“So I have to know. How, exactly, did Cole end up staying with you guys?” She sat down on the couch and gestured for Raina to join her.
“Casper brought him home.” She lifted a shoulder. “His house doesn’t have running water so I’m assuming that’s first on his agenda today.” She gave Megan a look. “When you described him, I was picturing more of an ogre. Flattened nose, pointed ears. Gray skin and maybe horns. Definitely a snarl.” She leaned over for another peek at the culprit, now carrying a box inside. “He’s actually rather cute.”
“I don’t think cute is the right word for him. It’s a little like calling Casper docile. That scar says dangerous.”
Raina laughed, her amber eyes sparkling. “How about rugged? Handsome? Focused?”
“He’s focused, all right.” Megan would let the rugged and handsome part slide. Even if the reminder of him dressed up in a suit had made her heart betray her with a flip-flop. “He’s got his mind set on becoming a Deputy U.S. Marshal. And there’s no reason they won’t take him. He’s been a Ranger, for goodness sake. The man lives and breathes service to his country.” She wrinkled her nose. “I’m the one person standing in the way.”
“You couldn’t have known what would happen when you rented this place.”
“The sooner I can make the money I need, the better.” Megan got up and pulled the window blind. “As much as I can’t let him force me out, I can’t hold him back from his own dreams.”
“You still care.” Raina’s eyes held Megan’s.
The declaration stirred the emotions Megan had tamped down. She could hear the disappointment threading through Cole’s words from his story last night. Married and divorced. Sitting in the dust of a foreign land and discovering his wife’s betrayal. Well, that had ripped a hole through her heart.
She cleared her throat. “Against my better judgment, I suppose.” She returned to the sofa, and Puck climbed into Megan’s lap and flopped. She stroked his pale fur and he blinked against the sunlight, purring with complete contentment.
At least one of them was at peace.
Megan hadn’t meant to let the shame of her past relationship slip out, but when Cole had reached out to her, the temptation to lean into that strength and familiarity nearly overwhelmed her.
She had to be stronger than this. She couldn’t give her heart to another man who was moving on. Whose plans didn’t include her and her son.
“Why?” Raina said. “What do you mean, against your better judgment?”
Megan lifted a shoulder. “I found out he’s been married before.” And by the rancor in his voice, he wasn’t a man who would be looking for another relationship. Ever.
“Does it matter to you that he was married before?”
And there went those flames of jealousy again. Yes. Maybe. Probably not. “It doesn’t matter either way. We’re just childhood friends who lost touch.” The words felt like a lie as they left her lips.
“I have the feeling there’s more to it than that.”
“Look at me, Raina.” She gestured to herself. “Who would want me? Single mom, small-town girl. I can’t compete with…” Exquisite women like the ones at the wedding. Unencumbered. Carefree. Their bodies unmarked by the scars of motherhood.
Raina leaned back in her seat. “The right man will love you, no matter what.”
She looked over at her friend who was expecting her second child. If anyone could believe that, it was Raina.
Yeah, well, Casper was different.
“No. I had my chance. This is my life. Besides, Cole deserves, I don’t know. More, maybe. More than this small town. More than…me.” Like one of those cute bridesmaids.
“More than you? Why?”
“I’m just…I’m just not enough.”
“Are we talking about relationships still? Or you, in life? Either way, if it’s shame you’re dragging around, you’ve got to let that go.” Raina reached out and gave Megan’s hand a squeeze before releasing it. “I know that’s hard, but it’s the only way you can embrace today.”
Megan shook her head. “I don’t know. Both. It’s what I know, who I am.” She let her fingers slide through Puck’s fur. “When Lillian was born, I could see the strain it put on my parents’ marriage. Her heart defect meant a lot of bills, appointments, worry. I worked so hard to put everything I had into being helpful. Removing burdens from them.”
“And it felt like that was your place in the family?”
“Maybe. I guess I thought if I sacrificed for her, I’d still feel important to them. I’d still be…special.”
