by Brooks, Anna
I was so shocked by all that I was feeling. I’d never felt any type of loving or romantic feelings toward any boy before. In the same sense, I knew I’d never get a guy like him, and I think that was why it hurt. I was too shy. I was plain and boring. My dad told me I was pretty, but I was his daughter, so he had to say that. It was like my dream was crushed by reality before I even realized I had the hope in the first place.
After I watched him leave, I asked my dad about him, and he told me Gabriel was the next big thing, and that he was probably going to end up being better than him, which was unheard of. When he saw the flush on my face, he warned me to stay away. “These boys, Cady Bear, they’re all about a good time. And you’re not that. You’re a forever kind of girl. Don’t forget that and never let anyone treat you like less than.”
Once I figured out who Gabriel was, I followed him and the band as best as I could while they were indie and getting their names out there, and despite reality, I allowed myself to dream. But then my dad died. I saw Gabriel once again for a moment at the funeral, but I hid in a corner for the whole service, so I know he didn’t see me.
My dad was pretty private about me. He’d introduce me to his friends, and when he had smaller, more intimate parties, he let me come. I watched him from backstage under the eye of a security guard, but was whisked away before things got too rowdy. He never talked about me publicly, and somehow, there were never any pictures of me anywhere.
So unless we were introduced, I was just a random girl.
When I was searching for jobs to get away from my stepbrother, Chris, I had a choice between a library in Wisconsin, where Gabriel is from, or one in Oklahoma. It sounds stalker-ish, but I chose to be by Gabriel. I didn’t know him, and even though I haven’t seen him once in all the years I’ve lived here, I think knowing I “knew” someone made me feel just a tad safer than being completely alone. I don’t know how to explain it or even rationalize why I did it.
I always wished I’d run into him, but I never did until last night.
I figured it was an omen or something that I never saw him, even when I was at Kelly’s when I was there with Gia, but then again, I sat at a table and barely looked around. Thinking back on it, the band was always on the road when we went there.
Grinning to myself, I look up at the sky through the windshield. It’s probably my dad keeping us apart since he warned me off Gabriel all those years ago.
Whatever. It doesn’t matter. None of what happened with Gabriel last night matters. He was just being nice, and I’m sure I’ll never see him again. Besides, why would I if he’s off doing things like radio interviews and playing at concerts while I’m sitting at a library desk or in a chair next to an old lady? My social life is almost nonexistent, except for when Gia asks me to go out with her a couple times a month. That’s just the straight-out truth of the differences in our lives, and one of the million reasons it won’t work with him and never would… Not that he’d ever have any interest in me that way, but a girl can wish.
I clear my throat and unlock my seat belt, refusing to pity myself anymore. Then I thank the driver and go to work to do the most tedious things to keep my mind off Gabriel.
Time drags all morning, and when the phone rings, I jump. I see the number flash on the caller ID and almost don’t answer. I don’t know why he continues to call me when nothing is going to change. “Hello, Chris.”
“This is your last warning.”
If the threat in his voice wasn’t so controlled, I might sigh, but he sounds different. Wired. “What?”
“Come home or I’ll make you.”
I can only ignore him for so long before he’ll stop just calling and start doing things like sending gifts, so I decide to talk to him. If I placate him just a little, that usually holds him off for a while. “I am home, Chris.”
“Home is not in fucking Wisconsin. It’s with me.”
“I don’t understand why you want me to come home when we can just talk on the phone, which reminds me, we haven’t spoken in a while. How are you doing?”
“I’m fine.” He almost sounds like he’s a toddler pouting. Before my dad passed, I never saw Chris much. He was older than me and lived on his own, but whenever he was around, I never got the creepy vibe from him that I get now. “I miss you.”
Literally, I have nothing to say to him, but this seems to be calming him down. “Are you still DJ-ing?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s good. My job is still good at the library. I’m happy. I love it here.”
“I only ever wanted you to be happy. I took care of you and made you happy, didn’t I?”
It’s a good thing he can’t see me gag right now. “Yeah, you did.”
“I did what he wanted.”
“You did.”
“Then why did you leave?”
“There were too many memories, Chris. I needed to get out of there.”
“I can never leave here, Cadence. All my memories of you are here.”
That’s creepy as hell but reassuring at the same time. “You shouldn’t have to leave. You love it there. Your work is there. But I’m happy here. Really happy.”
“I should be happy that you’re happy, but I miss you.”
I need to end this. “Hey, Chris. I need to go. I have someone who needs to check out a book, okay?”
“Oh… okay. Come home, please.”
“Bye, Chris.”
“I love you, Cadence. Come home.”
As soon as I set the receiver down, I dry heave and grab the garbage can and then hurl into it until my stomach is completely empty.
Gabriel
The three of us stand in the parking lot outside the radio station, Mike and Jamie trying not to laugh as I get yelled at by our manager, Ian, on the phone.
“I’m not calling our fans greedy. I was only saying that because of the people who would just—”
He cuts me off. “Make a statement. Apologize.”
