by Bella Jewel
It could have gone a thousand different ways.
“I’ll call you when I wake up,” I tell Nicolai, my voice shaky, even though I’m doing my best to keep it together.
“You’re not okay,” he tells me. “Not happy about leaving you when you’re not okay.”
“Please, I love you, so much, but I need to process. Do you understand?”
He stares at me, his jaw tight, but finally he nods. “Yeah, I get it. I’m not happy about it, but I get it.”
He walks over to me, cupping my jaw, his eyes going soft.
“Please don’t,” I whisper, another tear falling. “Please don’t tell me how proud you are of me, and how I saved Tommy. Please, not right now.”
His jaw tightens, and he exhales slowly, then he tells me, “I love you, Lucy.”
“I love you, too.”
He leans down, pressing his lips to my forehead, then he turns and walks out.
When he’s gone, I make a loud hiccupping sound and the tears unleash.
Ugly, hysterical tears.
But I’m alone.
I’m okay when I’m alone.
Until Shania walks in the room.
And her eyes fall on me.
And she starts crying just as hard.
To hell with it, I can’t stop it anyway.
~*~*~*~
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” Shania says, hugging me tightly.
She got straight into my bed. Without a single word. And we cried. We both cried. Me because I was so damned afraid, and her because she nearly lost her son. We cry until all the tears dry up, and with red, puffy faces, we stay tucked in that bed.
I realize I may have wanted to be alone, but it turns out my sister was exactly what I needed.
I just didn’t know it at the time.
“I was so afraid,” I tell her, my voice scratchy. “So afraid that I’d fail. The thought keeps replaying over and over in my mind. No matter how hard I try to push it out, it’s there. What if I couldn’t get Tommy to safety? What if they actually took him? So many what ifs, and all the outcomes make me sick. They make me sick.”
“I’ve been over all the what ifs, too,” Shania tells me, “but like Lincoln said to me, there is no point in going over those. They didn’t happen. They could have, but they didn’t. Dwelling on them only hurts more. Tommy is safe. You’re safe. It is finished.”
It is finished.
I think I needed to hear those words the most.
“I was so afraid,” I tell her. “So damned afraid. I can’t even think about it without my body breaking on me.”
“That’ll get better,” she tells me softly. “It’ll get easier with time. You’re incredibly brave, Lucy. You saved my son. I owe you the world for that. I also take back what I said, you can babysit him anytime.”
I laugh softly. “Nicolai told me once I couldn’t babysit him until he was a teenager.”
Shania laughs. “I think he’s changed his mind, too.”
“I think so.” I chuckle.
“He was afraid, Luce. When he came to me and told me that Chastity was zoning in on you and he thought she was there, he was terrified. His face was so pale. He was sick to his stomach, I could see it. Not just for Tommy, but for you. When we came into that house and saw you, bloodied and holding that gun, he inhaled. I’ll never forget it. Just this sharp inhale. It was so pained.”
My bottom lip trembles.
“I know I made it hard for you,” Shania tells me, “but he loves you, Lucy. He really truly loves you. I know he does, and you want to know how I know? Because I know he loves Tommy, I’ve seen the way his eyes get soft when he looks at him, the way his whole demeanor softens. He’s the exact same when he looks at you. He adores you.”
My heart swells, because that feels really nice to hear.
That he loves me.
That even she can see he loves me.
“I love him, too,” I say.
She smiles. “I’m happy, for both of you. I really am.”
“Really?” I croak, smiling.
“Totally. You deserve happiness, and regardless of everything, so does he. That woman today, she was crazy, it made me realize why he is the way he is. Why he was so distant toward women. I can’t honestly say I blame him. I was the same when I met Lincoln, so scarred from men, and he changed it for me. You changed it for Nicolai.”
Yeah.
Yeah, I did.
And he changed it for me.
I’ll be forever grateful for that.
“Thank you,” I tell her. “It means so much to me.”
