Rumblin' Knights Boxed Set

by Bella Jewel

  But mostly, the thing that’s getting to me the most, is how incredible it felt.

  How incredible being around him felt.

  How it all just … made me feel different. Our conversation flowed so effortlessly. Our laughter. Everything about that night made me feel … I don’t know … different. That’s the only word I can use to describe it. And then, we lost control, and I did something I should have never done. I did something that would absolutely crush my sister if she knew, and that breaks my heart.

  What is wrong with me?

  Desperate for someone to talk to, I text Damon to see if he’s home. He’s been busy the last two days, and I’ve been busting out of my skin to talk to someone. He’s the only person I trust, the only person I know will set me straight. Damon has a way of doing that, setting people straight. He’s not cruel or harsh, but he’s very honest and incredibly, weirdly wise.

  I like that about him.

  So, I get in my car after work and head over to his apartment. He told me he’d be home and we’d have a few drinks and dinner where I could tell him what my problem was. His words, not mine. When I arrive, I practically run into the house. I need him to tell me what an utter piece of crap I am so that I can successfully move on and never see Nicolai again.

  Well, that’s impossible, but I don’t need to keep talking to him.

  Or be considering answering the text messages he’s been sending me, or answering the calls he’s making a few times a day.

  No, I can’t face any of that, but inside, I really want to.

  Damon needs to tell me that’s a very bad idea.

  “Could you run into the house any faster?” Damon asks me when I barrel through his front door.

  “I’m a desperate woman, Damon. I need to get this off my chest.”

  “And of course I’m the lucky man who gets to hear this wonderful story?”

  “Of course you are. We’re besties!”

  “So I’m being told.”

  “Seriously, though, it’s bad, Damon. I’m a monster. A horrible person.”

  “Sit down and tell me all about it while I prepare myself.”

  I snort and sit on his sofa. He follows, sitting across from me, leaning back in the chair, arms crossed, ankle up and over his knee. He looks casual, but also like he’s ready to listen. Damon is awesome like that; he knows how to listen, he knows how to give advice, and he does it all with that straight face. He’s also hilarious, which helps in situations like this.

  “I’m glad you accepted my friendship,” I tell him, “because we really do make a good bestie match.”

  He raises his brows. “We’ll see about that.”

  I grin. “You like me, Damon. Just admit it.”

  He grins back. “I do, now tell me about this horrible story because I’m intrigued now.”

  I exhale and get comfortable on the sofa, looking anywhere but at him because I’m so ashamed I can’t bear to see his expression.

  “I slept with Nicolai.”

  Dead. Silence.

  I don’t want to look, I really don’t want to look. Dammit, I have to look. I turn and look at him, and he’s still blank faced, like he didn’t just hear what I said.

  “Did you catch that, Damon?”

  “Shhh, I’m processing.”

  “There’s not much to process, I slept with Nicolai!”

  “Nicolai, as in the one we all hate, as in the one who hurt your sister and stole her child? That Nicolai?”

  “Yes,” I groan. “And why do you have to paint him in that light because it makes me feel even worse. I’d like to think he’s not that bad, you know?”

  “Is he that bad?”

  “What?”

  “The way I just painted him, is that how he is? You slept with him, which makes me think you obviously changed your mind on that?”

  I sigh, rubbing my face. “Okay, I’m going to start from the beginning, okay, that’ll be easier.”

  He watches as I start talking and listens as I tell him how it went when I went over to Nicolai’s to apologize. He already knows I was a bitch to him at the club and that I wanted to apologize. What I didn’t intend on doing, was sleeping with the man. No, that wasn’t on my list of to-dos!

  “Right,” Damon murmurs when I’m done, “so you listened to his side of the story, decided he wasn’t as bad as you all thought, forgave him, and then somehow his dick ended up inside you?”

  “Damon!” I screech. “Why must you put it like that?”

  He laughs. “You put it like that, Lucy. I’m just relaying what I heard.”

  God. Did I put it like that? It wouldn’t surprise me if I did.

