Like the first time he’d heard Farsi.
One last exhale and he was good to go, opening formula and fitting the bottles with plastic liners, filling them with liquid, then screwing on the lids.
“All right, crew...” He joined them on the floor. “Since I’m not sure what else to do with you, let’s get you fed right here and now.”
At first, they were too frenzied to suckle, but eventually they calmed enough to focus, and then finish their meals.
Jed glanced at his hands supporting three bottles to find himself trembling. What the hell?
SEALs don’t succumb to bouts of nerves.
He heard the front door open and close.
“Cam?”
“Yep! Sorry it took me so long. Gramps lost his—” She froze in the kitchen pass-through. “Why are you all on the floor?”
“Turns out I owe every mother on the planet a massive apology. Caring for one baby is no joke—three? They’ve been crying and crying, and I felt like I was losing my mind.”
“Aw...” She set her purse and an overnight bag on the kitchen table, kicked off her purple Uggs and joined them on the rug. “What happened?”
“I lost my mind.”
“Understandable. Why do you think I left?” She elbowed him.
“Yeah, well, tomorrow I’m taking your grandfather out to eat. Maybe to one of those swanky steak houses in Aspen?”
“Keep dreaming...”
“I don’t get a night off?”
“Nope. But you are welcome to a break. Go watch a ball game or mess around online. Since you’ve already got everyone in pj’s and they look squeaky clean, I’m assuming you gave them a bath?”
“Affirmative. That part wasn’t too bad, but things went downhill quick after that.”
“What happened?” She drew Allie onto her lap for a cuddle. The other girls still hadn’t finished their bottles.
“No clue. One minute they were fine—even smiling over the bath bubbles—then they freaked. I’m not sure if I did something wrong or—”
“Stop. Remember that they’re reacting to changes around them they don’t understand.”
“That makes sense, but what can we do?”
“I did some more research while waiting for Gramps to safely get out of the shower so he wouldn’t break a hip. Is there anything left around here that might still smell like Emily?” Kissing the crown of the baby’s head, she added, “Maybe her pillow? A sweater?”
“Let’s check her room. I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff.”
It took a few more minutes for the other two girls to finish. Since both of his charges seemed content on the floor, he left the bottles beside them, then stood. “Help?” Having set the baby she was holding alongside her sisters, Camille held up her hands. He instead grasped her under her arm, hefting her in one fluid motion onto her feet. “Whoa...” Laughing, she clutched his chest to steady herself. “That was like an amusement park ride.”
“Never let it be said I’m not a great ride.”
Camille rolled her eyes.
They plucked the babies up and carried them to Emily and Chase’s room. Since Camille was the only one with a free hand, she opened the closed door on the dark space, feeling as if she were stepping into a tomb.
“I can’t do this.” Jed stood frozen in the hall. The only light came from a lamp that had a fiberglass trout for a base. “No way I can go in her room. It’s too soon.”
“No worries. Come on.” Temporarily abandoning her mission, Camille led the way to the nursery, where he started placing the two babies he held in their separate cribs. But she stopped him with her hand on his forearm. “For tonight, let’s experiment with them sleeping together.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?”
“Not from what I’ve read. It’s comforting. Think about it. They’ve been crammed in your sister’s belly for nine months. Why would they want to be separated now?”
“Makes sense.” He set Callie and Sallie in Allie’s crib.
Camille added Allie. “Hang tight. I’m going to get Chase and Emily’s blanket.”
“Thanks.”
She again had her hand on his arm, this time giving him a light squeeze—just enough to let him know she cared. The gesture felt not only good, but natural. Camille was done pretending they were strangers, when nothing could be further from the truth. They might never again be a couple, but she needed him as a friend.
Back to the master bedroom. Camille paused just outside the door for a nice deep breath. At the time she’d suggested it, this had seemed like a good idea. Now, she wasn’t so sure. It somehow felt wrong to riffle through the deceased couple’s things.
Even though it’s for the best cause?
Camille put aside her doubts in favor of flipping on the overhead light, then making a beeline for the double bed. It was unmade—not at all like Emily, who’d kept a tidy home. The messy bed spoke volumes on how overwhelmed the young widow must have been feeling.
“I’m sorry,” Camille whispered to the smiling photo of Emily and Chase sitting atop the dresser. It somehow felt sacrilegious to speak out loud. “I should have been here for you. Instead, I was too wrapped up in my own issues—none of which compare to what you must have been going through.”
The squeezing pain in her chest returned, along with a knot in her throat.
Grab the blanket and get out of here, her conscious mind coaxed.
Not only did Jed and the babies need her, but she needed them. She’d never expected how good it would feel once again being part of a team—however dysfunctional.
Camille made quick work of removing the blanket, then held it to her face, dragging in a deep, shuddering inhalation of the scent of her dear, lifelong friend. Faint roses from her favorite soap she’d always bought at the local farmers’ market. A hint of lemon from the homemade lotion she picked up at the same stall.