Raina repositioned herself, her hand gently rubbing across her swelling abdomen. “Did it work?”
“No.” Megan’s voice dropped to barely a whisper, the disappointment clogging her throat. She blinked the moisture that filled her eyes.
“Megan?” Raina swallowed. “What happened?”
Megan let out a long breath. “When I was in third grade, I had a supporting role in the school play.” She scratched Puck’s chin when he tilted his head up to look at her. “I know it sounds silly—I was the bakery owner and I had four lines. Just four. But they were my lines and I wanted so much for my parents to see me. Anyway, for one reason or another, my parents had missed every performance, and it came down to the final night. My mom had to stay home with Lillian because she’d developed a high fever. At breakfast my dad had promised me he’d be there—that nothing would keep him away.” She fell silent, picked at a ball of lint on the afghan.
“He didn’t come.” Raina’s quiet words filled the silence.
“Nope. He never showed.” Megan swallowed, wiped her eyes. “I waited outside afterward for an hour. He didn’t even come to pick me up. When the director had closed up the theater, she found me sitting on the ground, bawling my eyes out. I just didn’t understand why I wasn’t important enough to them. She packed me into her van and took me home.”
Raina nodded. “I’m so sorry.”
“It was the first of many broken promises. My tenth birthday party that never happened. The no-show at honor band awards.” She lifted a shoulder. “Saying it out loud, it all sounds so selfish, but I so longed to be seen. To be important, and I wasn’t. I’m not. I wanted them to choose me. I thought if I did more—if I could be all the things they needed—I would be enough.”
“None of us are ever enough, Megs. We can’t meet the needs of everyone—we can’t even meet our own needs. Let’s be honest. We wouldn’t need our Savior if we could.” Raina reached out and scratched Puck’s chin. “But that doesn’t mean you aren’t valuable, that you don’t matter. You do matter, simply because you are you. And unfortunately, people do break promises, make mistakes, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you or that God doesn’t love you.”
Megan looked down at the floor, tried to find the words. “I know God loves me up here”—she tapped her finger against her temple—“but I don’t feel it in my heart.” She swiped away the moisture in her eyes. The admission stung.
“Megan.” Raina’s voice dropped, low and soft. “I used to carry that same burden. Thought God’s love was for everyone except me. That God didn’t see me. It’s a lie.”
“I want to feel…” Megan paused, thinking of the way her clients looked at each other. There was something precious and elusive in the way they held hands. The secret looks they exchanged across the room.
“Treasured,” Raina finished for her.
The word struck the most tender place in Megan’s soul. “Yes.” Treasured.
“You don’t believe it’s possible.”
“Maybe it’s too improbable. I don’t let myself think about it.”
“You matter, Megan. You don’t have to do or say or be anything more than you are.”
She leaned away, the conversation lodging a rock in her throat. “Right now, what I need to do is figure out how to make enough money to finalize the Black Spruce purchase. Once I can do that, then Cole can follow through on his plans.” Puck stood up, a
rching his back in a quivering stretch before jumping to the floor.
“How do you propose to do that?”
“I don’t know. I’m already booked up for weddings, but I won’t make enough for it.”
But she’d find a way to make it work. In this one area of her life, she had to be enough.
Chapter 6
Just when Cole thought he might be free of tragedy, a new day brought temperatures that hit unusual highs.
Which meant thawing.
Which meant water in the basement.
Cole’s feet sank into the eight inches of water lapping in the darkness of the basement stairs. The dark water wicked up the walls and soiled his trousers. His to-do list had just gotten much longer. Between broken appliances, light fixtures, molding, and tile, he already had enough to keep him working around the clock.
He clicked on his Maglite. Add to that list all new drywall and plaster for the basement.
Ugh. The supplies were already straining his small financial reserves.
The place where the electrical panel used to be was stripped bare. Grandpa had rewired.
