Make You Feel My Love: A Small Town Romantic Suspense (Wishing For A Hero Book 1)

by Kait Nolan

  Both brows shot up. “Which one?”

  Autumn straightened her spine. “Mine.”

  Surprise turned into a delighted grin. “About damned time.”

  “Hey now,” someone called, “is that even legal to bet on yourself?”

  “Hush up, Tony,” Mama Pearl called. “Long as this pool’s been runnin’, she can do anything she likes. Go get him, sugar.”

  Autumn sucked in a breath. “That’s the plan.”

  The applause started as she turned. By the time she’d reached the door, the smattering of claps had turned into a crash of cheers. Nice to know the rest of town was in support of this lunacy because now that she’d made this very public declaration, she was starting to wonder if she’d lost her mind.

  Blindly, she reached for the door, stumbling when it opened. “Oh excuse—” The words died in her throat as she took in the man blocking her path.

  Her first, inane thought was that he was so much smaller than she remembered. In her mind, he’d been a giant of a man—objectively nowhere near as big as Judd, but somehow filling their house with his hatred and twisted religion. The gatekeeper to her freedom and happiness.

  Prison and illness had winnowed him down. The flesh hung on his gaunt frame like an ill-fitting thrift-store suit. The eyes so like hers looked dimmer, somehow less substantial, as if they were a battery meter showing how much life he had left. He’d aged almost three decades in the years since she’d last seen him.

  “Autumn.”

  That voice. No matter the physical packaging, that voice hadn’t changed. At the sound of it, Autumn felt the whip of the belt across her skin, and with the phantom of remembered pain came the deep-rooted fear. The sick slither of panic wormed through her belly and sweat broke out down the middle of her back. Every instinct shouted for her to run.

  She didn’t move. Couldn’t.

  Judd, you swore you’d be here. The thought came unbidden, and she hated herself for that weakness. Hated that she needed him, even now. Hated that she couldn’t control the fear rising up like bile in her throat.

  “Nothing to say?” Jebediah asked.

  Autumn’s mouth went to cotton, her jaw refusing to move. Her pulse beat fast in her ears, drowning out everything but that hated voice.

  “Finally lose all that sass?” His thin lips curved in something that might’ve been a smile, as if he enjoyed the idea that he’d finally succeeded in shutting her up.

  Where was her fight? The sharp tongue that’d earned her so many beatings in her teen years, when she’d started fighting back and challenging his delusions? Why could she only stand here? She should be stronger than this. But shoulds didn’t stop the paralyzing fear, didn’t stop the shallow breaths or the trembling that wracked her limbs.

  “She doesn’t have to talk to you.”

  What?

  Someone came to stand at her shoulder. Autumn couldn’t tell who because that would require being able to move.

  “You’re lucky she doesn’t haul off and punch you,” someone else said.

  “My daughter isn’t violent.” Jebediah sounded almost proud of that.

  No. No she never had been until he’d threatened Judd. Her hand shook with remembered impact as she’d struck him.

  Blood. So much blood slicking across the checkerboard floor. Autumn felt hers draining out of her head, saw the gray at the edge of her vision and squeezed her eyes shut. Not here. Not now.

  “Can’t say as I can make the same claim.” Omar closed a big hand around her shoulder, and Autumn wanted to weep with relief.

  “Reckon you can move along, find somewhere else to eat. Permanently,” Mama Pearl added.

  Autumn was dimly aware of chairs all over the diner scraping back as customers stood, crowding behind her. It gave her the power to open her eyes. The vision of blood was gone. But her father still stood in the open doorway.

  Jebediah’s gaze scanned over the assembled crowd before coming back to rest on her. “There are things I need to say to you.”

  “I don’t care,” she rasped. With the strength of numbers at her back, she took a deeper breath. “There’s nothing you can say that I want to hear. The time when I have to submit to listen to your ravings and hatred is long past. So stay away from me. And you sure as hell stay away from Judd or I will finish what you started in that kitchen all those years ago.”

