by Bella Jewel
Ellie bursts out laughing. “My gosh, you’re hilarious. I’ll talk to Slater and see if he can talk to Malakai. Do you want to catch up soon? The club is actually having a cookout tomorrow night, if you’re not busy.”
It would be a good opportunity for me to catch up with everyone, say hello, make myself known. “Yeah, I’d really like that.”
“Great!” she chirps. “Come past my place tomorrow at around six; we’ll go together.”
“Sounds awesome. Talk to you then.”
I hang up, and my stomach rumbles. I came straight to Lincoln’s stupid ass garage after work, and I haven’t eaten. I pull through a drive-thru and eat all my fries on the way home. I’m not sorry, not even a little bit. I pull up in the driveway of the small apartment I rent and get out, taking a bite of my cheeseburger. I come to a complete stop when I see Lincoln sitting on my front steps.
I don’t know what’s worse, that he is sitting on my front steps, or that he’s currently watching me stuff a cheeseburger into my mouth like I’m starved. My cheeks flush, but as always, I play it off with sarcasm. When all else fails, sarcasm wins. If you stick to it, that is.
“We’ve been over this,” I say, once I’ve swallowed my food. “Stalking is not cool.”
Lincoln stares at me, and then at the cheeseburger in my hands.
“What?” I mutter, taking another bite and raising my brows at him, daring him to challenge me.
“Nothing,” he mutters. “Continue stuffing your face, I’ll wait.”
I swallow and wiggle my finger at him. “Actually, I’d rather you didn’t wait. I’d rather you leave. I have things to do. I don’t want you here. In case that isn’t clear to you by now.”
“I’ll. Wait.”
Oh.
He growls the words out, and I can tell right away he’s pissed. Majorly pissed.
What the hell has he got to be pissed about?
I’m the one who should be pissed.
I throw the rest of my cheeseburger into the bag in my hands and glare at him. “Listen, buddy, I’m not here for whatever game you think you’re playing. I have things to do. I need help. I don’t know why in the hell you’re pissed, considering it was me who arrived to find you banging some chick, and I don’t really care. Now, I’m going to get the help I need, and it isn’t going to be from you. If you’ll leave and take your mood with you, I’d more than appreciate it.”
Lincoln Knight stands and steps forward, one hand curls around my shoulder and hauls me against him, so I have to tip my head back and look into his angry dark eyes. Oh, boy.
“I don’t like when people walk away from me. I especially don’t like when people run away from me. You think I don’t have better fuckin’ things to do, then to deal with your sassy ass? I do. Plenty. Now, we’re going to go inside, you’re going to shut your mouth, because fuck I’m pissed, and we’re going to figure out how to help you. We clear?”
“I beg—”
He leans in close, cutting me off. “We. Clear?”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
“Anything more comes out of your mouth, that isn’t a ‘yes Lincoln’ then trust me, I’m goin’ to put somethin’ in there, to shut you the fuck up.”
My mouth gets wider, and now I’m too stunned to say anything. But boy oh boy, I’ve got plenty to say. Lincoln doesn’t let me, he mutters out a, “Good,” and then he’s pulling me toward my apartment, and I’m stumbling after him, angry and shocked, but also a little in awe at his masculine strength.
Can anyone say hot?
Dammit.
This is not going to plan.
~*~*~*~
NOW – SHANIA
Lincoln stares at me.
I stare at him.
I’m not backing down. He’s not backing down.
He wants to know more. He is not getting more.
I told him what I wanted, and that’s that.
He hasn’t said a word. Not a damned word.
“You were a stripper,” he mutters, finally.
Of course that’s what he zoned in on.
“Yes. I was desperate.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why?” I snap. “Desperate is desperate. Does it matter?”
“Does when I’m lookin’ for someone.”
“No, because the someone you’re looking for is a big name, I just don’t have the resources to chase after him, obviously.”
“You’re not goin’ to tell me why you want him found?”
I grit my teeth and glare at him.
