by Alana Terry
There Juliette went again, thinking about the Secret Seminary students. What was happening to Hannah right now? Was she still safe? Juliette and Roger had discussed Hannah’s fate over the course of many a late night. She was the youngest of all the graduates, but she proved to be an amazing Bible scholar. She was as innocent as the gentlest of doves, but she certainly hadn’t attained the shrewdness of a serpent.
“I just don’t know if she’s going to be able to make it out there,” Roger had told Juliette several weeks before graduation. “She’s got this notion that everything is so black and white. I’m just not sure it’s safe sending her out with the rest of them.”
“You know it would tear her up to stay behind.” It was true, but there was just no telling what kind of horrible suffering the National Security Agency would put a young, inexperienced girl through if she were caught. Even now, Juliette wondered if letting Hannah return was really the right choice. Hannah and Kennedy were about the same age, and there’s no way she would have considered sending her own daughter across the border. Why had she agreed to let Hannah go?
Juliette readjusted under her sheets and tried to think about what she would do the next day. Roger’s office needed some serious organizing, but she would have to wake up feeling a lot more rested to make much difference. She didn’t roll over when Roger wrapped his arms around her. Even after he fell asleep, she stayed awake and listened to his quiet snoring for over an hour.
He was already gone by the time Juliette woke up the next morning. She turned over on her side and slipped her hand under the pillow. There were a few pieces of Godiva left. She didn’t need them right now, but just knowing where they were brought an added level of comfort. She thought about the day ahead of her. For the first time in almost a year, there would be no Secret Seminary classes. No prayer meetings after breakfast. No Bible study over lunch. Juliette would miss the sound of the hymns the students sang in the den. She would miss the inspiration and boldness she gleaned from the refugees and their stalwart faith.
She tried to figure out what time it was on the East Coast. Would Kennedy be asleep? Getting ready for bed? Juliette didn’t even know when her daughter went to sleep anymore. She hadn’t talked to Kennedy in almost a week. Was she eating properly? How were her classes going?
She knew it was silly to worry about her daughter. Kennedy was safe in her dorm. Juliette’s head ached when she thought about the strangers who came to the house the night before. She would have to tell Roger, but then he would only worry more. She wasn’t ready to think about that quite yet. She stayed in bed for almost another hour. Her excuse was that it would give her a chance to pray for the Secret Seminary students. By the time she emerged for breakfast, her entire Godiva stash was gone.
Eve didn’t say anything when Juliette came downstairs, but she scurried to prepare a late breakfast. Sometimes Juliette wished she didn’t have a house staff to wait on her. She couldn’t even divert her mind by cooking. She wasn’t hungry, but she figured her system could use a little protein this morning. She watched Eve working and finally asked, “Do you know how to make fudge?”
Eve stood over a pan of eggs and frowned. “Fudge?”
Juliette tried to think of the phrase in Korean, but didn’t even know if the word had a translation. “It’s a dessert. Made out of chocolate.”
Eve shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
Juliette beamed. “I’ll make a shopping list.”
Six hours later Juliette sat in front of an empty plate, but her taste buds weren’t as satisfied as she had hoped. Somehow, it just didn’t seem right to be eating fudge in the middle of the afternoon when the Secret Seminary graduates were back in North Korea, where sweets and delicacies were reserved for the wealthy in Pyongyang, for the Dear Leader and his cadre of loyal assistants. Juliette reassured herself that her students would be in North Korea whether she ate fudge or not, but that only assuaged the guilt a little.
She and Roger had argued back and forth for weeks about his plan to cut off all contact with the graduates once they returned home. In Roger’s mind, keeping communication lines open would only make things more dangerous for everyone involved. Juliette imagined facing a lifetime of uncertainty, never knowing what happened to Hannah, Simon, and the others, and sometimes had to shut her eyes and deliberately force the air in and out of her constricting lungs.
She carried another piece of fudge to her desk and read that day’s email from her daughter. It was newsy and characteristically chipper in tone. Kennedy talked about her schedule and her impression of her professors and classmates. Her roommate was a thespian and was rehearsing like crazy for a modernized version of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night set in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Her resident advisor had a boyfriend from Qatar, and Kennedy’s lab partner in chemistry was an international student from Kenya. Chemistry was a cinch compared to the Advanced Placement class she took at the Girls Academy in Yanji, but calculus was — in Kennedy’s own words — a “beast.” Her teacher’s aide was from Seoul, and sometimes Kennedy thought she’d do better in class if he actually spoke Korean so she didn’t have to decipher his accented English. Juliette smiled at her daughter’s descriptions. Kennedy had spent over half her life living in China, went to a school where the classes were all taught in British English, and came home to speak Korean with the Secret Seminary students. In some ways, Kennedy’s childhood as the daughter of an American businessman in Yanji was quite similar to Juliette’s own upbringing in South Korea as the ambassador’s daughter.
