“I don’t know…” I reply with a shrug.
“You do Elle, you let those monsters take it from you, between that and your dad’s murder you let that club take it away,” she tells me, “you know they won’t harm you again, they’re all dead but one.”
“It’s that one that terrifies me,” I tell her.
“Let’s go back to the self-defense. You said you’ve gotten so good that you don’t freeze when someone comes up behind you to attack you. You’ve also said that you flipped Benelli onto the mat, right?”
“Well, yeah, but it was Benelli, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me,” I say.
“No, you were physically able to flip an attacker that was much larger and more muscular than you, correct?” she asks with some demand in her voice.
“Yes,” I reply.
“Yes, what?” she asks again.
“Yes, I was able to flip a bigger, stronger man than the one that is still out there.”
“There you go, you have enough strength and power to overtake the man you’fear,” Zen says, “he can’t control you anymore, say it.”
“I have enough strength and power and he can’t control me anymore,” I say but not believable.
“What was that? I didn’t hear you,” she says with her hand cupping her ear.
“I HAVE ENOUGH STRENGTH AND POWER AND HE CAN’T CONTROL ME OR TAKE ANYTHING FROM ME ANYMORE!” I say with a bit of power filling me inside.
“You are in control of your life,” she says, still cupping her ear.
“I AM IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE,” I repeat, starting to believe it and stand to my feet.
“Now, as your friend, I’m telling you, go out there and for the love of God and make a move on that yummy man that is dying for some attention,” she says and swats me on the ass like I’m going out to make the winning touchdown for the team or something.
I head out of her room at the club and walk straight to Benelli’s office where he’s normally waiting for me chanting to myself, “I’ve got this, I can do this, I’ve got this, yep, gonna grab him and kiss him. He won’t know what’s coming.” I march right up to his office and open the door without knocking. “Benelli Neroni, get over here!” He has this look of “Oh shit, what did I do now” but comes to me all hot in a brand new pair of jeans and a snug fitting dress shirt that shows off his muscles. I’ve never seen him dressed like this, but I’ve got to keep my mind on the prize. I grab his face with my two hands and plaster a fiery kiss on his lips. Oh, the taste of his mouth sends shivers through my lady parts, his lips fitting perfectly against mine like we were made to be kissing each other.
He pulls me back far enough to look into my face, “are you sure?” he asks hopefully.
“Yes, I’m sure,” I reply, and I barely get those words out of my mouth when he’s crashing back down on to mine, kissing me passionately and without control. Our lips and tongues intertwining doing a dance that only we know. His hands grasping my hips, pulling me so close I don’t know where I start and he stops. He’s the best kisser I’ve ever had in my life and now that we’ve started I don’t want it to stop. We start groping and pawing at each other like a couple of teenagers experiencing the touch of another for the first time. We stop for a moment, both panting like we have run a marathon, his forehead down on mine, a need deep down inside of me, my stomach fluttering around. “So, this is what it feels like,” I breathlessly say.
“What?” he asks, still breathing just as fast, still resting his forehead on mine.
“Butterflies, my mom always said if I got butterflies I’d just… know,” I say and lean my head back looking into his beautiful caramel brown eyes hoping he felt them too.
“Yeah, I know what you mean, I have this weird, crazy feeling,” he places his hand on his stomach, “it’s a weird feeling, I mean good, but weird, I’ve never felt it before, I don’t know how to explain it, I’m 30 years old and have never,” he shakes his head and looks up at me cupping the back on my head with his hand, “never” and he kisses me in this sweet, soft kiss. Just then his alarm goes off on his phone and I look at him questioning. “Alarm, I made reservations,” he says turning it off.
“Well, I guess we better go eat then,” I say and kiss him one last time for good measure. We walk out of his office holding hands and Lucky and Remington see us and start applauding and whistling. He puts his arm around my waist and has his other arm raised, giving them the middle finger as we walk out.
