by M. D. Grimm
Word and hand worked together to form a fireball the size of a wichtln, and I tossed it high into the air. It roared into the sky, lighting fires on branches and leaves. It burst into a thousand small sparks as it rose higher than the tallest tree.
“Morg—”
“He wants to see who the real dark mage is?” Blind with rage and hate, it burned in my blood, heightened my senses, added fuel to my magick. “He thinks he can punish me? Control me?” I harnessed the magick in the element of air and caused the temperature to drop about ten degrees in a second. Then it continued to drop. Ice formed on the trunks of trees, frost appeared on the bushes and leaves.
I stared at my closed fist. I felt the foreign magick twine around my own magick. It was easier to control an element by using the magick already inside it, the magick the Mother put there.
“Never.”
The wind howled between the trees and slammed into me, whipping the tail of my jacket behind me. I vaguely heard Aishe shout my name. I ignored him. My father didn’t know the monster he’d unleashed. He’d brought his death upon himself the moment he made Olyvre send that letter, the moment he challenged me to a magick duel. The earth buckled and cracked, groaning with pain. My pain. It trembled as I harnessed that element’s magick. My rage allowed me to easily juggle both earth and air and I embraced the power. My father was arrogant enough to think he would win a duel against me. I would soon show him differently. I would eat him alive. The cold gnawed at my flesh but inside I was boiling. I kept my stance even as the earth continued to rock like a wave crashing along the shore.
“Everything he touches turns rotten, Aishe! He is nothing but vile, toxic waste.”
And if that was true, then what did that make me?
“Morgorth!”
My attention finally focused on Aishe. He knelt not far from me, trying to keep his balance on the pulsing earth while also freezing to death. His face was deathly pale and icicles were forming on his lashes. Frost covered his hair as it lashed around his face, driven by the wind.
The hold my anger had on my mind snapped. I let go of every spell I’d been holding. The ground stilled almost instantly with one last groan of protest. The wind ceased and the temperature rose rapidly. My magick was still at the surface but I shoved it down lower as I ran to Aishe.
“Fucking hell!” I spat, disgusted with myself. I felt how cold I was as I let go of the spells and lowered my magick and I, too, shivered. I directed my magick to warm me from the inside out as I fell to my knees in front of Aishe. I wrapped my arms around him and used the same heat to warm him.
“Mother help me, I’m so sorry, Aishe.”
He pushed into me, his arms wrapped around himself. He shivered violently and pressed his cold face into the crook of my neck. I held him tighter even as I noticed the horses were gone. They’d bolted, apparently. Smart animals.
“Are you all right? Did I hurt you?”
He shook his head.
I didn’t entirely believe him, but as I didn’t find any blood or feel any dislocated joints, I had to conclude he’d only gotten very cold.
“I know I shouldn’t lose control like that...” I said softly, worried when he said nothing. “I really should know better. I seem to harm the one thing most precious to me when I do.”
Aishe’s arms came around my waist and he kissed my neck. “Y-you d-didn’t harm m-me.”
I pulled back slightly, looked at his face. “And what do you call nearly freezing you to death? Seriously, Aishe, don’t you have enough sense to run away when a mage is having a fit?”
He smiled. “I g-guess I d-don’t.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “You’re hopeless.”
“S-so are you. Seems we m-make a good pair.”
I snorted. I slipped my arm under his legs and the other across his back before lifting him, using magick to help me. I wasn’t as physically strong as him, and he was taller and broader than I was. But he was in no condition to walk and we needed to leave. I could already see several seehirts floating toward the destruction I’d wreaked. They were glowing red. If they found me, I was in for a fight I desperately didn’t want. Seehirts were ethereal, incorporeal guardians of some forests, usually the larger ones, and they repaired any damage done to them, whether it be by nature or a mage with a mean streak.
Aishe held me tightly as I began to walk, wondering where the horses ran off to. I sent out some magick, using it to find them.