Juliette dabbed her mouth with an embroidered napkin and smiled. No mention of boys, besides the RA’s foreign love interest. Staring at each word over the top of her Prada frames, Juliette tried to determine if her daughter was lonely. It was hard to tell. Wherever she was, Kennedy drew people to her like flowers attract bees. She was always popular, whether in the States or at the All Girls Academy. But in all her time in Yanji, Kennedy never had a best friend. Juliette hoped and waited for her to find a compatible spirit, a soul mate of sorts, but her daughter seemed to enjoy a plethora of superficial friendships without letting any take root, deepen, and grow.
Juliette sighed. In her head, she heard Roger’s voice telling her to stop worrying so much. Kennedy was a good girl. No, a great girl. She was a model student, and the years she spent in Yanji gave her a depth uncharacteristic of most American college freshmen. Juliette was proud of her daughter and missed her fiercely. She and Roger had talked about bringing Kennedy back to Yanji for Christmas break, but it was a long and expensive flight. Kennedy had a standing invitation to spend summers and holidays with her aunt in Maryland, but Juliette still wished her daughter didn’t live so far away.
“One of the hazards of mission work,” as Roger would say. Juliette never bought into that argument but didn’t bother correcting her husband. After all, Kennedy would still be six thousand miles from home if the Sterns were in China simply to run their printing business as their visas claimed. Juliette sighed and turned off her computer. She would respond to Kennedy’s email later when she felt a little more upbeat. She adjusted her glasses and reached for the last piece of fudge.
***
“We found the spy, Levi. He was right at Hoeryong where you told us.”
Agent Ko let out a sigh at the director’s report. His words were about the closest thing to a compliment any special agent could hope for. The director was ancient, having fought off Japanese imperialists as a young boy. He had worked his way up the Party ranks even though his ancestors before him had all been uneducated peasants. Ko, like most special agents, had two main goals in life: to help the Party achieve its glorious goals of reuniting the entire Korean Peninsula, and to keep from getting hauled off to prison camp for upsetting the director.
“Our initial interrogation with Levi led us to another one of the Yanji spies, the girl called Hannah,” the director reported. “What can you tell us about her?”
Ko laughed and then stopped, remembe
ring the director’s distaste for humor. “She’ll be the easiest of the lot to break.”
The director was silent for a moment. “Actually ...” he let the word draw out, and Ko’s hands began to sweat. “She’s proving to be more difficult than we expected. She’s been trained.”
This time, the guffaw escaped automatically. “Trained? Only if you call sitting in a den listening to a fat American ‘training.’”
“What do we need to do to break her?” the director demanded.
Ko thought about the petite little Secret Seminary disciple and knew just how to get to her. “Find the one I mentioned to you earlier. The one called Simon.”
CHAPTER 16
“What are you doing?” Roger hadn’t expected to see his wife awake. It was past midnight. He had spent another long day at the office. His back ached from hunching over the pile of paperwork on his desk. If he was lucky, Juliette would come with him one day to help him organize since she had more free time now. Roger put on his pajamas and sat down on the bed next to his wife. “How was your day?” He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.
She put her glasses on the nightstand. “Not much to report. I taught Eve how to make fudge.”
He grinned. “Then it must have been lovely.” He reached over and fingered the knots in his wife’s shoulder. When she sighed, Roger tilted his head to the side. “You doing okay?”
She nodded. “Yeah. Just having a hard time falling asleep, that’s all.”
“You sure?” Roger reached under her pillow. “Tell me the truth. How many Godiva bars have you had tonight?”
Juliette shoved his hand away playfully. “None.” He stared down at her with furrowed eyebrows. She held her hands up high. “I mean it!”
“Wow. I guess you really are doing okay.” He tousled his wife’s hair.
“That’s what I told you. You just wouldn’t believe me.” She smiled and lowered her voice. “Besides, we’re out of Godiva.”
Roger grinned. “That makes more sense.” He stretched his arms and sighed. Tonight, he could rest. The shipment to New York finally made it out. The Secret Seminary graduates had moved on. Juliette was still by his side, and their daughter was adjusting to college life back in the States with grace and charm. Roger leaned his cheek on Juliette’s dirty-blond hair. “Are you happy, Baby Cakes?”
“Mmm.”
Roger studied his wife. “I can’t tell if that’s a yes or a no.”
Juliette rubbed her temples. “Yes.”
“Doesn’t sound too convincing.”
She shrugged. “What do you want me to say?”
Roger made his voice rise to a falsetto. “Yes, dear. In fact, I’m so happy to be married to such a sexy hunk like you that sometimes I feel like my heart is just going to beat its way right out of my chest.”
That at least brought a soft laugh. “What you said, then.”
Roger buried his face into Juliette’s mess of curls and breathed in the sweet scent from her shampoo. “That’s more like it.”
She drifted off to sleep, and he drank her in with his eyes. What had he done to deserve someone so caring and selfless? She was an intelligent partner, devoted mother, passionate lover. She was always putting others’ needs above her own. He dozed off, thanking God for such a perfect gift.
Several hours after midnight, Juliette’s piercing cry woke up him. “What’s the matter?” He jolted upright in bed and turned on the light. “What is it? What’s wrong?” He shook his wife’s shoulder, but she continued to sob even once her eyes were wide open.