“So you want me to believe you are just lookin’ for someone, for no particular reason. I call bull-fuckin’-shit. There is more to it. You either tell me, or I’ll fuckin’ find out myself.”
He’ll never find out though.
Not ever.
At least, not about that.
“I’ve told you all you need to know. What happens after we find him is up to me.”
“Not if he’s dangerous …”
I exhale. “Look, Lincoln, I appreciate your help. Really I do. But I’m not telling you why I need to find him, you’re just going to have to trust me when I say it is important.”
“I won’t ask why you’re lookin’ for him, but I do want to know what went down. Obviously you and he were pretty close.”
My chest clenches, and I struggle to breathe. Even thinking about Nicolai now makes my heart do stupid things. My therapist told me it was almost like I had some mental attachment to him, an obsession, but I never went back to find out why. All I know, is that when I think of Nicolai, my mind does silly things. I know how bad he is. Hell, I hate him with the fire of a thousand souls, and yet I’m weak when it comes to him. My body. My mind.
I was obsessed.
He consumed my life.
At least, that’s how I saw it.
It wasn’t the same for him, which I found out the hard way.
And then he just went and took it all away from me.
And only now have I found the strength inside to find him.
I have to.
I just have to.
“Look,” I say, my voice a little too shaky for my liking. “Nicolai and I, we have an edgy past. I’m not proud of the way I acted when it came to him. I was obsessed. He consumed my life. Even now, the very thought of him makes me feel weak, and not in a good way. He has this control over me. This power. And it took me a long damned time to get myself away from the powerful grip he had on me.”
“Makes me think you’re findin’ him out of your own spite,” Lincoln mutters. “Or maybe he is hiding from you for a reason. You gotta give me reason to believe in you, Shania. Because right now this story just … doesn’t add up.”
“If you don’t want to trust me, fine,” I snap, slamming my hands onto the table and standing. “I’m not going to beg you to believe me, Lincoln. I’m not a bad person, and I’m not trying to stalk him, or get him back, or seek out my revenge. I have a damned genuine reason to find him, and if you’re not going to help me do that, then I’ll go to the club and they will. I do not have to put up with your macho bullshit. Nor do I need your help.”
Lincoln stands and moves around the table quickly, so quickly I stumble backward, looking up at him, mouth parting in a silent gasp. He reaches me, and I shuffle backward until my back hits a wall. He zones in, face close to mine, and growls, “Do not threaten me, woman. I do not appreciate being spoken to the way you just spoke to me.”
“And I don’t appreciate being questioned,” I snap back.
“Be careful, Shania. You’re pushin’ my buttons.”
“Oh, what are you going to do?” I challenge. “Steal my fucking panties again?”
A low growl escapes Lincoln’s throat, and then he moves, quick as lightning. His hands curl around my waist and haul me so close our bodies press together. Then his other hand slides down, gripping my ass so tightly it burns, but god does it feel good. His hot breath pants out against my face as he growls, “I
could have you moanin’ my name in a fuckin’ second, Shania. A fuckin’ second.”
I swallow. “You wish.”
He leans in, head tipping to the side, and he latches onto my neck, biting me so hard I scream, “Lincoln! Stop!”
He pulls back, a feral grin stretching across his face. “Told you.”
“That wasn’t moaning, asshole, and that’s going to leave a mark!”
He steps back, releasing me, and I hate that my body is wound up, my pussy pulsing, my legs trembling. I want him, oh boy do I want him. And yet, I can’t stand him. I feel like that makes me want him even more, for some twisted reason. I wish my brain would recognize that wanting someone who is bad is not healthy. Honestly, it’s like it feeds on the bad boys. Like they’re what keep it powering.
That thought is sobering, and I slip out from Lincoln’s space and rub my neck as I walk into the kitchen.
I can’t do this.
Spend my life letting awful men affect me.
Okay, Lincoln is hardly awful. He’s actually really decent, but he’s still no good for me.
“I think that’s all you need for the night,” I say, staring at him.
