“I heard what happened with you and Killian,” Jesse says, probably noticing the frown on my face.
I think by now everybody has heard what happened, or at least some version of the truth. Spy School is a very small school, so word gets around quickly. I swear, Spy School loves gossip.
“It’s not a big deal.” I shrug, trying to prove my point.
Jesse shakes his head. “Look, I get that I’m kind of antisocial, but I’m good at reading people. He hurt you a lot. Maybe more than you’ve ever admitted to yourself.”
He is right.
I sigh, and tell him the whole story of what happened, from Killian asking me out a few times and me turning him down, to me walking into his dorm and seeing what I saw.
I pull my legs up to my chest, hugging them. “The worst part is, I was going back to tell him yes. I was going to tell him that I wanted to give it a try. It’s hard for me to do relationships, but I wanted to try with him.”
“He’s an idiot.” Jesse scoots close to me, putting his hand on my leg. “Brooklyn, you are by far the prettiest girl in the school, but not just in looks. You’re strong, and smart. You are too good to even be going to school here. You should be graduated, and everybody can see that. The fact that he would throw away his friendship with you because you hurt his feelings is completely ridiculous.”
“His loss,” I say, even though I definitely feel like it’s my loss, too.
“Everybody is waiting to see who you are going to choose to be on your team.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
“I’m sure you’ve been approached by a lot of people,” he says.
I shake my head.
Nobody has approached me at all.
“Really? Wow. I’m surprised.” He rubs the scruff at his chin. “I guess everybody is too scared.”
“I’m more of a loner anyway.”
He furrows his brows. “You don’t seem like a loner to me.”
I contemplate it and realize he’s right. At Spy School, I haven’t been a loner. I’ve made friends and connections, things I normally shy away from. I think being here has been good for me.
“I’ve never had a friend before coming here,” I admit.
I don’t know why I’ve been sharing all my secrets, but I have. Yesterday, I told Jaxon about my past, and now I’m confessing this to Jesse.
“You have friends now,” he says. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“We’re definitely friends.” I push a piece of hair behind my ear. “I am just kind of surprised that you consider me a friend. It kind of took me a bit to convince you to even tutor me.”
“You get me like nobody else does.” He leans back on my bed. “That sounds incredibly lame, and I promise I’m not hitting on you. I just... you understand that I have problems with people touching my stuff and being in my personal space, without me even telling you. Most people would be completely ignorant to that.”
“I just pay attention to people and I read their body language.” Everybody at Spy School is supposed to learn this stuff, but not everybody applies it. “I hope someday you can be open with other people, too, because I think people would like you if you gave them a chance to get to know you.”
He shrugs.
“Seriously, my friends would love you. It would be cool if you sat with us,” I encourage him.
“Nah, I don’t like to intrude.”
“It’s not intruding if I invited you.” But I completely get his hesitation. As somebody who pushed others away for years, once you start doing it, it’s hard to stop. The only reason I have stopped is because I have to. This mission requires me to get close to others.
“My parents never let me have privacy.”
I wasn’t expecting him to say that. I lift my head to look at him. He is looking down at my comforter, a frown on his face.
“They always went through my stuff. Always. They went through my phone, my computer, every drawer in my bedroom,” he admits. “It was a weekly thing that they did. And no matter how hard I tried to be perfect, they would find something wrong, almost every week. And they would beat me with a belt. So, now I have a fear of people touching my things. It’s pretty fucked up, huh?”
My eyes widen at his confession. “Jesse, that is awful, and it’s not normal. What they did is abuse. I am so sorry you had to go through that, and I’m glad you opened up to me. I hope that you will report that to Michael Sinclair, because he would never be okay with that. He would lock them away.”
He nods. “I know. But I can’t. They’re my parents.”
I get that.
My parents screwed with my head, too. But now is not the time to tell him that story.
“If you change your mind, I will go with you.” I start to reach over and touch him, but I know he likes to be the one to initiate the touching, so I don’t. “Also, if you want me to take care of them, I promise nobody will ever find their bodies.”
He looks at me, his jaw agape and his eyes wide. “Brooklyn, I just want you to know that you are the best friend I have ever had. Really, my only friend. And maybe I should be horrified that you just offered to kill my parents, but I find it oddly sweet.”
“The offer stands.”
He grins. “I see why so many guys are smitten with you.”
I raise an eyebrow. “If anything, guys just like me because they know I was having sex with Killian and now that he screwed that up, they think they can fill that role for me.”
Jesse coughs.
“It’s okay. I’ve got a dildo.”
“I’m a virgin,” Jesse blurts out. “I mean, obviously I am. I can’t even let a girl touch me. I have never even kissed a girl before.”
I’m actually shocked by his confession, but I shouldn’t be. It makes sense that he is, it’s just I assumed...
Jesse is a good-looking guy, and I find myself very attracted to him. I know other girls must be, too.
“If you ever want help getting over your intimacy issues, I’ll help you,” I say.
His mouth falls open. “What? Seriously?”