  “Okay, well, it wasn’t exactly like that. I honestly … I don’t know. We got along so well. I honestly expected to go over there, apologize, and be done with it. Then we sat down for a drink and he told me his side of the story, which I figured I owed him enough to listen, but then the conversation just kept flowing. So effortlessly. We talked, we laughed, and then I knew I should go but he insisted on feeding me first, so I agreed and then … that happened. It just happened. It was so intense, and so fucking amazing, and that’s why I hate myself even more.”

  Damon nods, crossing his arms and leaning forward. “So what are you going to do about it?”

  “I don’t know,” I moan. “Should I tell Shania?”

  “That depends.”

  “On what?”

  “If you’re planning on letting it happen again,” he goes on. “If you’re not, then I don’t see the point in telling Shania, but if you’re finding that you want it to go on, then yes, she needs to know.”

  “She’ll hate me, despise me, never forgive me.”

  Damon purses his lips a little. “Look, yeah, she probably will, but if she knows you as well as I’m sure she does, surely she’ll understand your intentions weren’t horrible. So, I’m guessing you’d like to continue, because you’re considering telling Shania?”

  “With Nicolai?” I ask.

  “Yeah.”

  “No, I can’t. I can’t continue anything. I can’t see him again. Not unless I absolutely have to. But he’s calling. He wants to talk. I can’t face him. I can’t deal, Damon!”

  “Okay, here’s my advice,” he tells me, voice calm, collected as always, “if you’re not planning on seeing him again, then you need to keep this to yourself. Shania has just got Tommy back, and her and Nicolai are getting along right now. One mistake is not worth rocking that boat. It’ll only make things worse. As for Nicolai, block his number and avoid him as much as you can. Trust me, a man like that, he’ll move on quickly.”

  I frown, and I hate that I frown, because I don’t give a crap if Nicolai moves on. Or never talks to me again. Or hates me. Because a few damn days ago, I didn’t like him, so nothing has changed. We had some hot, hard sex, and it was incredible, but that doesn’t change the facts, and facts are what I need to remind myself of. To keep myself in line.

  Nicolai sparked something inside me, something I honestly haven’t felt with another man, and that’s proving to be harder to ignore than I first thought, but I will ignore it, because I have to. I just have to.

  “You’re right,” I say, my voice a little flatter than it was a second ago. “I’ll do all those things.”

  Damon studies me. “Do you like him more than you’re letting me know, Luce?”

  I shake my head—quickly, too quickly. Because I don’t like him, I don’t know him well enough to like him, and as I mentioned, I disliked him a few days ago, feelings don’t change that quickly, they really don’t.

  “No, it’s not that,” I say, trying to figure out the best way to explain it. “It’s just … I don’t know, we connected. Which sounds so freakin’ cliché especially coming from me, but it’s the only way I know how to put it. I’ve never felt that connection with a man before, not ever, and it surprised me, I suppose. If he was anyone else, Damon, I’d be looking further into it, it was that intense.”

 
Damon rubs his chin, as if he’s thinking. He looks incredibly handsome when he does that. Damon is a seriously hot guy, I’m surprised he’s single, but he’s told me for now he’s happier that way because he sees way too much drama when it comes to relationships. I’m starting to think he’s smart and the rest of us are just plain old stupid.

  “Are you sure it’s possible to stay away?” he asks me. “And is that truly what you want to do?”

  “Shania would kill me, Damon. I don’t have a choice.”

  “And if Shania wasn’t in the picture?”

  “Yes, I suppose I would want to go and see what happened …”

  “Lucy,” he sighs, “you’re going to find it hard to stay away from him if you feel this way. Maybe it’s worth talking to Shania … She might not be bothered by the fact that you’re seeing Nicolai.”

  “Of course she’d be bothered!” I cry. “Not only is it weird because he’s Tommy’s father and I’m Tommy’s aunty, which is just twisted and weird, but Shania has had a past with him. You don’t touch men that have had a past with your sister, especially not when there is so much hurt surrounding it.”

