Donald was familiar with the route to the ship cargo, which was not the route that Geylen was taking him. They were headed downward but they had taken a different side route, closer to the back of the ship and the small section of passenger’s quarters.
When they emerged Donald was not entirely sure they were in a different hold. It looked very similar to the ship’s other cargo, but much smaller. Only it was packed to the brim with crates. “What is this? Where are we?”
“Originally these secondary holds were popularized by tariff dodgers and smugglers,” Geylen said while making his way to the far wall. “Then crafty ship builders and captains started using them to hide more precious cargo from pirates. The larger hold is on the other side of this wall.” He said, tapping the wood lightly before grabbing a pry bar that had been stashed away behind a box.
Without another word Geylen opened the boxes to show Donald what they contained.
* * *
Emma would have been stiff from riding all night one way or the other, but her muscles were especially sore from remaining tense for the duration of the trip. She wasn’t comfortable around Matthew and she hadn’t been for a long, long time.
As the sun rose she felt her mind drift to the conversation that had changed everything. A conversation that had happened before the engagement, before Donald and Emma had begun courting. Back to that pivotal conversation many months ago. Despite all the time passing, she still remembered it with acute clarity.
Emma had just left a delightful breakfast with her friends and was just stepping into her carriage when she heard her name being called. She smothered a chuckle as she recognized the voice. It had only been a few minutes ago that Donald had bid her attention in such a fashion. Now it was Matthew’s turn.
“Did you feel that your goodbye earlier was inadequate?” Emma asked while turning to face her dear friend. Her good humor dissipated, though, when she saw Matthew’s face. He looked deadly serious, as if he had come to discuss some dire news he just received. “Is everything all right, Matthew? Did something happen?”
“No, I just…” he glanced behind her and hesitated. Emma knew that Henrietta and their lady’s maids were awaiting them. “If we could perhaps discuss this in private? There is something I wanted to say before I left.”
He seemed so earnest and insistent that even if Emma felt uncertain she couldn’t possibly turn him down. She, Matthew, and Josephine left to speak someplace more private. Henrietta didn’t bat an eye, moving to the nearby library to await her friend. She had grown used to the intrusions by these two gentlemen.
They found themselves in a sitting room, as Emma thought that Matthew could use a moment to ground himself. Instead she found herself sitting and watching Matthew pace about. He seemed lost in his own thoughts.
“Matthew,” Emma coaxed and pointed to the seat across from her. “Please, whatever you need to tell me, I am sure you can do it. You’ve never had any issues with your silver tongue before, why worry now?” Emma asked playfully, trying to put her friend at ease.
“It is a very important thing I need to say. Maybe the most important thing I have ever said in my life. And if I am going to be leaving for so long, I absolutely need to say it now,” he said while taking a seat across from her. He took another deep breath before leaning in closer to Emma.
She stared at him, uncertain of what was going to come next, his tone and disposition putting her off.
“Emma, I love you. I have always loved you, since I knew what love is. I want to court you when I return, with your parents blessing,” he said it all at once, the words becoming mashed together in his excitement.
Emma had imagined this happening for years. Ever since she could fancy gentlemen, she believed a day would come where one of her friends would confess their love to her. But she always pictured this moment differently. Imagining Donald confessing to her had always felt right. The silence hung in the air between them.
Emma searched herself for an answer. Could she find the right way to say this?
“Emma, dear, I know you might be shocked by this revelation but I need to know, before I go. Will you wait for me to return?” Matthew begged for an answer with longing in his voice.
It pained Emma, pained her dearly to have to let her friend down. To hurt him in a way she didn’t believed he deserved. But Emma thought that lying to him would hurt far more than the truth would.
“Matthew...” she began quietly and she could already see the light leaving his eyes and the color drain from his face. “You are a true and wonderful friend, but I cannot lie to you. I do not love you.”
“Could you...could you possibly learn to love me?” he asked timidly, the last embers of dying hope threatening to rekindle. Emma wanted none of that, lest he trick himself into misunderstanding.
“I think it would be unfair to ask that of me, Matthew. To request my participation in a courtship I have no interest in. It would be unfair to you, as well, to deprive you an opportunity to find someone who will love you in a way you deserve to be loved.” Emma’s voice was soft and her concern was genuine. She wanted what was best for Matthew, but she wouldn’t be able to give it to him.
“The way I deserve to be loved?” he asked, the confusion in his voice only outweighed by the heartbreak. It made Emma hurt so much and she had to keep telling herself that this was to spare them both more pain in the future. It was a necessary hurt.
“I don’t love you, Matthew. I don’t want to pretend to do that, even if it would make things easier now. Our friendship is so valuable to me and so very important. Too important to risk damaging it for the sake of a love I don’t feel in my heart.” Emma’s voice was pained but she made sure the statement was definitive. She didn’t want him to take this as a passive or even polite rejection that some ladies practiced. She needed him to know for certain where she stood before he left.
