by Ash, Nikki
“Perfect! I’ll name her Mila!”
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Mason warns as he continues to eye-fuck me. “I can promise you, one day she will most definitely be under me.”
My eyes widen in shock. I’ve never been spoken to like this before, yet he’s not even speaking to me. He’s speaking about me like I’m not even in the damn room. “And I can promise you, I will never be under him.” I don’t know who I’m more annoyed with: Mason, for turning me on with only a look and a few words, or myself, for being turned on.
“Just to be on the safe side,” Tristan says, “do you have a middle name?”
Reluctantly, I break the stare down between Mason and me. “Yes, but I am telling you, your friend here”—I glare at Mason, pissed off that he has my heart pumping and my panties wet—“is never going to sleep with me.”
“Who said anything about sleeping?” Mason scoffs, and I groan. Of course he would say something like that. It’s obvious from the mere five minutes I’ve spent with him that he’s all about sex, and sleeping isn’t sex.
“You’re safe naming your daughter Mila. Although, it might be awkward to name her after the woman who murdered your friend.” That might be the only way to get his magnetic blue eyes out of my head.
“I understand where you’re coming from, but I’m just thinking it would be better to be on the safe side,” Tristan insists.
Mason nods in agreement as he lifts the baby up to burp her, and my mind goes to Gavin and how hands-on he used to be as a father. How he used to be all about our son and me. Sure, Alec was a surprise to both of us, and he’s the reason we got married, but Gavin didn’t make me feel like we were ever a mistake—at least not until recently. Now it’s like we aren’t enough for him. His mother spends more time with our son than Gavin does these days.
I shake myself out of my thoughts. Things may not be perfect, but he’s still my husband and I love him.
“Fine! My middle name is Alexandria.”
Tristan looks at Mason. “Nope! You’re good.”
“Great! Alexandria it is,” Tristan announces happily, and I shake my head in frustration. I’ve come across plenty of hot guys since I started working at this hospital, and not one of them has ever had this effect on my libido.
Taking the baby from Mason, I lay Alexandria down in her bassinet. “I’m afraid to ask if you’re giving her a middle name.”
Tristan thinks for a moment before he says, “You know what, I think Alexandria is long enough to cover both.”
Mason agrees, and I grab the paperwork for Tristan he needs to complete. “Now that you have her name, fill these out so you can bring her home.”
My shift ends, but I can’t get Mason off my mind. I could be wrong but I’m almost positive the man looked at me like he wanted to devour me. The way his eyes screamed lust and want, and in return my traitorous vagina screamed yes, please! It’s been quite a few weeks since Gavin and I have had sex. I think back to the last time… Jeez! I think it’s actually been months instead of weeks. That must be why I’m so turned on. It’s not because of that man and his magnetic blue eyes and devastatingly good looks. It’s just because he actually looked at me.
I get home and see Gavin’s car out front. We bought our first home last year, here in Los Angeles. After my grandmother passed away, leaving each of her grandchildren a little bit of money, I used what she left me to put a down payment on a home. It’s nothing huge. It’s a three-bedroom, three-bath townhome, with a small porch and no backyard…but it’s ours. It’s only fifteen minutes from the hospital I work at and only a bit farther from Gavin’s office.
I unlock the door and find that the place is quiet. “Gavin?” I call out. It’s only eight o’clock so I doubt he’s asleep. When I get to our room, he’s awake and playing a game on the computer. I come up behind him and run my hands down his front and over his stomach.
He grabs my hands, and without even looking at me, says, “Mila, stop. I’m in the middle of a tournament.” His voice is full of frustration and annoyance.
Pushing his rolling chair back, I stand in front of the computer. “I was thinking we could…” I waggle my eyebrows up and down, and he looks at me confused. “Have sex,” I huff out.
“Okay, just give me a few minutes.” He moves me to the side and continues his game.
