Mourning Song

by Lurlene McDaniel

  Dani straightened, feeling as if she were being handed a sacred mission. Tears swam in her eyes, but they were overpowered by an unbelievable calm which began to build within her heart.

  “I didn’t mean to throw myself a pity party,” Cassie said.

  “You’re entitled.”

  “No, I’m not. Pity parties are boring. Nobody wants to come to one.”

  Dani took Cassie’s hand. “I’ll come to whatever you want.” She smoothed Cassie’s cheek and came close to her sister’s ear. Through the steely calm of her new found mission, she told her, “I’ll help you out somehow. I promise.”

  That night, Dani formulated a plan. She turned the details over, examining every angle, then decided what to do. Carrying out her plan wasn’t going to be easy. She would need Cassie’s permission and she would need Austin’s help in order to pull it off. She licked her lips nervously. Dani closed her eyes and prayed for the strength and courage to pull it off.

  For the next two days, as Cassie recovered some of her strength, Dani plotted. When she was certain she had considered every detail, she cut out early from school and went to visit Cassie. Her sister was sitting up in bed, her face turned so that she could gaze out at the sunlight.

  “Hi,” Dani said.

  “Hi, yourself.” One side of Cassie’s mouth drooped, so it was difficult for her to shape words.

  “I want to ask you something.” Dani came closer. She picked up Cassie’s hand and held it. Since Cassie was able to keep food down, they’d removed her intravenous equipment, but Dani could see ugly bruises from the IVs.

  “I’ve thought of some way to spend that money, if it’s all right with you.” Dani took a deep breath. “How would you like a trip to Florida? To the beach. To the same place your senior class went.”

  “That would be wonderful.”

  “I think we should use some of that One Last Wish money to take you there.”

  “You and me and Mom? No doctors?”

  Dani plucked at the bed covers, searching for just the right words to explain. “Not Mom. At least, not at first.”

  “But we can’t go without Mom.”

  “I’m telling you, Cassie, Mom won’t allow it. She has a long list of reasons why we should stay here. So, I figure that you and I should just go, and once we get there, we’ll call her and send her a ticket to fly down and stay with us.” Dani spoke so rapidly that she was out of breath.

  Cassie simply stared at her, wide-eyed. “Dani, that’s crazy. But is it possible?”

  She hadn’t refused the idea. The realization propelled Dani to reveal more of her scheme. “We can do it! We won’t stay long. We don’t have to do anything you don’t feel like doing. We can see the ocean and lie around the beach all day.”

  “How can we go to Florida without telling Mom?”

  “We’ll have to sneak away.” Dani dropped her gaze because this was the truly tricky part of her plan.

  “Sneak? But how?”

  “We’ll walk right out of the hospital together, late at night, between nurses’ rounds. I’ve stayed here at night with you. I know how they schedule things, and I know we can do it.”

  Cassie frowned. “But then what? How will we get to Florida? You can’t drive, and if we try to take a plane—well, I just think we’ll get caught.”

  Dani thought so, too. Also, she wasn’t sure she could handle buying plane tickets covertly. Anyway, even if she could, the airlines would have a record of where they went, and their mother would probably be waiting at the airport to catch them as soon as their plane touched the ground. And even though her plan was to call and tell Mom where they were once they got there, she didn’t want to risk her goal of having Cassie see the ocean and walk the beach as she’d always dreamed of doing. “No. Flying’s out,” she told her sister. “Austin’s driving us.”

  “Really?”

  Dani took a deep breath. “Really. It’s all arranged.” She was lying, but knew that Cassie had to go along with the plan before she could beg Austin. “I told him we’ll pay for everything—gas, food, whatever. All he has to do is get us there.”

  Cassie boosted herself up, awkwardly because she was still weak and uncoordinated on one side. For the first time in weeks, Dani saw color in her cheeks and brightness in her amber-brown eyes. “Can we really go? You’re not just playing a trick on me?”

  “Oh, sis, I’d never do anything so mean! I’m telling you, it’s all worked out. All I need to do is cash the check for you, and we’re out of here.”