  She expected him to start ranting, raging about respecting the Holy Spirit and how she was bound for hell for breaking a commandment. But Jebediah lifted his hands in concession, backing away and letting the glass door swing shut.

  Autumn was shaking so hard, her teeth nearly rattled. A warm, comforting arm slid around her waist.

  “Come on back to the kitchen for a little while,” Mama Pearl urged. “You’re white as a sheet.”

  She wanted to say no, wanted to escape all the eyes that were now turned on her. But she didn’t have the strength to resist as the older woman led her behind the counter and through the door into the back. The familiar scents of grease and burgers made her stomach roil. Mama Pearl didn’t stop, just steered her on into an office and nudged her into a chair.

  “Head between your knees. Omar, get some ginger ale.”

  Autumn simply did as she was told. Bent over in the chair, the gray started to recede and her breath began to level out. She’d made it through. Barely, but she hadn’t lost her shit out there. And she’d done it without Judd.

  She’d had panic attacks away from him before. Certainly the night terrors in college had been brutal without being able to reach over and touch him. She’d learned to get through those. And up until finding out Jebediah was getting out of prison, it had been years since anything had triggered a full on attack. But she’d faced down the source of her nightmares. She’d faced him down and survived. If she could stand up to her father, she could stick to her guns when it came to Judd himself. She was so much stronger than he gave her credit for.

  “Here, sugar.”

  Autumn slowly straightened, taking the glass of ginger ale from Omar’s big hand. “Thank you.” She sipped, the fizzy sweet liquid quenching her parched throat. “I’m sorry about that.”

  “Honey, don’t you be apologizin’,” Mama Pearl chided. “Gotta be a shock. When did he get out?”

  “A few days ago. Patty asked Myles to keep it out of the paper.” She worked up a rueful smile. “Guess that’s done now.”

  “You already did away with your low profile when you marched in here and made that bet,” Omar pointed out.

  “Yeah, well. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

  “Don’t you be backin’ down now,” Mama Pearl said. “Not when the way’s finally clear.”

  Autumn’s mouth dropped open. “How did you…?”

  “Where else you think she got her breakup pie?”

  “Point taken.” She drained her glass. “Thank you. I should go.”

  “You go on out the back. Omar will walk you to your car.”

  “Oh, it’s back at the library, I walked. You don’t have to—” She swallowed back the rest of her protest under Mama Pearl’s gimlet stare. “Yes ma’am.”

  Chapter 12

  The city boy rookie was an idiot. Scared shitless by one of Mel Bailey’s cows loose in the road, he’d swerved and managed to drive halfway up a tree. Got a broken shoulder for his trouble and likely totaled the squad car. Judd was still waiting on the estimate from the garage. The City Council was gonna love that.

  As if that hadn’t been enough, he’d been called in to deal with a bar fight at the Mudcat Tavern. Harley Forbes was drunk off his ass and had gotten in a sucker punch while Judd was trying to talk him down. That was almost a relief because it gave Judd somewhere to funnel his filthy mood. Not that dropping the asshole with one punch had exactly been standard police protocol, but Jesus Christ. The world was conspiring to keep him from getting back home to talk to Autumn. What was she thinking? What was she doing? Packing, probably, despite her promise. He only
hoped he could get back to the house before she’d finished.

  His cheek ached like a sore tooth as he dumped Harley in one of the two empty cells to sleep it off. Slamming the door shut, he snarled at Cleveland Timmons, the night dispatcher. “Unless the town is outright under attack, nobody better bother me for the rest of the damned night. Do I make myself clear?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “I don’t wanna hear any ‘buts’, Cleveland.”

  “It’s about Miss Buchanan, sir.”

  Judd stopped in his tracks. “What about her?”

  “There was an incident earlier at the diner. With her father.”

  Judd worked his jaw, trying to keep his voice controlled. “Why am I just hearing about this now?”

  “You were tied up with bigger stuff. Nothing really happened. He came in to pick up food as she was leaving. She was understandably taken by surprise. A bunch of folks at the diner more or less ran him off. Mama Pearl told him he wasn’t welcome back. I had three different people call to tell me about it.”

