"Deal." Dawn poured milk into a saucepan and squeezed a long drizzle of chocolate syrup into the pan and then handed everything back to her to put away.
"So, every night this week, huh?" Dawn grabbed a spoon and stirred the contents of the saucepan.
Amber smiled and sat down at the little kitchen table. "Yeah, it’s been... wonderful and so damn sad at the same time. I made such a huge mistake, didn't I?" Guilt had been beating her up. If bruises were visible from her mental slug fest, she'd look like a walking contusion.
"Well, obviously now I'm going to say, yeah. Two months ago? No. I wouldn't have agreed with you. You did what you felt you had to do. Did I agree with it? No, I was never comfortable with your decision."
Amber got up and fetched two cups for the cocoa. "Why?"
Dawn looked up at her and narrowed her eyes. "Honestly?"
"Always."
Her sister poured the warm mixture into the cups, and they sat down before Dawn said, "I can remember when you told me you were pregnant. I thought if what had happened to you had happened to me, I would probably have terminated the pregnancy."
She gasped and reached for her sister, placing a hand on her arm. "You never said anything––"
"Because it wasn't my place to say anything. Look, you made a big mistake by saying no and running away from Brody without discussing why you were afraid. It was a monumental blunder. I'm not going to downplay it, but when you sat with him in the hospital, called him, went to his parents’ house to talk to him? He ignored you. Poof gone. Hell, he packed up the apartment and left your stuff. No note, no nothing."
The need to defend Brody reared its head. "Yeah, we both made mistakes."
"I'm not denying that, am I?"
"Well, no."
"And if I had been in your shoes, I don't know that I would have been willing to raise a child by myself."
The admission floored her. She shook her head and stared at her half sister. Emotion pooled in both of their eyes. She whispered, "I've never been by myself; you've always been here for me. I'd like to think I would have been there for you, too."
Dawn sniffed and nodded. "You would have stuck by me, but I meant raising a child without a partner. I know people do it all the time, but being that strong? Saying I'm having this baby, and I'm going to make a lifetime commitment to it and take on the responsibility of making a child a decent human being? Wow, it takes strength, and at that point in my life, I don't know that I would have been as strong as you were. So, I'm not going to sit here and judge you. Stop beating yourself up. You did what you felt was right for you and Gage. You stepped up when you thought his dad didn't want a thing to do with either of you. You had two ways to handle the pregnancy, and in my opinion, you chose the hardest one."
Amber shook her head. "The choice, it was easy. I loved Brody. His child? It was a piece of him I was able to keep."
"Loved or love?" Dawn took a sip of her cocoa.
Amber blinked and tried to catch up. "What?"
"You said you loved Brody. I've been listening to you every night this week. The soft laughter, the long hours of talk. You're still in love with him, aren't you?" Dawn set her cup down.
She took a drink of her cocoa to give herself some time to compose a response. Finally, she shrugged. "I don't know if I ever stopped loving him."
"Are you hoping for more than just Brody getting to know Gage?" Dawn took another drink.
"Maybe? I guess? I'm not sure that's what Brody wants, though."
"Have you asked him?"
"No!" She glared at her sister.
"Okay, okay, don't have a coronary and don't wake up Gage. He'll want cocoa and then food. That kid is always hungry." Dawn grumped, "You know communication between the two of you has been a stumbling block. Maybe you should work on that."
"We are. We're talking about how things were for me and for him. We've spent hours on the phone. At work things are good. We've been able to joke around, be together without the anger and the egg shells. He even called me after a work date this week."
Dawn stopped with her mug halfway to her mouth. "A work date?"
"Yeah, that’s what I thought too, but he's trying to get funding for the team and a woman he used to date is the person who has access to the purse strings, or rather putting the information in front of those who control the strings."
"Interesting. Well, you need to figure out what you both want and I'm going to make myself scarce on Saturday. Give you all some family time."
"You don't have to do that." She didn't want Dawn to feel like she was pushing her out the door.
