“I wasn’t even there.” Owen muttered, “I don’t know why I have to be here.”
I knew why Owen had to be there. He had survivor’s guilt, in a sense. He wasn’t with us that night, and therefore the guilt of not being able to aid us was eating at him. And Ryker was worse off than either of us. Talking to Meredith had enabled me to hack into cognitive thinking. I understood that my paranoia for people was a trick my mind was playing on me, therefore, for me, it was a simple task to just notice when it happened and try to assess the situation with an unbiased mind. Not everyone had that mental capability, however. Owen may be under survivors’ guilt, which was easy enough to overcome, especially since we were all alive, but Ryker was going to be another story.
At first, I thought we were fine. But then I started noticing little precautions that Ryker would take. For instance, even when on campus, if we walked by a group of people, he would pull me on the other side of him, that way he was between them and me. He also spent an entire night this week booby-trapping dream world, just in case. He also wouldn’t let me sleep alone. Either he slept over, or Archimedes was sent across the hall with me. That was fine, I enjoyed the clever cats’ company.
“Owen, maybe the incident affected us more than we think.” I pointed out in a quiet, gentle voice. Owen gave me a long look. He turned away for a moment, a grimace taking over his handsome face.
“It won’t again.” He said in a determined voice. “I’m halfway through the journal Merlin left me, I bet I’ll get the codex soon and then I could just zap from place to place.” He snapped his fingers.
“And I’ll work on not being so reliant on mirrors, but it’s more than that. We should and can take steps to alleviate problems, but our heads have to be in the right space.” I urged him.
“Right, left, it doesn’t make a difference.” He gave me a little half grin then. “We’re all mad here.” He crossed his eyes. I let out a laugh, letting the subject drop.
Suddenly the door banged open, and Ryker came storming out. I stood in the aisle, blocking his way to the suite door. He stood close to me, his breathing erratic and his handsome face was scowling. If he did not comply he’d be put on administrative duty, or worse, expelled.
“I don’t need this shit.” He snapped. I knew this was going to be difficult for him. Ryker was raised in a household that constricted emotional freedom. He didn’t know how to deal with all this.
“It’s okay,” I said in a soothing voice, resting my hands on his heaving chest. “Take a few deep breaths.”
“I don’t want to do this.” He shook his head.
“Ryker,” I cupped his face in my hands, and he leaned his forehead against mine. “If you want to be cleared for duty, you have to play along.” I reminded him.
“Cadet Pendragon,” Meredith called from her office door. Ryker squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then turned. “Will you come back in, please?” She then asked. Ryker grabbed my hand and didn’t let it go as he dragged me into the office. Meredith gave me a wink as I passed her.
We sat on the cream-colored sofa, Ryker never letting go of my hand.
“Alright,” Meredith sat in front of us in her armchair, placing her notebook back on her lap. “What prompted you to storm out just now?” She asked. Ryker didn’t say a word. “Do you want to tell Ivy what we were just talking about?” She then asked. Ryker exhaled a deep breath.
“I stormed out,” Ryker started after a moment, “because you’re wrong.” He said to Meredith. I sat quietly, leaning back against the couch to try to make myself as unobtrusive as possible. This was Ryker’s session, and he needed this more than Owen and I combined.
“What was I wrong about?” She then asked.
“Look,” Ryker let out a deep breath, his hand still clutched to mine, “I know that you’re qualified, I mean, for you to get a gig like this you have to be good at your job.” He paused for a moment, “But you’re still a human, you’re not part of the Mythos community or society. You don’t know what it’s like.”
“What is it like?” She asked.
“I’m a knight.” Ryker started, “Not only am I knight, but I am descendent of Arthur Pendragon, the greatest knight to have ever lived.”
“That’s quite a statement.” Meredith nodded.
“Look, other knights may swagger in here boasting about their bloodlines and all that, but everyone knows who I am,” Ryker replied. Meredith nodded, keeping her eyes on Ryker.
“That has to be a lot of pressure.” She then asserted.
