God, it smelled divine.
Blay stared at the contents of the skillet and shook his head. "I could never do what you do. It would be too depressing. You stop one source, and three more start pouring drugs into the city."
He took a sip of his bourbon and closed his eyes, enjoying the taste before he responded to his brother. "And you run into burning buildings. That's something I could never do. It takes a special strain of insane to be a spark-head."
"Hey, at least I found my tribe." Blay reached out and grabbed his drink. "Where's the ice?"
Brody groaned and slid off the counter to retrieve a couple ice cubes. He plunked them in his brother's tumbler and resumed his position. "You ever wish you could replay your past and delete certain portions?"
Blay's eyes snapped up. He nodded slowly. "I don't think there is anyone alive who doesn't have that wish at one time or another." He added another ladle of liquid and continued to stir his creation. "What do you want to erase?"
Brody rubbed his face and groaned. "If I tell you this shit, you can't tell Mom or the girls. You've got to swear to it. Blood oath, man."
"You know it. Brothers before mothers. What's up?" He turned, dividing his attention between what he was cooking and the conversation.
"Remember Amber?"
Blay stopped stirring and shot a laser sharp stare in his direction. "Yeah. I was still in school, but I remember her."
"She's a DEA agent now."
"No shit?"
He nodded and added, "Yeah, and she's been assigned permanently to JDET."
The muscle in Blay's jaw flexed before he ground out, "Tell Terrell you want nothing to do with her. She almost killed you, man."
"She didn't cause the accident."
"The fuck she didn't! You were going after her when the drunk bastard t-boned you. Your truck was totaled, and it took the first responders over an hour to cut you from the wreckage." He splashed another ladle of stock into the pan and shook his head, cursing under his breath. "If you can't avoid her, ask for a transfer."
"I worked hard to get into JDET, and I'm not letting anyone chase me off the team. I'll talk to Terrell if it becomes a problem. She can report directly to Anderson, and we'll have a minimum of interaction." He'd work the rotation so they didn't work the same shift. They'd see each other during major operations or only when necessary for the job.
"What do you wish you could erase?"
Huh? "Sorry, what?" He took another sip of his bourbon.
"You asked if I wished I could erase something from my past, would I do it. What do you want to erase?"
He looked into the dark caramel color of his bourbon. "I'd erase the proposal."
Then maybe she'd still be in his life. He fucking missed her, missed what they had. Hell, he still dreamed of her on occasion. She’d been his everything, and when she’d left it had drained the energy from his life. Damn. He'd become a shell of who he’d been. Her reappearance slapped that fact in his face and kept him staring at it.
Blay stirred the mixture, not looking at him, but asked, "Do you think it would have mattered?"
That was a question he asked himself countless times over the years. "I guess we'll never know." He shrugged and nodded to the food. "How long until that's ready?"
"Ten minutes."
"I'm going to grab a quick shower then. Be right back." He slipped off the counter and headed to his room.
"Hey, Brody."
He turned and looked at his little brother. "Yeah?"
"Don't let her hurt you again."
"I don't plan on it. I wasn't enough for her. There's no reason to dredge up the past. We've both moved on."
He gave a tight smile and hoped like hell his brother couldn't see through the lie. It appeared Amber had moved on, but he'd fallen back into the pit of anger, hurt, and confusion he'd thought he'd climbed out of years ago.
Chapter 3
"Mom! Johnny got a VR game for his birthday! It was awesome!" Gage tore into the house, the door slamming shut behind him, and dropped his backpack at the door.
She looked up from the clothes she was folding and glanced into the kitchen. "That's amazing. Where's Aunt Dawn?"
"She's going to the store." Gage flopped down on the sofa. "We played all night long and had pizza, like at midnight. But Johnny's dad said it was okay. He played with us. It was me, Johnny, Nick and Simon, and Johnny's dad. Finn couldn't come 'cause he's grounded."
Amber stopped folding the basket of clean laundry and gave her son her full attention. "Grounded? Why?"