“I see. Thank you for your honesty, Emma. You’ve given me much to think about on my long trip.” He stood stiffly and turned to leave.
“Matthew,” she said desperately. “Please don’t be upset. I tell you this because I care about you as my dearest friend. This is the truth you deserve.”
He turned to look at her, pain and coldness mingling together in his gaze. “Again, thank you. My ship is awaiting me.” He paused before continuing. “Do me one favor, will you? Don’t mention this to Donald. I would hate for him to think less of you for rejecting me after I poured my heart out. He will have enough on his mind while I am gone.” He said before abruptly departing, leaving Emma to choke back sobs.
* * *
Emma shook her head, lifting the sleepy daze that was clouding her perception. They were in London now, heading toward the docks.
The summer day was quickly warming up but she still felt a cold shiver twist its way up her spine.
Her memory of how they ended things before he left was only made darker by the thoughts of Matthew when he returned.
She had dreaded the day since she and Donald had started courting. She had fought her affection and love for Donald so hard, knowing that the expression of it would only be salt in the wound of Matthew’s unrequited love. But she couldn’t keep herself from her true love and more than she could pretend to love a gentleman to spare his feelings.
Emma was surprised after Donald had told Matthew of their love. She expected him to distance himself, maybe even draw a line through the business that Donald and he shared. But that wasn’t what happened.
He was no longer cold to her, instead he was treating her as if the exchange had never happened. He conveyed again and again a genuine sentiment that he was happy that his two friends had found happiness and love together.
Why can’t I shake the thought that something is amiss?
Chapter 32
The secondary cargo holds boxes were filled with high quality furs. Furs untainted by any sort of wasting disease. Furs of high quality and caliber and there were enough here to easily fill their back orders and even
possibly get a leg up on the next shipment.
“What are all these doing here?” Donald asked.
“You are a business-savvy gentleman, My Lord,” Geylen said, “You tell me.”
“It would appear that I am being robbed and my business is being sabotaged,” Donald observed, his voice uncertain if it should rise in anger, so it instead quavered on the edge.
“I would say that is likely,” Geylen said with no humor in his voice.
“But what of the blight that is affecting American trade right now?” Donald asked, trying to make heads or tails of everything he had been told.
“The blight in America has been affecting crops, not game,” Geylen explained. “Many rumors move through trade circles. Not all of them are true, and some stand to make a profit if you believe false ones. Unfortunately in this instance someone wanted to convince you that certain rumors were true.”
“I always felt that story was far too suspicious,” Donald cursed, “Do we not pay Captain Todd enough to buy his loyalty? Is he determined to risk his good standing to earn more money? He risks putting his employer out of business though, there is no sense in it.” Donald’s voice was exacerbated.
“I do not believe my Captain acted alone, My Lord,” Geylen said, a hint of caution in his voice as he spoke to Donald.
“What do you mean, Geylen?”
“I mean if my Captain was merely discontent with his wages then he was in a good enough position to renegotiate them. He must have been after something else.” Geylen reasoned, but he looked uncomfortable and uncertain now. Donald didn’t think Geylen had any idea what that something else could be.
Perhaps our Captain has been bribed into service by Lord Gallanville?
He could have been promised a better position in Gallanville’s employ but even still that doesn’t follow, as Captain Todd was sure to have more influence with Atlantic Animal Furs, since his family was involved in its ownership.
“So you figured we would wait here for the Captain and the men to come and unload the goods, and if I was here to confront them then they would be forced to come forward?” Donald asked.
Geylen nodded. “Something like that. It may come to blows, but I’m no pushover. And I hear you are an expert pugilist, My Lord.” the first mate said with a weak smile, as if to placate the gentleman in this rather uncomfortable situation.
Donald responded with a surprisingly genuine chuckle. If it was more of the men that Lord Gallanville kept in his employ, then Donald thought he would be able to handle them smartly.
That was the moment that Donald heard the click of the pistol from behind him.
* * *
Emma continued to stare at Matthew’s back as he rode, contemplating her next move. They were almost at the docks now. Emma hadn’t been here often, but she had been taken once by her friends to see their ship, The Bright Side. That was the name she remembered, for it was painted on the side of the ship in front of her.
When Matthew first came back, Emma had appreciated his attempts to keep things civil. To treat her as she desired, with their friendship intact.
But she still felt uneasy. There was a feeling of disingenuousness that permeated each interaction she had with Matthew. Each assurance or promise that he was happy, that he was glad she had found love felt hollow and empty. Emma couldn’t say why.
But she got her proof all the same.
