So I dealt with the throbbing pain.
For a year, I didn’t chew on that side of my mouth. I didn’t let cold drinks leak over to that side. And I took ibuprofen when the throbbing got the best of me.
A year!
Finally I’d had enough. The pain overrode the fear, and I made an appointment for the dreaded root canal.
Sometimes living in fear of what might be causes more stress and anxiety than actually facing what we fear.
And you know what? I survived! Not only did I survive, but I honestly found the whole root canal ordeal to be no big deal. The fear of it was so much worse than actually having the procedure done.
I think fear often plays out that way. Sometimes living in fear of what might be causes more stress and anxiety than actually facing what we fear. Is there something you’re avoiding because you’re afraid?
Psalm 34:7 reminds me, “The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.” To fear the Lord means to honor Him and magnify Him in my heart most of all. When I focus on or magnify my fears, they become all I can think about. So instead I’ve learned to focus on God by doing three things:
I cry out to Him with honest prayers. I verbalize to God what I’m afraid of and how paralyzing my fear is. I ask Him to help me see if this fear is a warning or an unnecessary worry. And then I ask Him to help me know the next step to take.
I open my Bible and look for verses that show me what He wants me to do in that moment of fear. I write down truths from the Bible about fear and then align my next thoughts and actions with His truth.
I then walk in the assurance that I am fearing (honoring) the Lord as Psalm 34:7 tells me to, therefore I know with certainty an angel of the Lord is encamped around me, and God will deliver me.
I like this promise so much. It comforts me. It reassures me. And it challenges me to really live like I know it is true.
What’s a fear you can face today? Think of an everyday fear holding you back. Is there a fear of confronting an issue with a friend? Is there a fear of stepping out in obedience to something God is calling you to do? Is there a fear of a medical diagnosis you just received?
Oh, if I were there, I would totally hold your hand. Better yet, though, God is with you. And He is holding you. And when you know He is with you and His angels are encamped around you, you can face your fears.
Dear Lord, if a feeling of fear is a legitimate warning from You, help me to know that. But if this feeling of fear is more of a distracting detriment, help me be courageous and walk assured in Your presence. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
73
HOLDING ON TO TRUTH
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
—JOHN 8:32
Several years ago I was wrapping up at a conference where I’d been speaking. My friend Beth and I were talking about where the team would be meeting for dinner that night when, suddenly, a very frantic arena staff member came over and told us there was an emergency and we were needed right away.
A lady attending the conference had just been told her two grandchildren had been killed in a fire that day.
We rushed over to find a lady surrounded by her friends. She was sobbing to the point she could hardly breathe. She’d just been with her grandbabies, ages eight and four. They’d spent spring break with her the week before. She’d held them, rocked them, stroked their hair, and kissed them all over their faces. How could they be gone?
It was too much for her brain to process.
The EMT stepped aside so we could hold her hands and pray over her. At first I stumbled my way through requests for Jesus to pour His most tender mercies into this situation. I prayed for comfort and the reassurance that these children were being held by Jesus in this moment.
It was so hard. My mommy heart ached so deeply for this woman. My eyes welled up with tears refusing to stay contained.
Our souls were formed to recognize and respond to the calm assurance of Jesus.
As Beth took her turn to pray I noticed something miraculous. Every time we said “Jesus,” her body calmed, her crying slowed, her breathing stopped sounding so panicked.
So, when it was my turn to pray again I just said His name over and over and over. This sweet grandmother joined me, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.”
As we said “Jesus” over and over, truth flooded my mind.
I remembered what I’d discovered in Scripture about fearing death. Death is only a temporary separation. We will be reunited again.
I remembered truth from 2 Samuel 12. When David’s infant child died, David confidently said, “I will go to him, but he will not return to me” (v. 23). David knew he would see his child again—not just a nameless, faceless soul without an identity, but his very child. He would know him, hold him, kiss him, and the separation death caused would be over.
The only thing that seemed to calm my devastated sister in Christ was the name of Jesus and His truth.
What a powerful reminder to us all.
Hold on to His Word, sweet sister. Speak His truth and the name of Jesus out loud. Our souls were formed to recognize and respond to the calm assurance of Jesus and truth.
Never has this been clearer to me.
Please pray for my friend from the conference and her family.
And remember no matter what circumstances you find yourself in . . .
We can choose to hold on to the truth. Let everything else go. Park our mind with what is true. “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).
Dear Lord, I lift up my mind to You and ask You to help me remember to speak Your Name and Your truth in any situation I’m in that seems overwhelming—little things and big things. Truly my soul was formed to recognize and respond to the calm assurance of truth. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
74
PRESSING THROUGH THE PAIN
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
—JAMES 4:8 (NKJV)
Does it ever feel like the heartbreak in your life is trying to break you?