If Camille recognized Emily’s precious essence, surely her girls would, too? But if they did, would it confuse them all the more? She wanted the blanket to be a comfort, but what if it made them hurt worse?
She hesitated. “Em? Chase? If you can hear me, what do you think? Am I making the right choice?”
A low rumble erupted from the wall behind her, nearly making Camille leap out of her skin. But then she clutched the blanket closer, laughing at herself, realizing the sound had been the old central heat unit lumbering on.
A sign from beyond? Probably not.
But maybe.
After carrying the blanket out into the hall, she closed the master bedroom door behind her.
In the nursery, she found the babies still fussy and Jed lying on the floor in front of Allie’s crib, eyes closed, with his arms crossed over his head. “I’m officially crying uncle,” he said. “I can do that, right? Since I am their uncle?”
“I suppose...” Camille would have laughed if his defeated tone hadn’t sounded so sad. “I found Emily’s favorite blanket and it does smell like her. I’m not sure if this will work, but...” She draped it over the cranky triplets. “I guess at this point anything’s worth a try.”
Jed left the floor to join her at the crib’s edge.
At first, nothing happened, but then Allie fisted the soft fabric, drawing it toward her. Her sisters followed suit.
“I’ll be damned...” Jed murmured under his breath. “They really are missing her.”
“I know I am.”
“Me, too.” He shocked her by draping his arm across her shoulders. There was nothing romantic about the casual gesture, so why did her every nerve ending feel on high alert? “I appreciate you coming up with this plan. Good call.”
Hardly in the mood to celebrate, she slipped her arm around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder. “What should we do with this sudden bonus time without screaming babies?”
He rested his head against hers. “What if I told you the only thing I really want to do is sleep?”
“I’d say that sounds like an awesome plan.”
* * *
Jed woke Monday morning with a knot in his stomach the size of a battleship.
With Baxter expected around ten, he took Camille up on her offer to watch the girls while he tended to the animals.
The day was sunny, but still colder than he’d like for spring. A light breeze blew out of the north, making him wonder if another wintry surprise was on the way.
“Good morning, ladies,” he said to Lucy and Ethel, while breaking the thin layer of ice on their water trough.
They snorted, but otherwise seemed disinterested, preferring to continue grazing on the new shoots of emerald green forcing up through the otherwise brown earth.
“You ladies do know that aside from the rooster, I’m the only man around?”
Apparently unimpressed, they didn’t even look up.
After breaking a fresh hay bale for them, he moved on to the goats, which were their usual rowdy but friendly selves.
The chickens seemed subdued from the morning chill, but their heat lamp had the coop toasty and he collected a dozen eggs in the basket Camille had given him for the task. Wonder if she knew the recipe for her mother’s deviled eggs?
“How was everyone?” she asked, when he entered the kitchen through the back door. She stood at the sink, washing breakfast dishes.
The babies cooed in their swings.
“Good. Though Lucy and Ethel were playing hard to get.”
“Did they catch wind of your ladies’ man reputation?”
“Ha-ha.” He removed the thick Cargill jacket he’d borrowed from Chase, hanging it on the hook by the door. His cowboy boots were next to go, and then the battered brown cowboy hat his dad had given him ages ago was last to be hung, on the doorknob.
“How are you feeling about Baxter’s visit?” she asked. “He should be here any time.”
“Thanks for reminding me.” He opened the fridge and removed a Coke. “Is it too early for a beer?”
“Probably, but if you want one, I’ve got breath mints in my purse.”
“I knew there was a reason I liked you.”
She reset the timers on all three swings, poured herself a fresh coffee, then sat at the booth with a magazine he knew she’d picked up at the grocery store and had been trying to read ever since.
“Seriously, though...” He sat across from her. “While I was outside, I gave a lot of thought to what I’m going to say if he tells me Emily wanted me to assume responsibility for the girls.”
“And?”
“And...” He took a long swig of his soda, pretending it was something stronger. “I’ll tell him no. Not only do I still have a couple years left on my commission, but I’m not cut out to be a dad. I think I must lack some basic caring gene?”
“I doubt that. From what I’ve seen, you’re great with the girls.”
He rested his head on the table. “But is going through the motions the same as being a good parent? I mean—”
The landline’s shrill ring caught them both off guard.
They looked to the babies, but fortunately for their sanity, the trio loved their swings and didn’t seem to notice the noise.
Jed answered before the third ring, fearing another call from the lawyer, possibly to reschedule. “Hello?”
“Jed?” His knees turned to rubber. He braced his hands against the wall.
“Mom? Where are you?” Lord... Just hearing her familiar voice returned him to childhood, when she’d made everything okay with a Spiderman Band-Aid, a hug or a cookie. “Are you almost home?”
“Afraid not,” she said through the crackling connection. “My satellite phone had an unfortunate accident with a goat, and I don’t expect transport out of the region for at least another week—possibly two. How are you holding up?”
“I’m okay,” he lied.