"He got into a fight at school."
Finn was a good kid; fighting didn't really fit with what she knew about him. "A fight? With who?"
"Some sixth grader. Finn was sticking up for another kid, but he hit the sixth grader, and that's what got him in trouble."
Ah... that did fit Finn. He was a protector, always watching out for his friends. "I can see how Finn would stick up for someone. Taking care of those who can't stand up for themselves is important, but violence is always a last resort."
"I know. Finn should have told the playground teacher, but the sixth grader was wrong for pushing a fourth grader down. I would've punched that guy, too." Gage picked up the remote and turned on the television.
"I sure hope not. We've talked about this before. Why was the sixth grader on the playground the same time the fourth and fifth graders were?"
He shrugged and flipped the channels. "I would've wanted to hit him. He was picking on someone littler than him."
"But why were they together?" The grades didn't have recess together or in the same area for that matter.
"It was before school, after the busses dropped us all off."
"Well, that makes sense. Did you thank Johnny's mom and dad?"
"Yep." He muted the TV and sat up on the couch. "Did you catch the bad guys?"
"We sure did." She smiled and winked at him.
"Nick and Simon said being a cop is badass."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Language."
"I didn't say it. They did."
"You repeated it."
"Well, yeah, but to tell you." He brushed his hair away from his eyes and released that mischievous smile.
"Riiight." She gave him a nod and waggled her eyebrows a couple times.
His laughter bubbled through the room. "Johnny's dad is taking him fishing at the harbor next weekend. Can I go?"
Johnny's dad was great about including Gage in activities, and today, instead of being grateful, she felt guilty. Guilty about keeping Brody and Gage apart. She folded the jeans in her hands before she answered, "Were you asked?"
"Well, yeah." He rolled his eyes at her.
"Then yes you can go, unless something comes up."
"You always say that. What's going to come up?"
She started to sing, "The sun will come up.”
"Mom, that's so embarrassing." He unmuted the television, to block her tone-deaf notes.
"It's my job to embarrass you. We've been through this before."
He snorted and flipped the channels. "Yeah, but why do you have to be so good at it?"
"I practice."
"Lucky me."
"Yes, sir. Here, these are yours. Put them away at the next commercial." She stacked his clean clothes next to him.
"Okay." He dropped down onto his side and curved his legs around the clean clothes. She smiled and stood to put away her clothes and place Dawn's in her room. Gage's eyelids were already heavy with sleep. She'd learned through the years, sleepovers for young boys rarely included sleep.
With the laundry sorted, she walked into the living room and leaned against the wall. Gage's mouth was open and small snores rhythmically punctuated the low sound track from the television. He looked so young. She carefully extracted his clean clothes from behind his legs and carried them to his room. He was a wonderful young man, and Dawn was right. It was time she bit the bullet and told Brody about Gage. She slipped her hand into her pocket and gras
ped her phone. Before she could talk herself out of it, she called up his number, the one she'd been given when she in-processed to the team. She punched the numbers and prayed it would go through to voicemail. Chicken shit at best, but this was one hell of a bullet to eat.
"King."
Damn it, her hands were shaking. "Brody, this is Amber." And so was her voice.
"Standby." The clipped comeback didn't bode well. He obviously wasn't in a good mood, and yet she heard laughter in the background, both men and women. A quick glance at the clock confirmed she'd probably caught him at his parents for Sunday supper. It was a tradition. One she’d used to enjoy. Brody's family had always been so welcoming. Well, except for his mom. She’d never understood why Hannah had always seemed disappointed in her.
"What?" Sharpness edged the question.
"I need to talk to you. Face-to-face."
"I'm not agreeing to a meeting unless it's work related." He bit the words off, his anger a tangible thing. It pooled between them like lava flowing from a fissure.