We take the bike again because my car is “broke” down. At least he wants me to think that. I know he took the spark plug out so I could be close to him. I’ll let him have that. I have my arms wrapped snuggly around him and have my head on his shoulder as we travel down the road to the restaurant. We get there and I see it’s a really cool place. It’s a steakhouse where all the staff are dressed in gangster and flapper clothing from the 1920s. We can’t decide on appetizers so he orders deep fried avocados called Spent Shells and something called Blazin’ Bullets. We also ordered steaks with a side of bacon wrapped asparagus and salad. We laughed and talked, and it was so different now with us. I mean, I’ve always had a good time with him, but there’s an easiness even more so now. We even had our waiter take some pics of us posed in front of an old car with Tommy guns like Bonnie and Clyde.
After dinner we decided to walk to this bar that had country dancing and he swung me around the dance floor. Swinging and what was it called, the pretzel?, was not what I’d ever done, so we would get all tangled up and I just laughed, I laughed until my side hurt and we had to take a break. He taught me how to two step and the slow dances, oh he is so sexy on the dance floor. There is nothing sexier than a man that can dance. We ended up dancing until it was closing time.
We left the bar and walked back to get the bike hand in hand. He handed me the helmet and told me he wanted to take me somewhere. We rode for maybe an hour and we end up taking this road in the middle of nowhere. The headlight, as we stop, is shining on this really cool spillway waterfall. He takes off shoes and socks, rolls up his jeans and then slides my shoes off of me and we wade through the path that’s about 3” underwater from the rain and climb up to the top. The place is deserted since it’s now around 3am. He stares into my eyes to make sure I’m still alright and for once I completely am. I’m in the moment with the man of my dreams and I don’t want to be anywhere but here with him. We walk across the rocks that are sitting above the rushing water and he stops me in front of a flat rock right in the middle and he stares into my eyes. I know what he wants. He wants to know if I’m ok with this. If I want this as badly as he does and I do, oh how I want this. I look back at him and my answer is in my actions. I slowly lower the straps down from my dress and it falls to the rocks at our feet. That’s all the answer he needs. He picks up the dress and lays it across the flat rock behind us waist high and picks me up and sets me down on it. It’s at such a perfect height for lovemaking I feel as if it had to have been man made for that exact purpose.
He looks at me in the moonlight, “you are so fucking beautiful Elle.” I start unbuttoning his shirt, my hands sliding across his chest as I do so. Without taking his eyes off mine, he starts unzipping his jeans and removing them. In the moonlight I see the massive bulge begging to be released completely from his red boxer briefs and when he’s completely naked my breath hitches. It’s much bigger than what I imagined it would be. Much more than I’ve ever had before. He pulls me in and kisses me. I slowly take my fingers, tracing the muscles in his arms, across his chest, raking my fingers through the patch of curls on it, my tongue teasingly nipping and gently sucking at his neck. I wrap my hand around his engorged cock and between his neck and my stroking, he groans in absolute pleasure. He leans into me and kisses me slowly, going down my body with each kiss until he reaches my breasts where he takes my nipple in his mouth and swirls his tongue around it and gently sucking. I don’t know how it’s so different from what I’ve ever had before, but I’m arching my back at the pleasure of it. Some men bit
e and sometimes too hard, but he savors it in a way that I’ve never felt before, it’s amazing and I feel myself getting wetter and wetter.