I nod. “Everybody treats sex like it’s this precious thing that you should only do with somebody you love, but I feel differently. Sex can be for pleasure. I also think sex can be enjoyed between friends.”
“Right. And we’re friends,” Jesse says.
I shouldn’t be offering to have sex with anybody. I’m pretty sure earlier today I said I was done with guys, but c’est la vie, right?
Friendship.
Even though I could hang out with Jesse all night, I know that Killian will be coming over soon, so Jesse heads to his room about ten minutes before Killian is supposed to arrive.
Jesse is a sweet guy. I honestly am surprised that no other girl has taken notice. Or maybe they have and he just pushes them away, and they think he’s not interested. But if anybody in this school took a minute to get to know him, they’d see what I do. It’s a shame.
I think about what Jesse said... about me having a team. Could I really give up doing assignments on my own? Could I really work with a team?
Maybe I’m not a loner.
Maybe I’m meant to have friends... maybe even a family. Not the one I was born into, but maybe a team could be my family.
A knock on my door has my heart pounding. I know that it’s Killian. He’s come to talk to me, probably to apologize.
I shouldn’t be mad at him for what he did. But I am mad at him. He hurt me. And I’m mad at myself for allowing him to hurt me.
I open the door and Killian stands on the other side, a somber look on his face. The smirk he usually wears is gone, and I can see sadness in his eyes.
“Come in,” I say, holding the door open wider.
The sooner we get done with this conversation, the sooner I can focus on other things, like my meeting with Michael Sinclair tonight. I’m not any closer to solving this case, and I don’t know what to tell him about my progress. I convinced a student to hack everybody’s files f
or me and that’s it.
I have to hack because Michael Sinclair can’t just give me permission to look through the files. If he did, the facility would know that I am working undercover and that would blow everything. It’s a shame really, ’cause that would make my job easier.
Killian shuts the door behind him, and I take a seat at my desk, knowing he won’t be able to sit next to me. I need to keep some distance between us so I don’t do something stupid, like kiss him.
I hate that I still like him so much.
“I am mad at you,” I tell him, when I realize that he’s waiting for me to start the conversation.
He nods. “I know you are. And you have every right to be. What I did was fucked up.”
“It was really fucked up.” That much we agree on. “Do you know why I came back to your dorm that night?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. To have sex, probably.”
“No.” I cross my arms over my chest. “I came to apologize to you, and I came to tell you I’d changed my mind. I wanted to give you a shot. I wanted to try to be your girlfriend. Even though I wasn’t ready for a commitment, I was willing to try for you, Killian. I would’ve done anything for you, because I was falling for you.”
He lowers his head. “I’m sorry, Brooklyn. I was stupid. I got mad at you and I acted impulsively.”
“So... what? You screwed the first girl you saw?” I ask.
He doesn’t respond for a long while. “That girl... she’s my booty call. We call each other when we are feeling horny or whatever.”
Wow.
That hurts.
A lot.
“You didn’t even have to work for it. You just sent her a text and she came running, is that it?” I ask.
He nods. “Yeah.”
A sharp pain radiates through my chest.
“I figured you’d be happy. I mean, you got Jaxon’s attention from it.” He points to his eye. “I guess you went running to him the first chance you could get.”
And now I get it. I get why he wanted to come here. Because he thought I had sex with Jaxon.
I shake my head. “Actually, Jaxon saw me running through the hallway, crying. He came to me. And when he asked me what was wrong, I just told him. I needed somebody to talk to. We didn’t have sex. Not even close.” Well, we did kiss, but Killian doesn’t need to know that. “When he was leaving, he told me that he was going to go give you a black eye. I thought he was joking until I saw you earlier today.”
“What about Luke?” Killian raises an eyebrow. “You two have been getting cozy.”
“Luke is my friend.” I stand up from my chair. “Look, if you came to accuse me and try to make yourself feel better, it’s not going to work. I haven’t had sex with anybody else since I got here. Not even after what you did. I was actually ready to be yours completely. I can see now that you were never ready. You asked me because you thought that’s what I wanted. And I guess it was what I wanted. You could read me better than I could read myself.” I run a hand through my hair, pushing it out of my face. “Look, I’m not mad at you. I get it. You’re eighteen. You’re too young for a commitment. It sucks that you had to hurt me, but I’m a big girl. I can handle a little heartbreak.”
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t deserve you.” He rubs his hand along the base of his neck. “I came here, hoping that you had been with somebody else. I was hoping you had been screwing other guys because I wanted to feel better about hurting you. You were right about that.”
I guess I can read him, too.
“What will it take to get you to give me another chance?” Killian asks.
I shrug, shaking my head. “I don’t know. Maybe time. But I’m not going to lie, time might not be enough. How can we get back to where we were when there is so much hurt?”
He nods. “I will find a way to make it up to you.”
I hope he can.
Because I miss him.
It’s only been one freaking day and I miss him so badly I can hardly stand it.
This is why I don’t do commitment. Because it hurts.
“We can be friends,” I tell him. “But I’m probably going to date other guys, and you’re going to have to be okay with that. If you’re jealous, I will have to cut you from my life.”