  Autumn had faced off with her dad, and he hadn’t been there? He’d promised her. He’d sworn she’d never have to do that alone. And yet she’d survived it. No panic attack, no cardiac incident. She hadn’t needed him. Could this day get any worse?

  No, dumbass. Don’t ever say that. It’s tempting fate.

  “Is there anything else?”

  “No, Chief.”

  “Then radio silence for the rest of the night. Get me?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  He just hoped it was enough time and that he wasn’t too late.

  Her car was still in the drive when he pulled up. Thank Christ. After her encounter with Jebediah, maybe she’d changed her mind about moving out.

  The sky had clouded up over the last couple of hours and thunder began to rumble as he sprinted for the house. They were in for a gullywasher of a storm. He took off his duty belt on his way through the door, setting it on the table behind the couch as he passed. His service weapon went into the lock box, then he was pounding up the stairs.

  “Autumn?” He found her in her room, one suitcase open and mostly full on the bed. No sign of the other one, which meant it was probably already in her car. He dragged his gaze from the bag to her, searching her face. “Are you all right? I heard about Jebediah.”

  “I’m fine, Judd.” That excruciatingly calm, polite voice was not his Autumn.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t come straight back. I got dragged in on a couple of calls and only just now managed to shake loose.”

  “Full moon. The crazies are out.” She folded another shirt and laid it on top of the pile, as if he was just giving his excuse for missing the weekly trivia night at Los Pantalones. “Leo dropped Boudreaux home earlier. You owe him a six-pack for dogsitting.”

  Now that he was here, Judd had no idea where to begin. She’d blown the foundation out of his world, and she was obviously serious about leaving if he didn’t get this right. He didn’t want to fuck it up.

  “You said earlier you had to put the truth somewhere. The truth about what?”

  A ripple of temper disturbed that too calm exterior. “Really? You’re going to make me spell it out? Fine. I haven’t maxed out my humiliation capacity for the week yet.” She hurled two more pairs of jeans into the bag and closed it. The zipper sounded too loud. “Because I’m in love with you. I think I have been my entire life.”

  He’d known. Of course, he’d known. But hearing it out loud gave twin shocks to his system—elation and grief

  “In my defense, you haven’t exactly made it easy on me to be anything else. You’ve been fulfilling my rescue fantasies since I was six years old. Time after time, you’ve put yourself on the line to protect me. You took a bullet for me. Why is that?”

  “You’re my best friend.” But the truth he’d been telling for years felt hollow now. She was his compass. He’d do anything for her.

  Pain flickered over her lovely face. “There was a time when you wanted to be more.” She shook her head and looked away. “You were almost my first kiss, and you don’t even remember.”

  Judd couldn’t bear the grief in her eyes. His own throat felt tight. “You changed that part in the book. You were wearing that yellow dress with the daisies that day. The one that made you look like summer sunshine. It was always my favorite.”

  Slowly, she turned back toward him. The betrayal on her face slid straight between his ribs and into his heart. “All these years, you said you didn’t remember.”

  “Autumn, I couldn’t risk it. After he tried to kill you, I couldn’t risk changing things between us and it not working out. I couldn’t risk losing you and leaving you unprotected.”

  She stared at him. Whatever was brewing in her eyes was so much worse than the temper he’d seen flash earlier. “So all these years, you let me think that I was in this alone. That you felt nothing.” Devastation trembled in her voice.

  “No, I—it wasn’t like that. I never wanted to hurt you. I just had to keep you safe.”

  “He was in prison.”

  How could he make her understand? “I knew one day he wouldn’t be. I couldn’t leave you without protection.”

  “Is that all I am to you? Some convenient damsel in imagined distress to feed this perpetual hero complex?”

  “What? No, I just—”

  “I’m not fragile.” Even as she said it, he thought she looked like she could break at any moment, and he could too easily see her lying pale and still as death in that hospital bed.