Feeling defeated, I grab an already opened bottle of wine from the fridge and a wineglass, and go out onto the back porch to call my mom. She recently moved from California and is living in Oklahoma with her husband. They lost their jobs when the company they worked for filed for bankruptcy. When my stepdad was able to find a job there, near his family, working at a large factory, they decided to make the move. I miss my mom every day, but I know they had to do what they felt was best.
“Mila, how are you?” My mom’s voice sounds rough, her breathing heavy and ragged. She was diagnosed with lung cancer right after they moved and is currently going through chemotherapy. I wish I could be there with her, but I’m thankful that her husband is taking care of her. She’s mentioned wanting to move back here one day, but I know that financially they still aren’t in a good place.
“Mom.” I sigh.
“Talk to me, sweetie.” I could already feel the tears welling up from deep inside and at her words, they course down my cheeks. I tell her about my lack of sex life, the guy hitting on me at the hospital, and how good it felt to be looked at—even if he’s someone I would never date. I tell her how stupid I feel for trying to initiate sex with my husband, only to have him turn me down.
“Oh, Mila. You know I hate to talk bad about your dad—God rest his soul—but you know we divorced shortly after you started middle school. I loved your father, and I believe in his own way he loved me too, but we weren’t in love with each other. One day I woke up and decided I no longer wanted to settle, so we got divorced.”
My parents’ divorce was anything but amicable. My mom chose to divorce my dad, leaving him bitter and mad, which led to my parents arguing all the time, to the point they couldn’t even stand being in the same room with each other. It’s a lot of the reason why I married Gavin when we found out I was pregnant. I wanted my son to grow up in a two-parent loving household.
“Mom, are you telling me to divorce Gavin?” I’m shocked she would tell me this. She knows how hard the divorce was on me. As an only child, I was torn between my parents from the day my mom kicked my dad out, until the day he died from a stroke a year ago.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I know the divorce was hard on you, and I wish we could’ve gotten along better for your sake. But even knowing how hard it was on everyone, I would’ve still made the same choice I did, because in the end I met Greg and I learned the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.”
I understand what she means, because while my parents didn’t get along, my mom was a much happier person once my dad moved out. She became the life of the party, wanting to go away and go out more often. She made new friends and really started to enjoy and live her life. Then she met Greg, and I could see how different their relationship was—still is—in comparison to her marriage with my father. The giggles and smiles and way too much public displays of affection.
“Oh, and the sex!” she adds, and I cringe.
“Oh my God, Mom!” I screech, but inside I’m happy for her. “I don’t want to know about your sex life.”
“Okay, okay. My point is, I know you love Alec, and you’re an amazing mom, but being Mila, the mom, doesn’t mean you stop being Mila, the woman. You need to put yourself first. You have needs and wants, and life is too short to simply settle, sweetie pie.” She lets out a loud cough, which reminds me that our conversation needs to end soon. Her cancer has caused emphysema, and she has to be on oxygen to help with her breathing.
We sit in silence for a few minutes as I think about what she said. Gavin and I have tried counseling, and he’s promised repeatedly to try harder, but he never does. And I know it�
��s not just him; it’s me too… I’ve changed. I’ve grown up. I’m not the same person at twenty-two as I was at sixteen when we met, or at eighteen when I got pregnant.
“Oh, Mom.” I sniffle, the reality hitting me smack in the face. The tears are racing down my cheeks, and I would give anything to be with my mom right now so she could hold me.
“He’s a good man, Mila,” she says. “He provides for you. The two of you are giving Alec a wonderful home. Maybe Gavin is the one for you, but maybe he’s not. Just take some time to think about what will make Mila happy. Don’t stay in a marriage you aren’t happy in just for your son. It may not be the popular answer, but it’s mine. One day your son will look to you to provide an example of what love looks like. What type of example do you want to set for him?”
There’s shuffling and then my mom says, “Oh, sweetie, Greg’s niece just got here to visit. Can I call you back later?”
“Sure, Mom,” I choke out. “I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetie pie.”