“I understand,” he says, then grins. “But like I already told you, I’m willing to share you.”
I raise an eyebrow. “It didn’t sound like that a few minutes ago when you were asking if I had been having sex with another guy.”
“That was when I thought I didn’t have a chance.”
I roll my eyes. “I didn’t say you had a chance.”
“No. But I can see in your eyes that I do. Don’t give up on me.”
I want to tell him that I won’t, but I can’t.
Killian Young broke my heart.
But dang it, I still want to share my broken heart with him.
Even if I want to, I won’t. Because I have more self-respect than that. Maybe someday he will earn a place in my heart, but for now... friendship is all I will give him.
The truth.
When I walk into Michael Sinclair’s office at midnight, I really don’t know what to expect, but the last thing I think I will see is Jaxon Duran sitting in there. But there he is, looking just as confused about me being here as I am about him being here. I nod at him, taking a seat in the chair beside him.
“Brooklyn, so glad you could join us. I was just about to fill Jaxon in on what your job is here,” Michael says.
“Job?” Jaxon raises an eyebrow, looking back and forth between Michael and me, confusion on his face.
“Jaxon, have you met Brooklyn...”
“Brooklyn Taylor, I know.” Jaxon looks at me, his eyebrow furrowed.
“Brooklyn Fairchild,” Michael Sinclair corrects. “Brooklyn Taylor is an alias that she is using while she is here. I chose her because of how talented she is, which I’m sure you know. But I also chose her because she has a baby face.” He grins at me. “You look younger than you are.”
I shrug. “I’m still a teenager for another two months.”
I really hate when people think I look younger than I am, but in this case, I guess it’s a good thing.
Jaxon’s mouth falls open, looking between Michael and me. “I’m so confused.”
“You know Brooklyn Fairchild, right?” Michael turns his attention to Jaxon.
“Everybody knows of her. I mean, she single-handedly took down the Italian mafia...” his voice trails off as he puts two and two together.
I’d told him the truth about what really happened with the Italian mafia, which isn’t something I’ve ever told anybody before. I’ve kept that part of my story a secret because of how hurt I got.
I reach out a hand towards Jaxon. “Hello, Jaxon. I’m Brooklyn Fairchild. Nice to meet you.”
He doesn’t shake my hand though. He just looks at me with his jaw agape and his eyes wide.
“Jaxon is here for the same reason you are.” Michael looks at me. “I meant to introduce you sooner, but I’ve been busy. Sorry about that. But I need you two to work together on this case. I figure it’ll make things easier having one of you close to the other students, and one of you close to the staff.”
“Working together won’t be a problem,” I assure Michael, but when I glance at Jaxon, I wonder if the words are true. Jaxon looks like he’s pissed at me.
“I’m surprised.” Michael sits forward. “If I recall, you’ve always had a problem getting along with others, Miss Fairchild.”
He’s right.
Until now.
“She seems to be getting along with her peers very well,” Jaxon assures Michael. “And she is very good at her job. I had no idea that she was undercover, or that she wasn’t really Brooklyn Taylor.”
“I figured. You and Miss Fairchild are some of my best agents, and I trust you will be able to find the rogue agent in our school.”
“Sir, you ne
ver told me exactly what I was looking for,” I say, leaning forward. “You only told me that somebody was here who shouldn’t be.”
He nods. “Yes, that’s right. Somebody in this school is feeding valuable information to Espionage Academy.”
“Espionage Academy?” Jaxon asks, clearly as confused as me.
“Espionage Academy is a rival school. They’re under the ruse that they are like us—that they want to do good. And they are brainwashing their students that we are the bad guys. But in reality, they are the ones that are doing horrible stuff.” Michael Sinclair sighs. “I have agents trying to infiltrate their school. But for now, your job is to find their agent, who is in our school.”
That should be easy enough.
“With you two working together, I know you will be unstoppable.”
Michael Sinclair’s faith in me sort of blows my mind, and it makes me feel good. Like, maybe I really am good at my job.
I’ve let my parents get in my head too much. They make me doubt myself, and I have to fight against that almost every day.
“That will be all for now.” Michael looks down at a file on his desk. “You two are dismissed.”
I get up to walk out of the office, Jaxon following me.
I expect him to say something about how it’s cool we’re working together. I expect him to say something about being relieved that I’m not really a student. But he doesn’t. He just looks at me, and I’m unable to read the range of emotions on his face.
“You let me believe that you were a student.” His voice is low.
“Because it was my job to.” I’d wanted to tell him. And I would have had I known that I could, but I didn’t. “You didn’t tell me you were undercover, either.”
“I suppose I didn’t.” He rubs the back of his neck with his hand. “I don’t know why, but I’m really mad at you.”
“Apparently I have that effect on people,” I mumble.
“I was torn up by the fact that you’re seventeen, and you’re not even seventeen. You’re almost twenty. You’re a damned adult. And I was allowed to be attracted to you. But in my head, I was some pedophile, attracted to a child.”
The Undercover Life (Spy Academy Book 1) Page 8