by Kait Nolan
The sound of their quiet bickering carried down the hall until they turned the corner. Judd waited another minute, taking the time to ground himself and shut away his instinctive discomfort at being back in a hospital. But that minute was for naught as he slipped into the room and caught sight of the gray pallor of Chief Curry’s face.
“Well, don’t hover at the door, Hamilton. Come in.”
“Sir.” Judd did as ordered, moving to stand at the foot of the bed, even as his gut clenched. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I got hit by a semi. But I’m alive, so I’ll take it. Sit down, son. We’ve got things to talk about.”
Judd sat in the chair beside the bed.
“Sandra said you’re already sworn in.”
“Yes, sir. I’m sorry it happened like this.”
“Been telling them I wanted to retire for over a year now. If I hadn’t been so damned picky about my replacement, this might not have happened.” Robert sighed. “Well, what’s done is done. You’re in it now.”
“So I am.”
“I know you’re wondering why I didn’t just pick you.”
“The thought had crossed my mind, sir.”
He was the obvious candidate. Veteran of the department, solid record, love of the community.
“That has a lot to do with the phone call I got before I had the goddamned heart attack this morning.”
“From who?”
“Department of Corrections.”
It could be anything. As Chief, Robert had regular contact with the Mississippi Department of Corrections. But Judd’s blood turned to ice.
“Jebediah Buchanan is being released.”
Hands curling to fists, Judd’s heart kicked into to a gallop. “How can fourteen years be sufficient time served for attempted murder?” He and Autumn had given testimony for Jebediah’s most recent hearing, and he’d known on some level it was possible, but he just hadn’t imagined…
“Good behavior, overcrowding,” Robert continued, interrupting his thoughts, “and he’s managed to convince the Parole Board that he’s turned over a new leaf. I didn’t get through all the details before I keeled over.”
Judd popped out of the chair and swore, long and vicious, as he paced the small room.
“That. That right there is why I can’t support your candidacy for Chief a hundred percent. Because Autumn is your Achilles heel. You’re not out for this job for the town. Not completely. You want it because you think it’ll help you keep her safe.”
As it was true, Judd saw no sense in denying it, but after everything he’d given the department, the lack of total faith stung. “I’ve never shirked my duties because of Autumn.”
“No. If anything, you’re the best trained man I’ve got. You never got complacent about living in a small town and thinking bad things don’t happen here. You know better than most that they absolutely do. But I’ve got serious concerns with how you’ll deal with this situation, Judd.”
“I’ll do whatever’s necessary.”
“You’ll do whatever’s within the law.”
Bristling, Judd glared at him. “You think I’d do anything else?”
“I think if push came to shove, you’ve proved you’ll do anything for that girl.” Robert settled back against his pillow, looking suddenly ten years older. “I was there that day, Judd. I remember. I remember both of you nearly dying. I remember wanting to kill him myself. It was the worst fucking case I dealt with my entire career. So I get that this is an emotionally charged situation. But I want to remind you that you’ll be working for this city. You’ll answer to the Mayor and City Council. The good of the entire town is now in your hands, and you can’t be showing favoritism to her, no matter the circumstances.”
“I’m aware of that,” Judd gritted out.
“Fact is, you’re the best candidate we’ve got, and your performance over the next few months will determine whether or not you keep the job. Don't blow it.”
“I don’t intend to.”
“Well, don’t you look cute tonight?”
Autumn’s smile felt brittle as Patty ushered her into the house. “Thanks.”
She’d taken Riley and Livia’s advice, managing to erase all signs of her crying jag. Under any other circumstances, she’d feel great about the new jeans she was wearing, since she knew they did amazing things for her ass. The sleek, sleeveless sweater she’d been saving for her campaign to impress Judd had a scooped neckline that displayed other assets, and bitch boots were usually a confidence-boosting accessory. But the outfit didn’t really feel like the armor it was intended to be. It certainly hadn’t stopped her from lingering in her car for fifteen minutes, trying to think of an excuse to get out of this.
