My Ratchet Secret

by Midnite Love

yelling to myself.

  “Niggas ain’t ever fucking satisfied! I done already told his ass that I don’t keep contact with my family but he just got to keep pressing the damn issue!”

  “I don’t understand what the big fucking deal is!” I raged as I kicked over the kitchen trash can, causing debris to fly everywhere. After which I stormed around the house snatching up clothes and cramming them into the hamper.

  “I cook, I clean, I fuck him when he wants to be fucked, and I comfort him when he’s grieving. What the hell else does he want from me? I done spent $1,500 on that damn lace front, bought all them damn stripper clothes, and for what? I know there ain’t a bitch out here that can twerk it like me but his ass wanna keep whining about meeting a damn family!”

  I finished downing my drink and was about to continue my rant when the phone rang. When I picked it up and looked at the caller ID I saw that it was Adrian and my demeanor totally changed.

  “Hello”

  “Hey bae did I leave my driver’s license there?”

  “I don’t know sweetie, lemme check,” I responded softly. “Where do you think you might have left it?”

  “It’s usually in my wallet but I took it out. I think it’s in the pants I wore yesterday,” he responded.

  “I just gathered up the laundry, hang on a second. Nope it’s not in here. I’ll check your dresser.”

  “Damn I thought it was in there. I’m on my way back home anyway. I was hoping I would find it and save myself a trip.”

  Panic immediately set in when I heard Adrian was returning. I was up in the bedroom but I needed to make my way downstairs and make sure he didn’t see the mess I had just made. Plus I needed to swish with some mouth wash really quick. It was 8am and I didn’t drink alcohol that early, at least as far as he knew.

  “Ok I’ll keep looking,” I panted as I raced downstairs and quickly began to pick up the trash that was strewn about the kitchen.

  “You sound like you out of breath, what the hell you doing?” he asked.

  “I’m running around the house looking for YOUR license. I just ran down the stairs.” I had to hurry up and think of a lie to cover for why I sounded so winded on the phone.

  “Well damn if you sounding like that you need to hit the gym,” Adrian chuckled.

  “Shut the hell up.”

  “Hey baby never mind I found it in the glove compartment. I’m headed back to work. Talk to you later.”

  I had never been so relieved in my entire life. This called for another shot.

  Once I sat down and caught my breath I picked up the phone, pushed *67 so my number would be blocked from the caller ID on the other end and dialed.

  “Hello”

  “Hey momma”

  “Hey sweetie, how are you?”

  “I’m good momma, I saw you that called my cell the other day and I just wanted to return your call. I know that you had your church board meeting yesterday so I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “Well it’s good to hear from you. What number are you dialing from? I almost didn’t answer. You I know I don’t pick up for unknown numbers” momma laughed. “I had a feeling that it might be you.”

  “Huh? Oh… I’m calling from my cell, it does that sometimes. Anyway what have you been up to?”

  “Nothing child, this old arthritis keeps acting up but you know I ain’t letting nothing keep me down. Lord willing I’m going to the church picnic this weekend.”

  “That sounds like fun, how’s daddy?”

  “He’s ok, just as old and crazy as ever. I thought you was gonna try and get down this way.”

  This way was actually Memphis Tennessee; my parents had moved there from DC after all the kids left home. My parents hadn’t seen me in over three years since I myself had relocated before they made their move. It was hell trying to convince momma and daddy that I was ok over the phone. And that I was constantly working overtime and couldn’t get time off. Momma asked me to visit each time we spoke, daddy had pretty much given up. It hurt me that they couldn’t be a part of my special day. As a matter of fact my parents had no idea that I had moved back to DC, had met someone, and was engaged.

  “On everything I love I will be there this summer, I swear.”

  “Hush up with all that swearing,” momma scolded. “You been going to church and reading your bible? I just worry about you so much. It’s been so long since we have seen you. I know you can’t be that busy.”

  I laughed to try and ease the awkwardness from lying to my momma but I could never really hide anything from her. “I haven’t been doing either as much as I should momma, but imma do better. And you know I love you and daddy; I’ve just been so tied up working all these doubles, but I’m making it my business this year to get down there to you guys no matter what.”

  Momma was a trooper. She knew I was lying through my teeth but she was way beyond begging me to visit over and over, after she said her piece that was it. I guess she was tired of beating a dead horse. And at the end of the day as long as she could hear my voice and knew in her heart that I was ok she was good. She didn’t pressure me because she knew that I would come around in my own time.

  “Well alright, I didn’t want anything when I called. I won’t hold you up. I just wanted to talk to my baby.”

  “Ok momma I love you. Tell daddy I said hello and I love him.”

  “Love you too baby.”

  For Better Or For Worse

  By the time Adrian had gotten home from work everything was back on track. The house was spotless, dinner was cooked and I made sure I had myself put together as well. The stress from my morning was nothing but a faint memory at this point. I hoped that by today Adrian would have forgotten all about the calls I was supposed to make to my family.