  Cassie smiled like a conspiratorial child. “It’ll have to be a secret, won’t it?”

  “The best-kept secret.”

  Cassie’s expression clouded momentarily. “What if I get sick while we’re driving down there?”

  Dani was pleased with herself, because she’d thought of that contingency, too. “Since it takes about a day and a half to drive, I figured we could leave between your radiation treatments, when you feel your best.”

  “What about my headaches?”

  Dani knew how debilitating the attacks were, and as the tumor grew, Dr. Phillips warned, the headaches would get worse. “You have plenty of pain pills in the medicine cabinet at home. I’ll bring them. And if things get unmanageable, we’ll stop at the closest hospital. There are lots of big cities on the way to Florida. How hard can it be?”

  “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  Cassie’s question hardened Dani’s resolve. “I know we can do it. It’ll be a little tricky, but once we’re on our way, it’ll be a cinch.”

  “I don’t feel right about Mom—”

  “Look, I know she’s going to be steamed, at first. But we’ll leave her letters explaining that we had to go, and that we’ll be fine, and that we’ll call her once we get to where we’re going. I think once she joins us and sees what a great time we can all have, she’ll be okay about it. Mom’s reasonable. She knows how much your senior trip meant to you.”

  Dani had rehearsed the speech so many times that even she was beginning to believe it. “It’s as if you’re supposed to do this. While we don’t know who gave you the money for a wish, I think you should use it to get something you’ve always wanted. Listen, even a trillion dollars can’t make you well, but the money you’ve gotten can help you have some fun. I say let’s go for it! You deserve to see the ocean, whether Mom agrees or not. I’m going to help you make your wish come true.”

  Nine

  THE FRIDAY THAT school let out, Dani asked Austin to a movie. He picked her up that night, and although she sat through the entire feature, she didn’t watch anything. Her mind was on other things. Afterward, she asked him to take her for a walk in a park that stretched along the Ohio River.

  “So, what’s on your mind?” he asked, startling her out of her contemplative mood.

  “What makes you think I have something on my mind?” She tossed her mane of red hair.

  “You’ve been a million miles away all night,” he told her.

  No use trying to stall, she told herself. She stopped walking and turned to face him. His face was in shadow, but his blond hair gleamed in the moonlight. Her heart thudded, and her palms began to perspire. “I’m going to take Cassie to Florida,” she said softly. “To the beach.”

  “When did your mom change her mind about quitting the treatments?”

  “She didn’t.”

  “So, how …?”

  “I’m just taking her. That’s all.”

  “Let me get this straight. You’re going to take your dying sister on a trip that your mother doesn’t know about and would never approve of?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Are you nuts?”

  His tone stung her. For some reason, in her imagination, she’d pictured that Austin would nod his approval and ask, “How can I help?”

  She glared at him. “No, I’m not nuts. I have it all planned out, and I know exactly what I’m doing.”

  “What exactly are you doing?”

 
“I’m taking Cassie for a vacation to see the ocean, because she doesn’t have much time left. And because it’s something I have to do.” She eyed him defiantly. “I have money to pay for everything.”

  He was curious about her claim but only asked, “And what about your mother?”

  “I’ll call her when we get there, and she can come down and be with us. Once Cassie and I are down there, she’ll have to come meet us.”

  “That’s crazy.”

  “It’s the only way I can get Cassie to Florida and do something for her.”

  He shook his head in disbelief and walked away, his hands shoved in his jean pockets. Over his shoulder, he asked, “And how are the two of you going to get down there—jump a freight train?”

  “Don’t make fun of me, Austin. I’ve thought of that, and I know we can do it.”

  He paused and turned slowly. His eyes were dark, but she could read his incredulous expression from ten feet. He asked, “We?”

  She licked her lips and met the challenge of his gaze. “Right … we. I’m asking you to drive us. I need you, Austin. I need you to drive us in your parent’s van. It’s big enough so Cassie can lie down and be comfortable. It’s new and dependable. The whole trip is only twenty hours. You can take us and leave us and come right back home.”