He crosses his big arms. And God does he look fucking perfect. So perfect my jaw tenses and I have to look away.
“I’ll look into Nicolai, see what I can find, see where he went. But you gotta know, Shania, with so little information, not really sure where else I’m goin’ to take this outside of finding his location.”
“That’s all I need. I’ll handle the rest.”
Will I, though?
Because Nicolai is a powerful man, and he can be incredibly difficult when he wants to be. I know full well I can’t just waltz in there and assume that he’ll just give in to my wishes and all will be well in the world again. No, he’s hiding from me for a reason. And getting back what I need is going to prove harder than I could have ever imagined.
But I can’t involve anyone else.
This is my monster to slay.
~4~
THEN – SHANIA
“Please tell me you’re joking,” Lucy says, her eyes wide and horrified.
“I’m not joking,” I tell her, as I put on the underwear I was requested to wear for my first night dancing. “I’m doing what I have to do.”
“Stripping is not doing what you have to do!” she cries. “I could get a job. Quit school. We’ll be fine. You do not have to do this, Shan!”
“Yes, I do. Because you’re not quitting school, I won’t have it. You need that education. You deserve a future.”
“So do you!”
I turn and face her. “It’s fine. I’m okay with this. It’s a safe club. All I’m doing is dancing, Luce. Nothing more. Just until I have some money put aside, until we’re on our feet again. You can scream and yell as much as you want, but I will be doing this. Don’t make it harder on me, please.”
Her face—her soft, beautiful face—falls. She stares at me, with those piercing steel grey eyes, and I hate the look she’s giving me. Disappointment, frustration, and no doubt anger at herself. Because she wants to do more, and I won’t let her. Or maybe she can’t. Or maybe she doesn’t want to. It doesn’t matter; I’m doing this and that’s the end of it.
She tucks her straw-colored blond hair behind her ear and crosses her arm. Lucy is gorgeous. She’s always been gorgeous. And she’s not into guys, at all. I mean, she is, don’t get me wrong, but she has zero tolerance of them. She’s sassy, and she’s strong, and they simply do not sway her in any way. When she finds the man she’s going to be with, he’s going to worship her, because she’ll simply accept no less.
Good for her.
“I have to go,” I say, checking my watch. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”
She opens her mouth to say something, but I turn and rush out the door. Pamela is waiting outside, and I climb into her car and listen as she goes over absolutely everything to do with tonight. I have to get it right. If I don’t, Nicolai won’t keep me on. I’m so nervous I feel sick, sick to my stomach, but I keep it together. I have to switch off. In there, I have to be someone else.
I can be someone else a few nights a week.
“You ready?” Pam asks when we walk through the back doors of the club.
I nod and step inside. There is a massive dressing room, filled with about four other girls all glamming up for the night. Hair, makeup, oiling their bodies, practicing their moves. They all have the same goal, the same job. Earn money. Make men happy. Go home and try to pretend this isn’t who they are.
“This is basically where you’ll spend most of your time when you’re here. Getting changed, touching up your makeup, getting ready for the next dance. The girls here are all lovely and very welcoming. Except Yana. She’s one to watch.”
“Which one is Yana?”
Pamela jerks her head to a door, and we walk over, peeking out. From here, you can see the stage where there is a girl upside down on a pole, long tanned legs wrapped around it. Her dark hair is practically fanning out across the stage below her. She’s butt naked and has an absolutely beautiful body.
“She’s Nicolai’s favorite, the men’s favorite, and the pet of the group. She knows it, too. She’s bitchy. And mean. And she’ll do anything, and I mean anything, to make sure she keeps that title. Don’t get in her way, don’t try and be better than her, and she’ll mostly let you be. And especially do not look at Nicolai. She thinks she has some claim to him because he fucks her. We just choose to let her think that and leave her be.”
Noted.
I nod, and Pamela takes me back out and introduces me to all the other women. There are a range of them from curvy, to tall, to leggy, to petite. There are blondes, brunettes, and even one red head. They’re all gorgeous. I feel like I simply don’t compare, but obviously I do or Nicolai wouldn’t have taken me on.