"Oh, yeah I do. I'm going to go shopping, have dinner, and maybe catch a movie before I come home. If he's still here, I have an amazing book I need to read. You get those two guys together."
Amber lifted the cocoa cup and smiled. "A step at a time, right?"
Dawn snorted into her mug.
"What?" Amber blinked at her when she started laughing.
Dawn took her cup to the sink and rinsed it out. "Nothing... the two of you don't know how to take a single step at a time. You sprint and then crash. Don't crash this time, okay? It would break Gage's heart. Night."
She listened to her sister pad down the hallway. Unfortunately, if she didn't get it right this time, Gage's wasn't the only heart that would break. Again.
Chapter 11
Brody put Wilma into park and turned off the engine. Fuck, he was nervous. He was meeting his kid. You can do this. Play it cool. Yeah, right. Giving his palms another quick wipe against his jeans, he grabbed the triple chocolate brownies and a small gift he'd put together for Gage and got out of the truck.
Amber came from the back of the house, opening the gate, a smile on her face. "Nervous?"
"God, is it that obvious?" Brody drew a deep breath and handed her the pink box containing the brownies. He kept the small wrapped package.
"No, but I figured if I was nervous, and Gage was nervous, you may be freaking a little, too. Thank you for this." She peeked in the box. "Oh man, three more miles tacked on the end of my run tomorrow."
"You said he liked chocolate." He shrugged and peeked around her and froze. Amber glanced over her shoulder and smiled. "Well there you are. Gage, come here, bud." Amber held her hand out in invitation, and the boy moved toward them. He shoved his hands in his front pockets and examined him like he was a bug under a microscope.
"Gage, this is your father, Brody. Brody, your son, Gage."
"Hey." They both said the same thing at the same time, and Amber laughed. "Yeah, you two are most definitely related. Come on. I want to get the burgers on before you eat all the chips."
"We have two bags." Gage sent her a mischievous grin.
"Not my point." She motioned for Brody to follow them. They walked through the side yard and into the back. A nice sized concrete pad had lawn furniture arranged with an umbrella anchored in the middle of a table. A BBQ off to the side was hot, and the smell of charcoal was enticing. Music played softly from somewhere inside the house.
"This is very nice." He motioned to the set up.
"Thanks." She nodded toward Gage who was sitting at the table in the shade. "Go, visit."
Brody took a deep breath and nodded. He took a chair across from his son.
"You’re like, bulked and tall."
Brody laughed. "Yeah, it runs in the family. You're good sized, too."
"I'm the tallest in my class. What's that?" He pointed to the small wrapped box he held in his hand.
"Well, I figured you'd have questions about my family, so..." He handed the container to Gage and watched the boy rip through the paper.
He lifted the lid on the box and opened the photo album.
"That is your grandma and grandpa on my side. My mom and dad."
Gage looked at the photo carefully. "Are they still alive? My Grandma Dot and Grandpa Wallace aren't."
"I'm sorry to hear that, dude. My mom and dad are alive. My dad is the Police Commissioner for Hope Ci
ty."
"Like the Chief of Police?"
"Exactly, different title, though. He is in charge of all the police officers in the city."
"Cool. Cops are badasses."
"Language." Amber's voice spun both of them toward her for a moment. Gage turned back to him and rolled his eyes. The gesture reminded him of his sister.
Gage turned the page. "Who are they?"
"Those are your aunts and uncles. That is my brother, Brock. He's a homicide detective. This is my sister, Brianna. She owns a restaurant. This one is my brother, Blayze. He's a fireman."
"Blayze? And he's a fireman? Really?" Gage's suspicious question made him laugh.
"Yeah, we call him Blay, but his full name is Blayze Benedict King. He's named after some great grandfather on my mom's side." The kid wouldn't get the BB King reference, but that was another thing that Blay was teased with growing up.
Gage stared at the picture and then turned the page. "I know her! She's on TV!"
"That's my little sister, Bekki."
"That's cool." Gage turned the page and stared at the group King/McBride photo. "Dude, that's a lot of people."