She pushed the words forward in a rush, "I need ten minutes. Ten minutes, Brody. If you never want to talk to me again after that, I'll shut up, and you'll be rid of me. I'll even ask for a transfer from JDET." She prayed he wouldn't make her leave. The DEA's travel made the JDET's hours seem like a nine-to-five job even though it wasn't. It was more stable than what she had now, which is why she’d put in for the job.
"Where are you?"
"I'm at Dawn's. Do you remember where––"
A harsh laugh cut her off. "Not likely to forget that address."
Defeated, she hung her head without saying a word. His words stabbed like a knife into her chest. She’d never escape the guilt.
"Never mind. I'll be there in a half hour. You'll have ten minutes. Use them wisely." The connection was cut.
She drew a shaky breath and immediately called Dawn. "Where are you?"
"On my way home. Why, do you need me to stop and get something?"
"No, but could you come straight home and stay with Gage? I invited Brody over. I'm going to tell him the truth, and I need Gage preoccupied if he wakes up."
"Damn it. Yeah, I'll be right there. I never thought you'd do it."
"You were right. It's not fair to Gage or Brody."
"Well I hate when I'm right. It isn't going to be easy for any of you. Gage needs to come first. Whatever angst you and Brody are going through needs to stay away from that boy."
"Yeah, I know." She'd fight tooth and nail to make sure Gage wasn't hurt by anyone, especially Brody. Not that she thought he would do anything to jeopardize a relationship with Gage. Well, the man he was before wouldn't. This Brody? That angry, bitter man, she wasn't too sure about.
"I'm about five minutes away. I'll see you soon." Dawn hung up, leaving her staring at the wall of her bedroom.
Brody's heart beat a bit faster as he drove through the intersection a half mile from the house of Amber’s sister—the intersection where his truck had been obliterated by a drunk man driving a delivery truck. Fragments of memories still haunted him. The concussion of the hit, the truck rolling, the sharp jarring and breaking of his body, the stabbing pain and the sparks as the fire department cut the metal from around him. He’d woken up in the hospital two weeks later. His mom, dad, brothers and sisters surrounded him—everyone he cared about—except Amber.
He drove down the quiet street and slowly drove up in front of the little house. Even though it was sprinkling, he didn't turn off the truck. He wasn't going in. If she wanted to talk to him, she could come to him. That's exactly what happened. She jogged to the street wearing jeans, a t-shirt, white tennis shoes, and a lightweight windbreaker. She opened the passenger side door and slipped inside. He made a point to look at his watch, turned his head to her, and raised an eyebrow.
She drew a deep breath and closed her eyes. Her hands were fisted so tightly her fingers were white. Whatever she had to say was important, at least to her. "This isn't going to be easy, and if you stop me to ask any questions, I won't be able to finish, so don't, okay?" She opened her eyes and glanced at him.
He narrowed his eyes wondering what in the hell was so critical after ten years, but he nodded, because at this point, he was intrigued.
"Okay." She took a breath. "Okay. When you proposed, you terrified me." She held up a hand at his disgusted snort.
This? Really? This is what she needed to talk to him about?
"Stop, you agreed to listen."
He cleared his throat and nodded for her to go ahead.
"We’d always talked about how my mom was trapped by marriage to my dad and then by me, by having a kid. My dad divorced her and married Dawn's mom. My mother was a miserable soul and lived with regrets her entire life. If it wasn't for Dawn's mom, I wouldn't know what a good mother was like. Well, until I met your mom. I explained how I didn't want to live that way. Ever. When you asked me to marry you, I freaked.
"I'm not proud of freaking out, but I did. I came back here, but after an hour or so, I realized what I'd done. I’d run away from the man I loved, and I was horrified. I called and called. Finally, I called your mom. She told me what happened. I went straight to the hospital. The accusing looks I got from your brothers and sisters… well, how could I blame them? I agreed. So, when your family wasn’t there, I sat with you. Every night until the nurses made me leave. I came back, and you were awake and talking to Brock. I heard you tell him you never wanted to see me again. You wanted nothing to do with me. Your mom heard it, too. I left. I didn't want to cause a scene, so I called your number at least five times a day, but you never answered, and then your voice mailbox was full. Probably from me. I finally realized you really meant what you’d told Brock. You wanted nothing to do with me.