With the falls rushing around my body like it’s another stone in its path, it cascades around my body and I come. He hasn’t even entered me yet and I come. He watches my reaction, and he smiles. “Yes, baby, come for me,” He takes my mouth in his. His tongue invading me as he presses his body closer to mine. He reached to his pants laying on a rock to grab a condom and stares into my face for approval. As a natural reaction, I spread my legs further apart for him to enter me and he immediately puts it on. When he enters me, I moan with the feel of him, the perfect fullness that I didn’t know how badly I needed. I wrap my legs around his body and I rock with him back and forth as he pushes in and out of me as we kiss, his fingers firm in my hair. It’s slow and so sensual and exactly what I need at first, but then it builds in us both, I can tell he’s as close as I am and we need that release. I need it as bad as the air I breathe, I need to come again and I need to for him to as well. I wanted to tell him that all my tests came back clear, and I was on the pill, but it seemed awkward at the time. He adjusts me so quick I don’t know how he did it but my legs are in another position and he’s hitting my g-spot so fast and perfect that I explode again my pussy pulsing against his cock, milking it, it’s so hard and deep inside me, “Oh God baby, yeah, so good,” and then he groans this manly grunt and fills me completely and we fall into each other, the falling of the water enveloping around us.
Once we regain our jagged breath and composure, he raises my bottom up and grabs my soaking wet dress and slips it back over my head; it clinging against my body like a second skin, the outline of my hard nipples clearly evident. It was in just a nick of time because a spotlight is shined upon us. The police officer says over a loudspeaker, “Okay kids, the area isn’t open until 7am, I’m going to need you to leave right now.”
Well, at least I have my dress on when the light hits. Benelli is still naked trying to cover up his package with his pants and I bust out laughing. I am laughing so hard at him, at the police, at the whole situation. I can’t seem to stop. When I snort and then laugh harder Benelli starts laughing too and throws his pants at me. The officer had turned off his light when he saw me stand and start to walk off with Benelli’s pants. What does this guy do? He decides fuck it, whoever it is has already seen his bare ass and probably more. He turns around and shakes his ass, twerking like the rent is due. It’s more than I can take and more snorts and laughter and I hop back over to him and hold his pants out to put back on. I can’t, it’s just too damn hilarious. Once we are dressed he leads me back to the path and to the bike where the officer just shakes his head at us and pulls off. Then he kisses me once more before we climb on soaked to the bone and we ride back to the house and I’m in utter bliss.
By the time we get home, it’s almost daylight. I don’t have any photo shoots until late afternoon so he leads me to his room, to his king-size bed with flannel sheets and thick, cozy comforter and thick down pillows your head just sinks perfectly into and we quickly fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Elle
Calibar is on top of me, straddling me in the bed, his filthy hand covering my mouth so I cannot scream. I am pinned beneath him. In his other hand he holds a knife that glistens slightly in the moonlight shining through the big window as he tells me a psychotic “shhh” sound holding it in front of his face. I am scared and frantic, wondering where the hell I am and how he got to me. All I can think of is I’m in a bed, but where?
Benelli! I was in Benelli’s bed when we got home this morning, I remember we laid down together and fell asleep in his bed. Where is he? Why isn’t he protecting me I think. He promised me he would always keep me safe? Calibar sees it in my eyes, he knows what I’m thinking. “He couldn’t protect you from me, could he? He thought he was so superior. Did he really think he could stop me from getting to you? Well, he’s definitely not going to do it now, my dirty, little cunt.”
Why is he using past tense, “he thought?” He grabs my face so hard it leaves bruising fingerprints into my cheeks and forces my head to the side. I try to force my face back because if I don’t look, if I don’t see it for myself, nothing bad happened, right? It’s no use, he’s so much stronger than me.
“NOOOOOOOO!!!” I scream and then I feel the whack of the back of his hand hard across my face, jerking it to turn to the opposite side of the room. I want to run to him, my Benelli, but I can’t, he still has me pinned down. I turn my head towards him again, hoping against hope that I won’t see the horror I just saw, trying to convince myself that it’s not real. But as I open my eyes it is real, all too real. Benelli, who I finally gave myself to last night and allowed myself to feel again, is there, half on the leather chair, half off, with his throat slit and blood running down his body. His eyes are still focused on me, giving me a look like, “why did I ever love you?”