"Those are our neighbors, the McBrides. Kyle, this guy right here was my best friend growing up. Sean and Brock are best friends. They're the same age, and Blay, Rory, and Erin—Rory and Erin are twins—are the three musketeers. Bekki and Caitlyn, these two, are the same age, too."
Those eyes that looked so much like his turned up and stared at him. "Did you always know your dad?"
"Gage!" Amber's shocked gasp didn't break their connection. He extended a hand, silencing whatever she was going to say. "No, it’s a fair question." He knew the kid would be hard to win over, but he wasn't expecting the hard-hitting questions so soon, although he'd rehearsed several responses. He tapped the picture book. "Yes, I did. My mom and dad were married before my brother was born. Not like your mom and me."
"But you wanted to marry her. She said you asked, and she freaked." The kid shot a glance at his mom.
"Mistakes were made on both sides of that issue."
"Do you still love her? She said she's always going to love you because of me, but do you love her?"
"Your mom is special enough that I asked her to marry me. When I asked her, I loved her with all my heart."
"But you don't now?"
"I haven't seen your mom for longer than you've been alive. My feelings for her at this point are… complicated. Like your feelings about me. I bet you're kinda excited, a little afraid, and sometimes mad, aren't you?"
Gage shrugged. "Maybe. Is that how you feel about Mom, too?"
"Yes. You know what? All those emotions are okay."
"Mom said you were nervous. Why?"
Brody shrugged. "What if you don't like me?"
Gage looked up at him and narrowed his eyes. "Why wouldn't I like you?"
"Well, I could suck at baseball, or lacrosse, or football."
"Do you?"
Brody smiled. "Nah, I'm pretty da––, uh darn good at them." He glanced at Amber. She was smiling as she flipped the burgers.
"For reals? Football, too?"
"Yep. I played varsity quarterback in high school."
"So, like, we could throw the ball together?" Gage's body nearly vibrated to the front of his chair.
"Sure. I can teach you how to throw a tight spiral. Do you have a ball?"
"In the garage! Mom, I'm getting my football!" Gage tore around the side of the house.
Amber moved the cooked burgers to the side of the grill. "Very well done. Honestly, I'm impressed."
"Don't be. I nearly shit myself when he asked about my family."
"You did great. I'm putting the burgers in the house to keep warm. Everything will hold except his excitement."
"Here! Here it is!" Gage flew around the corner and slid to a stop in front of him. The boy pushed the ball at him and took off into the backyard. Brody smiled and waited for Gage to turn around, lobbing a perfect spiral straight at the boy. Gage tried to catch it, but it went through his grasp and dropped to the grass.
"Dang it!"
Brody trotted to where Gage was picking up the ball. "Hey, let's try something, okay? Catching it with your hands is a skill that you develop. Until you get there, and believe me, you will get there, you can use your body to trap it, your arms to hold it, and your hands to secure it. So, if it comes at you like this––" He held the ball and slowly pushed it toward Gage, folding the boy’s arms with his free arm, as he instructed, "––what are you going to do?"
Gage made a perfect basket for the ball to fall into and then grasped it to his chest.
"Perfect. We're going to do that over and over until we can move further and further away. It's all about getting comfortable with the form of the ball and how it's thrown. Once you get that, you'll be able to catch it without a problem. Okay?"
"Yeah." Gage's smile split his face. "Thanks."
"You got it." Brody stepped back about six feet and threw the ball.
Amber sat at the table and watched her son and his father. They'd played ball all afternoon, talking between themselves as the ball went back and forth. Gage was catching everything Brody threw to him, and his return throws were getting better. They'd taken twenty minutes for lunch and were right back at it.
"It seems to be going well." Dawn slipped into a chair beside her with two glasses of wine, handing one to her. "Damn, Brody filled out, didn't he?"
"Yeah, he's like double the size he was when we were together, and they are doing really well. They've been talking all afternoon."
"About what?"