“Will you be all right?” Aishe asked.
I stared straight ahead and answered honestly. “I don’t know.”
Chapter Thirteen
Aishe
We camped in the forest after we found the horses. The crystal didn’t seem to know in what direction to lead, so Morgorth decided when day came again we would find the road and try once more to find his father. I was warm again, thanks to Morgorth and plenty of blankets. His temper hadn’t surprised me but it had unnerved me.
Now he sat brooding, staring at the fire. I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. He was in pain and there was nothing I could do to ease it. I’d felt wrung out after Matylde had finished her story. There was no understanding such a monster. Morgorth had come from that.
I looked at him and realized I didn’t care in the least. I knew Morgorth better than anyone, better than he knew himself. His heart had been broken and damaged, but it was healing and growing stronger with each passing day we spent together. But I did pity him for the blood that ran through his veins. I wished he could have better relations. Yet, not all his relations were bad. There was Olyvre and even Lorelei, though wounded herself, was hard but not evil.
“So, what did you think?” he asked suddenly.
I blinked. “Hm?”
“About what Matylde said. What do you think?” He stared resolutely at the fire as he spoke. “You disgusted by me now?”
I scowled. “You hurt me when you ask such things. And worse, you believe you need to ask them.”
Morgorth sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. “Do you have any idea what I see when I look in a mirror?”
“You see what you want to see, Morgorth.”
Morgorth glared at me. “You think I want to see a monster?”
“I don’t know, do you?”
He surged to his feet and began to pace, his body stiff. “Why in the Mother’s name would I want to see a monster when I look in the mirror?”
“Because it would make things easier if you could just be one. You wouldn’t be so conflicted with yourself if you could be a true villain.”
“I have been a true villain.”
“No, not really.”
“Yes, really.” Morgorth stopped and stared at me. “For Mother’s sake, Aishe. You know what I’ve done. I tortured and murdered and I enjoyed it.”
“But you stopped, didn’t you?” I managed to stand. My legs were still a bit wobbly but I couldn’t have this argument sitting down. “Yes, maybe it took Master Ulezander to stop you but you made a conscious decision to stop being a monster. Between you and your father, who had the better excuse to become a monster? He could have made different choices, Morgorth. He wasn’t abused or humiliated. He wounded you.”
Morgorth scoffed at that, as I knew he would.
“You know what I see when I look at you?” I didn’t wait for an answer. “A wounded, conflicted mage who’s trying to put the pieces of the puzzle that is his life, back together. You’re trying to figure out your place in this world and worried no matter what you do, you’ll always be driven toward what you see as your destiny.”
He stared at me, his mouth slightly open.
“For years there’s been so much buried and bubbling inside you, and you’ve never dared to look at it. Now you are. Now you’re looking, and you’re seeing everything you couldn’t before. You’re understanding where you came from and the reason you’re alive.”
I took a deep breath, my eyes burning. “I can’t imagine how much this all hurts you. I
want to help but all I can do is stand by your side and catch you if you fall. If that’s all I can do, then fine. I’ll do it to the best of my abilities. But you have to let me, Morgorth. You have to let me help you, and you can’t shut me out.”
Morgorth rubbed his hand over his face. “Aishe.”
“You are nothing like your father.”
He sucked in a breath and lowered his hand. He didn’t look at me.
I didn’t stop. “If you can’t believe that, then believe in me. I see you.”
“Love blinds you,” he said hoarsely.
“No. Love opens my eyes. I saw your beauty when I was a child, and I see it now. We will survive this, mate, you and I. You will confront him and you will end this.”
“Aishe, he contrived my birth!” It burst out of him as if he’d been holding it for too long. His eyes were dark chaos and his face strained. “He and a sorcerer poisoned my mother to have her breed only sons. Who knows what was in that potion? What if he’d put a piece of himself in there? To make me more like him? What if—”
“What if this, what if that?” I interrupted. “You cannot live on ‘what ifs,’ Morgorth. If I had, I wouldn’t have found you. Do you know how many times I asked myself ‘what if?’ Do you know how many times I doubted I would find you? How many times I doubted my own sanity because it was years before I found you again?”