“Yeah, and then I found Excalibur,” Ryker muttered. “I love her, don’t get me wrong. I would never wish I never found her.”
“But she comes with more pressure.” Meredith nodded. Ryker looked defeated.
“God, I sound like a fucking baby.” He growled, shifting his weight closer to mine. Meredith gave him a long look; I could see her contemplating her next step behind her deep green eyes.
“Well, which is it? Are you under pressure or are you a fucking baby?” I knew what she was doing, and I was glad that I was slightly behind Ryker, that way he didn’t see my smile. Meredith let the question take over the room, as the silence grew heavy.
“I understand that people crack under pressure, but not a knight,” Ryker argued.
“Oh? Do knights have special minds that prevent them from experiencing trauma?” She asked. All three of us knew the answer to the question.
“I am the King of Knights.” Ryker started again. “The King of Knights should not need to see a therapist because he killed someone.” Sometimes, Ryker’s strength astounded me. I had no idea how he hadn’t cracked already.
“Is killing easier for knights?” Meredith then asked.
“You don’t understand anything.” Ryker huffed, leaning back against the couch. I squeezed his hand, giving him a look.
“I don’t tell this to all of my clients, but perhaps it will help you to know that my father and brother are knights,” Meredith said after a moment.
“What Legacy?” Ryker asked, leaning forward again.
“Gilgamesh.” She replied. Holy shit.
“That’s. . . That’s some old blood. Holy shit.” Ryker gasped. “Your line is even older than mine.” Meredith gave him a smile. “I met your father once.” Ryker went on, “Admiral Gilgamesh is a fine knight, fair and just.”
“I’m glad you think so.” She nodded. “So, is killing easier for knights than for others?” She went right back to the point.
“You know the answer to that question.” Ryker muttered, “Look, I don’t feel anything about it. I was there, and I had to save Ivy, and I didn’t know who he was.”
“If you knew who he was would you have made the same decision?” Meredith asked.
“I dated his daughter, you know, for a long time. I’m sure you understand, you’re the daughter of a knight. Her father and my father thought it would make a good match.” Ryker started. Meredith nodded. “Beth is a good person, you know, and I never wished her any ill will.”
“What happened, between you and Beth?” She then asked. Ryker glanced over his shoulder at me, and I smiled.
“Ivy happened,” Ryker replied after a moment. Meredith nodded, writing something down in her book.
“And how long ago was this, that you and Beth broke up?” She asked.
“Oh, over a year and a half ago now.” Ryker shook his head. “It’s not that I still have for feelings for her or anything. I just . . .” He took a deep breath, “I killed her father.”
“Did you know Colonel Charlemagne, personally?” Meredith asked.
“I mean, of course I did. I dated his daughter for two years. I was invited to his house for dinners and barbeques, went shooting with him and a few of his knight friends. He and my father would often go golfing together.” Ryker replied.
“Did you ever think he was capable of the actions that led him to the forest that night?” She then asked. Ryker let out a deep breath.
“No. Not even an
inclination, or a feeling, or a passing thought. He was a Legacy Knight at the top of his field.” Ryker said after a moment.
“He called Ivy an abomination.” Ryker then said before Meredith could speak.
“What do you think about that?” She then asked.
“Nothing.” Ryker then said after a moment, the tone of his voice changing. “He’s dead, I killed him because he was trying to harm Ivy. Judicially, I was free and cleared.”
“But mentally?” Meredith pushed. “Are you judging yourself differently than internal investigation?”
“I killed a man and became a king in the same day,” Ryker started, “What kind of justice is that?” I hadn’t thought of it that way. This goes deeper then I originally thought.
“Do you think you deserve more punishment?” Meredith asked in her patient-therapist voice.
“No.” Ryker answered, “Just time.” Meredith smiled slightly and nodded her head.
“Alright, I think that is an excellent place to stop. You did excellent, today, Ryker. You should be proud of yourself.” Meredith smiled. Ryker just shrugged.
“I wanted to leave a little time at the end so I could speak to all three of you. Is it alright if I bring Cadet Emrys in?” She asked. Ryker nodded, and she exited the office.
