by Shay Cole
“No, not yet.” Keisha wrote back.
“Y’all can stay with me and Ian if you want. Your son can share the room with Ian, the girls can have their own room and you can have the couch. Is that cool?” Krissy offered.
Keisha was blown away by Krissy’s offer. “Thank you so much! It won’t be for that long, I promise. Thank you, Krissy!!!” Keisha wrote back full of excitement.
She felt like everything was falling into place. She looked at how it was all working out and saw it was necessary to take a few steps back so that she could move forward again. Keisha and the kids arrived at Krissy’s house and started to get settled in. It was like a refreshing reunion. Although Krissy and Keisha kept in touch while Keisha was away, Keisha didn’t feel so alone anymore. The kids were happy to be around people they knew before they left. Everything was going the way it needed to and it felt good. Keisha’s job was scheduled to start the week after her and the kids moved back.
This gave her enough time to get the kids situated in school and to get setup for the next month at Krissy’s. When Keisha went back to work, one of the questions she was asked most was about Tyler and his new wife. Most of the people who were there during the previous incident were still working there when Keisha returned. The silliest and most annoying question she was asked was “What kind of stuff you got to make a man act like that?” Each time they asked her, Keisha attempted to laugh it off as if it didn’t bother her. However, she was starting to believe that it was something she did to cause Tyler to flip out like that.
Everyone in the city knew about Keisha’s case although it was never publicized. The nature of the situation was so unique that it circulated heavily amongst the local fire and police departments. It didn’t take long for Keisha to realize she was being recognized for all the wrong reasons. After a few weeks, Keisha found a place for her and the kids to move into. She told Krissy the good news, but she was not super excited. She enjoyed having Keisha and the kids there with her and Ian, but at the same time, she understood. The move-in date was about 10 days away. Keisha and the kids begin to pack and prepare to move into their new place. When they arrived, it felt like a weight was lifted and they were regaining themselves. All the excitement quickly wore off and reality slapped Keisha in the face again.
“Hey Keisha, how are you, It’s Judy?” Keisha heard from the other end of the phone.
“Hey Judy, I’m fine. Is everything ok?” she asked.
“Well, I received your message about you moving back. Just wanted to be clear, you do know that Tyler is still living here in town at the same address?” Judy inquired.
Keisha couldn’t believe this. She didn’t consider this being an issue. When she looked further into it, she learned that she was within walking distance from Tyler and his new family. Since Tyler was still so close, Keisha had to update all the children’s school information to include a copy of the restraining order, a photo description of Tyler, and a copy of the divorce decree proving Keisha had sole custody. She went from feeling refreshed to feeling overwhelmed.
As a result, she kept her children very close to her and refrained from going a lot of places. She didn’t publicly update her location and only people she trusted knew where she was. Most of the people who knew were the people she worked with. Since Keisha was back at the same location she was at when Tyler’s wife showed up, she had to provide them with a copy of the restraining order and photos of Tyler so they could help keep Keisha safe. Keisha felt like a spectacle. She felt like everyone was looking at her differently.
Keisha felt like she and her children were pitied by onlookers. It was weird. All of a sudden, everyone was treating her like she was fragile. The fear of running into Tyler made Keisha very anxious. She was extremely concerned about her children seeing him while they were on a school field trip or other outing. When Keisha got the news from Judy, the roller coaster of life threw in some new turns and flips to the non-stop ride. Keisha was all over the place mentally. She felt like every break came with crazy ass obstacles to overcome and she didn’t know how much more she could take. Keisha needed to focus on the positive things that were happening for them. She was still selling her books and her coworkers were very supportive.
One coworker in particular, Lee, went out of his way to help Keisha with whatever she needed. Lee's support was like a blanket on a cold night to Keisha. She was so grateful to have him in her corner. Anytime Keisha had an idea on how to increase book sales, Lee was down to help. He would walk the lot and solicit sales from customers, coworkers, and management. Keisha did not like to be the face of her product, so she was very happy that Lee was more than willing to step in on her behalf. Although Keisha and Lee were close before she moved, their friendship grew even stronger when she returned. Lee and a few other coworkers made the transition back to town a little easier to manage. There was so much Keisha had to readjust to…her living situation being the first. Although her new place wasn’t the best, it was a fresh start. The rent wasn’t too high, and the bills weren’t expensive either. The neighborhood was not exactly where Keisha wanted to be with her children, but it was what she had to do for now to get to where she needed to be. By living there, she was in a better position to get on her feet completely without needing assistance. She wanted to be completely independent. She was tired of struggling but she would not quit.
It was hard for Keisha to move back to a place that is a source of so much pain and suffering for her. She moved away to obtain peace and to escape. She thought she would be able to replace those feelings and memories by just leaving them there and walking away. She went through so much and told no one. She was still very broken. She spoke to one of her friends and they suggested that Keisha she go to therapy. She knew how beneficial it would be but she was leery due to a few bad experiences with therapists in the past. She had to learn to assess each situation based on itself, not on another situations. This was the key to Keisha learning how to cope and move forward, so she found another therapist and began her healing journey.