  “Yeah, well, it certainly would be a messy situation.”

  “I mean can you imagine, Nicolai and I getting together, and then having kids, it would be just weird …”

  “It’s not uncommon, believe me. Not like y’all are related.”

  I snort. “I know, but it’s still weird. And Shania would never go for it. She doesn’t trust Nicolai. She gets along with him, but she doesn’t trust him, and she’d never feel okay with it, you know?”

  “Do you trust him?”

  “I don’t know him.”

  Damon leans back. “You’re aware Nicolai isn’t even his name …”

  “Shania mentioned that, yes.”

  “He could be anyone, Lucy. Maybe it is for the best to create distance.”

  He’s right, of course he’s right. But I already knew that, I just needed someone to tell me what I already knew.

  Sometimes that’s all you need, someone to tell you the obvious, the thing you’re trying to fight in your head, trying to justify, trying to find any way around what you know deep down in your heart is true. And that is that this is a bad idea, no matter how you look at it, and the best thing, the only thing, to do is stay away.

  So, that’s what I have to do.

  I have to stay away.

  Even if it kills me.

  4

  EARLIER – LUCY

  “Can you believe it?” Shania cries. “Lincoln won a vacation, and we’re all going!”

  “I know.” I smile, giddy. “How freaking amazing. I’m so glad he chose to take me.”

  “Well, you’re my sister, and you’re single, it’s only fair. Imagine all the hot man candy on that island.”

  I wiggle my brows. “I can only imagine.”

  The thing is, though, I’m not actually thinking about it. For the first time, I’m not thinking about it. Instead, my mind keeps taking me back to Nicolai and what happened. One encounter. How am I so confused over one encounter? I’ve tried to pull it apart in my head. Is it because of the fact that it’s not allowed, and so somehow I’ve got some sort of attraction to it?

  Like the forbidden romance.

  Always the most intense, the steamiest, because they usually fizzle out.

  Why?

  Because they’re forbidden, and the moment they’re not forbidden, they’re over.

  Maybe that’s it. It’s the forbidden side.

  At least, that’s what I keep telling myself to justify it. To make myself feel a little better. Even though I don’t feel better, not at all, because the idea of hurting my sister hurts me. I feel guilty every time I think about it. It doesn’t stop me thinking about it, though— over and over.

  I’ve not found myself in a position like this before.

  One where I feel as though I’m losing control of myself.

  That’s usually not me. I’m usually the confident woman you read about, the one who just knows what she wants, what she’ll accept, what she won’t accept, and that’s the end of it. But with this situation I find myself overthinking and wondering what the hell I’m doing.

  Going away will do me good, it really will.

  “You must be sad about having to leave Tommy so soon after having him back,” I say to Shania as I dig through my closet looking for clothes to pack. We’re leaving in two days.

  “Yeah, but it’s only ten days. It’ll be hard, and I’m going to miss him like crazy, but it isn’t forever, and I keep reminding myself of that.”

  I smile at her. “I’m sure he’ll miss you, too.”

  “I hope so. Nicolai sent me a photo already this morning, and I’m already longing for him.”

  My stomach does a flip flop.

  The very mention of Nicolai has me feeling … strange.

  “It’s good you two are getting along.”

  “Yeah,” she says, “yeah, it is, considering everything. I guess there really is no point in living in the past, not when Tommy is involved; we’re both better off just moving forward.”

  I nod, really wanting to change the subject, but I won’t do that, because my issues are not hers and she has every right to talk to me about Nicolai. Anytime she wants.

  “I forgot to ask, how did your talk with him go the other night?”

  Shit.

  My heart speeds up, and I keep digging through my clothes, back to her so she can’t see my expression.

  “It was okay. I apologized, he told me his version of the story, and we went our separate ways.”

  Shania goes silent for a minute, and I’m worried she’ll be angry I listened to Nicolai’s version of the story.

  “What did he say?”

  Her voice is soft, even understanding, which makes me feel that much worse because she’s such a good human and I’m not. I’m an asshole.

