by Debbie Burns
Leaving Sam’s door cracked in case the cat needed to get to the litter box, Josie bid Sam sweet dreams and stepped out.
The sky was beginning to lighten to a silver gray. She peeked into Carter’s room. She was surprised to find him dressed in yesterday’s clothes and sleeping on top of the covers, a Himalayan throw covering half of him. Buttercup was at his feet, stretched across the full length of the bed.
She crossed over as silently as she could. In the dim light, he seemed unusually pale. She closed a hand over his and noticed it was freezing.
He stirred at her touch, lifting his head and wincing. “Hey. What time is it?”
“It’s almost six. You’re freezing, Carter. Let’s get you under the covers.”
“I didn’t mean to sleep all night.” He stood up, moving cautiously and locking his hand over his bandage. “You just getting up, or are you still awake?” he asked, drawing her in for a hug.
She sank against him, soaking in his strength. “Still awake. I’ll try to catch a nap after Zoe gets on the bus. It snowed almost four inches last night, so I bet the only business we’ll have are deliveries.”
“You holding up okay?”
“Yeah. It’s sunk in enough now that I’m okay letting him sleep a few hours without being afraid he’ll disappear into thin air.”
Carter pressed his lips against her forehead. “It’ll take time, that’s all.”
Josie pulled back to look at him. “You had no idea what you were walking into, Carter. It could’ve been so much worse than Sam and a knife.”
“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Promise you’ll never do anything like that again.”
He stepped back and closed his hands over her shoulders. “I’m kind of hoping I’m fresh out of opportunities.” After letting her go, he tugged out of his shirt, moving it carefully over his bandage, then his jeans. As he walked them over to drop in a hamper in his closet, he asked, “Wanna get in with me a few minutes? I don’t know if it’s more from missing a night’s sleep or the blood loss, but I’d be lying not to admit I could really use another few hours’ sleep.”
“I’m always down for some cuddle time with you.” Josie walked around to the other side of his bed and slipped off her jeans.
Seeing her bare legs, he let out a soft moan of appreciation. “Or I could stay awake a bit too.”
She’d been about to pull off her shirt to savor the sensation of skin on skin but decided against it. “I don’t think that’s the kind of bed rest they were referring to.”
“Not even if you do all the work?”
Josie’s blood warmed instinctively, but she shook her head. “We’ll survive a few days, I’m sure.”
“Speak for yourself.”
Not having moved off the bed, Buttercup hoisted up onto all fours, came over to sniff her, then returned to the foot of the bed and flopped down on his opposite side. “How do you stretch out with him taking up the bottom of the bed like this?”
“There’s usually a few inches I can claim on the edge. Or he lies across my feet, and when I wake up, I just have to walk out the pins and needles.”
She giggled. “You’re a beautiful person, Carter. And in case you’re wondering, I knew that even before you found my brother.”
“Yeah, well, you’re pretty okay by me too.”
Josie ran her palm down his ribcage, letting it come to rest on his abdomen, savoring the rise and fall of his breath. “I won’t ever be able to thank you enough. I never would have found him. I never would have started looking. I thought he was dead. I saw his obituary, Carter.” A fresh chill swept over her.
“You may not have found him, but he’d have found you. Eventually.”
From what she’d heard tonight, he had a point. “You don’t know him yet, but Sam—he was abused in foster care. And in a different way by my mom. Severely neglected, at least. I guess we both were. But Sam, he has pretty severe ADHD too. I’m saying this so you’ll understand when I say it was hard for him to accomplish much of anything—from homework to studying for tests to cleaning his half of the room. And that was before he started doing drugs. What he explained downstairs, his process of looking for me, I was speechless. It took an attention to detail and focus I’d never have believed he was capable of.”
“It was impressive for sure. That map he had—I wish I took a picture.”
“He’s going to have a guy he knows clean out his apartment. He can take a photo.” She shook her head in disbelief. “I swear, tonight I kept thinking about how once, when he was recovering from one of the times he OD’d, he told me I should stop helping him because he’d never be able to help me if the tables were turned.” She cleared her throat. “I guess neither of us knew what he was capable of.”
“He can have a fresh start here. Who knows what he’ll be able to do now that you’re together, all three of you.”
“I’ve been thinking about him and Zoe. I suspect it’ll take a bit for him to bond with her. He always said he’d never have kids; he didn’t want to bring someone into his chaotic world. But Zoe’s here regardless, and now he has a chance to see things in a different way. The whole thing’s so complicated; my mind keeps racing about how I’m going to explain it to her.”
Carter smoothed his hand over her back. “Complicated is a good word for it. Josie, are you sure Jena had no other family that could try for custody?”
“Positive. That’s the only looking back I ever did after I got here. I knew she and her brother were raised in foster care, but I confirmed that there’s no immediate family. Her brother is serving three life sentences, and her mother died when she was little. She had put up a Facebook post once about not knowing who her father was. She had no living grandparents either.”
“That’s sad, but it makes everything cleaner on your end. And Zoe’s current birth certificate…”
“It’s forged, obviously. Myra and I found a man in Chicago to do it so she could start school.”
“Can I ask, did you list a father?”