  He walked back over toward her. “Dani, there’re three states between Ohio and Florida, and every major expressway will have cops alerted and on the lookout for you. No matter how good your intentions, you can’t remove Cassie from the hospital without your mother’s consent. You’ll be breaking the law.”

  The police! Dani hadn’t thought about maybe being chased by cops. With more determination than she felt, she said, “I don’t care. We can make it … I know we can.”

  He turned away, but she grabbed his arm. “Please, Austin. You’re the only one who understands how important this is. I thought you’d want to help Cassie. Even a stranger from the One Last Wish Foundation wants to help her, and so far as we know they’ve never met Cassie. If some strangers will reach out to her …” Dani let the sentence trail.

  “What are you talking about—One Last Wish?”

  Dani had decided she’d have to tell Austin. Now she told him about how Cassie had found the letter and the check. She didn’t tell Austin the amount of the check. She thought that part was Cassie’s to share. “I deposited the money in the bank.”

  “How did you do that? Didn’t she have to sign or something?”

  Dani nodded. “I took everything to Cassie at the hospital and after she signed the paperwork, I deposited the check,” Dani said. “It’s not hard to put money into the bank. It’s hard to get it out. We have plenty of money to make the trip. After all. Cassie got the money and JWC told her to spend it on anything she wanted.”

  “I’m sure that didn’t include kidnapping your sister and running away to Florida. Will there be enough left over for legal fees when the law catches up with you?”

  Exasperated, Dani turned to pleading. “Austin, you once promised me you’d do anything you could to help Cassie. Did you lie?”

  “Spiriting her out of the hospital and driving to Florida with every cop in the South looking for us, wasn’t exactly what I had in mind in the way of helping.”

  Dani felt hot tears stinging her eyes. She couldn’t start crying now! Furiously, she swiped the back of her hand over her eyes. Through gritted teeth, she fumed, “All right! So, don’t help, Austin Cole. But don’t think for a minute that just because you won’t do it, I can’t find somebody who will. I have enough money to rent a Learjet.” She whirled on her heel and started walking back toward the car. “And forget about having to take me home. I’d rather walk!”

  She hadn’t gone far when he caught up to her and spun her around. She struggled to free herself, but felt all her inner reserves crumbling. Horrified, she began to weep.

  “Don’t cry,” he whispered as he cradled her to him. “It’ll be all right.”

  When she could talk, she sputtered, “It’ll never be all right. Don’t you see? Cassie’s dying, and I can’t stop it. No one can stop it. I’ve prayed and prayed for her to get well, but God’s not answering. I don’t even think He’s listening.”

  “Don’t be mad at God.” Austin sighed. “You just have to believe that He knows what’s going on with Cassie. And with you, too, you crazy girl. The bottom line is God gets to decide what happens, not us.”

  If she’d been playing a card game, Dani knew, she’d be out of aces. She’d tried everything, and still Austin had said no. For a few days, she had held some hope that she might be able to do something impossible and wonderful for her sister. Austin was right—she was nuts.

  Dani let him hold her. She felt his fingers in her hair and listened to the beating of his heart through the fabric of his shirt. His voice sounded muffled as he said, “I don’t want you finding someone else. I’ll help you.”

  Her breath caught, and she hugged him tighter. “You will? You’ll help me with my plan?”

  He gazed down at her and, shaking his head, said, “It’s a crazy idea that’ll probably land us in jail, but your heart’s in the right place, even if your brain isn’t.” He paused and touched her cheek. “Besides, if Cassie were my sister, I’d want to do the same thing for her.”

  “You’re really going to help,” she said, as if the words were a magic chant. Suddenly, she felt as though a weight had been removed from her shoulders. “I’m so sorry I yelled at you. You’re wonderful, honest!”

  “I’m not doing this just for Cassie,” he said. “I’m doing it for you, too.”

  “Because we’re friends?”

  “Because we’re friends and because, Dani, you’re somebody special to me.”