He’s right, if he hadn’t had held me that first time in the Old Tin Barn, if he hadn’t been there for me, if he hadn’t taken me in and patiently waited
for me to give my body, my mind, my soul to him, he’d still be alive right now. I loved him and he was killed because of it. I said it, I loved him, I do love him.
The next thing I know he is holding my sweaty body, my voice screaming incoherently, and he’s shaking me and trying to get me to wake up, “Elle, wake up baby, it’s just a dream, come on honey, wake up,” and then I do, scratching
and clawing trying to get away from Calibar. He holds me slightly away from him to defend himself, and I finally come to my senses. “Benelli?” is all I can say and I grab him as fiercely as I can, glad that everything I had seen before was just a nightmare and not my new reality.
“Yes, baby, it’s me. It was just a bad dream,” Benelli tells me, and we hold each other in a tight embrace and we don’t want to let each other go.
“I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault, if you didn’t love me then he wouldn’t have killed you,” I say, still a little dazed from the all too realistic dream.
“Hush that talk, enough of that, he’s not going to kill me or you for how we feel about each other, I promise Elle,” he tells me holding my head against his chest as he strokes my hair.
A couple weeks go by and my mind betrays me with 3 more night terrors. They have me still fucked up and I know I am. I don’t even think Zen and her degree can save me anymore. I’m no longer scared to have Benelli touch me like before. In fact, I find it difficult to be out of his sight, which I know makes it hard for him trying to run a club and a bunch of businesses with me following him like a scared puppy. I’m looking over my shoulder everywhere I go even if he is with me or not.
Just out of the blue I will start getting cold sweats. My heart starts pounding, I can’t breathe. I am constantly waiting for Calibar to appear out of nowhere, and it’s making my life a living hell. I have talked to my best friend about it and we’ve already had a few “real talks” but she didn’t get too real with me, see she even thinks I’m a basket case with no hope. Okay, I know that’s not true, but just when I think I can get over it, I have another nightmare.
Strangely enough, I have found a really good friend in Phoenix. He used to have nightmares and panic attacks all the time and knows what I’m going through. He reached out to me one day when I was doing dishes at the club, looking out the window with my mind so far from where I was in reality. He made sure he got my attention without touching me or being too close.
Once he got my attention, he leaned with his back to the counter top and began, “Listen, I know what you’re going through. The nightmares, the cold sweats, the panic attacks… I uhm, I know what it’s like. If you ever need someone to talk to that, you know, actually gets what you’re going through, you come see me okay?” That’s all he said to me that day and walked away. He spends a lot of time in the garage building bikes, so that’s where I find him.
&
nbsp; “Hey,” I say as I hesitantly walk up to Phoenix and Zen talking.
“Hey sweetie,” Zen says and places her hands on my upper arms, “how are you holding up?”
“I’m… ok, I guess,” I say and look at my friend who knows I’m lying my ass off right now. I try to change the subject by squatting next to Phoenix, “so what’s this project?” even though I won’t have a clue what he’s talking about.
“I’m restoring this baby,” he says proudly, “it’s an ultralow Screaming Eagle Edition. It was your dad’s pet project.” Then he realized he mentioned my dad, “sorry Elle.”
“No, don’t be sorry, I want to know all about him. Do you care if I hang out here and watch for a while?” I ask.
“Sure, you’re welcome to. Maybe you’d like to help me?” Phoenix replies.
“I don’t know what to do, but yeah, that would be great!” I tell him eagerly.
“Well, I’m going to leave you to it,” Zen tells us.
“Oh, sorry Zen, I didn’t mean to…” I say to her, but she stops me and tells me it’s totally cool, she has errands to run, anyway.
Benelli
I am so worried about Elle I don’t know what to do. I spot the girls in the garage on my way to the clubhouse. I’m glad she feels comfortable around here and that she is making friends with everyone. I’m about to go in when I hear Zen call for me, “Benelli, got a minute?”
“Yeah, sure, the office good?” I ask.
Benelli's Elle: Unfortunate Souls MC Book One Page 10