“That’s not the same, Aishe. You don’t understand.”
“Then explain it to me.”
He dragged both hands through his hair and let out something between a growl and scream. “Your blood is pure and loving, Aishe. My blood is vile, twisted, and black, and there’s no getting it out of me. No matter what I do, no matter how good I am or what choices I make I—damn the Mother!—I have poison inside me.”
I gaped. Was this what he truly believed about himself? Did he hate himself that much? It took me a little time to get my next words out. My throat felt scraped raw. “The choices we make in our lives mean more than the manner of our births.”
“So says the one with the loving family.”
The bitterness in his tone took me aback. And it hurt. “You want to hate me for that? For having a family who loved and cherished me? You want to be angry at me for that?”
“No.” He groaned, leaning heavily against a tree. “For Mother’s sake, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.” His legs seemed to lose their strength, and he slid down the tree until he sat on the ground, his legs bent, his face covered by his hands once again.
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying, Aishe. Forgive me. I just...feel disgusting. I don’t want to be in my own skin. Answers are supposed to set you free but so far they’ve only dragged me through the filth.”
I walked over and knelt in front of him. His pain was killing me, and it was making me angry. I had to unclench my jaw to speak.
“Since you think so little of yourself, I wonder what you think of me who loves you.”
“Your heart is the most generous and open heart on the planet.”
My gut burned. “You know what I find disgusting? Self-pity.”
His head lifted and his eyes flared. He shoved me, but I grabbed his wrists and pulled him as I fell back onto the ground. He lay on top of me for a breath before I rolled us and pinned him underneath me.
“Listen to me, Morgorth, and listen well. You direct that anger, that rage, at your father, not at yourself. You didn’t create yourself, did you? He is the cause of all this, Morgorth.”
His eyes still burned but I knew he was listening. He clenched his jaw and his hands were fisted, but his eyes were still their usual dark brown. His magick wasn’t near the surface.
“You need to love yourself, Morgorth. That is the only way to truly defeat him. Love yourself, love others, protect and defend the weak. Use the power you have and help the world. Right the wrongs you’ve done in your own life.”
“My destiny is still fixed,” he said.
“So you think. We cannot know the Mother’s mind. She gave you the courage to escape.” I paused as he closed his eyes and shook his head. “Morgorth, the very fact you could call your magick to you, that it didn’t kill you when you did, proves she has had a hand in your life from the start.”
His eyes popped open and widened. “What? How did you...?”
“How do you think?”
His glare wasn’t for me. “Nosy bastard, telling things when he shouldn’t, keeping things when he should speak.”
I couldn’t argue with him about Master Ulezander, knowing the mage had kept so much from Morgorth. “You should have told me.”
“Told you what? That I’m a freak? That unlike other mages, I called my magick to me—before puberty, even—and that it answered, fully formed? That such a thing should be impossible? What good would that have done?”
I scowled. “You are so fucking stubborn. Don’t you see? You’re different from Kierthak and Nanthar. You’re different from your father. If you truly are the Destroyer, why would the Mother keep you alive?”
Morgorth looked away, a stubborn set to his mouth, but I sensed the storm had passed. He would think, brood, but he would know I was right. He was stronger than he thought he was. He was a survivor and had so much to offer the world. Why couldn’t he see himself the way I did? He was wounded but that made his beauty even brighter.
I lowered my body more firmly onto his and pressed my lips to his neck. He stiffened and then struggled half-heartedly.
“Aishe, stop.”
“I’m not doing anything.” I nibbled his skin before sliding my tongue behind his ear. He shuddered out a breath but still struggled.