  Dani sprang into activity over the next few days to get things ready from the van to finding a hotel. She and Austin pored over road maps, choosing the best routes. If they couldn’t take 1-75 and the other major highways, they’d turn off the beaten path. Dani had no intentions of being stopped by the police and sent home before they reached their destination.

  The plan was in place on Monday morning once her mother went to work. Dani packed suitcases. She carefully chose a selection of summer and beach clothes she’d bought at the mall. Austin organized the van. He filled a cooler with drinks, snacks, and bags of food they’d bought at the supermarket. The less they had to stop, the better off they would be, they’d decided.

  Austin arranged a pallet and thick mat on the carpeted floor of the van for Cassie. They lined it with blankets and pillows, leaving room for Dani to be near Cassie if necessary. Austin rigged a battery-powered small reading lamp and selected books and magazines. The van was air-conditioned and that would help them not have to deal with the heat.

  Austin piled other boxes under the seats and explained to Dani that he’d organized “support equipment,” in case they came up against anything unexpected.

  Cassie’s treatment on Monday made her sick. Dani held her hand and assured her that things were almost ready. “I’m supposed to get another radiation treatment on Thursday,” Cassie said. “I can’t stand it anymore. I’d be better off dead.”

  Dani’s stomach tightened with both dread and anticipation. “We’ll leave Wednesday night,” she promised her sister. “Right after the midnight shift change. The nurses won’t check vital signs until about three A.M. That’ll give us a good head start.”

  “I can hardly wait,” Cassie whispered. “So much has happened. This really is going to be my wish come true.”

  Dani tried to take a nap Wednesday, but she was too tense to sleep. As she and her mom headed home from their visit to Cassie, her mother said, “You know, I think in spite of everything, the radiation’s helping.”

  “How so?” Dani asked nervously.

  “Didn’t you see how happy Cassie looked tonight? How bright her eyes were? How talkative she was? I’m telling you, Dani, she was almost glowing. I know she’s responding to the treatments.”

&nb
sp; “Dr. Phillips told us she’d have good times along with the bad.”

  “You see, I was right to insist on the treatments,” Mom said with a grin. “Cassie may lick this thing after all.”

  “Maybe,” Dani agreed, feeling like a traitor. In a few hours, she, Cassie, and Austin would be on the road to Florida. There would be no turning back. She tried not to listen to her mother’s chatter. She concentrated on making her sister’s wish come true.

  Ten

  WEDNESDAY NIGHT, WHILE her mother was sound asleep, Dani noiselessly stole down the stairs. Outside, the moonless night seemed very dark. Austin had pulled the van to the end of her street, and she climbed inside. Wordlessly, Austin drove to the hospital and parked as close to an emergency side exit as possible. Austin waited in the van while Dani walked boldly through the Emergency Room entrance.

  The ER waiting area was crowded, and no one even noticed her. She rode up to Cassie’s floor and slipped off the elevator. The corridor lights had been dimmed, and the halls were deserted. The ever present hospital smell hung in the air. Only the sounds of respirators and the beep of heart monitors seemed threatening.

  Dani held her breath. She purposely bypassed Cassie’s room, opened the inner stairwell door, and hurried down seven flights of stairs. At the fire door leading outside, she paused to catch her breath and slow her pounding heart. As quietly as she could, she opened the door, always locked at night from the outside, and let Austin in. He brushed past her, and together, they headed back up.

  She prayed every step of the way that no nurse or technician would choose this time to take the stairs. On Cassie’s floor, Dani cracked the heavy fire door and peered both ways. “All dear,” she whispered over her shoulder.

  Cautiously, she and Austin slipped inside and went straight to Cassie’s room. Her sister was waiting for them. Dani had left clothes for her sister, and Cassie had found the strength to get dressed. She’d tied a scarf around her hair which was still patchy from the treatments. As Austin helped Cassie out of bed, Dani arranged the pillows and some towels from the bathroom so that from the doorway, it looked as if someone were still in the bed.