Perfect. Maybe now he could get electrocuted too. He followed the wall around, looking for a new panel.
Nothing. If the panel wasn’t in the basement, where would he have put it? The new garage?
Admittedly, he was in a humdinger of a mood. Maybe because his conversation with Megan kept drilling at him all night.
And not just the one about his ex—but what Megan had gone through. He’d like to get his hands around her ex’s neck.
For the first time in years, he wished he’d never left Deep Haven.
And that put him in an even darker mood because he was about to do it again.
Cole climbed back up the stairs and looked out across the yard. Yeah, the box had to be in the garage. It made sense Grandpa would have had to rewire when he built it.
He had no idea where to even start looking for a spare key, which meant finding Megan.
She hadn’t been home all day—not since she’d knocked while he was pouring his first cup of coffee. He’d opened the door and discovered a plate of fresh scones on the porch. No Megan, though he’d heard the rumble of her car engine as she’d headed down the street.
Yeah. Those flaky scone layers with vanilla glaze had been a perfect pairing with his brew, but they’d added a little bit of torment to his day. Because he couldn’t get used to those kinds of surprises.
He looked at his watch. If he had to make a guess, they’d be finishing up after-school practice at the rink pretty soon and he’d bet money he’d find her there.
He hopped in his Jeep for the short drive to the rink. It seemed everyone else was enjoying the warm spell. He got a few looks and waves on his way down Third Avenue. Everyone probably recognized his grandpa’s Jeep.
His phone started buzzing as he parked at the ice rink. Nathan Decker’s name scrolled across the caller ID. Maybe he’d finally get some good news.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Cole, it’s Nathan.”
“Yes, sir, did you find a place for Megan?”
There was a pause on the other end of the line. “No. Nothing yet on an apartment or any other housing options. The market’s pretty tight for that right now.”
Cole pressed his hands to his temples. Great.
“I wanted to touch base with you, though, to see if we can find some flexibility—does it absolutely have to allow pets?”
“Yes, sir. Josh has a cat.”
“Okay.” Nathan let out a sigh. “I’ll keep searching. Is the house ready for listing photos?”
“No. Not at all. A pipe broke in the basement. I’ll be doing repairs after I pump the water out of the basement.”
“Oh. Wow. Sorry to hear that.”
“Thanks.”
“But I should keep looking? For an apartment?”
And for the first time, he paused, his throat tightening. But, “Absolutely. Of course.”
“All right. Keep me posted.”
What was he thinking? Truth was, he’d liked working with Megan at the wedding. Her tactful approach balanced his directness. They’d always made a good team when they were kids. And if the wedding had proven anything, they could still be a strong team.
No, no, what was he thinking? Cole tugged his knit cap over his ears before walking to the rink. The outdoor rink hadn’t changed much, except there were a few more stands on the long side and at the far end, a one-story building sat back off the ice a little. Snow had been cleared from the exterior arena walls and piled into large berms on the back side, opposite the parking lot.
The teams were running a scrimmage game. He studied the players for Josh, finding him on the offensive, his team driving toward the goal. The puck slid across the ice behind the goal, and Josh hung back, waiting on the near side of the goal instead of chasing it. Smart. A teammate brought it around from the other side and the goalie deflected it. And there Josh was, ready to snap it in before the goalie could regain his footing. Nice goal.
Cole whistled. “Good job, Josh!”
Josh looked up as he skated past, a smile lighting his face.
Cole took in a breath, the cold air stinging his nostrils.
And just like that, he was Josh, his skates sliding against the slick ice. You’ve got this, Cole. Pull the puck back, let those defenders freeze on it, then bring it through to your backhand. Keep it tight.
His dad, always on the sidelines. Always cheering for him. How many times had he skated past his dad, just like that? The memory fisted in his chest.
“He’s a good kid.” A large, dark-haired man approached. Even without the Evergreen Lodge Outfitter embroidery on his jacket, Cole would have recognized the telltale blue eyes of the Christiansen boys.
