by J. L. Beck
“Xander.” My name falls from her lips on a sigh and I know I’ll never get tired of hearing her say it. I’ll never get tired of having her as mine, because for once in my life, it feels like I’ve found a home.
“Mine,” I growl, holding her tighter.
Always mine. Always.
Chapter 16
Ella
When we return home from Vegas, Xander and I get into a normal routine, or as normal as being with a criminal can be. I start to feel less like a prisoner and more like a member of his family. He treats me with the same respect he gives his brother and even leaves me with his son here and there.
I start to get comfortable with the idea of being his and maybe us being together but there are so many unknowns to our situation.
Xander comes with a heavy price tag… one that could cost me my life, and after Vegas, I'm not certain I'm prepared to go against any of his future enemies. I eye the adorable little boy sitting on the floor in front of me.
He just hit the six-month mark the nanny told me when I came in to feed him this morning. He was trying to bend upward like he wanted to sit up, so I put him on the floor and surrounded him by five pillows in case he falls over. Now he’s giving me a slobbery toothless grin, and I can't help but smile back at him. He’s adorable, looking like a complete miniature version of his father. He would be worth staying and being with Xander for, but the fear of never finding my sister again or dying at the hands of Xander’s enemies is real and I can’t shake the thoughts from entering my mind.
“You're just as handsome as your father,” I coo at Q. His dark eyes sparkle with happiness, as he flings his chubby hands around. I think about all that Xander has done to protect his son, what he will continue to do.
“You think I’m handsome?” Xander’s deep honeyed voice startles me and I jump, turning and craning my neck toward the door. I take in his devilishly handsome features. His black hair is slicked back, and his eyes look more brown then black today.
“It’s not polite to eavesdrop.” I smile.
“You and I both know that politeness isn’t one of my strong points.” He snickers and walks into the room. Immediately, he has Q’s full attention and gives him a breathtaking smile. The love he has for his son shines through in everything he does and Q starts giggling and cooing while reaching for his daddy, opening and closing his tiny little hands.
“I’ll be leaving soon.”
“What do you mean, you’ll be leaving soon?” I inquire.
Xander’s eyes remain on his son. “I’m leaving, Mouse. That’s all you need to know.” My teeth grind together in anger. So, now we are back to this again, him not telling me what is going on.
“What do you mean that’s all I need to know?” I shove up from my spot on the floor, coming to stand directly in front of him. The nanny walks in a second later, her eyes wide hearing our raised voices.
I didn’t want to argue in front of Q, and I assume Xander doesn’t either when he grabs me by the arm and pulls me in the direction of his bedroom.
“I do not appreciate your attitude, or the fact that you raised your voice in front of my son.”
Rolling my eyes, I respond, “Well, I don’t appreciate you not telling me what the hell is going on, so I suppose we’re even then, right?”
Xander’s grip on me tightens, his gaze blazing with fire. “You’re rather mouthy, Mouse. Maybe I need to cuff you back to the bed and put something in your mouth to make better use of it.”
Fear and arousal snake up my spine. “I... I don’t mean to be rude, but I thought we were past keeping secrets. I thought you trusted me.” My gaze falls to the floor, and my lungs deflate. I was so hopeful that Xander would help me find my sister, hopeful that he’d treat as more than just another girl, and maybe that was the problem with all of this. I was hoping for things that would never come true.
Xander’s gaze drops to his hand on my arm and he releases me, taking that same hand and running it through his hair in frustration, ruining the perfectly slicked-back hair.
“I... I…” He stumbles over his words, his jaw clenched. “I’m going to meet with someone who knows where your sister is now. Benny gave me some information before I killed him. Damon found this guy a few days ago, and I set up a meeting with him. I’m hoping I can get the info on my father and find out where your sister is all in one go, but I didn’t want to tell you because then you’d want to go.”
“Of course, I’d want to go,” I all but yell.
“And that’s the fucking problem, Mouse. I can’t have you going. Last time we were in Vegas, shit went down that shouldn’t have.” He leans in real close, his fingers ghosting against my cheek. I want to lean into his touch, but he pulls away before I get the chance.
“I can’t risk losing you again. We came much too close last time, and I refuse to put you in danger again.”
“I appreciate your concern, Xander, but it’s my sister we’re talking about.” I’m determined to find her, to rescue her from the web she’s gotten herself tangled in.
Xander smirked. “And that’s precisely why you will not be going. You cannot think clearly when you put emotions into a situation such as the one we’re in.”
I want to stomp my foot on the floor, to beg and plead with him to go but it would do me no good. The look in his eyes tells me he isn’t going to budge on his choice, and I don’t particularly find the idea of being cuffed to his bed the entire time he is gone very exciting.
“Fine. But if you find her, can you at least have her call me? I just want to talk to her and make sure she is okay.”
Relief fills Xander’s features. “I will do my best. I cannot guarantee anything though, as I don’t even know if the man I’m going to meet knows where your sister is. Benny could’ve been lying for all I know.”
That was the truth; he could’ve been. But from what I remember that night, Benny had told me I didn’t want to go with that man. I wonder if that man he called Ivan is the same person Xander is going to go and meet.