“Have you eaten? We’ve got leftover pot roast from dinner.”
“I’m fine, Patty, thanks.” No way could she actually eat anything with her stomach tied in knots. Everything was about to change, and she didn’t know how she’d survive it.
“Go on through then. Everybody’s in the living room. I’ll be right along with the coffee.”
Autumn hung back, not wanting to see the happy couple. “Why don’t I help you with that?”
“Nonsense. I’m just waiting on the pot to finish brewing. You go ahead.”
Deprived of her last delay tactic, and not quite enough of a coward to go hide in the bathroom, Autumn pasted on the best impression of cheerful and relaxed she could manage so as to greet Judd and Mary Alice with a smile.
Judd wasn’t smiling when Autumn came into the living room, and Mary Alice was nowhere in sight.
But no, that wasn’t right. Surely if he was about to announce his engagement he’d actually look happy about it. Unless maybe he and Mary Alice had already had some sort of fight? What if this wasn’t the happy, planned engagement she’d imagined? What if Mary Alice was pregnant? Judd was absolutely the type who’d insist on doing “the right thing.” And he’d have no qualms about breaking the news by himself to allow her to save whatever face she could.
Gripped in the horror of that scenario, she almost missed when Judd asked, “Did y’all get the grant done?”
Grant? Oh right, the lie she’d told him this morning. “Sure did.”
Judd was eyeing her in that way that said he probably knew she was lying but wasn’t going to call her on it. At least not now. She’d have to think of some better excuse to cover her ass when he did.
Patty came in and set a coffee tray on the table. Her husband, Owen, leaned forward to grab a cup. “Well son, out with it. What’s this news of yours?”
Autumn tensed, fighting not to knit her hands together as she adopted what she hoped was a neutral expression.
“Chief Curry had a heart attack this morning.”
As exclamations of alarm circled the room, she could only blink. Well, that explained his grim demeanor. He and the chief were pretty tight. Judd thought the world of him. But…why would he start there if this was about his engagement?
“He’s okay, but he won’t be working again. I was sworn in as interim Chief of Police this morning.”
“Interim?” his father asked.
“It’s not how the City Council wanted to do things. Basically, I’m on a probationary period until they decide whether I’ll keep the job permanently.”
“A job?” Autumn didn’t realize she’d spoken until everyone turned to look at her. “This whole family meeting is all about a job?” Her voice came out a little choked, but there was nothing she could do about it. What control she’d managed to cobble together this afternoon was frying with every second of this conversation.
Judd studied her, concern etched across his brow, and she wondered what he could see. “Partly.”
Partly. Which meant there was more. The job was just the warmup to the rest of the story.
Her shoulders wanted to curl in, her hands ached to lace together, but she held herself straight and proud. “Congratulations. I know you’ve been busting your ass for this.”
>
He was going to hate it. The politics, dealing with the department budget, and all the other things that went along with being Chief that weren’t the actual police work he loved. But Autumn voiced none of those concerns. He’d been dead set on this path for the last few years, and he’d have to figure that out for himself.
“It’s not how I wanted to get the position.”
Patty shoved up from the sofa. “Well, I hate it for Robert, but I’d say this calls for something stronger than coffee. I’ll go dig out the champagne!”
“Mom, wait. Hold the champagne. There’s something else.”
She hesitated at the seriousness of his tone, brows drawing together in concern.
But Judd wasn’t looking at his mother. “I need to talk to Autumn first. Privately.”
There was absolutely no way she could keep up this facade that everything was fine if he got her alone. She needed the burden of keeping up the mask in front of all of them.
“I don’t see why you can’t just tell everyone at once.” Autumn aimed for breezy and fell a few steps above wheezy. God, she couldn’t breathe.
Judd frowned, then crossed the room to take her hand.
No. Oh, no. He’d gotten the job he was gunning for and now he planned to move on with the rest of his life. Was he really going to announce his engagement like this? Holding her hand for some kind of moral support? Did he know how she felt after all? Know that this was going to crush her to bits?