“You okay?” I whispered, leaning my cheek on his shoulder. He gazed over at me and then shrugged his shoulder, making my head fall. We both were laughing as Meredith and Owen walked in. Owen sat on the other side of me.
“Alright, so after this first assessment, I can clear Cadet Emrys and Cadet Le Fay for combat and field training. I think both of you have the mental tools to overcome with time.” Meredith started to explain. “Cadet Pendragon, I want to see you back.” Ryker started to argue. “I will clear you for training,” She offered, “but you have to come back every week for as long as I think you will benefit. Remember, I can always unclear you.” She gave him a pointed look. Ryker grumbled something but nodded his head. “I would also like to see all three of you every week.” She then said.
“Why?” Owen demanded. Meredith leaned back, rubbing her hands together.
“Well, it’s my job to assess the mental stability of agents and cadets like you.” She started, “I just want to make sure the team is healthy.”
“You wouldn’t separate us, would you?” Owen demanded. Meredith looked over at him.
“And how would you feel about that?” She asked.
“Pretty fucking pissed.” Owen retorted.
“Yeah, no joke, we didn’t come here to be separated.” Ryker chimed in.
“And Cadet Le Fay, do you share the same outrage as your partners?” She asked. I glanced back and forth between Ryker and Owen.
“Meredith,” I started, pausing to get my thoughts in order. “I don’t know why you want to see us together. Maybe you're analyzing for co-dependency or whatever else you think our team has fallen into, but I can tell you this.” I paused, making sure she was paying attention. “When I’m running into a dire situation, it’s these two I want with me. I trust them with my life, and they trust me. That’s not something that can just happen, which is why I think the powers-that-be teamed us up so young, it makes better agents, and I’m inclined to agree with them. I don’t think, unlike my teammates, that you want to split us up, and I can understand you wanting to see the three of us for whatever reason, but I think it will be a waste of your time.” I finished.
“Why so?” She asked.
“Because whether you determine to split us up or not, we’re simply not going to be. This is something you should know. We all agreed that if we are split up, we’re not joining the MBI or any other organization that can hold such clout over us.” I replied. We were tired of living in fear, so much so that we all cut our hands and shared our blood, promising that we’d always stick together.
“That’s dramatic.” Meredith smiled.
“Whatever you think.” I shrugged, “But we’re tired of living in fear of being split up, so, therefore, we’re not.”
Meredith nodded and smiled. After that, we set up times for our next meeting and the session she would have with Ryker next week. She even suggested that Ryker could bring me along if he wanted, if he felt more comfortable talking with me in the room. Then we were out in the office suite while Malcolm walked passed us, giving us the dirtiest look he could muster. Once again, Team Camelot wasn’t making any friends.
We exited the administration offices and walked down a series of hallways. At the crossroads between the greenhouse and the gym, Ryker stopped.
“Yeah, I need to go hit something,” Ryker said gesturing to the gym. I nodded, giving him an understanding smile. He disappeared through the double doors. Owen and I went into the greenhouse, where Excalibur sat in the stone. She preferred it that way, and since she’ll come to Ryker’s call, no matter where in the world he is, it wasn’t a big deal for her to stay there.
“Hello, old girl.” Owen gave her a small bow before he sat on the iron bench.
“That was rough.” I sighed. My mind felt numb like I could compose no more complicated thoughts.
“Do you think they’ll take our threat seriously?” Owen asked after a moment.
“If they don’t, they’re stupid,” I replied. We had told Agent Rogers along the same thing when Ryker had told him of our relationship. If we had to choose, we always picked each other, before everything else.
“What would we do if weren’t MBI agents?” Owen asked, leaning back against the bench and crossing his arms behind his head.
“I thought about being a doctor before I decided on MBI.” I offered.
“Gross.” Owen wrinkled his nose. “I guess I’d go into R&D.” I could so see Owen in a lab coat working for Research and Development.
“What do you think Ryker would do?” I asked. Owen stared at Excalibur for a long moment.