She squeezes me. “You’re very welcome.”
We chat for a few more hours, and then I finally get tired enough to sleep. Shania promises she’ll come and bring me home in the morning, before leaving. When I’m alone, I lean back into my pillow and relive the events of the day. I wonder about Chastity, mostly what would drive a human being to become so desperate for money.
Is she really so hard up?
Or is she just selfish?
I don’t honestly have the answers, all I know is that she was willing to risk a little boy’s life to get what she wanted. I cringe at the thought of what she might have done when she had him, or how scared he would have been. It makes me physically unwell when I think about it. I don’t know what kind of punishment she’ll get, but I do know that with all these charges against her, Nicolai will finally be free of her.
He will divorce her.
He will clear her from his life.
And we can finally move on with ours.
Together.
That feels strange, thinking of forever with Nicolai, but it’s a nice feeling, a feeling that makes me warm inside. I’ve never had that when it comes to men, but he makes me feel different, like there is nothing in this world that could come between us.
Not even his psycho ex-wife.
We’ve come this far.
The rest should be a piece of cake.
20
NOW – LUCY
“What do you mean he’s gone?” Lincoln growls, pacing across Finn and Erin’s apartment.
We’re all over there for a few drinks and a game of poker, and Finn just dropped the bombshell that Brody has disappeared.
Apparently, that’s not a good thing.
I squeeze Nicolai’s hand, which is curled over mine and resting on his lap. I suck at poker, so I’ve just been drinking and watching him play. He’s good. Of course he’s good. He has that expressionless face, that hard demeanor. He’s good at what he does, which makes him good at playing a game like this.
It has been a week since I got out of the hospital. Chastity is being charged on numerous counts and will appear in court later this month. Nicolai has the divorce rolling through, and everything seems to be going well. I’m still bruised, though my face is healing. There was quite a bit of damage, so it’s taking a little while to recover.
Still, I feel good.
Tommy is happy. I got him the truck I promised him, and he carries it around everywhere, much to Shania’s dismay.
I met Nicolai’s sister, and she loved me. That felt really nice.
So overall, things are going super well.
I sip my drink and watch Lincoln, who has his fists clenched, shaking his head. Slater, who has Ellie on his lap, is watching his brother, not saying anything. Not that he says much on a good day.
Damon and Penny are sitting over the other side of the table. I finally got to meet Penny, and she’s absolutely lovely. Her and Damon are taking it slow, but man they make the cutest damned couple ever, it’s ridiculous. Erin and Finn are both standing near Lincoln, also watching him pace around, and Shania is kicked back on the sofa, unfazed by her man’s little outburst.
“Can’t find him,” Finn tells Lincoln. “Called his roommate just now. He’s not there. Packed a bag and fucked off.”
“Is he going it alone?” Erin questions. “He wouldn’t be that stupid, would he?”
&n
bsp; “Might be,” Slater says, crossing his big arms, “if he thinks it’s for the best. You gotta remember, we’ve been tellin’ him we don’t want the involvement when it comes to that fuckin’ death match. Guessin’ he found his guy and fucked off to do it alone.”
“Might not have wanted to see the fight,” Finn growls, “but I sure as fuck wanted to at least be close by. He’s not fuckin’ ready. He shouldn’t be out there goin’ it alone.”
“Can’t do much to stop him,” Slater points out.
“We can try fuckin’ find him,” Finn mutters.
“He doesn’t want to be found, Finn,” Lincoln adds, “or he would have told us he was going.”
“He’ll fuckin’ get himself killed!” Finn yells.
Erin grabs his arm, squeezing it and calming him down almost immediately. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, then looks to Lincoln. “We need to find him. At the very least to make sure he doesn’t go in this blind. He’s not ready. He dies, we failed.”
Lincoln exhales. “How the fuck do you want me to find him, Finn? He hasn’t given us much information about this guy he’s chasin’ after. What makes you think we’re goin’ to be able to find him before it’s too late?”