I linked our fingers, pressing his hands to the ground by his head. Then my mouth found his and I kissed him deeply. My tongue slipped inside, determined to show my possession of him. He kissed back, urgent and desperate. His fingers clenched mine, and his legs suddenly locked around my waist. I changed the angle of the kiss and increased the pressure. Once again I was determined to make him forget everything, at least for a short time.
But when I broke the kiss, he spoke. “I want to believe you, Aishe.” His eyes were riveted to my face. “And I have begun to like myself since you entered my life. I see the world differently than I once did. I have hope.”
He moved his hand and I let go. He cupped my cheek, the touch infinitely gentle. “But you have to understand there’s a part of me that desires death and destruction, it thirsts for power. Just like my father. It will always be there. I still remember enjoying that power and the life and death I commanded. I try to subdue it but one day it might come back and take control.”
His solemn words scared me and a shiver went down my spine. But I covered his hand with my own and stared into his eyes.
“Then I love that darkness as well, Morgorth. It makes you stronger because you understand the dark, that temptation, and you fight it. You fight it, my love. You always will. Those who understand villainy are the best to defend against it, don’t you think?”
He looked at me in awe.
I smiled slightly. “I have faith in you, Morgorth. I have faith in us. You will always be in control. And I will always be there to keep you standing.”
He cupped my face with both hands and seemed to be struggling to speak. “I don’t deserve you.”
I smiled fully. “No, you don’t. But here I am, anyway.”
Morgorth grinned slightly, a small laugh escaping him. It warmed my heart to see him smile, to see some of the darkness leave his eyes. I lowered my head to kiss him again when he suddenly switched our positions. I grinned to see him above me, pinning me down as I had him.
“Should I be afraid?” I asked.
“Very.” He growled and nipped my ear.
I laughed and locked my legs around his waist, pushing our groins together. I was hard and the friction was delightful. I could feel Morgorth’s hardness slide against mine and his groan excited me. His hands made quick work of my belt and tunic, and I was soon nake
d from the waist up. He licked and tugged at my nipples, igniting fires in my gut. I grew harder, my leggings becoming painfully tight. As always, the sensations were almost too much to bear, but I couldn’t fathom having him stop. I wanted more, always more.
I freed myself quickly, the cool night air caressing my heated skin. Morgorth’s hands danced up my ribs, sending shivers down my spine. But then I grabbed one of his hands and wrapped it around my erection, the demand clear. Morgorth chuckled as he continued to lick down my stomach and torso. He squeezed and pumped, and I shut my eyes, my groan locked in my throat. When his lips touched my swollen tip, the groan was released. I looked down, delighting in the sight of my mate taking me inside, the wet heat nearly making me come. As he slowly slipped me in and out of his mouth, his hand pushed down my leggings, his fingernails scratching along my inner thighs.
I panted. “I want to see you. Touch you.”
Morgorth removed his mouth, much to my dismay, but then he freed himself and I drank in the sight. I reached down and grabbed him even as he grabbed me. He grunted as I stroked his cock. His eyes were amber, staring at me in the semi-darkness. The sun had set and the fire was small as we hadn’t been attending it. The trees blocked off most of the stars and moon. His eyes were the brightest things I saw. It was oddly erotic, to see him staring at me with such intensity and fire.
I felt myself coming even as I stroked him vigorously. But then, he surprised me by shoving my hand away from his own cock and once again slipping me into his mouth. I gasped but couldn’t argue as his suction became stronger, his movement more vigorous.
“Love, I’m gonna...” I gripped his head as I came. His mouth stayed locked onto me as my orgasm continued. It pulsed through me, and I think I might have whimpered. The blood roared in my ears as my eyes rolled back into my head.
The sensations slowly faded and I lay as one dead on the grass. Slightly disoriented, it took me a moment to realize Morgorth had slipped a finger inside me. I blinked awake and opened eagerly. Lifting my legs, bending my knees, I gave him better access. I wanted to become one with him. We both needed it.