The summer we spent together before she left for college was everything from my wildest dreams. We had a chemistry between us that burned hotter than the sun. Whenever her eyes met mine, she had this look in them that made me feel like I was invincible. I was ready to give her everything she wanted in life, but when the time came to make it real, I panicked.
Maverick has been my best friend since I was ten years old. He’s my brother for all intents and purposes. When I tried to imagine the look on his face after finding out I’d been screwing his sister behind his back, it was enough to send me running for the hills. I did the one thing I never thought I would – I walked away from McKenna and left her crying on her bedroom floor.
By the time that I realized what a monumental mistake I’d made, it was too late. She had already left for NYU. My calls and texts wouldn’t go through. Her social media was no longer visible to me. The message was clear; she was moving on with her life, and I was no longer welcome in it.
I’d waited for her to reappear but as holidays and summers came and went, she never showed. Maverick would mention something in passing about how she was in some foreign country on a relief program. Her actions were noble, there’s no denying that, but I knew her reasoning for not coming home. The only thing I could do was respect her decision and stay away.
Despite how much I told myself it would never happen, that I had lost her, I still couldn’t seem to move on. There was always a part of me that held other women in comparison to McKenna, and let’s be real here, there is no comparing to her. They all lacked the ability to make me smile just by being in the room. They didn’t have the jade green eyes she had, and even if they did, their’s didn’t shine as bright. So, after a few pitiful attempts at finding someone else, I gave up.
The day Maverick told me McKenna got engaged was the day my chest cracked wide open. He mentioned it like it was just another day, but his words knocked the wind out of me. Don’t get me wrong, I always knew it was a possibility. I guess a part of me just still held out hope that her and I would end up together.
I spent a few days avoiding everyone whenever I could and it didn’t go unnoticed. I was an asshole at work, barking orders at my employees like they were all incompetent fucks that couldn’t do their jobs correctly. After one particularly rough day where I put my fist through a newly built wall, Roman shoved me into his truck and drove us to the bar. For the first time ever, I told someone about the four months I spent with my best friend’s sister.
Being as Rome has been Maverick’s friend just as long as he’s been mine, I half expected him to punch me in the face and ask me how I could do something so stupid. So, imagine my surprise when he just smiled at me and chuckled like he already knew. He didn’t – or at least he didn’t know I acted on it – but he had his suspicions.
When I walked into the living room to find McKenna sitting there, looking as gorgeous as ever, it was like everything came to life again. Colors that had gone so dull became so vibrant. Without even realizing it, she was thawing out my frozen heart. Then, I met her fiancé.
I tried to keep my composure but I failed, miserably. The moment I realized that McKenna had never mentioned me to him, it felt as if someone doused me with a bucket of ice water. Did what we have mean so little to her that she didn’t even think to say anything about it? No, that couldn’t be it. She wanted a relationship with me. The only reason that didn’t happen was because of my own fear and stupidity.
The morning she almost burned herself on the broken coffee pot, I knew. My name slipped from her tongue the same way it always did. The connection her and I shared hadn’t gone anywhere. If anything, it was stronger. All the time we spent away from each other did nothing to extinguish the flame that burned between us. Yet still, she was engaged.
I couldn’t keep going without her in my life, not when she was so close. The only reason I made it the four years I did was because I wasn’t able to contact her even if I tried. Now, with her being dangled in front of me like a treat I’m not allowed to have, I needed at least part of her. I told myself I would shove my feelings down into the deepest corner of my chest and settle for being friends. Was it going to suck? Of course. Would it hurt to see her with Lord Douchebag? Like a bitch. But, in the battle of being her friend or not having her at all, the choice was clear.
During the few days that she didn’t push me away, I learned she hadn’t changed nearly as much as I thought. She was still the sassy, headstrong girl I remembered. There wasn’t a single day we talked that I didn’t have a smile on my face, until it abruptly ended. All of a sudden, most of my messages went unanswered and the ones that didn’t, lacked the enthusiasm her responses once held.
A part of me knew I should leave it alone. I was too invested. I felt too strongly towards her to resist the temptation, but I didn’t listen. The need to be around her was so intense that it made every logical part of me cease to exist. Reasonability never stood a chance.
When we stood in her parents’ dining room and she repeated for the third time how wrong it was for us to be talking, I nearly went off. Here I was, trying to be a good guy and settle for being her friend – instead of telling her exactly what I thought about her upcoming nuptials and the wrong guy being at the end of that aisle – and it still wasn’t okay in her eyes. With the exception of calling her Princess, which will stop over my dead body, I had done well with keeping everything strictly platonic between us. It wasn’t easy, but I managed. So, to hear her say that even that was wrong, made me see red.
I was going to walk away. I was going to respect the request she made at her engagement party, regardless of how ridiculous and impossible I thought it was. My eyes couldn’t seem to look away from her that whole dinner, no matter how risky I knew it was. In my mind, it was going to be the last time I saw her for a while. I planned to go stay in Boston for a bit, to give her some distance. I had enough work there to last a few months at least. However, that isn’t what ended up happening.