“Who are you chasing?” Nicolai asks.
“Don’t even know his name. All we know is that he’s one of the biggest members of the underground fightin’ chain. Brody never gave too many details, we just helped him find leads but never got a name.”
“I know a few guys that are into that shit. It’s a start.”
I look over to Nicolai, raising my brows. “You do?”
He shrugs. “Don’t get into it myself, but I’ve been running clubs for a long time. Shit goes on, people talk, I know all walks of life. I’ve got backup in all different areas.”
I didn’t know that about him, although it doesn’t honestly surprise me, considering he’s such a dangerous looking man. He’s changed his name. He’s done quite a bit, really. He probably has people from everywhere on that friends list of his.
“That would be good.” Lincoln nods. “Appreciate that.”
Nicolai nods back. “Give me a list of everything you know so far, even the insignificant stuff, I’ll get a start on it.”
“Still doesn’t make sense that he’d just fuck off,” Finn grumbles.
“Nothing about Brody makes sense, Finn,” Damon points out. “Not a single fuckin’ thing. He does what he wants. He has no regard for anyone else’s feelings. He’s leaving a trail of destruction behind him. You need to be careful how close to the end of that trail you follow him.”
Finn looks to Damon, and his jaw is tight, but he doesn’t fight his brother. He just nods, because deep down, he has to know Damon is right. What’s happening with Brody, it’s dangerous, not because they’re helping him, but because Brody is out of control. He’s on a mission and nothing or no one is getting in the way of that mission.
Nothing.
No one.
“I think Brody is too broken to fix,” Ellie says. “I’ve never seen such emptiness in a person’s eyes. Not ever. And I should know, I’ve seen some bad stuff.”
Slater rubs her leg, almost without thought. It’s sweet. The way he looks at her. Fucking lovely.
“You’re right about that,” Erin agrees. “He is so messed up. I feel sorry for whoever he left behind, because they must be living in some pretty good pain.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “So sad.”
Damon exhales and walks out of the room and into the kitchen to get another drink. I want to talk to him, get all the juicy gossip on Penny, who has her eyes on him, a flush in her cheeks, and a happy smile on her face. Damn, that’s so freaking sweet.
Nicolai’s hand glides up my leg, a little too close to my lady bits, and I shiver, turning my attention to him. He’s got a hungry look in his eyes, and oh, I love it when he looks at me like that.
It might be time for a bathroom break.
I mean, after all, I have had a lot to drink.
I grin at Nicolai, and his smile immediately crawls across his face. He knows what I’m thinking. Hell, since that horrible day with Tommy, we’ve been having sex every chance we can. No matter the spot. We’re at it. He fucks me like a wild man, and I can only put it down to the fear he felt for me. He can’t get enough of me.
We were shopping the other day and fucked in the fitting room. That was probably the best experience of my life. I’ve always wanted to do it. And he fucked me so slow, back against the wall, cock deep in me. It felt so fucking good, but even better because I couldn’t scream. That just made it so much more intense.
Thinking of it has my skin tingling.
I bite my bottom lip. Nicolai’s eyes zone in on it, and he growls, deep and low, right near my ear, “Bathroom. Now.”
Oh, boy.
Yes, please.
Double yes please.
~*~*~*~
“So,” I say to Damon as we pour another drink, “are you going to fill me in on the Penny gossip?”
He snorts, glancing at me. “You just got fucked in the bathroom, and you want my gossip?”
I gasp. “I did not!”
He raises his brows. “You smell like sex. You look like sex. Nicolai has a grin on his face. Man knows these things.”
I sniff myself. “Do I really smell like sex?”
He rolls his eyes.
I laugh. “Who cares anyway. I want to know about you and Penny. Come on, tell me! I’ve had a terrifying ordeal, you owe me that, right?”
He purses his lips, then grins. “Using that against me? I like it.”