I understand. I really, really do. I’ve been in that place where the pain of heartbreak hits with such sudden and sharp force that it feels like it cuts through skin and bone. It’s the kind of pain that leaves us wondering if we’ll ever be able to function like a normal person again.
But God has been tenderly reminding me that pain itself is not the enemy. Pain is the indicator that brokenness exists.
Pain is the reminder that the real Enemy is trying to take us out and bring us down by keeping us stuck in broken places. Pain is the gift that motivates us to fight with brave tenacity and fierce determination, knowing there’s healing on the other side.
And in the in-between? In that desperate place where we aren’t quite on the other side of it all yet, and our heart still feels quite raw?
Pain is the invitation for God to move in and replace our faltering strength with His. I’m not writing that to throw out spiritual platitudes that sound good; I write it from the depth of a heart that knows it’s the only way.
We must invite God into our pain to help us survive the desperate in-between.
The only other choice is to run from the pain by using some method of numbing. But numbing the pain never goes to the source of the real issue to make us healthier. It only silences our screaming need for help.
If we avoid the hurt, the hurt creates a void in us.
We think we are freeing ourselves from the pain when, in reality, what numbs us imprisons us. If we avoid the hurt, the hurt creates a void in us. It slowly kills the potential for our hearts to fully feel, fully connect, fully love again. It even steals the best in our relationship with God.
Pain is the sensation that indicates a transformation is needed. There is a weakness where new strength needs to enter in. And we must choose to pursue long-term strength rather than temporary relief.
So how do we get this new strength? How do we stop ourselves from chasing what wi
ll numb us when the deepest parts of us scream for some relief? How do we stop the piercing pain of this minute, this hour?
We invite God’s closeness.
For me, this means praying. No matter how vast our pit, prayer is big enough to fill us with the realization of His presence like nothing else. Our key verse (James 4:8) reminds us that when we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. When we invite Him close, He always accepts our invitation.
And on the days when my heart feels hurt and my words feel quite flat, I let Scripture guide my prayers—recording His Word in my journal, and then adding my own personal thoughts.
One of my favorites to turn to is Psalm 91. I would love to share this verse with you today, as an example for when you prayerfully invite God into your own pain.
Verse: “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalm 91:1).
Prayer:
Lord, draw me close.
Your Word promises when I draw close to You, You are there. I want my drawing close to be a permanent dwelling place. At any moment when I feel weak and empty and alone, I pray that I won’t let those feelings drag me down into a pit of insecurity. But rather, I want those feelings to be triggers for me to immediately lift those burdensome feelings to You and trade them for the assurance of Your security.
I am not alone, because You are with me. I am not weak, because Your strength is infused in me. I am not empty, because I’m drinking daily from Your fullness. You are my dwelling place. And in You I have shelter from every stormy circumstance and harsh reality. I’m not pretending the hard things don’t exist, but I am rejoicing in the fact that Your covering protects me and prevents those hard things from affecting me like they used to.
You, the Most High, have the final say over me. You know me and love me intimately. And today I declare that I will trust You in the midst of my pain. You are my everyday dwelling place, my saving grace.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
And with that I close my prayer journal, feeling a lot less desperate and a lot more whole. I breathe the atmosphere of life His words bring.
I picture Him standing at the door of my future, knocking. If I will let Him enter into the darkness of my hurt today, He will open wide the door to a much brighter tomorrow.
Dear Lord, in this moment I draw near to You and I invite Your closeness. Help me to experience Your presence today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
75
DEVASTATED BUT NOT DESTROYED
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
—PSALM 46:10
I took my seat in the middle of the food court and was thankful I could hide my tears by staring down at my food. I quietly brushed my napkin across my cheek. I blinked. I tried desperately to swallow.
I’m not normally a mall-goer, but that day I needed a place to hide. A place to process. A place to remember that the whole world wasn’t falling apart.
The news I’d received just an hour earlier crushed me. And devastated me.
A friend I love made a decision that I couldn’t for the life of me understand. It wasn’t in keeping with her character. It wasn’t something I ever dreamed this person could do. The effects of this decision would careen across her life and mine with really hard consequences.
Glancing at the table across from me I saw two women a little younger than me. They were laughing and cutting up food into bite-size pieces for their young kids. I could hear them talking about costumes that needed to be made for their upcoming preschool performance. One of them was having a hard time finding purple tights and she desperately needed purple tights to make the costume complete.
God loves us and He will not leave us.
I whispered under my breath, “I wish my biggest issue was purple tights.” Although my whispered statement was lost in the chaotic chorus of food court voices and noises, the scream inside my heart hovered over me in deafening tones.
What. In. The. World!
My mind raced. My throat tightened. My eyes leaked uncontrollably.
I tried to pray but honestly I felt like God was pretty distant at that moment.