Maverick proposing to Tatum has always been a touchy subject, and everyone would understand that if he told them that he tried. Five years ago, while we were all still in college, he bought a ring, got down on one knee, and asked her to marry him – she said no. In her defense, it was more of a ‘not yet’ but rejection is all the same. Being one of few people who know this, it was no surprise to me when he practically bit McKenna’s head off for bringing up the topic. What I didn’t expect, was to get caught in the crossfire.
No part of me had ever planned on McKenna finding out that I never moved on from what she and I had. It’s not exactly the kind of thing that makes you look manly and strong. So, the second Maverick spit those words at me intending to cause harm, I knew he hit his target. I instantly felt McKenna’s gaze shooting daggers into my head. A little voice in my head told me to look up – to hold her stare and play it off like he was talking about someone else, but I couldn’t. She meant more to me than that.
When I got to her bedroom, the first thing out of her mouth was calling me out on the lie I told her – that I had been drunk when I got the date of our first kiss tattooed close to my heart. There was no denying it at that point. I could hear in the tone of her voice, she had it all figured out. My eyes met hers and finally, for the first time in years, I saw it. Just like that, I was rendered completely defenseless.
Once I gave in, I knew walking away was no longer an option. Stealing another man’s fiancé was never something I aspired to do, but if we’re being honest, McKenna was never his to begin with. How could she be when every part of her heart was left here with me? Still, she’s the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met and I knew that the only way I stood a chance was to get her to come to me.
Making her jealous at the bar was Roman’s idea, and I must admit, it was brilliant. I’d purposely chosen someone I knew would be all over me. I turned on the charm and let the situation play out. I could feel McKenna watching me for over an hour before she ended up at the bar, downing shots like they were going to giv
e her the answers to life. By the third one, I started to worry. And by the fourth, I texted Rome and told him that if he didn’t stop her, I was going end this game and do it myself. Next thing I knew, I had a very angry looking ex standing in front of me, demanding I remove my hands from the girl grinding on my leg – I listened without hesitation.
The way her body moved against mine on that dance floor made me feel things that could send me straight to hell. In that moment, I didn’t care that people could see us, or that her brother was most likely within eyesight. All that mattered was the way my arms wrapped around her and the moan that left her mouth when I kissed her neck.
When we got into the bathroom, I had to refrain from attacking her mouth with my own. Like I said, if I stood a chance at all, I needed her to come to me. I needed her permission, and the second I got it I didn’t hold back. But when I heard her asking me to fuck her, I knew we needed to stop. God, turning down that offer was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but she deserves so much more than drunk sex in the back of some club. We deserve more than that.
As soon as I told her it wasn’t going to happen, I saw the look in her eyes. All the walls she had built to keep me out had gone right back up in a millisecond. I could’ve stood there all night and begged her to talk to me, but it wouldn’t have gotten us anywhere. The liquid courage she had was gone and all that was left was the girl who only remembered how I hurt her.
I LOOK DOWN AT my hand, seeing the fading bruises on my knuckles from the way I took out my anger that night. Roman tried insisting I go get x-rays, but I didn’t listen. I knew it wasn’t broken, and I was right.
Leaning against the counter while I wait for the coffee to finish brewing, I pull out my phone. It’s been three days since the night at the club and McKenna is yet to answer a single one of my texts. How is it so easy for her to go without talking to me, while I can’t go longer than a few hours? Ugh, I wish I had her self control.
As much as it hurts to think about, perhaps her actions that night made her realize I’m not the one she wants. Maybe she really does love her fiancé and wants to spend the rest of her life with him. If that’s the case, if he’s what makes her happy, I’ll back off. All I know is that every time I get her within my reach only for her to slip away again, I break a little more.
I type out the only thing I can think to say at this point.
I’m sorry if you’re hurting and if I had something to do with that pain. I never meant to make things difficult for you. I understand you don’t want to speak to me. I’m walking away.
I stay still for a few minutes, waiting for the three dots to appear and show she’s responding, but they never come.
SUNDAY ARRIVES QUICKER THAN expected, and while I’m not thrilled about the idea of going on a date with someone who isn’t McKenna, I’m trying to remain optimistic. I meant it when I told her I was walking away. If that isn’t what she wants, she can tell me. Otherwise, life goes on.
I’m sitting on the couch with Maverick going over the financials of his business. When he told me his idea a couple years ago, I immediately offered to invest. Being his silent partner, he runs everything the way he wants and I get 15% of net profits. The only thing he ever needs to come to me for are big decisions, such as the expansion he’s currently considering. It comes with a bit of a risk, so I know that part of him is looking at me as less as his partner and more as his friend.
“Do you think you can pull it off?”
He nods. “I think it’ll take a decent amount of work at first, but yeah, I do.”
“Then go for it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. The data looks good and you’re ready and willing to make it happen. If this is what you want to do, I trust you’re making the right call.”
He smiles gratefully and slips the documents back into their folder. Just as he finishes closing his briefcase, the doorbell rings. Tatum calls down to us from the balcony.
“Can one of you get that? It’s McKenna.”