We hang up, and I head back upstairs to say good night to Gavin, who is still playing his computer game. He doesn’t notice my puffy eyes or red nose from crying. He barely even acknowledges me—his full focus on his game. I head back downstairs and lie down in our room, in our bed, where I fall asleep alone once again.
Three days later, I get a call from my stepdad hysterically crying. He tells me my mom passed away in his arms. “She couldn’t breathe,” he says. He tells me the ambulance came and took her to the hospital where she was declared dead. It turns out she had an undetected blood clot. Three hours later, I’m flying to Oklahoma to attend her funeral. Six months later, I’m filing for divorce, and six months after that, I’m a single mom. “Life is too short to simply settle,” my mom said, and in memory of my mom, I refuse to ever settle again.
Chapter One
Mila
Present Day
“Have you gotten any new bites?” my best friend and roommate Charlie asks, causing me to flush with embarrassment at her question. I know she doesn’t mean any harm by it, but admitting I’m on a dating site when I’m surrounded by hot guys who can get any woman they want is embarrassing.
“Bites?” Mason asks, and I roll my eyes. Yep! I’m talking about that Mason. The one who eye-fucked me in the hospital five years ago, who made me question my marriage and appeared in several of my fantasies over the years, and in case you’re wondering…because I know you are—no, we’ve never slept together nor will we ever. He’s just as much of a manwhore as I knew he was all those years ago, maybe even worse.
He’s also the best friend of my best friend’s fiancé. I met Charlie when she came into the hospital with Mason and Lexi. Lexi is short for Alexandria. Are you putting the pieces together yet? It’s a small damn world. Charlie and Tristan were dating—now engaged—and Lexi broke her wrist, and through the ordeal Charlie and I became fast friends.
The only problem is, Mason lives with Tristan, and Charlie lives with me. Well, until March when they get married, then they’ll be living together, and I’ll need to find a new roommate.
“Yes, bites!” I say, a few octaves too high. Mason throws his hands up in surrender, and I grab a chip to stuff in my mouth before I say something that is so not kid-friendly.
Charlie’s daughter, Georgia, and Tristan’s daughter, Lexi, come running down the hall with Alec chasing them. “Daddy! Save me!” Lexi yells, grabbing her dad by his waist. “Alec has the cooties and is trying to give it to Georgia and me!”
“I don’t have the cooties!” Alec yells.
“Do so!” Georgia chimes in.
With Charlie and her daughter living with us while she and Tristan plan their wedding, it’s never a dull moment in this house. Between my eight-year-old and her four-year-old plus Tristan’s five-year-old, the place is always loud and crazy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I glance over at Tristan and Charlie. They’re sitting close to each other, his arm is around her, love evident in both their eyes. Almost four years ago my divorce went through. Gavin and I sat down and discussed it, and thankfully, our divorce was nothing like my parents. He agreed to everything I asked for. We decided, since it was my grandmother’s money that made it possible for us to purchase this home, I would get it. He moved into a condo down the street, and we split the custody of Alec, fifty-fifty. We settled on child support—enough to keep me afloat, but not too much that it would pull him under. He’s actually become a more hands-on father with Alec as well. On the couple nights during the week and on the weekends he has him, for the most part, he gives him his attention.
While I don’t regret the divorce and know it was for the best, my fairy tale that I thought would occur—like my mom’s—has yet to happen. At first, I focused my energy on work and Alec. I told myself when the right guy came along I would know it. But life got busy and prince charming never showed up on my doorstep, so here I am, twenty-seven, single, and on a dating site called Plenty of Fish.
“Kids, go play nicely. The pizza will be here soon,” Tristan says with the patience of a damn saint. The kids run back down the hall to Alec’s room.
“So, have you gotten any bites?” Charlie asks again, and I swear to all that’s holy she and I are going to have a conversation once Tristan and Mason leave.
“What are ‘bites?’” Tristan inquires.
“A dating site,” Charlie informs him. “Plenty of Fish. I helped Mila fill out her profile information.”