She braced herself, wondering how he’d say it. Mary Alice and I are getting married. I’ve asked Mary Alice to be my wife and she said yes. We want you to be godmother to our future children.
“Jebediah’s being released from prison.”
Her thoughts careened to a stop like the screech of a record. “What?”
“The Parole Board met and approved his release. They called Chief Curry this morning, just before his heart attack. He gets out on Saturday.”
Autumn jerked her hand free to cover her mouth, as if that would stop the scream welling up inside her.
It couldn’t be true.
“No. We delivered our victim impact statements two months ago, just like every year. The Parole Board can’t just change their minds. Not on something like this.”
Except they had. She could see the truth of it in Judd’s eyes.
“I’ll make you pay. Faithless, disobedient whore. One of these days, I’ll make you pay.” The words her father had hurled at her as the bailiffs hauled him out of the courtroom the last time she’d ever seen him echoed through her mind.
Autumn couldn’t breathe. Blindly, she reached out for something to hang on to as her world tipped hopelessly out of balance. And Judd was there, as he was always there.
“Breathe,” he ordered.
“I can’t…I can’t…” A mountain sat on her chest. Dimly, she knew her blood pressure had sky-rocketed and she had to get it down, but she couldn’t think past the panic. Because her own personal boogeyman was being released from Hell.
Judd pressed her hand over his heart so she could feel the beat of it, strong and steady. Not out of control like hers. His other hand slid beneath her hair to cup her nape, tipping her face to his. “Look at me. Match your breath to mine. C’mon now. In and out.”
Her vision grayed at the edges, but she focused on the feel of his hands, warm and solid. An anchor in a world gone mad. His eyes filled her vision, a deep cerulean blue, shot through with streaks of silver in a burst around the iris. The broad chest beneath her palm rose and fell with careful, modulated breaths. Something loosened in her rib cage. On his next inhale, she took a ragged breath of her own.
“Good girl. In and out.”
The mind-numbing panic began to recede and, with it, what strength was left in her legs. Autumn crumpled into him, closing her eyes as his arms locked around her.
“Why couldn’t he be dead?” she whispered.
“We’re not that lucky, I guess.”
“This is crazy,” Patty burst out. “How could they possibly let him out after what he did?”
“I don’t have all the details yet. Robert had his heart attack in the middle of the call. By the time I found out about it, it was after business hours. I’ll call in the morning to get the full details.”
“I can’t face him,” Autumn rasped.
“You won’t have to.” He tightened his hold on her. “He won’t get near you. I’ll make sure of it.”
“We all will,” Eli growled.
He and Leo closed in, a matched pair of willing guard dogs. They almost made her smile. Almost.
The feel of Judd’s heartbeat soothed her. Proof of life and survival. She’d do anything to ensure he stayed that way.
“It’s a small town, Judd. If he comes back, I’m bound to run into him eventually.”
“My town, my rules. Whatever can be done, I’ll do it.”
She took in the set of his jaw and another truth sank in. “This is why you went for Chief. Because you knew this was coming.”
He didn’t even try to deny it. “Am I supposed to apologize for that? I’ve been expecting this for a while. The Parole Board was divided at his hearing last year. He’s been a model prisoner. I knew it was only a matter of time, so I’ve been taking steps.”
She pulled away to pace. “I don’t even know what to say to that.” How could he do this for her and be with someone else?
Did Mary Alice know about any of this? This was the ugly truth of Autumn’s life. Being with Judd, it would eventually touch Mary Alice, too. No matter how much Autumn hated that he was with her, the woman didn’t deserve this.
“You can say anything you like about it. It’s done.”
But it couldn’t be done. She wouldn’t let the cancer of her past keep spreading. The answer to this entire horrible situation was staring her in the face. She just had to be brave enough to actually do it.
Anything to keep him safe.
Autumn turned, wishing she could deaden the ache inside. “I already know how to deal with this, Judd.”