I giggle. “I’ve got a few more times to be able to use that yet. Now, how’s it going?”
“It’s going good,” he tells me. “She’s really sweet, and quiet, and we get along well. She’s had a hard go of it, but I was honest with her, like I told you, and she was cool with my family and what they do. Probably because she knows I stay out of it unless I absolutely have to.”
“How did she take it when she found out you and Finn fought?”
He shrugs. “She was fine. I mean, we’re brothers, we fight.”
“That’s really good, I’m so happy for you. Do you think it’ll last?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t known her long enough yet, but I think it’ll be fine, yeah.”
Damon is such a hard man to read sometimes, and he knows it, but he also knows I’ll keep prodding until he tells me the full truth and not half the truth.
“Damon,” I push.
“Yes, okay,” he mutters, giving me a glare, “I like her a lot and I really hope it works out.”
I grin. “That’s all you had to say.”
He grunts.
“What about you and Finn?” I say changing the subject. “I can feel the tension there, and he didn’t argue with you earlier, which is unlike him. Is everything okay?”
Damon shrugs. “It’s tense. He knows how I feel about it, so he’s choosing not to argue with me, which I appreciate. He’s crazy, doing what he’s doing. He’s chasing a fuckin’ dead end. Brody can’t be helped, he just hasn’t realized that yet.”
“Do you really think Brody can’t be helped?”
Damon nods. “I think he’s too far gone, yeah. I don’t know what happened, and I do feel sorry for him, but I also know he’s so dangerously dark it’s fuckin’ alarming. I’ve never seen anything like it. Even if he wins this fight and manages to get his revenge, I don’t think he’ll ever come out of the place he’s in. I think it’s too late for him.”
That’s really sad.
Honestly, it is.
“I hope not,” I say.
“Yeah,” Damon murmurs.
I finish pouring our drinks and return back to the group where we get back to the poker game. Of course Nicolai is smashing everyone, which makes me a little proud, I won’t lie.
We’re halfway through when a knock sounds at the door. Erin gets up and walks over, answering it. She’s gone for quite a few
minutes, and when she returns, she’s with a woman. I’ve never seen her before, but she’s incredibly beautiful. She looks tired, that’s the first thing I notice. She just looks worn down. I feel for her, even though I don’t know her. Whoever she is, she must have had quite the ordeal.
“Ah, Finn,” Erin says. “This is Melanie.”
Melanie?
I’ve heard that name before.
I look to Finn, and his face drops a little. “Melanie?” he says. “As in Brody’s Melanie?”
“You know where he is?” she asks, her voice suddenly hopeful.
Oh, oh. Poor girl.
Everything I was just thinking is suddenly replaced with sympathy for her. She’s been looking for Brody, she’s come to find him. Before, it was just Brody. When I thought of him, I thought well he’s going to ruin his life and it’s sad, now I’m utterly devastated because there is a heart on the line.
One look at her face tells you that she’s in love with him.
It’s written all over her.
“Ah,” Finn says. “How did you find me?”
“It took a while,” Melanie says, “but I went through all his friends, and I found out he came here. I thought he might still be here. Is he here? Do you know where he is?”
Finn looks to Erin, and then Erin looks to the rest of us.
Nobody knows what to tell this girl.
Because any answer will utterly break her heart.
“Why don’t you come and sit down?” I say, walking over. “Let us get you a drink.”
She smiles, but it’s pained. “Please, I know you mean well, but just give it to me straight. I can’t take anymore. Is Brody here?”
“No, he’s not,” Lincoln says, his voice calm but firm. “He was, but he’s gone again. He’s looking for someone, maybe you can tell us who that someone is, and we can find him before he does something stupid.”
“Yes,” she says, “Yes I know who he’s looking for. I don’t know much about it, but I do know he couldn’t move on with his life until he found him.”
“You’re welcome to stay here,” Erin says. “We can help you find him.”