An image of my sister’s face as she was carried through that door appears in my mind right then. Despair, sadness. She looked like she was exhausted and, once again, I was just a little too late. And just like our parents had let us down, I was letting her down.
“Everything is going to be okay, Mouse.” Xander’s gentle voice enters my mind and I blink back to reality.
“That’s hard to believe when your sole purpose for living could possibly be dead.” Tears well in my eyes, threatening to escape.
“She’s not dead. That I can promise you. Will she wish she was dead when this entire ordeal ends? Maybe.” Xander is so close now that I can’t stop myself from leaning into his body, pressing my cheek to his chest, right over his erratic heartbeat.
“Do you think she’ll hate me?” The tears finally started to fall, and when I feel Xander’s huge hand against my back, holding me close, I release a ragged sob I wasn’t even aware I was holding in.
“Shhh. After all you’ve done for her, how could she?”
I don’t have an answer. All I know is that I let her down and the only way to make things right is to rescue her.
“I just want her to come home. I feel like I’ve let her down, and there isn’t anything that I can do to make myself feel differently.”
I wonder if Xander knows what it feels like to let someone down? He’s always followed through on his actions, killing anyone he has to, to protect his family. Moments like this, I wish I could be more like Xander.
“I hate it, but I have to go.” He pulls away from me, cupping me by my tear-stained cheeks, forcing me to look deep into his eyes. “I will do whatever I can to help your sister, and if I talk to her, I’ll be sure to let her know you’ve been looking for her this whole time.”
His words make me smile and warm my heart.
“Thank you,” I whisper, right as his lips descend on mine. He kisses me with a longing for more, so much more. He has been kind to me, showing me w
hat it is like to be made love to, while giving me just a shred of pleasure mixed in with pain. He held me every night, making certain I was secure, safe.
When he finally pulls away, we are both breathless, my lips are swollen from our kiss, and his eyes are glazed over with need.
“Watch over Q while I am gone, and don’t even make an attempt to leave. I’ll have my men posted at every exit of the house, and believe me, Mouse, if you do happen to get out, I will find you and make certain you never see your sister again.”
I nod in understanding, knowing his words aren't only a warning but the truth. I’m not going to run though. Xander has too much hanging over my head. He is the only one who can help me secure my sister’s safety and make sure she comes home.
“And when I get home, you’re all mine. Every fucking delicious inch of you.”
I gulp, his touch leaving me, making me feel cold all over. And with one last fleeting look, he’s gone, leaving me alone, with a thousand different emotions swirling deep inside me. I stand in place with my feet cemented to the floor for a long time, long after I hear the front door slam closed.
And as soon as he’s gone, I realize just how much I miss him.
***
I grip the edge of the toilet, the contents of my stomach emptying into the bowl for the third time in the last twenty-four hours. It’s been a long time since I was sick enough to puke... years. My throat burns, and my eyes water as I try to hold back the illness from escaping my body. The muscles in my stomach tighten… and I grip the rim of the toilet harder. The bile in my stomach burns a path of fire out of my throat and into the toilet once more.
As I cling to the toilet, my eyes roam over the box of tampons that sits neatly on the back of it. My periods were all over the place, which made tracking them hard. I was on birth control for a while but hadn’t been able to take my pills because of being held up in Xander’s house. That, and well, I never considered to ask if I should go back on the pill. I guess that kind of led us to the situation we were in now.
With so many other things on my mind, the thought of birth control kind of went out the window. Xander never asked me, and I never mentioned it either. I couldn’t actually remember the last time we used a condom, other than the first time we had sex.
“Shit,” I mutter under my breath. Do I really need a pregnancy test to confirm being pregnant? Dread has coated my insides since last night. The last thing either of us need is a baby. I mean, Xander already has Q and that is hard enough for him.
And I don’t even know if we could be considered a couple, since we’ve never really discussed that either. I sigh into the toilet before flushing it. It’s obvious that I needed to sit down with Xander and figure out what the hell we are, and what we plan to do. I’m not his prisoner anymore, and he isn’t my captor. We are beyond that now.
Thankfully, I’d already asked one of the maids to pick me up a pregnancy test yesterday. She’d told me she would bring it to work today, and the anxiety of the unknown is starting to wear on me.
Trying to calm myself, I wash my hands and brush my teeth before heading out of the bathroom. My eyes move to the clock beside the bed. It is nearly eight a.m., and she will be here any second. I want to get to her before anyone else can see what she is carrying. The last thing I need is a stupid rumor getting back to Xander before I can confirm or deny something.
Slipping into my flats, I head downstairs, trying to find her. I weave in and out of the halls heading toward the servants’ quarters. When I don’t see her anywhere, I turn around and head back toward the kitchen. I feel Xander’s guards watching my every step, and I smile at one of the men, trying not to draw too much attention. He doesn’t smile back, which doesn’t surprise me. I get the feeling most of the men around here don’t know what it feels like to smile.
When I spot Cara unloading bags of groceries near the pantry, I walk up to her, casually, of course.
“Did you get it?” I lean into her ear and whisper.
She smiles and pulls out a pregnancy test. I stare at the small box for a long moment as if the damn thing holds all the answers to my problems, and I guess it kind of does.