Goosebumps rise across my skin at the mention of her name. I don’t move as Maverick cups his hands over his mouth and yells across the house.
“It’s open!”
Tatum scoffs. “I could have done that.”
“So, why didn’t you?”
Their banter is usually something I find amusing, but all I can focus on is the sound of the front door closing and footsteps coming down the hall. As soon as she comes into view, my lungs forget how to breathe. She’s in a pair of black leggings and an oversized, gray sweater that goes down just past her ass. Her eyes meet mine for only a second before Maverick pulls her attention to him.
“I didn’t expect to see you. Are you coming to dinner with us?”
She shakes her head. “Tatum has some paperwork I need to sign.”
“Paperwork? For what?”
I don’t miss the way she nervously plays with her sleeve and glances quickly at me. “The venue.”
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out she’s talking about her wedding. Every thought in my mind disappears and I can only think one thing – she’s still marrying him. Even after kissing me, not once but twice, he’s still the one she wants.
I stand up and head for the stairs, mumbling something about needing to get ready and for Maverick to have fun at dinner. As I slip past McKenna, she looks down at the ground and steps out of my way. It isn’t until I get to the top of the stairs that I hear her even acknowledge my existence.
“Is he okay?” Not even in the slightest.
“Yeah, don’t mind him. He has a date tonight. I think he’s just nervous.”
Not waiting to hear her answer, I go into my room and try to figure out what I’m going to wear. We’re not going anywhere fancy. Hell, this wasn’t even my idea. Roman set it up. Apparently, Layla is a friend of a friend. She saw a picture on his facebook a while ago and has asked him about me a few times since. After turning down the proposition twice, I decided to let him play matchmaker. We’re meeting for dinner at 7th Wave, a restaurant down on the ocean front.
I hear Maverick and Tatum call out that they’re leaving and then the door shuts behind them. Relived to finally be alone, I let out a breath. A guy can only pretend he isn’t emotionally wounded for so long.
I pull on a black button down and stand in front of my floor length mirror. I’m about to start buttoning it when something catches my eye. McKenna leans against my doorway, looking as if she wants to say everything and nothing all at the same time. Her gaze meets mine through the mirror before I force myself to look away and focus on the task at hand.
“So, you have a date?”
“Yup.”
“That’s, uhm, that’s good.”
I turn to face her. “Is it?”
“Yes.” She sighs and shakes her head. “No. I don’t know.” I don’t really know what to say to that, so I don’t say anything. I grab my cologne and spray it across my chest. She hums. “I’ve missed that smell.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t play innocent like you’re not the reason this date tonight isn’t with you.”
Her eyes narrow. “Excuse me?”
“What? You can’t tell me I’m wrong. Twice now you’ve kissed me and then went fucking AWOL. Not once, twice.”
“Well I’m sorry this isn’t all black and white, but you can’t blame everything on me. Besides, you moved on pretty quick. I can’t be that important to you.”
Did she just…?
I run my fingers through my hair frustratedly. “What the hell do you want me to do, McKenna? You’ve made it crystal fucking clear that you don’t want to be with me. Christ, you’re engaged to someone else! Am I supposed to just wait around for you while you go spend your life with him?!”
She rolls her eyes and shakes her head, starting to walk away. “This was a bad idea.”
“So, what, you’re just going to leave?”
Her body stops and when she turns to face me, the look in her eyes makes me w
ish I had just kept my mouth shut. Gone is the warmth that radiated off her and all that’s left is nothing but hurt and anger.
“You taught me how.”
I’M SITTING AT THE table across from my date while we both pick at the appetizer - coconut shrimp with a sweet Thai chili sauce. Her mouth is moving, signifying she’s talking, but I’m not paying any attention. She’s a nice girl and if I weren’t all hung up on someone else, I may even be interested, but I can’t get how broken McKenna looked out of my head.
“So, Colt, tell me about you.” Layla picks up her drink and plays with her straw in a way that I’m guessing is supposed to look seductive.
“Not much to know.”
“Oh, come on. Give me something. Roman said you’re an architect?” I nod half heartedly. “So, what? You build houses?”
“I design houses.” I correct. “Amongst other things.”
“So, you’re not a construction worker?”
“No.”
I can tell what she’s doing. She’s trying to use conversation to gauge my income. If this girl saw the amount in my bank account, she’d become even more obnoxious than she already is. I’d be lying if I said she was the first gold digger I’ve met. After being published in a magazine, women would approach me on the street to make small talk and pretend they love my work. The dollar signs in their eyes weren’t fooling anyone.
Layla excuses herself to the bathroom and I pull out my phone. Unable to help myself, I go straight to McKenna’s facebook. She had unblocked me when we agreed to being friends, and thankfully, hasn’t shut me out of it again since. To be honest, she probably forgot about it. I don’t do anything on the site very often, so the chances of me coming up on her news feed are slim.
I scroll down her page and notice her most recent post was only a half hour ago.
Take me back to that summer, when we hid from everyone in our own precious space. Wrapped in a little world where all that mattered was you and I – take me back there.
Returning to Rockport: A Brother's Best Friend Romance Page 12