"A what?"
"A planner. Someone who makes plans for everything. Plans for dinner, schedules sleep, follows a routine, etcetera, etcetera." She waved her hand in front of her face on the latter part, dropping her voice to a posh baritone.
"Maybe. Are you going to stay for dinner or what then?" My dismissive tone wasn't the kindest but after her shenanigans of late, I had a difficult time controlling it.
"Do you have wine?"
"In the cupboard there." I nodded toward the cabinets to the right of me as I stirred the food and poured in the sauces. "Glasses are right above."
"Chardonnay or Pino Grigio?"
"Pino is fine." When the chicken and vegetables cooked to my liking, I turned off the heat and focused on the rice. "Is there anything you don't like?"
"I eat everything," Mae said as she stood with the wine bottle and retrieved the glasses.
I reached into the drawer at my hip and removed the corkscrew. "Here."
"Thanks," she said, taking it from my hand in a slow drag. "I didn't expect dinner when I barged in, I swear."
"I know. I should give you homework for crashing my class though," I said as I folded the rice in on itself. When it was done, I fixed two plates for us and grabbed the utensils while Mae poured the wine.
"Liz dared me to." Mae snickered as she carried the glasses to the table.
"Well, she's on my shit list too then." I set the plates beside the glasses then the napkins and forks. "'Oy, Mae,'" I mimicked Liz's accent. "No wait, I'll just start calling you Meadow at all times. What do you think of that, Meadow?"
"What do I think of that meadow? It's quite nice." Mae waved her fork at me and I laughed. "Growing up, my mom always called me by my full name. 'Meadow Breeze, come have supper. Meadow Breeze, sit calmly during meditation. Meadow Breeze, I named you after an air freshener for a reason.'"
"She did not say that." My laughter continued as I lifted the glass of wine.
"Maybe not, but go into any store and look in the air freshener section. Guaranteed I'm an aerosol and a plug-in for at least two brands." Mae took a bite of her food and her brows flicked upward. "This is good."
"I'm glad you like it," I said in between hysterics. "A plug-in."
"I'm serious." Mae grinned.
Two glasses of wine and a sink full of dishes later, we still joked about it. Mae poured the last of the bottle into our glasses and set it on the counter.
"I'll do them later." I gestured toward the sink.
"Good. It's still early-ish. Want to watch a movie or something? I'd say let's go for a walk but…" She glanced to the window as rain assaulted it.
"Yeah, all right. Do you want popcorn? You can pick the movie. The computer's already hooked up to the TV," I said.
"Yeah, sure." Mae carried our glasses to the living room and set them down on the coffee table. "Do you like horror movies?"
"I do," I said as I tossed a bag of popcorn in the microwave.
"How about Oculus?"
"Saw it."
"Silent Hill?"
"Saw that too." The kernels burst in rhythmic succession.
"Insidious?"
"Yes please."
"Good choice." Mae dimmed the lights as I carried the bowl of hot popcorn with me to the living room.
"Have you seen it?" I asked as I plopped down on the sofa.
"No but it got decent reviews." She hopped on the couch beside me and tucked her feet beneath her skirt. "Thanks for dinner."
"Anytime. It's the least I can do for helping me with my research. Next time I'll plan something better." I glanced at her while trying to hide a smirk.
"Oh really? Like what?" she asked, bringing the wine glass to her lips. Her sideways posture told me that she wasn't paying any mind to the movie at all.
"What's your favorite thing?"
"My favorite thing or my favorite food?" She bit her bottom lip, which captured my attention. She was constantly up to something and, after witnessing a few of her schemes, I began to recognize the early signs.
"Both?"
"Well, my favorite culinary indulgence is lasagna with warm crusty bread." She smacked her lips, wagged her brows, and then sipped her wine. "And my favorite thing…"
"Uh huh," I said, pulling my attention away from the little kid in the movie who was clearly about to either get kidnapped or devoured.
"I have to whisper it." She set her glass down on the table.
"There's no one else here except us."
"The cat will hear." She pressed her index finger to her lips and moved so close to me that her breath tickled my shoulder.
"All right, just tell me." I gulped. The two of us alone made whispering a lot more awkward than it needed to be.
After a few tentative breaths, Mae said, "You," almost inaudibly. Her hand caressed my knee. My first instinct was to push her away. She was joking, she had to be. Another way to test my reaction. "You're my favorite," she repeated as she leaned forward slightly until we were face to face.
"Don't tease me," I said as my heart thundered in my chest. Being the brunt of everyone's "just kiddings" was daunting at times.
"I haven't even begun to tease you." With that, she closed the distance between us. Delicate lips met mine as a surge of energy shot through my core, rattling up and down my body at the same time. I braced myself, one hand on her stomach when the urge to shove her away returned. But I couldn't break myself away from her berry-flavored kiss. Maybe it was the wine. Stiffness faded when my body accepted her before my mind had a chance to argue. Above me, Mae's body grew warmer, softer even as it melted into mine. The linen of her shirt caressed my skin when she reached up to stroke my cheek the same way she had in the woods. Fire burned in the pit of my stomach awakening a sensation long dead. I burned, set alight by a pixie with ginger hair.