“Here you go, Mrs. Rossi.”
I blink at the name. Doesn’t she know? Maybe she just thinks we’re married. I guess it doesn’t really matter, but I’d feel weird correcting her and since doing so would just make her ask questions, I let her think whatever she wants.
“Thank you!” I exclaim, wrapping her up in a tight hug. Her body stiffens in my hold, clearly not anticipating my actions. “Seriously, Cara, it means a lot to me. If you need anything ever, please don’t hesitate to ask.” I could kiss her cheeks for helping me out with this, but I don’t think she’d like that very much so instead, I release her and make my way back upstairs.
A couple guards pass me in the hall. They eye me warily but don’t say anything or even greet me. They treat me like I’m not there, though the coldness in their stares makes me shiver. I wonder what Xander told them about me, and if they would attack me just like the other guard had.
No. They know better. I shake the thought away and continue onward toward the bedroom. Once inside, I open the box and take out one of the tests. It’s wrapped up in a plastic packaging and crinkles loudly in my hands. I’m seconds away from taking the test when a noise just outside the door catches meets my ears.
I didn’t see anybody else in the hall when I was out there a minute ago. Maybe the nanny is just going in to check on Q? I place the package on the dresser and peek around the corner and down the hall.
Deep in my belly, something feels off, and I think my body knows it, too, as I stay to the shadows, looking out the door. My eyes catch on an unknown man making his way down the hall. He’s not dressed like any of Xander’s men, and he’s walking as if he is trying to be quiet. I try and think about who he might be, and where he came from.
His back is to me and with every step, he gets closer and closer to Q’s bedroom. Whoever this man is, he shouldn’t be here. None of the guards come up to the second floor. None. But I suppose I already know he’s not a guard and that makes my suspicion of him that much more.
Xander’s words echo inside my mind… “Watch over Q.”
My instincts kick into overdrive. Whoever this bastard is, he isn’t going to touch Q. Without thinking, I walk out into the hallway, tiptoeing behind the guy. Fear trickles down my spine but I push it aside. I need to make sure the baby is okay. Protect the baby, above all else.
He is already at Q’s door, his hand on the knob, when I yell directly behind him, “Stop!”
He turns around, and I immediately regret that I hadn’t thought this completely out. I should have grabbed a weapon or something because now I’ve got his attention but I’m standing in front of him completely helpless.
The look in the man’s dark eyes promises death, and he lurches forward, trying to grab me. I scurry out of the way, feeling the air move around me as I do.
A scream builds in my throat, but before I can get it out, Q’s bedroom door opens and one of the nannies appears in the doorway.
She takes one look at the man and starts screaming, “Someone help! Someone!” Her high-pitched voice makes my ears hurt.
The man smirks at me, a feral look that terrifies me. And then he springs into action. I cower in fear, afraid he may strike out at me or the nanny, but instead, he starts running down the hall right past me, while I still stand frozen in fear, my feet cemented to the floor.
I turn my head and watch him run toward the staircase. It seems strange that he would run straight toward the men that he knows will capture him... almost as if that’s his intention. A guard appears at the top of the stairs, and then another, and then another. Within seconds, Xander’s men are on top of the intruder and have him completely immobilized on the floor.
Only then am I able to suck in a shaky breath. I hold a hand to my chest, trying to calm my erratic heartbeat. I watch as one of Xander’s top men, Aston, pu
lls out his phone.
What the hell just happened?
As soon as I get my bearings, I walk into Q’s room, past the nanny who is crying hysterically against the door. I want to soothe her fears but the only person in this room that I care about right now is Xander’s son. In a second, I’m at his crib, my eyes frantically moving over his body for injury. I know the man never got ahold of him, but the fact that he had every intention terrifies me.
I force myself to breathe normal, staring down at the dark-eyed cutie who is lying on his back, holding on to his own feet while rocking back and forth. He smiles widely when he sees me, completely unaware of everything that just happened around him.
I pick him up and take him into my shaky arms, cradling him against my chest. As soon as I feel his tiny heartbeat, I start crying. Xander’s men enter the room, their eyes on me, studying me as I hold Q. They don’t say anything, and then Aston appears in the doorway. He pockets the phone in his hand into his pants.
“Boss wants you and the baby to remain in his room until he gets home. I will be standing post outside the door.” His words force me to start moving, and within a second, I am inside Xander’s bedroom.
I’m not sure what it is that’s got me in tears. Maybe it’s the fear of someone hurting Q or maybe it’s the fear of Xander losing the only thing that matters to him. I don’t know, but all I know is that I won’t be letting that baby out of sight until his father gets home. Staring through tear-filled eyes down at the little boy in my arms, I vow to protect him, care for him, and never let the evil that’s touched my life touch his.
Chapter 17
Xander
The air in my lungs freezes. I knew coming here was a bad idea. Even if I did find Ella’s sister and strike a deal with Ivan, it isn’t worth the risk of losing my son and the one woman making my heart beat for the first time since my mother. I’m on the plane and home in a few hours’ time. The blood in my veins runs cold thinking of that fucking bastard touching my son or Mouse.