“I packed my clothes and moved in with Dawn. A couple months later, I went back to our old place. I, ah, really needed to see you. You’d moved. The landlord gave me the rest of the stuff you'd boxed up for me. I went to your parents’ house. Your mom was polite, but also blunt. She asked me to give you time to heal, and assured me you'd call me if you wanted to talk. You never did." Large tears fell down her cheeks, but she didn't wipe them away. "The reason I tried so hard to find you, why I went to your parents, is because I discovered I was pregnant.” Her eyes drifted from her lap to his.
He turned away from her and gripped the steering wheel. She'd been pregnant? Well, she wouldn't have had his child. She was right. They'd talked about her desire to see the world, do things and go places. A child wouldn't have fit into her plans. Hell, if a husband, who would have done anything to give her that life, didn't fit, what hope did a helpless baby have? It sickened him. She sickened him. Pain lanced through his soul at the thought of her terminating their baby, but there’d been no legal requirement for her to inform him of what she'd done.
A calliope of conflicting thoughts and emotions pummeled each other. Her story was plausible. His phone had been destroyed in the car accident. He didn't bother buying a new one for months and by then he'd dropped the old carrier and signed a contract with a new carrier for a new number. He'd let the apartment go because he couldn't climb the stairs to the third floor walk-up. He'd demanded his family have no contact with her, even if they could find her, not that he thought she was going to stick around Hope City. Hell, he’d lived with his parents until his body healed. He remembered the day his mother’d said she'd talked to Amber again, and he should consider talking to her, for closure if nothing else. He’d refused; he couldn't pick the bloodied scab again. And she’d been pregnant with his child.
He turned to look at her, not even trying to hide the disgust which rolled through him. "Why are you telling me this now?"
She swallowed hard and took a picture from her pocket. She extended the square to him. "He'd like to meet his dad."
He jerked back. His eyes pinged from her to the photo. "What?" His hand visibly shook as he extended his fingers to carefully take the photo from her. He brought it closer and
sucked air when he saw... his son. He traced the boy's smiling face. Warring emotions scrambled his cognitive reasoning. His head snapped up. "You didn't abort?"
She flinched. "No! I couldn't do that, ever! What did I ever say to make you think I'd terminate a pregnancy?"
He stared at her. "So it wasn't that you didn't want to be tied down. You didn't want to be tied to me. Good to know."
She gasped, "That isn't true."
He didn't bother to argue the obvious. He examined the photo again. He'd realized years ago it was possible Amber had never really loved him—at least not the same way he’d felt about her. It didn't matter anymore. He stared at the photo. His son. Light brown hair, his eyes. Damn... he blinked back the emotion. "What's his name?"
"Gage. He's almost ten, going on thirty some days." She laughed a little. "He asked about you a while ago. I mean, he's asked in the past, general type questions which I could lead him away from, but this was a pointed question, one I couldn't reroute or redirect. So, I told him you didn't know I was pregnant, and we weren't married. He told me to find you and tell you about him."
He leveled his gaze on her. "If our paths hadn't collided, would you have contacted me? Told me about him?"
She shrugged. "Eventually. I guess. I was afraid."
He cocked his head and asked, "Afraid of what?"
She raised her hands and dropped her head into them. "That you'd try to take him away from me."
"Huh." He leaned back against the truck's door and gazed through the windshield to the house. "You thought I’d keep a parent from their child? No, that seems to be your forte."
She snapped her head up and glared at him for a moment before her gaze softened. She nodded. "Okay. I deserved that." She closed her eyes and leaned back in the seat. "You have no idea how many times I've run this scenario in my mind."
"Yeah? And what was the outcome of those practice runs?" He wanted to know what role she expected him to play, because his gut was telling him to storm into the house and find his son.
Brody (Hope City Book 3) Page 3