“Ladies.”
We all turn mid chat and see Nicolai coming into the dressing room. Tonight, he’s wearing the same suit as he was when I first met him, and his dark hair is slicked back, making him look so damned attractive it almost hurts to make eye contact with him. He strolls through the dressing room like a god, like he knows he’s powerful, like he knows he owns these women. That he’s the top dog. That he’s the man who can make or break them.
And by the way they nod their heads and smile at him, moving out of his way, they damn well know it, too.
He stops when he reaches me, and his eyes scan over my body, down over the fake tan I got to remove all the lines, to the way my hair is curled and bouncing around my shoulders, to the way I’m waxed and oiled. I’m ready for this. At least, I think I’m ready for this. I’m not quite sure yet, if I’m being truthful. Until I get out onto the stage, I’m really not going to know.
“You ready?” he asks me. “You’ve cleaned up well.”
I nod. “I’m ready, I’ve got this in the bag.”
He studies me. “Your outfit. We’re going for innocence. Going to make a play on that. Men will love it. You’re going to go out as a sexy little librarian and take your clothes off right down to your underwear. I want you batting your eyelashes, using soft moves, putting your finger in your mouth and winking at the men. Anything that screams you’re untouched. Best part is, you are untouched so any time you’re shy or unsure that’s only going to work in your favor.”
God.
My heart leaps into my throat, but I nod anyway.
I can do this.
I can.
“Pamela is on the pole. Tonight, you dance. I’ll be watching you, don’t let me down.”
Yana enters the room now, and I see her eyes zone in on me. She’s slick with sweat from her dance, and her black curls bob around her waist. She’s absolutely gorgeous. Probably one of the prettiest women I’ve ever seen in my life. Exotic, lean, mysterious. She also looks mean. Really, really mean.
There is something in her eyes, a darkness that casts over you the second you look at her. Like one glance is going
to destroy you. Like she’s letting the world know she’s ugly, and she’s not afraid of letting that ugly out. The way she takes me in, slowly dragging her eyes over my body, makes me shudder, and not in a pleasant way. Finally, she looks to Nicolai. “Didn’t know you hired.”
Nicolai looks to her. “Last time I checked, didn’t have to tell you what I was doing.”
Her cheeks go red, but not with shame, with anger. Then she looks to me. “I’m sure you’ve been told the rules, but I’ll tell you again. Stay out of my way. Do not talk to me. Do not touch my things. Do not make any contact with me whatsoever. I don’t like people. And I don’t like you. That clear?”
The hairs on my neck bristle and stand on end. I might be quiet, I might be innocent, but I have not, and never will, let people walk all over me. It is just something I’ve always had in my soul, that strength. I don’t like being spoken to like trash, especially not when I’ve done nothing wrong. If I’ve earned it, by all means, give me what I deserve. But you do not disrespect me when I’ve given you no reason to.
Also, I have a hot temper beneath the surface.
One I try and keep hidden.
“First of all,” I grind out, my voice soft, but edgy. “What makes you think that you’re important enough for me to even attempt to give a damn about what think or want? From what I can see, you’re not different to anyone else in this room. You’ve got an ass, you’ve got tits, and you’re shaking them for money. So get off your high horse and quit acting like you’re some kind of royalty. Because, girlfriend, you ain’t.”
Someone gasps behind me, then the room falls dead silent.
And my stupid temper got the better of me. On my first day. And I shouldn’t have let it. Dammit, what was I thinking? I should have shut my mouth. I’ll probably lose my job before I even start it. But damn her. Damn her to hell. Cow.
“What did you say to me?” Yana hisses.
“Enough,” Nicolai says. “Yana, she’s right. Back the fuck down. You need to learn your place.”
“My place,” she snarls at him, “is your best money earner. My fucking place is top of the fucking food chain in this place. You know it, Nicolai. You’d be worthless without my talent.”