“No. It’s just me.” When he didn’t follow up his line of questioning, she asked why.
“I have a feeling you’re going to tell me I’m moving too fast, but if we get to the point that you’re thinking of adding one, I’m ready to petition.”
Josie went still as his words sank in, then she raised up, bracing herself with one hand. His expression was as earnest as she’d ever seen it. “What are you saying?”
“That I love you. And I love her. In a no-going-back way.” He raised up a bit, bracing himself with his elbows. “If you were hoping for a romantic proposal, I’m afraid you drew the short straw. Today, at least.” He grinned. “I’ll make it up to you when this bulging jugular can handle a bit more excitement. When I was in the emergency room, and I realized how close that could have been, the one thing I knew with any certainty was that I’d like to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Josie sat up the rest of the way, crossing her legs and allowing her limp hands to fall into her lap. The silver-gray sky was brightening to a yellow pink, creating a surreal glow in the room. For the second time in less than twelve hours, Josie seemed to be moving through a dream. “Carter, there’s so much you don’t know,” she breathed.
He sat up as well, wincing from the movement that undoubtedly jarred his wound. “I know the important things. My internet searching—more than anything, it was because I wanted to protect you. I still do. But I’ll wait for the rest of your story until you’re ready to tell me.”
Josie closed her eyes and counted to three. Sam being here, and now this, it was too much in one day. The fortress she’d built around her heart threatened to slam shut. Everything that had helped her survive had her wanting to shut him down. Send him away.
Only damned if she was going to let it.
As if he’d picked up on her t
urmoil, he closed a hand over her knee and squeezed it gently.
“What about Sam?” It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a get the hell out of here either.
He cocked an eyebrow. “I’ve always been open to having a big family. I just never pictured my oldest child to be twenty-four.”
A half-snort escaped. “You have no idea.” Josie leaned in and pressed her lips against his, then pressed a half dozen more on his forehead, cheeks, and chin. “I love you. That same way. I know what you want, and I want it too. I just… Can you give me time?”
His lips pulled into a half smile. “Yeah, I can do that.”
She nodded and let out a breath. “Thank you. And one thing’s for sure, it would be a lot less complicated adding you on her birth certificate than it would be my brother.”
Chapter 34
The first time Josie could remember having something other than a spread of double cheeseburgers and cold fries from McDonald’s on Thanksgiving was after Francie had taken her and Sam under her wing. Francie prepared for her extended family’s meal for days, and Josie had gawked at the towering pile of food in disbelief. From a golden-braised turkey stuffed with pancetta and herbs to a giant bowl of homemade ravioli, a platter of antipasto, and stuffed artichokes to numerous decanters of wine, there was an Italian flair to the feast, though most of the traditional dishes had been spread around the table too.
Since Josie’s arrival in Galena, Thanksgiving meals had been on the traditional side, with stuffing, sweet potatoes, and green bean casserole making an appearance, but on a smaller scale. Myra’s children, living in three different states, had established the routine of coming home between Christmas and New Year’s each year but not in November for Thanksgiving. As a result, Josie had passed her last five Thanksgivings quietly with Myra and Zoe.
This year, with Carter and Sam in the house, Myra insisted on putting together a feast on a scale similar to Francie’s. Close to three weeks after Sam’s arrival, Josie still had waves of disbelief wash over her as she sat at a table full of people who had such big claims on her heart.
After the meal was finished and they’d all pitched in to clean up, Carter, Sam, and Zoe threw on a few extra layers and headed out into the first big snowfall of the year. Too chilled to savor being outdoors for any length of time, Myra promised to watch from inside. Josie hung back, sitting beside her on the rattan couch in the all-season sunroom behind the library. A heavy blanket was draped over Myra to cut her chill. Having been ignored while Myra and Josie were busy cooking, Tidbit sandwiched himself in the six inches of space between them, burrowing into the blanket like it was a nest and shoving his feet against Josie as if trying to push her away.
“When will they know if the tumor’s shrinking?” Josie wasn’t sure if it was her imagination, but Myra seemed to be resting more, eating less, and commenting more and more on the chill in her bones. The doctor she’d seen in New York had referred her to one in Madison who was also participating in the study.
“They’ll do another round of scans after the first of the year. For all my complaints of those pills making me cold, I’m hungrier and having less stomach pain.”
“That’s good,” she said, even though she wasn’t sure she agreed about Myra’s appetite.
“Josie, whenever it is that I go—in one year or many years—knowing that the group out there in the snow is here to stay gives me comfort, right down to those monsters of a dog and cat. And what a cat your brother brought! Whoever saw a feline trudge through the snow like a dog?”
“Sam’s says he’s a Maine coon, and I’m pretty sure they thrive in snow. But I don’t want to talk about you not being here. Especially not today.”
“Then how about we talk about you and Carter?”
“What about us?”
“Has he proposed? I keep waiting to see a ring on that finger of yours.”
“Nothing’s official,” Josie said, running her hand along Tidbit’s spine and down his tail. Outside, they’d finished up a snowman’s body and were balling snow into snowballs. “But we’ve been talking about the future. About marriage and stuff.”