Juliette took a choppy breath. “They got her.” A desperate howl gurgled out from her throat. She had wailed like that at her mother’s funeral. It was a sound Roger hoped to never hear again.
He clutched her arm and shook her gently. “Got who? What are you talking about?”
She grabbed her hair in both fists and clenched her eyes shut again. “Hannah. They got her. They have her now.”
Roger wrapped both arms around his wife to stop her from rocking back and forth. “Everything’s fine. You were just having a bad dream.”
She shook her head and tugged on her hair. “It’s real.”
For a moment, Roger wondered if his wife was still asleep. He remembered a few times when Kennedy was a toddler and had cried — no, sobbed — in her sleep as if tormented by the devil himself. Was Juliette having the adult equivalent of night terrors? The New York pediatrician had suggested they place Kennedy in a cool bath tub to snap her out of her fits. Roger could hardly do that to his wife, but he had to find a way to stop her. He put his face close to hers. “Juliette!” He barked out the word. “Juliette, look at me.”
Her eyes fluttered open. “What? What’s wrong?” Her crying stopped, and her words were coherent.
Roger was too surprised at first to say anything, but Juliette kept staring at him expectantly. “You were having a nightmare,” he explained. “Sounded like a pretty bad one.”
She wiped her cheeks. “Was I?”
“You were crying.”
“I can hardly remember it.” She smoothed out her hair. “Did I wake you up?”
He shrugged. “Don’t worry about that. What were you dreaming about?”
Juliette paused for a moment and pouted. “You know, I think it had something to do with Kennedy. Something about her missing her flight and not being able to visit us next summer. An empty-nest nightmare, I guess.”
“Yeah.” Roger rolled over. “I guess.”
***
“Did you have a hard time sleeping last night?” The voice startled Juliette. She looked up from her novel as Eve glided into the den with two cups of tea, the morning sun streaming in and lighting her up from the side.
Juliette motioned for her to sit down. “Just for a little bit. How could you tell?”
“I found some of the hot chocolate mix you left on the counter.”
Juliette grinned. “You caught me.”
“You know, I only had chocolate once before meeting you,” Eve commented after taking a cautious sip of tea.
“Was that back in North Korea?” Juliette tried to imagine life without her Godiva bars.
Eve nibbled on her pinky. “No, it was after I got to Yanji.” She lowered her eyes. “It was a gift from a customer.”
Juliette tried to mask her curiosity. Eve never talked about her life before the Sterns rescued her from the hotel district. Back before they got so involved with the Secret Seminary, Roger would sometimes pose as one of the hundreds of nightly callers, seeking out the younger girls. If they passed his initial screening, he would return for further visits and eventually give them advice on how to escape. Sometimes the girls told their friends, which is how Eve arrived at their home.
“I’m glad I found you,” Eve remarked, “because now I can have all the chocolate I want just about every day.”
“How long did you say you lived at the hotel before you came here?” Juliette often wondered where Eve would be if the Sterns hadn’t taken her in. Eventually, Roger got in enough trouble with the inn managers he had to stop his work. By then, they had already conceived the idea for the Secret Seminary and didn’t have the time to give the hotel district a second thought.
“Too long,” Eve answered.
Juliette sipped slowly. She didn’t want to run out of tea too soon for fear that Eve would jump up to make more and never finish her story. Juliette never forced the refugees to talk about their pasts, but she was dying to know more of her housekeeper’s history. “How exactly did you hear about us?”
“The girl from the room next door to me. Mr. Stern visited her one night, and she told me about it the next day. I memorized the directions he gave her and got out about a week later.”
“I remember the night you came.” Juliette smiled.
“Me, too.” Eve returned her grin. “I had never met an American before. I was surprised when you spoke to me in perfect Korean. I couldn’t believe it.”
“I’m so glad you
made it here.” Juliette wondered how much emptier her life would be if Eve had never come to them, especially now that Kennedy and the Secret Seminary students had moved on. “Whatever became of the other girl? The one who gave you directions here?”
“I never saw her again.” Eve bit her fingernail and frowned into her empty cup. “I left a lot of friends back at that hotel, you know.”
“Maybe God will show us a way to help some of them.”
Eve giggled behind her hand. “Maybe Mr. Stern should visit there again.”
CHAPTER 17
“No, I’m not setting a single foot back in the hotel district.” Why couldn’t his wife understand? Juliette had arrived at Roger’s office that morning under the pretense of helping him clean off his desk, but she obviously had ulterior motives for visiting him today.
“It was just an idea I had.” Juliette threw a granola bar wrapper into the trash can.
Roger couldn’t remember how many times Juliette said, “It was just an idea I had,” and he ended up risking his life or reputation. He took the unopened envelope she passed him. “We burned all those bridges already.” Didn’t she remember the threats? Didn’t she remember crying, hugging her husband, and pleading with him to stop going into the brothels once the managers found out what he was doing?
Juliette stuck some old invoices in the filing cabinet. “I guess I just thought it might be a good time to get back into it, now that we’ve sent all the students out.”