“Wait a second!” Mason throws his head back in laughter. “You’re on a dating site called Plenty of Fish?”
Tristan chuckles, and I glare at Charlie, who slaps Tristan on his chest. “Sorry, but c’mon, the name…”
“Yeah, yeah.” Charlie rolls her eyes. “Mason uses the analogy that he’s going fishing when he’s going out with a woman so Lexi doesn’t know what they’re talking about.”
“Of course he does,” I mutter, silently noting to cancel my membership tonight.
“This is awesome.” Mason laughs, looking at his phone. “An entire dating site dedicated to fishing for women. I’m signing up.”
I groan, my face dropping into my hands.
“Okay, let’s see here. My criteria. Hmm…” He looks at me. “What’s your criteria?”
“Don’t worry about it,” I snap, which of course, only causes him to grin.
“I’ll just look you up.” He shrugs.
I jump out of my seat to grab the phone from his hand, but he senses that I’m moving in and jumps out of his seat as well.
“Let’s see here,” he starts.
“Get out of my profile!” I yell, but Mason ignores me.
“Twenty-seven-year-old single mom looking for forever. I am not interested in one-night stands or sex before marriage, so please don’t message me if you are.” He puts his phone down, his one brow quirked up. “Damn, Mila, and that’s just the beginning. When was the last time you even got laid? You might as well have a ‘Don’t touch me, I’m off limits’ sign attached to your forehead.”
Completely mortified, I give up trying to grab his phone. “I need to go to the bathroom.” I haul ass to my bedroom and close the door. I should know by now the way Mason is. He says whatever he wants and doesn’t care what people think. He’s a jokester and takes nothing seriously.
The fact is, even though Mason is a complete ass, he’s not off-base. I haven’t had sex since Gavin and I split up over four years ago. We separated because I didn’t want to settle and wanted what my mom and stepdad had. The problem was, in order to have that, I actually had to meet the one, and so far he hasn’t crossed my path. I refuse to have sex with just any guy. I’m not knocking those who choose to, but I’m afraid a one-night stand will turn into two, then three, and before I know it, I’ll be giving my goods away with no promise of forever. Sex is okay… but if it’s always like it was with my ex-husband, it’s not worth sleeping around instead of finding the guy I can spend my life with.
> “Mila,” Charlie says through the door. “Can I come in?”
I unlock the door, and she enters the bathroom, closing the door behind her. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up in front of Mason. I wasn’t thinking.” She gives me a hug. I know she would never do something to hurt me on purpose. Charlie spent many years in a marriage where she was physically and emotionally abused. She is one of the sweetest, most kind-hearted women I have ever met.
“It’s okay. I shouldn’t let Mason get to me.”
“Well, just so you know, Mason is gone.” She rolls her eyes. “He said something about catching his own fish and left.”
“Ladies, pizza is here,” Tristan calls out, and we join him for dinner.
Chapter Two
Mason
“Mason, are you listening to me?”
I’m sitting at dinner with Rochelle…or is it Raquel? Maybe Rachel? Fuck, I’m not sure. It’s something with an R. But to be on the safe side, I make a mental note not to attempt to say her name. I would rather be anywhere but here, but she insisted on dinner before bed, so here I am, listening to her drone on about her sorority. I really need to double check age in the future. Sure, she’s a senior in college so she’s definitely of legal age, but the younger ones seem to be clingier.
“Yeah,” is all I need to say for her to continue talking. My brain drowns out her voice when my phone goes off indicating I have a notification. When I check it, not even caring what she is saying, I notice it’s from Plenty of Fish. Earlier, when we were all at Mila’s house, she mentioned being on the dating site. I shouldn’t have made fun of her, but I couldn’t help it. What almost thirty-year old refuses to have sex before marriage? What if she never gets married again? She’s already had one failed marriage. Maybe that’s why it failed…because he sucked in bed and she didn’t know it until they were married.