“By ‘and stuff,’ do you mean children? I’d love to know Zoe will have a sibling before she’s much older.”
If anyone but Myra had asked, Josie wouldn’t have answered. “That’s been one of the topics of discussion.”
Myra kept quiet, but the way her eyes stayed on her, it was obvious she was waiting for more.
“He’s basically ready now; I want to wait a year. Since it’s obvious you want details, one of the topics of discussion is whether I should get on the pill, or we wait it out with condoms.”
Myra nodded and brushed her thumb and forefinger over Tidbit’s silky ear. “Well, if your discussion goes to committee, no hard feelings whose side I take.”
Josie huffed. “No surprise there, but don’t hold your breath.” As soon as she said it, she wanted to take it back. Myra wanted to welcome Zoe’s brother or sister into the world. She wanted to be here to do it.
“I trust you’ll know when it’s time.” Myra reached over and squeezed her hand. “There’s a snowball war on the horizon, it seems. Why don’t you get out there while you can have your pick of forts? I’ve got Tidbit to keep me company.”
More because she’d promised Zoe than because she was ready to leave Myra, Josie tugged on her boots, coat, and gloves, and headed into the swirling snow that was transforming the backyard into a wonderland. Buttercup was the first to notice her. He bounded over and dropped into a play bow, barking for her to join in the fun.
Josie clamped her hands over her knees and “ruffed” back at him, which made Buttercup dash around her in circles, kicking up chunks of snow as he ran.
“Someone likes the snow. I’ve never seen him with so much energy,” she said as she reached Carter.
“And he’s not alone in that.” Carter pulled her in for a kiss as, a few feet away, Zoe complained that kissing was gross. As the kiss ended, Carter smashed a snowball on top of Josie’s head that he pulled from his jacket pocket.
Josie squealed from the cold chunks cascading down her neck, back, and into her bra. “Oh! You’re in trouble—that was so mean! And so cold!” Only she couldn’t say it with a straight face.
He winked. “Sorry, babe. You know what they say, all’s fair in love and war.”
“Love sucks, but I’m all for war,” Sam agreed, pelting Josie in the shoulder with a giant snowball of his own.
“We haven’t even picked teams yet!” Josie shielded herself the best she could, then pointed at Zoe. “I call Zoe. You two unchivalrous men are going down!”
“But Mom, I want to be on Sam’s team,” Zoe argued. “He’s going to win because he’s got the most snowballs.”
“Good foresight, kid. Though I’d win even if I had the least.” Sam swiped another snowball from his pile behind a bare rhododendron and hurled it at Josie. It smashed against her shoulder.
“That’s pretty good for a California boy,” Josie said before charging at her brother with her best “Aargh!” She pummeled full-speed into him as he went for another snowball, taking him down and landing on top of him, undoubtedly giving herself a few bruises she’d feel later.
She was laughing so hard she nearly peed her pants. “How can someone who eats as much as you be so bony?” She splayed her hands as Sam rolled her over and started shoveling snow in her face. “Mercy! Mercy!”
Thankfully, Zoe and Carter came to her rescue and began a joint attack on Sam. Josie hadn’t even been outside three minutes, and she was soaked and freezing. She finally wriggled free and stood up, brushing the snow out of her face, hair, and neck. She hadn’t put on enough layers for this sort of snow play.
As she swiped at her eyes, she noticed a flash coming from a car parked a hundred feet away on the side street. In the hazy, snowflake-filled world, it struck her as odd
that she even noticed.
Looking closer, she inhaled sharply. A man was stretched across the front seat toward the passenger-side window of a silver sedan. The window was fully open, and a long camera lens was pointed right at them, one big enough to capture them in detail. She made eye contact with the driver just before he dropped the camera and started the car. In seconds, he was rolling away into the falling snow.
Limbs frozen, Josie stared after him in disbelief. At her feet, Carter and Sam struck a truce and got up from the ground, pulling Zoe up with them. Even though she was certain she’d never seen the man before, she knew beyond any doubt what his presence in front of her house meant.
Like she’d feared but had been too afraid to voice, Nico had been monitoring Sam all along.
* * *
Josie’s mother might as well have been standing over her shoulder with her classic “I told you so” smirk, the one she’d worn when she was sober and angry at the world and looking for her next fix, be it drugs or alcohol or a man. Josie wanted to crumple into a ball on the floor; her energy was zapped, and not just from a long day of cooking and getting pelted in the snow.
What had made her think she could reach for happiness and actually receive it? Happiness was meant for people with better breeding and more cohesive families. People with a knack for picking the straw that wasn’t the short one.
It had been naive to hope Nico had stopped looking for them. Not after the bad blood Sam had created by sleeping with Jena and, unknowingly, creating strife between rival dealers and gangs that led to over a dozen people dying and a handful of key dealers going to jail. When Sam had told her that he’d used his old comic book pen name, Harry Underball, as the administrator on the missing person website he’d created for her, she’d known Nico would have understood the significance. Sam had drawn dozens of comics in that favorite series of his while hanging out at Francie’s. She’d hoped—naively—that since Nico had left Sam alone for the three years Nico had been out of jail, he’d all but forgotten about it. Forgotten about all of them.