It’s hard to stand on the goodness of God when you feel like life has just been stripped of so much good.
I forced my legs to support my body. I walked mindlessly to my car. And I drove home.
It’s in these moments when we know if the Word of God has seeped deep into our hearts or not. Though the world seemed to swirl and spin without anything for me to hold onto, one simple statement rose to the top of my mind and cut through with crystal clarity, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
I heard it over and over.
And I knew it wasn’t my mind conjuring up this Bible verse. It was the Holy Spirit inside me speaking. Reassuring. And quite honestly, holding me together when circumstances were tearing me apart.
I don’t know what hard reality is crushing your heart right now. But I sense I’m not alone. The Enemy is on a full-out attack against everything good, sacred, pure, and honest. He is the father of lies who wants us to believe that if our circumstances fall apart, then so will we.
But take it from a woman in the middle of my own hard reality: Satan is a liar. God is a Redeemer. A Healer. The Author of hope. The Pathway of restoration. The great I AM.
Right this very minute there are some things you and I must cling and hold to as if our lives depended on it:
1. God loves us and He will not leave us.
2. This battle isn’t ours. The battle belongs to the Lord. Let Him fight for you. Save your emotional energy and use it to dig into His Word like never before. Our job is to be obedient to God. God’s job is winning this battle.
3. The battle might not be easy or short-lived, but victory will be there for those who trust God.
4. God is good even when the circumstances are darker than you ever imagined. God is good even when people are not. God is good even when things seem stinking hopeless. God is good and can be trusted when you feel suspicious of everyone and everything around you.
5. Lastly, God is good at being God. Don’t try to fix what He hasn’t assigned you to fix. Don’t try to manipulate or control or spend all your emotions trying to figure it out. Let Him be God. Free yourself from this impossible assignment.
Sweet friend, be still. And know. He is God.
I’m praying for you. And I treasure the fact I know you are praying for me.
Let’s band together to declare we Jesus girls may not have all the answers for our situations. But by God we will stand in the midst of our hard days and declare we trust the One who holds every answer.
We will . . . be still . . . and know . . . HE IS GOD.
Dear Lord, I choose to hand my situation over to You today. I will be still and know that You, and only You, are God. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Part 4
Embracing His Call to Be Transformed
76
THE BEGINNINGS OF A MIRACLE
I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
—PSALM 77:11
If I lived in the days of Jesus, I like to think I’d have been moved by His miracles. Changed by His miracles. Repentant and willing to live differently because of what His actions proved. He is the Son of God—the miracle worker.
But would I really?
After all, sometimes I act as though Jesus can work miracles for other people, but not for me. Not with my issues.
A few years ago, I started to see that one of my issues was my short and snippy reactions to my family. I felt like I was constantly coming unglued and getting all tangled in my raw emotions. I chalked it up to stress, being overly tired, and monthly hormonal fluxes. I kept making excuses and promises to do better tomorrow. But then tomorrow would bring with it more challenges and conflicts where I’d overreact again and then regret it
.
I was quick to applaud when other people repented and positioned their hearts to see Jesus work miracles in their lives. But I lived as if that same kind of miraculous work wasn’t possible with me.
And that kind of unrepentant attitude frustrates Jesus. In Matthew 11:20, “Jesus began to denounce the towns in which most of his miracles had been performed, because they did not repent.”
Sometimes I have to get out of my normal surroundings to become more aware of things that need to change in me. So, that year I spent a week at a homeless shelter called the Dream Center. Pastor Matthew Barnett and his church run the Dream Center in Los Angeles. The Dream Center is a ministry hub of programs that serves thousands of people each month who are dealing with the heartbreaking effects of homelessness, addiction, sex trafficking, and more.
I knew my progress would be imperfect, but it could still be miraculous.
I went to help meet needs. But I quickly realized I was there as a woman in need. A woman who needed God’s reality to fall fresh and heavy and close and real and too in my face to deny.
I saw God’s miraculous healing power woven into so many lives at the Dream Center. I saw it. And wanted it.
God’s miraculous power is what transformed the gang member with eight bullet-hole scars into a Jesus-loving servant. So gentle.
It’s what changed the former prostitute into a counselor for other girls rescued from life on the streets. So pure.
It’s what changed the drug addict into a loving father, teaching his son how to be a godly leader. So integrity filled.
What prevented me from realizing that God’s power could change me too?
Somewhere along the line I stopped expecting God to work miraculously in me.
The psalmist in our key verse stirred his soul to hope by remembering the miracles of the Lord: “I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago” (Psalm 77:11). And I realized I could do the same thing. Inspired by the changed lives at the homeless shelter, my soul quickened to the bold reality that I could be different. I really could have different reactions to my raw emotions. I knew my progress would be imperfect, but it could still be miraculous. And I felt a new hope rush through me.
Embraced Page 17