“I still can’t believe your sister’s gone. I feel like I’ve been sleepwalking since hearing the news—trying everything I can to get back, but fate keeps conspiring against me.”
“The girls are taking it hard. They cry incessantly.”
“Poor things.”
“Last night, Camille had the bright idea to—”
“She’s still there? Helping you?”
“Yes. She’s been great.”
“I can’t tell you how much better that makes me feel. You always seemed happier with her in your life.”
“It’s not like that—we’re not together. I’m due back on base as soon as you get home.”
“That may be, but—” The connection turned to nothing but static, and then dead air. Shit.
He slapped his palm against the wall. “Lost her.”
“Maybe she’ll call again?”
“Doubtful.”
She’d left the booth and her magazine to place her hand on his back. “Sorry. Did she say when she’ll be home?”
“A week or two. But her team visits villages so remote I’m surprised she was even able to get a second call out.”
“Before you know it, she’ll be home and all of this will be behind you.”
He nodded.
The doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” he said, thankful the babies’ calm streak still held.
“Want to talk with him in here or in the den?”
“Here. I want you with me.” Whatever his sister had to say from beyond the grave, he didn’t especially want to know. Sounded selfish of him, and he was sure it was, but the pain of losing her was still too fresh and raw. He was still too pissed at her. Accident or not, what had she been thinking? Oh yeah—she hadn’t been thinking at all about the three babies she’d left behind.
Jed stormed to the door, dreading the lawyer’s news.
“Hello, Jed,” Baxter said. “Long time, no see.” The potbellied, balding man held out his gloved hand for Jed to shake.
“Wish we were meeting under different circumstances.” Jed stepped back, gesturing him into the house. “Last time I saw you was, what? Chase and Em’s wedding?”
“I believe so. Sadly, I was out of town for your father’s funeral.”
“Too damn many funerals,” Jed muttered under his breath.
“I couldn’t agree more.”
“Let me take your coat and gloves.” Camille entered from the kitchen. “Good to see you again. How’s your wife? Helena, right?”
“Yes. Thank you, she’s well. Wrapped up in the new theater group that’s formed in town. Some Hollywood bigwig bought a place just west of here and last year he donated a community center and little theater. It’s been a boost to local morale—especially during the winter.”
“I’ll bet.”
Baxter held out his briefcase. “Where should we sit? I do have several documents for you, Jed, to sign.”
“Kitchen table’s fine.” He led the way.
“Aren’t you little angels,” Baxter said on his way past the babies.
“They’re being shockingly well-behaved,” Camille said. “Trust me, we’re on borrowed time until they realize they haven’t screamed in at least an hour.”
The lawyer laughed.
Jed let Camille slide onto the booth seat first, then he sat alongside her, bracing his hand on her thigh. He didn’t care if it was politically correct or karmically cool. He needed the emotional support.
She cupped her hand over his, interlocking their fingers.
Her actions warmed him in a way he couldn’t begin to describe. She made him feel less alone, even though most of his family was forever gone.
“I’m sorry,” Camille said to their guest. “Would you like coffee? A soft drink?”
“No, but thank you. My last doctor
visit was less than ideal. It’s strictly water for me.”
“Water, then?” Jed asked. Anything to avoid learning his sister’s wishes. His gut told him she’d left him her girls and he wasn’t ready to hear it—might never be ready for such life-altering news.
“If it’s not too much trouble.” Baxter remained standing as he continued removing forms and pens from his briefcase.
Jed left Camille and the booth to make the short trek to the fridge for three bottled waters—just in case anyone else wanted one.
“Thank you.” Baxter accepted the drink, but didn’t open it. “Let’s get down to business...”
Jed rejoined Camille, interlocking his fingers with hers again. His heart beat uncomfortably fast as the lawyer took a seat beside him. Please don’t gift me your girls, Em. I love them dearly, but as an uncle. Not the way a father should love his daughters.
“I’ll skip the legalese and get straight to the point.”
Thump, thump, thump. Was he having a heart attack?
I’m not ready to be a dad.
I can’t be a dad.
Chapter 10
Baxter cleared his throat. “Interestingly enough, your sister left you the house, with the understanding that she needed you to maintain it for your mother and her daughters. That’s the reason we couldn’t handle this via phone. Too much paperwork for the deed transfer. She and Chase’s life insurance was more than enough to pay off any debts, and the house and acreage has been paid off since your grandparents’ time. All that’s necessary for you to keep up with—aside from maintenance, of course—are the annual taxes. There is a stipulation in place that should they desire, your mother and the girls are allowed to reside here for the entirety of their lives.”
“Of course.” But what about custody? Who’s raising the three tenors?
Baxter assembled a massive stack of papers, feeding them to Jed one at a time to sign. “I’ll send copies. Also, I’ll have the property deed registered in your name. Since your mom will be assuming primary care for the girls, Emily left her the car and financial bulk of the estate, as well as the girls’ college funds.”
Home on the Ranch: The Colorado Cowboy's Triplets (Cowboy SEALs Book 8) Page 10