“Jesus Christ, fine. I’ll make a post and apologize, but I really don’t think it’s necessary.”
“Your job is to play music. Mine is to do the thinking. Apologize.” Ian hangs up, and I shove my phone in my pocket and turn to the guys. “I have to fucking apologize for saying that shit about going to the dollar store.”
Jamie shakes his head, but Mike nods. “Not the smartest thing you’ve ever said.”
“What? I had to; otherwise, you know it would have happened. It’s still probably going to.”
“If you were that worried about it, then maybe you should have said something first to, I don’t know, maybe Meara or me, and we could have put restrictions on it for only a couple of hours a day or something.”
“She wouldn’t want to. After that little scare with Melody last year and the couple of nights they were at the hospital, she wants to do as much as she can. You know she’s donating all her profits from the night of the concert, too.”
Mike’s eyes bug out of his head, and he gives it a quick shake. “Then she can deal with however-the-fuck many people come. It’s her damn choice.”
“What’s up your ass, dude?”
“You basically just told our fans they were cheap and—”
“I did not.”
Jamie interrupts us. “As fun as this is, I have other things I need to do. Both of you need to chill. Gabe will make a post, and we’ll be sure to do the same so it gets buried, then everyone will forget about it. It’s all good. Now I’ve gotta go. Later.” I throw deuces at Jamie as he gets in his Rover.
Mike sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “Let me ask you something.”
“’Kay.”
“Don’t bullshit me.”
I raise a brow.
“I know. I know.” He takes a breath, the cold temperature making it look like smoke when he exhales. “I want to ask Lee to tour with us.”
Sighing, I link my fingers behind my neck. “I do, too. It’d fuckin’ fix everything. Why don’t we just ask?”
“Dude, what?”
He chews on his lip and looks beyond me. “Nothing. I’m just frustrated as fuck. We’re fallin’ apart, Gabe. Our fans aren’t gonna keep waiting around for nothing. Lee is honestly the only option at this point. We get him back, get his ass in the studio, you know he’ll lay down some killer lyrics, and we’ll be gravy. But fuck… we can’t fuckin’ ask him to.”
“I hear you.” Mike is usually the levelheaded one, so the fact that he’s freakin’ out worries me. “Let’s get through this charity gig. See how it goes and we can play it by ear. Don’t stress about it right now. We’ll figure it out, and we won’t fall apart, Dallas.” When I call him his birth name, he narrows his eyes at me. “After the new year, we’ll get Jamie in on this convo.” He starts to protest, but I shake my head. “We can’t go behind his back with this.”
“I know. I don’t want to, but we need to talk about it. And you’re right. Let’s get through the holidays first.” We slap each other on the back and head off, and the first thing I do when I get in my SUV is type up an apology for any offense taken about what I said, then I post it to the band’s and my social media accounts. Lame as it is, I do it just to get Ian off my ass. After I pull away, I call my sister. “Where does Cady work?”
She chokes on whatever she’s drinking because her answer comes out as a sputter. “What?”
“Cady. Where does she work?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m going to take her lunch.”
“Why?”
I blow out a frustrated breath as I sit at a stoplight. “She had a bad night and rushed out this morning, so I want to bring her food. It’s not a big deal, Jesus.”
“Gabriel, it’s a huge deal. You never care about anyone else.”
“Don’t be a bitch, Gianna.”
“Sorry.” Her voice softens. “I don’t mean it like that. I know you care, and I get why you hate Dad, but I hate that he made you so… hard.”
I chuckle and open my mouth to tell her that the ladies don’t mind how hard I get when she continues talking.
“Not like that. You know that’s not what I meant, you gross perv.”
“I didn’t say a word.”
“You were thinking it, though.”
I let up the brake and push on the accelerator. “I was.”
“I meant cynical, I guess. Especially with women, so it’s… I guess good, but I’m serious. Don’t be mean to her.”
“I don’t want to hurt her.” I want to do the exact opposite of that. Then I confess something I don’t want to say out loud because it makes it too real. “I like her.”
“She’s likable.”
“No. Gianna, I really like her.”
“You barely know her.”
“Does that matter? When you know, you just know.”
My sister sighs. “The library.”
A wide smile slowly forms on my lips, stretching my cheeks. “No way. She’s a librarian?”
“Yes, way. Why is that so hard to believe?”
It’s not, actually. Not with Cady. It’s perfect for her. “It’s not.”
“I’m serious, Gabriel. Please. I know you say you like her, but I do, too. She’s a really good friend, and I don’t want to lose her.”
It’s the perfect time to ask her what I’ve been dying to know. “If she’s such a good friend, then how come she doesn’t know about me?”
“How do you know she doesn’t?”
“If she did, she would have tried to jump my bones.”
She doesn’t hesitate when she answers me. “That’s why. Women get weird about you. About the band, and I… I like that she doesn’t know. I’ve had friends who… as soon as they find out my brother is famous, they… change.”
I lean back in my seat and catch my eyebrows drawn together tight in the rearview mirror. I knew it happened in high school, but not recently. “Still? What do you mean?”