After the first session Keisha felt safe and supported by her therapist and looked forward to continuing the process. She knew it would require her to relive a lot of trauma, pain, and horrible moments but she also knew the benefits that would follow. Since Keisha was labeled as a domestic violence victim, she received her therapy sessions at no cost. She was glad she didn’t have to pay but she despised being labeled a victim. During therapy, Keisha learned a lot about herself and her previous decision-making process. She learned how her past experiences influenced her current life. She was grateful for the journey of self-discovery and reflection. She didn’t realize how far she had come until she got a call from Judy with more news. This time, Keisha felt better prepared to handle it.
“Hey Keisha.” Judy said.
“Hi Judy.” Keisha answered.
“So, my records show that you haven’t received any child support payments in some time. Has Tyler sent you any payments directly that did not go through child support enforcement?” Judy asked.
“No, he hasn’t sent anything to me. The child support portal shows that he is almost $10,000 in arrears.” Keisha answered.
Judy confirmed that amount and they spoke about gathering all the documents and records to prepare to go back to court since ten grand in arrears is a felony. Keisha hated going to these contempt hearings though. They were always focused on Tyler in Keisha’s opinion. She felt like they were working on his side to make things more convenient for him. He already didn’t have any responsibility for them. He didn’t have to take them to any doctor’s appointments, help with any homework, or sit up with them when they weren’t feeling well. He was able to wash his hands and live life free of the humans he helped create. All the emotions were hitting Keisha differently because Tyler was physically just five minutes away but he was so far gone in reality.
Since Keisha was concerned about the kids running into him while she was away from them, she started talking to them abo
ut what to do if they saw him. By this time, they were seven, eight and nine years old. Although Heaven was the oldest, she was the one who needed the most reminders about what to do. The younger two seemed to catch on fairly quick, but then they had questions. They wanted to know why their mom was telling them not to hug their dad if they saw him in public. They wanted to know why they couldn’t talk to him if he called them by their name. They wanted to know why their dad was not allowed to be around them. They were curious children who wanted answers no matter how much they trusted their mom. Keisha attempted to explain everything to them the best way she could to help them understand.
“Well babies, your dad made some poor choices and those choices made him have to see a judge. The judge told your dad he couldn’t be around you guys anymore. If he does, the judge will have him sent to jail and that is not what we want to happen. So, the best thing to do is follow the judge’s order and not see or talk to your dad. When you turn 18, the judge will listen to you and may change his mind.” Keisha explained.
“So, when I’m 18, the judge can’t stop me from seeing daddy anymore?” Her son asked.
“Well, he will listen to you if you say you want to see your dad and he may change his mind and let dad see you.” Keisha answered.
“But mommy, I’m only eight…that’s 10 years away. I have to wait 10 years to be able to see daddy?” he asked.
“Yes baby. I’m sorry.” Keisha said as she attempted to console her son.
His tears started to fall before she could even wrap her arms completely around him. It was one of the most difficult moments through the whole ordeal. Keisha felt like she failed her children by picking such a horrible father for them. She blamed herself for every bad feeling and situation they had experienced. She knew this was only the beginning of the questions. She anticipated more tears and disappointments. She realized the struggle was just getting ready to intensify. Keisha knew she had to shift her situation and change the direction of life for her children.
Eleven
New Beginning
It was hard for Keisha to wrap her mind around everything that was going on. It was literally like starting over. She had to retrain her brain. She had to learn how to live as a single mom and entrepreneur. She had to adjust to being “everything” for her children and for herself. She had to forget everything she learned that wasn’t helping her grow. She had to adjust the way she was living to accommodate for the way she wanted to live. Keisha knew it would be a wild ride, but she was ready. The journey thus far was already something like a bad movie, so she was looking forward to the new beginning. One of the most exciting things about moving forward was becoming a full-time writer. She didn’t want to work for anyone else any longer than she had to. The response she received after she released her first book was incredible!
It led her to believe that she could have a career as a writer. She wanted to continue to help others with her words. Keisha created a plan to accomplish that goal. She made a promise to herself that the upcoming year would be the last year she would work for someone else. Keisha had been self-employed many times in the past and loved the idea of working for herself. She loved the freedom of being able to move how she wanted to. She enjoyed having more control of her time. Her plan was to invest in her business for an entire year so that she could become a full-time entrepreneur by the end of the year.
Keisha was successful in keeping her goals in check for the first few months of creating her plan. She stuck to her schedule after work and devoted a lot of time to making her dream come true. She was not the best at time management at the beginning of the process, but she worked hard to improve that skill. She learned to multi-task on a whole new level. She learned how to split her time between her kids, her dreams, her job, and her personal time. It was a challenging learning process, but Keisha was committed to making this work.