“Good. I’m glad we’re in agreement,” he said.
“I’m leaving Wishful.”
“You’re moving in with me.”
Their words overlapped, and she saw the moment hers registered. He physically flinched back, as if her statement had slammed into him like her father’s bullet. The sight of that look on his face again had her stomach pitching.
“No!”
“Judd—”
“Move back in with us,” Owen urged.
Autumn appreciated the offer of an escape from close quarters with Judd. “I won’t put you and Patty at risk.”
Judd grabbed her by the shoulders. “You can’t just run. There’s no need for that. I can keep you safe. I will keep you safe.”
Gently, because she recognized that, for once, he was the fragile one, Autumn pushed away. “This isn’t about my father.”
“Then what the hell is it about?”
Finding a life without you. Maybe Judd hadn’t proposed to Mary Alice yet, but he would. And Autumn didn’t want to be around for that. But she wasn’t about to admit it. Not now.
“My job’s been in the toilet for over a year. It’s just time.” And as she faced him in the house where they’d shared so many memories, inspiration struck. “I tried to tell you this morning.”
His face went gray. “This? This is what you were going to tell me?”
She wanted to take it back, to do anything to erase that look of utter betrayal. But there was no way out of this situation without hurting them both. Miserable, she just nodded.
His hands curled to fists and a muscle twitched in his jaw as he tried to hold on to his temper. “Where will you go? What will you do? Do you already have a job lined up?”
The answer to that was easier than it might’ve been. “My mother’s in Denver.”
Judd stared. “Your mother? When did you find her?”
And the shocks were just gonna keep on coming. “I’ve always
known where she was.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Patty leaned into Owen, as if she, too, felt the sting of Autumn’s betrayal.
“At first it was to protect her. Until the trial was done, I didn’t want to risk that he’d be set free and go after her. And then…I was afraid you’d send me away.”
“Oh honey.” Autumn heard the tears in Patty’s voice. “We’d never have sent you away. Not then and not now.”
She knew that. Knew that this family was so much more hers than the one she had by blood. And she’d do anything to protect them. “You’re not sending me away. I’m choosing.”
“How can you possibly go to her?” Judd demanded. “She left you.”
She’d let him think it all these years because it was easier than the truth. “No, she didn’t. We were both supposed to leave that day.”
“What?”
“She had a plan to get us away from Wishful, away from my father.” But going meant walking away from Judd. No goodbye, no contact. She’d been more afraid of a life without him than she’d been of her father. “I made a choice. I chose you. And because I did, you nearly died. I won’t do that again. I won’t use you as my shield.”
“Fuck that. I’m not some untrained kid anymore.”
“It doesn’t matter. If I stay, it paints a target on your back because you’ll be my shield. You will stand between him and me because it’s what you do, it’s who you are. You’ve been my protector since that playground in first grade.” Autumn reached out, unerringly laying her hand over the scar on his chest she could find blindfolded and in the dark. The phantom taste of his blood coated the back of her throat and with it, shades of the abject terror that had haunted her for fourteen years. Ruthlessly, she fought it back. “Less than a centimeter, Judd. I won’t go through that again. I can’t.”
She stepped back. “You’re Chief of Police now. You’ve got more than me to worry about.”
Chapter 4
Judd hadn’t slept for shit. Too many bombs had been dropped yesterday. He had a feeling they’d be dealing with the fallout for a long time to come.
But life wasn’t going to slow down and give him a chance to adjust to the fact that his whole world had irrevocably shifted on its axis. Jebediah was still being released at the end of the week. On a medical release, as it turned out. After all this time, the son of a bitch really was dying. Judd wondered how fast. Either way, formalities had to be observed. So here he was in Lawley for a meeting with the Wachoxee County Sheriff and Jebediah’s parole officer, going over the particulars. If he was lucky, he might have time to swing by and see his grandparents on the way home. Maybe Nanna could come up with a way to convince Autumn to stay.