“Nothing.” Owen replied, “He was born to do this.” He was right. From his coat pocket, he pulled out a plastic bag of cookies. He opened the bag and offered one to me.
“What do these do?” I asked taking one.
“Nothing, I just wanted cookies.” He replied. I gave him a small smile and bit into my cookie.
“I’m stuck in my research.” He started. “I keep thinking, what makes the cookies work? Like why not cakes or pies or bread? What is it about the combination of eggs, sugar, flour, and butter, in cookie form that makes them hold the magic?” I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
“I don’t know.” I answered honestly, “That’s quite a query.” Then I took another bite of cookie. “Unlike cakes or pies, though, they are portable.” I meant it as a joke, but Owen gave me a sharp, serious look.
“Portable.” He wondered out loud. “Portability.” He then mumbled. He stood then. “Ivy, be a dear.” He gestured to the long mirror hanging on the other side of Excalibur. MBI thought it best for Owen to practice in dream world from now on. I stood and placed my hand on the mirror, opening dream world. Owen stepped in, still mumbling about portability.
I sat for a moment, enjoying the peaceful sounds of the water trickling and the sweet smells of the blooming flowers around me. Excalibur sat in front of me, its customary beam of sunlight illuminating around it. It was a beautiful sword, huge, but with delicate craftsmanship, prevalent on the runic engravings marking the blade and the metal work around the hilt.
“You know, you really are beautiful,” I said to it. I had found myself talking to Excalibur on more than one occasion. She was a good listener and an excellent secret keeper. Ryker also told me that she likes the company, as she gets lonely sometimes. The beam glittered around the sword as if she was thanking me for the compliment.
“Listen, girl, our guys are having a tough time right now, so it’s up to us to keep them going,” I told her. I thought about the counseling session with Meredith and all the realizations I encountered in listening to Ryker speak.
“You and me both know that just because a person is born
a knight doesn’t mean he adheres to the Code. People are complicated that way. But Ryker . . . he had such faith in the Order, I think this might really affect him.” The sword gleamed in front of me. I stood, reaching over to run my fingers along the intricate swirls of metal that formed a hand guard around the hilt. I felt her magic and energy pulse through my fingertips. She was worried too.
“I guess I never thanked you for saving me,” I said out loud. “If you hadn’t have used your own power, I’m not sure if I would be standing here right now,” I told it.
After the incident, Owen and I had assessed that there was no way Ryker was ready and able to release as much magic as Excalibur had produced when killing the Colonel. It had the force of a missile strike, and though the autopsy showed no cuts or any physical harm, the energy had literally stopped his heart.
Warm, comforting energy entered through my fingertips. Ryker had told me of the swords’ affection for me, but I still liked to feel it.
“Alright girl, I’ll come to stop by later,” I promised her, giving it one last rub across the hilt. “Watch the door for me.” I then said, pointing towards the mirror that led into my dimension. I had to leave it open for Owen, but I knew Excalibur would protect it.
With that, I turned and exited the greenhouse. Ryker and I had decided that our first date would happen tonight, but after the emotional struggle of the day, I wasn’t going to hold him to it. If he just wanted to stay in the gym all night and work things out himself, I totally understood. Walking through the double doors of the entrance of the gym, I turned down a long narrow hallway. Doors lined both sides with little plaques to designate the title of the rooms. There were locker rooms, offices, and storage closets. Turning around the corner, the hallway opened to a gigantic three story tall room. In the upper levels were cardio and weight rooms, as well as magically protected practice rooms so wizards could use their magic with little consequences. Well, other than Owen and me. I shudder to think what our magic would do to the gigantic building.
On the main level was a large room, the floor covered in pads, with mirrors covering the walls. That room was more organic, as the instructors brought out different equipment depending on the day. Ryker stood in the center; his eyes locked on a large punching bag. Other knights milled around him. There was a sparring ring, where I watched Natalie take down Garret Percival. She was amazing to me. I had seen her practice her fighting here before, and the way she gracefully and delicately contorted her body to move around much larger assailants was always a miraculous sight. The room was also filled with weight benches and racks, as well as a row of punching bags and other equipment.
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