  “Basically what you said, to be honest. Just a bit more about how he felt about it. How he felt about the idea of giving up Tommy, and how he didn’t want it, but he also spoke of how wrong it was. He knows what he did was wrong, which is something, you know?”

  I turn now that I’ve gathered myself and face Shania. I’m worried she’ll think I’m taking his side, but I’m not. Like I said to him, I can see it from both sides, and I feel for both sides.

  “Back then I never really considered him at all. I was so angry, and I just … I don’t know, I just focused on what I needed, and now I see that was a big mistake, not just for me, but for him, too. He didn’t want to give his son up, and I suppose he has that right, you know?”

  “Yeah,” I say, as casually as I can. “But it’s all in the past now, like you said.”

  “I appreciate you hearing him out and apologizing. I know how much you dislike him, and I know how much it would have taken to go over there and do that. But for Tommy’s sake, I’m glad you did.”

  I’m a monster.

  A horrible monster.

  I don’t deserve a sister as good as Shania.

  “Yeah,” I murmur, and pull out a suitcase, mostly so she doesn’t see my face and she doesn’t see how damned much I hate myself right now.

  “This vacation is going to be epic, I can’t wait. Lincoln and I could use a bit of time together away from everything. Speaking of, I better go, I haven’t even considered packing and I really, really need to.”

  I turn around and walk over, hugging her. “See you at the airport, I can’t wait!”

  “I’ll see you then!”

  Once she’s gone, I exhale, not because I want her gone, but because I feel bad and that guilt is making it hard for me to be around her right now. The sister in me wants to just come out and tell her so we can be done with it, but the logical side to me is telling me that’s a really bad idea and it simply won’t end well.

  So, I’m going to just keep my mouth closed and enjoy this vacation.

  Maybe it’s just what I need.

&nbs
p; Time away from everything.

  I’m sure I’ll come back and it’ll be like “Nicolai who?”.

  I’m sure of it.

  ~*~*~*~

  The knock at my door comes as a surprise. For a moment, I think I could possibly be hearing things, because who in the hell would be at my door at ten o’clock at night? I just curled up with a bowl of popcorn for a movie, because I know for a fact sleep isn’t coming easily tonight. I don’t know if Nicolai has tried to call or message again because I blocked him.

  Just like Damon said.

  And it felt horrible to do, really childish.

  I know it’s for the best, though.

  I get up with a huff and straighten my shorts out, running my fingers through my hair which is down and quite frankly, a mess. I didn’t brush it after my shower, I let it air dry and it’s kind of turned into a curly tangle. Whatever, it’s my night in, I wasn’t planning on seeing anyone.

  I get to the door and swing it open to find Nicolai standing there, eyes glassy, clearly from alcohol. He’s wearing a suit, looking sharp as always. I’m guessing he was at work tonight and he had a few drinks and now he’s here … For what, I do not know. I don’t even know how he got my address. Do I want to know? No, probably not.

  Because I don’t care about Nicolai.

  We’re nothing.

  He needs to leave.

  I tell myself this over and over in my head as I open my mouth and say very calmly, “What are you doing here, Nicolai?”

  “You blocked me.”

  His words are smooth, even though they’re laced, drenched, saturated with alcohol. Even drunk, he knows how to hold that professional strength. That masculine businessman appeal. He’s dangerous, he knows he’s dangerous, and he’s not afraid to get what he wants, when he wants it.

  Don’t ask questions.

  “Because you wouldn’t stop calling me. Now, I ask again, why are you here?”

  He steps forward, one lethal step that tells me he’s not here to take any crap from me. I step backward, holding his eyes, letting him know that I’ll take him down if I have to, oh yes, I certainly will. It might be a difficult fight, I might come out on the bottom, but I’ll give it a good go.

  “I’m here to talk to you, like an adult, like a person, but you—” he leans forward and I get a whiff of him, and damn, my knees tremble a little; I’ll be having a word to them later about this “—you won’t talk to me. No, you want to sit back and fuckin’ ignore the situation.”