“You’ve got to be Darek.” Cole extended a hand to him. “Cole Barrett. Not sure if you remember me.”
The man smiled, nodded, and shook the offered hand. “Yes. I sure do.”
“Man, you look just like your dad,” Cole mused.
“Thankfully, I still have more hair than him.” Darek laughed. “Casper said you were in town, Cole. Good to see you again.” He nodded toward the ice. “It’s nice to see Josh connecting with you.”
“He seems to do all right out there on the ice.”
“Yes, he does. There’s a tournament coming up they’re all hoping to play in. He’s been a star wing for the team.”
“Nice. Where will they be playing?”
“Minneapolis. Well, the tournament is in St. Paul at the Xcel Energy Center. The hotel is in Minneapolis.”
“Got it.” He nodded. “They should have found somewhere warmer. Somewhere without snow.” He laughed. “A nice indoor rink, somewhere in the South.” He gestured toward the mounds of snow piled at the end of the parking lot. “I’m getting a little tired of having to plow snow constantly.”
“Casper says he’d hire you for the city crew if he were the guy in charge.”
“I definitely picked the wrong time of year to try to sell a house.” Cole leaned around Darek to get a better look at the stands. “Have you seen Megan?”
“Yeah. She’s talking with my wife, Ivy, in the warming house.” He pointed to the newer, small building along the side of the rink.
“The attorney, right?”
Darek laughed. “That’s the one. But don’t let her intimidate you. She’s got a big heart.” He slid his hands into his pockets and smiled. “Some days, I don’t know how I did it before she came into our lives.” He shook his head. “It’s crazy the curveballs life throws at you.” Darek leaned against the light pole and turned his attention back to the ice. “As I recall, you used to play.”
“I did.” Cole paused, rubbed his hand against his chest as if he could push the memories of his father back inside where they were safe. Less painful. “You have a son who plays?” Only a parent would be standing out in the cold, watching practice. Except him. Josh took another shot on goal, this one deflected
by the goalie. Cole lifted his collar around his neck against the breeze.
“Yeah. And this year, he’s a junior coach for the peewees. He’s thirteen.” Darek nodded to a tall boy skating on the outside of the play. He looked like he’d be built just like his dad when he filled out.
“What brings you to peewee practice?”
“I need to get the keys to the garage from Megan so I can turn off the power from the fuse box. The basement is currently an indoor swimming pool.”
“That’s always fun. Last time I had that happen was in one of our cabins. What a mess.”
“Yeah. That’s about it. A complete disaster.”
“What are your plans after the repairs are done? You’re still selling?”
“Yeah. Just buttoning up my grandpa’s affairs.”
Josh skated by again, shot him a grin.
Darek turned from Josh back to Cole. “Have you thought about staying?”
“Staying? No. Definitely not.” That didn’t make any sense. “Besides, I don’t know what I’d do here. I’m waiting for a call to get on with the U.S. Marshals.”
“We don’t have any of those around here, but the sheriff’s department has a slot that just opened. Casper said you were a Ranger. I bet that came with some skills the county would find helpful.” Darek considered Cole. “He said you mentioned the issues we have with our emergency resources—or lack thereof. We could use a strong leader. Someone with a vision.”
“I’m focused on getting the house repaired. Nathan Decker will be listing it for sale.” Cole toed the snow at the edge of the rink wall. “My grandpa didn’t keep up on any of the maintenance.”
“Ouch. That’s no fun. I tell you, the maintenance at the resort is a full-time job. Every season I work with my dad, there’s more and more.”
“I’ll stick with one residence to repair, thank you.” He watched the other team try a shot on goal, stopped by the defenders. He loved the scrape of the skates across the ice and the snap of the puck. “You don’t know where I can get some large industrial fans, do you?”
“We actually have a few in the storage shed out at the lodge. I can bring them by this afternoon.”
Still the One Page 9