  “Your heart fucking stopped!”

  “So did yours!” she shouted.

  An enormous boom of thunder shook the house. Rain began to lash at the windows as the storm finally struck.

  “Do you think there’s a day that goes by when I don’t have a moment where I see your blood on my hands? Where I don’t worry that somebody, somewhere is going to finish what my father started? But I’ve never tried to run your life because of it. I’ve never made decisions for you because I thought I knew best.”

  He was handling this all wrong. He’d been handling everything wrong for fourteen years. “I should’ve talked to you about it.”

  “Yeah, you should’ve done a lot of things.” Tears gleamed in her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall. “You should have been my first kiss, Judd. You should’ve been my first lover. My first everything. My only everything. It’s what I wanted. And instead you chose to be less out of some misguided sense of duty...because you didn’t trust me enough.”

  “It had nothing to do with trust.” He trusted her with everything he had.

  “Of course it did. You didn’t trust that we would work, that we were right. That we’ve been right since the day you saved me on that playground. You were so goddamned terrified that I’d push you away, and the irony is that’s exactly what you’re getting.”

  The first true spurts of panic flickered through him like lightning from the storm outside. “What are you saying?”

  “Exactly what I told you earlier. That I’m done, Judd. I’m done with this half-life. I’m done hanging around begging for the crumbs of your affections. You either love me or you don’t. You’re either with me, completely, or you’re not. I won’t take anything less than all. Not anymore. I deserve better.”

  Judd stared at her as if she’d tased him, so much pain on his face Autumn half expected him to hit his knees. But he said nothing. In all her imagined versions of this scenario, he’d never said nothing. With frustrated disbelief, she grabbed her last bag and moved past him, anticipating with every step that she’d hear him behind her. That her actions would shock him into doing something.

  It wasn’t until she stepped off the porch, into the lashing rain, that the grief set in. Her chest seized up and her lungs stopped working, because she was dying. She’d been near enough before that she remembered the feeling. She’d just laid it all on the line, and he’d done nothing. Everything she’d thought, everything she’d believed about the
m, was wrong. He didn’t love her. Not enough. And now she had to put her money where her mouth was and leave for real. There was no way she could stay in Wishful after this. No way she could see him day after day and know he’d never be hers.

  At the next clap of thunder, a hand grasped her arm. For an instant, terror overrode everything else. She dropped the bag, already leading with her fist as she was spun around. Judd caught her hand. Another flash of lightning illuminated him. There was nothing calm or rational about him now. He looked almost crazed with the rain dripping down his face as he speared both hands into her hair.

  “I love you, damn it. I’ve always loved you.”

  Stunned, she could only stare. His mouth crashed down on hers. It was like being hit with a defibrillator and shocked back to life. Joy and relief shot through her as she wrapped around him, holding tight, tight as she met the fevered assault of his kiss with equal fervor. He hadn’t let her go. She hadn’t lost him.

  There was none of the careful reserve he’d shown the first time he’d tried to kiss her. She had, at last, stripped away his restraint, leaving behind only a deep, desperate need. Her body went to flame, and she wondered the rain didn’t steam right off them both.

  Judd’s hands slid down her back, under her ass to boost her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist without hesitation, nipping his bottom lip with approval as he headed toward the house. They barely made it inside before he was spinning, using her body to shut the door. Then he was devouring her mouth again, trapping her between the hard plane of the door and the hardness of his body.

  There were too many wet layers between them, too much distance. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons of Judd’s uniform shirt as his mouth left hers to trail down the column of her throat. She moaned, dropping her head back against the door to give him better access. She wanted to feel him everywhere. Desperate for skin, she gave up on the buttons, taking a good grip on either side of the shirt and yanking hard. Buttons flew, pinging off the wall. Together, they stripped off the kevlar vest and undershirt, and at last her hands found flesh. Greedy, she ran her fingers over the defined ridges of his abs, wanting to feel them flex and release as he moved over her, in her. He groaned, pressing his hips harder against her, and she realized she must’ve spoken aloud.