“Just, they start asking about you constantly. Wanting to know things about the band. Try to get me to hook you guys up. So I just stopped telling people, but a lot of them, because they’re from here, already knew.”
“And none of the ones you were friends with who know told Cady?”
It takes a second, and when she says what she does next, it fuckin’ guts me. “I don’t really have any left, Gabriel, aside from work friends.”
“What?”
“Because of me.” She denies that it’s my fault. “It’s easier to just scrape them off. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell Cady, but I think that even if she knew, or now that she does know, she’ll still be the same. Hopefully.”
“She doesn’t know.”
“You didn’t tell her?”
I shake my head. “No, because I like that she doesn’t know.”
“Oh, wow. You really like her.”
“Yeah. And I fucking hate, God, I hate that you didn’t tell me about your friends and that—”
“It’s fine.” She cuts me off. “It’s fine, really. It’s actually good because I know who the true ones are, ya know?”
I actually understand that a lot. Still, it sucks that my sister has to deal with some of the same shit I do, just on a different level. I never thought about it before, and I wish there was something I could do. Maybe there is. I’ll have to think on it. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Shit. I’ve gotta go.”
“Okay.”
“Bye, Gabriel.”
I almost hang up but then call her name. “Gianna?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.” It’s more than for just telling me where Cady works; it’s also because she could have sold me out to her friends, could have been giving my number away and using me to gain something for herself, but she never did.
“You don’t have to thank me. You’re my little brother.”
“By two minutes.”
“It still counts,” she teases.
“Whatever. Get back to work.”
We hang up, and after I toss my phone in the seat, I scrub my hands down my face, letting out a frustrated groan at the fact she was right when she went off on me the other day. But it’s time to change that shit.
There’s a diner downtown that I know has soup, and since Cady wasn’t feeling well, I go there. After I place my order, I lean against the wall and wait.
“Hey.”
I look up from my phone and lift my chin at the waitress in front of me. “Hey.”
“You’re Gabe, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.”
She bites her lip, and I take a second to check out her long legs exposed beneath a little skirt. She definitely is trying to get big tips by the way her tits are hanging out of her top. And when I reach her face, it hits me that I don’t feel shit.
Not even a little hint of a thrill that I could go bang this chick in the bathroom because that’s what I would do normally. If it’s offered, I’m not about to turn it away.
“I’m due for my lunch break.”
“Cool, have a good lunch.”
Her fingers wring together in front of her, and she takes a step forward. “You wanna take it with me?”
“No, thanks. I’m good.”
“But I can make it better for you.”
I stand straight and lean closer to her. “Already told you no, woman. Now turn the fuck around and get the fuck outta my face.”
She glares at me a second before she huffs as she stomps away, her cheap ass high heels echoing on the black and white checkered tile. “Jesus,” I mumble to myself as I shake my head. That’s just sad. And it makes me even sadder that I spent so much of my fuckin’ life on that shit.
I’m watching as they make my food, and luckily, they’re putting it together before she has a chance to go spit in it.
After I get my bag, I run to the corner store to get Cady something
to drink, then park in front of the library. I sit in the driver’s seat, staring at the old faded red brick and the few large, wide concrete steps that lead up to the rectangular building. My hands grip the steering wheel, and sweaty palms make it squeak. Totally not in my nature to be nervous about anything, I wipe my hands on my jeans, then grab the bag and head inside.
It’s not until the second the door closes behind me that I realize books have a smell. I can’t remember the last time I was in this library, but that scent makes me remember that I was here at some point.
Cady’s smile fades when she catches sight of me. “What are you doing here?” Her face pales, and it wasn’t exactly the welcome I was hoping for.
“Figured since you were in a rush this morning, you didn’t have time to grab lunch.” I hold up the paper bag. “Chicken noodle from Muffin Top. I’m not sure what you were up to eating, so I grabbed a couple of sandwiches, too. If you want one, it’s yours, but if not, I have no problem eating them both. And I got you a cupcake, too. Chocolate with chocolate frosting.”
I begin unpacking the food on her desk, not giving her a choice, and she blinks. “What?”
“Lunch, Cady. You need to eat. You were sick yesterday.” I look at her without trying to stare, which is nearly impossible because she’s so fuckin’ pretty. She’s every bit the naughty librarian, and I have about a thousand different ways I want to play that shit out with my dick inside her.
Her long hair is in a high ponytail that I’d wrap around my hand while I take her from behind.
Her skirt is just above her knees, and I’d push that thing up to her waist, rip the lousy tights, and then bury my face between her thighs.
The cardigan could come in handy to keep her hands behind her back while I tasted every inch of her tight little body.
But what’s the best is her pouty pink lips. So plump and perfect I can almost feel them on mine, around my cock sucking deep and taking all of me.
“How did you know where I work?”
“I called Gianna.”
“Oh.”
I crumple the paper bag into a ball and toss it into the blue recycle bin behind her desk. “You feelin’ any better today?”