She was also invested in doing well at work. When she came back to work at her old job, she had her sights set on moving back up through the ranks as quickly as she could. She came back doing the same job she was doing before she moved away so it was like second nature to her at this point. When her manager put a competition in place for Keisha and her coworkers, she was super excited to show why she was so valuable. The competition lasted for a week and at the end of the week, the numbers were tallied, and the winner was announced. The prize included a weekend off from work, a hotel gift card, and a $100 cash prize as well. Just as Keisha expected, she won! Keisha was so proud of her accomplishment! Her performance made it easy to see why she was in the running for a promotion.
Two weeks later, Keisha celebrated her birthday and cashed in her prizes from the competition. When she returned to work, she was greeted with an extensive number of changes. She was told that these changes were made because of how things had gone while she was away. Most of the changes were more like small punishments instead of productivity improvements. Keisha told her manager that it was unfair for her to be penalized for the actions of her coworkers when she was not even there. Her manager challenged her logic and still wanted to hold her just as accountable as those who had been there. She refused to accept such nonsense and took the conversation up the chain of command to the general manager.
Keisha was so upset by the way things were being handled. Her general manager dismissed her concerns and instructed Keisha to settle it with her direct manager. Since they were not seeing eye to eye, the conversation didn’t get them any closer to a resolution. After a few minutes of attempting to justify the decision once again with no luck, Keisha’s manager told her to go home and come back in when she is ready to discuss the issue again. Keisha followed his instructions and went home. She took two days off and went in to see if they could reach a resolution. When she arrived, she was greeted with a completely different scenario…none of the managers wanted to discuss anything with Keisha. Every attempt she made to speak with someone resulted in waiting for a manager to be available while she sat off to the side, as if she didn’t know what kind of games they were playing…they were all avoiding her.
Finally, one of Keisha’s coworkers who she was close with, called her into the back office and told her they were stalling to talk to her because they were preparing her separation notice. Keisha was floored! She could not believe that they were giving her the runaround just so they could lie and say that she ‘abandoned her job’. She couldn’t believe that she was being forced into this position, but she was not going to back down and go along with whatever they said just to keep a job. At this point, she did what she had to do and filed unemployment. Although her claim was initially denied, Keisha was awarded unemployment after she appealed the denial. One of the main reasons she won her appeal was due to a lack of evidence to back their claim of ‘job abandonment’. She was happy she stood up for herself and won the case, but she was pissed that her plans were interrupted. She still had 11 months to reach her savings and business goals.
This drastic adjustment made it difficult for Keisha to stay focused on her plan for her entrepreneurial journey She was jolted back into being unemployed and struggling to make her dreams come true. Although she was going to receive unemployment, she knew she wouldn’t make the type of money she needed to make. She was going to have to rob Peter to pay Paul and still barely make ends meet. A part of her felt like if Tyler would just help her financially, she wouldn’t have such a hard time. She felt like it would have been a bit more manageable if he would help consistently or if she didn’t have to always make these types of adjustments. She just wanted Tyler to help her care for and raise the same children he had a hand in making.
Every time she went to back to these thoughts, she felt like a failure. She felt like she was always making the right decision at the wrong time. A fragment of her felt like she would be able to cry about it, get it out, and move on. Keisha gathered all the parts of herself and attempted to piece the woman she currently was with the woman she wanted to be. Losing this job was a catalyst for her. A
s the part of her that wanted to cry and move on continued to grow and flourish, the more she fought through the struggle. She felt like she was getting stronger and stronger after every obstacle, but she did not like the feeling of this growth process. Regardless of how strong she felt, she still was not where she wanted to be financially. Keisha was having trouble sustaining herself and the kids on the money she was receiving. Although she was looking for other work, her options were very limited. She was hoping that filing bankruptcy would be a helpful step as she continued to move forward.
After she filed, she had a sense of relief. She felt like it was something she probably should have done sooner. Nevertheless, it was a smart move for her based on her current status. Since most of her money was freed up through the bankruptcy, she started paying on the bills she had left. She drafted a new plan so she could get closer to living her dreams. In Keisha’s mind, because of the bankruptcy, she was able to take this opportunity to reset. Her landlord had other plans in mind. He started giving her a hard time about the rent, the lawn, and the repairs she requested to have done. He even started to pop up at Keisha’s house unannounced at random times of day. It was safe to assume that Keisha was being watched based on the actions of her landlord.
A few days later, there was an influx of media coverage about police brutality against black people. Keisha knew this type of stuff was going on because it happened to someone in her family years ago. Now, due to the popularity of social media, it was being thrown in the face of society and it seemed as if all anyone could do was stand by and watch. It shook Keisha up and she felt like she had to do something. As a mother with black children, living in a subpar neighborhood, she was naturally concerned about the safety of her own children. She made two small signs that read ‘BLACK LIVES MATTER’ and placed them in her interior window. A few hours after she put the signs up, the landlord called and told her to remove them.