  “That shit needs to be water under the bridge,” I said to myself. Hopefully he will be too tired to go there. His usual routine after work was to eat dinner and chat it up with me for a bit before either popping in a movie or vegging out with his Call of Duty video game. I really hoped that would be that case tonight so I could get some much needed work done for the wedding.

  I needed to get the invitation list done and set up an appointment for cake tasting. Those things were on my short to do list that was about a mile long. Adrian had already told me that I didn’t have to feel like I was doing everything by myself. He offered to help every step of the way, which was something very rare with all the guys I had ever met. That’s one of the things that made him so special, was the fact that I never felt like I was “in it” alone. He made me feel like he was there for me no matter what. He even offered to hire a wedding planner but I insisted on taking care of the details myself. Even though I figured I would be a basket case by the time I walked down the aisle I was beyond thrilled that I was marrying the man that I had fell in love with the first time I laid eyes on him.

  “Something smells good up in here, what you cooking bae” Adrian greeted me with kiss and kicked his shoes off.

  “Meatloaf, mac and cheese, collard greens, and banana pudding for desert.”

  “Damn that sounds good, I’m starving. They worked the shit outta my ass today. Shit I should have come back home, and stayed.”

  While we were eating dinner I listened to Adrian’s vent session about his bosses and crazy ass coworkers before asking me about my day.

  “So what have you been up too all day?” he asked as he spooned himself up a heaping serving of banana pudding.

  I laughed “Do you really have to ask? I finally got an appointment with that bakery everybody has been raving about. And I think I have narrowed down my choices of bridesmaid dresses to three.”

  “Did you make that phone call?” he aske
d looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

  “Here we fucking go again!” I thought. “Nah… I didn’t get a chance.”

  Adrian was immediately pissed.

  “So you didn’t even try and call your cousin? I thought we agreed on that last night Pebbles,” he grumbled.

  “Bae I have been busy all day long, I had to run errands, do laundry, clean up, and the dinner didn’t just cook itself you know?” I was fuming inside but I tried my best not to show it.

  He sat stone faced as he listened to my excuse.

  “You know what? You are full of excuses. Every time we get on the subject of your family it’s gotta be a big damn deal. How would you feel if you never met any of my people Pebbles? Shit I was damn near ready to show you off the day I met you. But naw a brotha like me ain’t even good enough to meet the little family you do have.”

  With that he got up from the table and headed for the den with me close on his heels.

  “Baby let me explain…I.”

  Before I could finish he cut me off. “Just drop it!”

  Adrian didn’t make a point of raising his voice at me but his anger had now turned to resentment. I was perfect in every other way but this was the one thing that was hanging over our heads causing drama in our relationship. Adrian was hurt and angry. He was crazy about me and would do anything in the world for me but this was one area when he put his foot down and he wasn’t budging.

  He told me that sometimes he would ask himself why it was so important to meet my family since I said I didn’t really deal with them. Why couldn’t he just accept that and move on?

  Part of the reason was despite the fact that he loved and trusted me he said that his gut told him that I was hiding something in that area. No matter how much he tried to shake the feeling he always felt like something wasn’t quite right with that whole situation.

  Another reason was he didn’t want any surprises AFTER we got married. He didn’t have any intentions on backing out of the wedding but the way I seemed so hell bent on keeping everything about them a secret was starting to make him second guess his decision. Hell we might have to put everything on hold till we get to the bottom of this.

  I could see that Adrian was hurt and disappointed. He had never raised his voice at me in the whole two years we were together. It was obvious that I couldn’t keep feeding him the same lies about not having time to contact anyone. Not only was he stubborn and not bending in this situation it seemed like he was beginning to get more suspicious as the days passed. There was no way that I was about to lose my fiancé over this bullshit right here. This called for drastic measures.

  After letting Adrian cool down for about an hour I went back in the den.

  “Baby we need to talk,” I agonized.

  Adrian looked at me with knitted brows and maintained his cold disposition.

  “About what?” he grunted.

  “About us”

  I could tell that he wanted very much to carry out his grudge for the rest of the evening and possibly the next day also but upon closer inspection he could tell that I was choked up and it piqued his attention.

  “What’s on your mind?” he asked softening his tone.

  “I wanna talk about my family….. I don’t know how to tell you this so I’m just gonna come right out and say it. My parents aren’t really dead.”

  Adrian’s mouth fell open. He paused his game, sat up straight and looked at me.

  “You damn sure got my attention. What you mean your parents ain’t dead?”

  “Well at least not to my knowledge.” The tears began to etch their way down my cheeks as I shared my story.

  “My daddy left us when we was little. I was the oldest so I remember the most. He use to beat the shit outta my momma. They both was on crack so when he wasn’t going upside her