can say 'jitterbug.'"
Jeremy, Maren, Tina, and the ferret walked over to Lyrna, who led the way outside the door. When they had closed the door behind them, Lyrna put her paws on Jeremy's legs and he stooped down.
"I go. Not scared."
"Right." Jeremy turned to Maren. "If Lyrna dies, it's just a small delay until she reincarnates. But we are all bound to be sorted."
Maren considered this.
"So it's a win-win situation, sort of. We'll get his protection—"
"And the Twinkies," said Tina.
"—and whatever other potions or charms he's willing to give us, and we'll be okay."
Lyrna mewed sadly.
"It hurts her to die," said Jeremy.
Maren frowned. "We're forever indebted to you, Lyrna."
Everyone agreed and together they walked back through the door and into Fedonis's shop.
Fedonis wagged his finger and whistled his
own theme song. They waited patiently for the song to conclude. Fedonis savored his performance and began vigorously conducting his own mouth orchestra.
"We accept your offer," said Maren.
"Very well!" Fedonis erupting into applause. He looked each person in the eye and clapped out a different rhythm. When he'd finished, he got out a map, marked it, and gave Tina a watch. She frowned.
"Return here when the big hand gets on the seven."
Tina squinted her eyes at the watch. "It's one o'clock now? AM?"
"Hrm?"
Jeremy smiled at Tina. "It's not set correctly but it tells us all we need to know."
Jeremy Chikalto and Leviathan Island (Book II of The Hazy Souls) Page 24