That night in Derbourg, Emma had decided to take a late night stroll through the gardens. She thought the courtyard looked its best at night, and the summer evening was crisp and clear with a bright full moon that showed off all the beautiful colors. This was where Matthew had found her.
“Emma,” he said, walking from a shadowy corner in the garden, causing her to gasp in surprise.
“Matthew,” she said breathlessly. “Your company is always welcome, but I am unaccompanied. Perhaps I could go and wake Josephine...”
“No. I came because I saw you were alone,” he said flatly, and in turn Emma, for the first time ever, felt unsafe in the presence of her dear friend.
“I...That isn’t proper.”
“Is it proper to become engaged to the best friend of the gentleman who confessed his love to you first?” Matthew asked and Emma was silent.
“With your blessing, or so I thought,” she said hesitantly, but power was quickly growing in her voice.
“My blessing matters little to you, or else you would have waited until I returned to begin your courtship.” His voice was filled with acid and bitterness. Emma knew she had been right, he had been lying about his feelings about her and Donald’s relationship the entire time.
Matthew continued. “Did you tell him? Did you tell him that I came to you the day before I left and confessed my love to you?”
“I didn’t. You asked me not to,” Emma said quietly.
Matthew huffed in disbelief. “Why?”
“Why did you ask me not to?” Emma asked, not understanding.
“Why did you start courting him? Why did you become engaged?” Matthew spoke angrily, words hissing out from between his teeth. This was the most anger she had ever seen Matthew express and it caused her to step back. She was so astonished, she couldn't bring herself to answer.
“Is it the title he will inherit? This estate? How much better of a grasp of business he has over me? His knowledge about these damnable flowers?” Matthew was still keeping his voice low but his anger was clear as he swatted at the vegetation. The damage to the flowers made Emma wince. “What is it, Emma? What is it that makes Donald so much more appealing than me?”
“None of that, Matthew,” she finally said, forcing her own words out in a harsh whisper past her throat which was closing with emotions. “None of that is the reason I am to be wed to Donald.”
“Then why? What is it? Why was he chosen over me? I must know! I have to!” Matthew raged, the emotions in his voice peaking above a whisper now.
“I didn’t choose anyone over anyone.” It was Emma’s turn to raise her voice. “I chose to marry the gentleman I love. I chose not to marry a gentleman that I didn’t love. There was no thought, no comparison between the two of you. I cannot help who my heart has chosen. I cannot help that, and if you really loved me then you would not hold that against me.” Emma’s voice cracked with emotion now and the tears came pouring.
She hated herself for crying in front of Matthew, for showing this weakness in front of a gentleman who claimed to love her but thought to mock her all the same.
“Is that true?” Matthew asked, either unable or unwilling to acknowledge her tears. But his voice was soft, the anger draining from it and leaving it empty. “You love him and you cannot help but to do that? Are you marrying him for that reason alone?”
Emma was only able to nod. There was silence in the garden now, Emma’s sobs were the only sound they made and they had been mostly quelled.
“If that is the truth, then you may go ahead with your marriage.” Matthew’s voice was as cold as it was the first day she told him that she couldn’t love him. “You will hear nothing more on the matter of my love from me. I am done.”
“I truly never meant to hurt you, Matthew. You are my dear friend. I did what I did because I valued that friendship and I didn’t want to lose it,” Emma managed weakly, trying to say her piece without her voice shaking.
“As much as it hurts, I understand. You cannot help who you love. I truly believe that.” He nodded. “I meant what I said, you will hear of my love for you no more. I am closing the book on that chapter of my life, I promise you.”
And with that Matthew bowed and retreated into the darkness of the garden. He left Emma to wonder if that was true and if it was a promise Matthew could keep.
* * *
And that was a question that still dwelled on Emma as she rode behind Matthew through the London streets to the harbor.
“My cousin, Captain Todd, sent word to me that there was a major problem with the furs coming in today,” Matthew called b
ack. “I imagine Donald received the same letter. I intended to meet him at the docks.”
“Then that will be the best place for us to find him,” Emma nodded and kept a tight grip on the reins.
The Captain was in front of the boat ordering several men about and looked extremely astonished that Matthew and Emma were riding up to them.
Matthew dismounted and spoke to the wide-eyed captain. “Cousin, I got your urgent report. I have come to inspect the cargo hold. Is Lord Stapleton on the ship already?”
Captain Todd looked confused and seemed to glance between Emma and Matthew. “I do not rightly know, M’Lord,” he said.
All of this struck Emma as quiet odd.
“Well, let us go search him out. Lady Emma, please wait here. Your sailors should wait here as well, Captain,” Matthew observed. “We’ll want to let Lord Stapleton assess the situation before we make any sudden decisions.”
Unleashed Desires 0f A Noble Lady (Steamy Historical Regency) Page 21