"Everything. Favorite colors, television shows, athletes, sports, food, his family, Gage's friends, his school, what he likes to do when he's not at school." Amber reached for her glass and took a sip.
"So, things are a go for the trip to Woodbloom tomorrow?" Dawn's question pierced her happy bubble.
"Yeah. I'm really not looking forward to that."
"Want me to come with?" Dawn took a sip of her wine and sighed contentedly.
Yes, she would love the moral support, but... "No. This is something I need to do. I'm not that girl anymore."
Dawn chuckled as Gage ran forward and tackled Brody. "You're right, you're not. You've got this." She stood and looked down at Amber. "You could have all of this."
Amber shook her head. "I don't know if Brody can ever forgive me."
"You don't know that. You could tell him what you still feel. Be vulnerable to him for once. You might be surprised what happens. I'm going to go inside and let you have the rest of your family time." She sauntered into the house and turned on the back porch lights, illuminating the yard.
Gage ran up to her. "Mom, can we go to Brody's house sometime? It's an old warehouse. He fixed it up, and his brother has video games."
"Sure, we can do that. Boy, you are a sweaty mess."
"Yeah, it was great." He turned and high-fived Brody.
"It looked like a blast, but I have to be the party pooper. You need to take a shower and clean up before dinner."
"Awww, Mom."
"Hey, do what your mom says. We'll have more opportunities to work on your skills."
"Tomorrow?" Gage's excitement poured off him.
Brody glanced at her and cocked an eyebrow. She gave him the slightest nod. He smiled at her and then winked at Gage. "How about tomorrow we have a football game with my brothers and sisters. It's only touch, but if the neighbors are around, it’s a good time."
Gage spun around, "Can we, Mom?" His eyes were glowing with happiness and excitement.
"Sure."
He grabbed her around the neck. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Gah! Stinky boy pits! Go shower now!"
"Kay! See yah, Brody! Thanks!" He raced into the house.
Brody dropped into the chair and opened his mouth to speak, but Gage ran back to the porch. He grabbed his football and the photo album. "See yah!" He raced back into the house.
&n
bsp; "My God, he is the energizer bunny." Brody dropped his head back in mock exhaustion.
"He always has been. It went well today, didn't it?" She took a sip of her wine. "Would you like a beer or wine? We don't have anything stronger in the house."
He motioned to the cooler that held waters from earlier. "I'll grab one or two of those." A groan came from him when he moved from the chair. "Damn, I think I used muscles that I forgot I had." He opened the cooler and fished for two bottles of water.
"Your arm's going to be sore. You had to have thrown that ball a thousand times."
"Yeah, but he was into it." Brody sat down and cracked the seal on the first bottle, drinking half of it.
"True. That photo album was a great idea." She drew her feet up into the chair with her.
"I saw that on a documentary once. A woman had lost her short-term memory, and they built her an album so she could remember who people were. I figured if he knew in advance who the people were he was going to meet, he'd have an easier time." Brody downed the rest of the water and crushed the bottle before capping it.
"Do your mom and dad know yet?"
"I've talked to Dad, and I've let Brianna know. She's going to be there. I wanted you to have someone besides me and Gage in your corner."
She stopped with her wine glass halfway to her lips. "Why?"
"You'd mentioned that you didn't think my mom really liked you. I asked Brie if she thought that was the case."
"And did she?" Amber put the wine glass back down.
"No. She thought you didn't know how to deal with Mom's hover-copter persona and that maybe the entire family was intimidating."
"No shit." She dropped her legs back down and sat up.
Brody laughed outright. "Well, tell me what you're thinking, why don't you?"
"I've no problem with that—now. Then? Well, I was different then."
"We both were." Brody knocked his knee against hers. "Still like popcorn?"
"Oh, God yes!" Amber groaned, "But I can't eat it for dinner now because I have a son. We have a protein, a starch, a veg and a fruit at every meal. Nutrition. It's a parent thing. What about you? Still living on pizza?" She nudged his knee back. His strong leg didn't even move; she kept her knee resting beside his.
Brody (Hope City Book 3) Page 11