A war raged inside me. Stop this, it isn't right. What am I doing? mingled with, Keep going, don't stop.
Mae guided me through what seemed like an endless kiss. I placed my palm against her cheek. The gesture broke our connection and Mae gazed down at me, the tips of her fingers grazing the waist of my pants.
"Have you ever kissed a girl?" she whispered, her words silky, hungry.
"No," I said breathlessly, then chewed my lip as I searched her expression. It's true. I hadn't. Why was it happening now? Fear bubbled in my torso. Was she teasing me? Stringing me along to see how far she could push me? Was she being sincere? On the off chance that it was the latter, her unusual comments, touches, caresses made sense. If not, everything about Mae screamed play with me and maybe I was just a pawn in her game or something for her to conquer.
"Good." Again, she kissed me, this time with vigor.
Our tongues danced, swirled together as if aching for something more. Mae's hand snaked around my side, gripping my hip as she pressed us down to lie back on the sofa. She lifted me to her as she lay on top of me, her hair tumbling forward and cascading around us. I wanted to touch her, but didn't know where or how. I focused on her neck and let my fingers slide into her tresses.
She pressed my shirt up, exposing my stomach and, for a single moment, I thought we could do this. That somehow it wouldn't matter where we were in an hour. She pulled the string on my pants and I felt them loosen as her searing fingertips breached my panties. An inch above my most hidden recesses, reality struck me like a sharp bolt of lightning.
"Stop," I urged and she did, immediately withdrawing her affections. Her gaze lingered on my exposed abdomen as if longing for a glimpse of something more.
"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" She scooted back when I sat up.
"No. I'm fine." I attempted to pull away from her but she wouldn't let me. Instead, I dropped my arms above my head, focusing my attention on a worn out copy of The Grapes of Wrath on the top shelf of the bookcase. My mind was a mess of emotions and my body tingled in places it shouldn't.
"What can I do?" Mae asked after a long silence, sitting beside me now rather than leaning over.
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"There's nothing to do, Mae. It is what it is." I didn't really know why I stopped her. My body clearly wanted it, if anything, to explore the sensations. She was a stranger to me. And a woman no less. Maybe I shouldn't share wine with people I didn't know very well.
"I hate that saying."
"You actually hate something?" I peeked over at her.
"Yes. Especially that because it means we're powerless. We're never powerless."
"There's nothing I can do to change it though."
"Maybe not at this moment, but it doesn't change anything with how I feel. You're still my favorite." She offered me a soft smile as a ripple of heat rose to my cheeks.
Chapter Five
I avoided Mae for three days after our encounter, which also meant she plagued my dreams for three nights. Unfortunately, I couldn't remember any details, only that she played a part. Mae was no longer just the woman who owned a new age shop. Suddenly I found myself worried about her rejecting me when, truly, I was the one rejecting her.
The morning of Beltane, I finally attended to the messages on my phone. Most were from Mae beginning two days ago and tuned to the theme of "Are you okay?" and "I'm giving you space until you're ready."
Today I felt ready, if that were such a thing anyway.
After class, I stopped home to shower, change, and feed Monkey. Mae told me where the celebration was and, I figured, if I just showed up without telling her, it'd give me ample opportunity to back out along the way.
Somehow, I managed to talk myself into wandering into yet another unknown situation with a bunch of unfamiliar people. I parked the car in the same spot Mae showed me last time, except now, cars filled the gravelly area. What was I doing here? My thoughts raced as I hiked the brief trail toward the clearing. Doing so was much easier in proper shoes. As I neared the bridge over the stream, voices carried between the trees. I took a deep breath.
"You're here for research," I muttered, ducking beneath a low branch only to emerge on the other side of the old bridge. Ahead, people crowded the grassy clearing. In the center stood the innards of an unlit bonfire. To my left, perched carefully beneath a party tent, tables filled with food and drinks drew the most focus. Handmade floral decorations dangled from trees and any freestanding structure. Demetri sat, clad only in a pair of shorts, on the ground bundling up sticks to make what appeared to be torches. Liz stood beside a giant pole protruding from the ground with maybe a dozen ribbons hanging from the top.
"There ya go, that's a girl." Liz patted the maypole and bunched the ribbons at the bottom.
More people arrived after me, some of them scantily clad in bathing suit style outfits. A few wore long white robes gathered by a golden rope around the middle. Two women sat in the grass facing each other as they toyed with a bunch of multicolored flowers. Three dozen people and rising with no Mae in sight.
"There's the newbie, oy Ella!" Liz waddled over to me. She, like a few of the others wore a white robe, except hers seemed unusually large on her tiny form. "You made it, ay?"
"I did. Hi." I offered her a polite smile.
"Mae isn't expecting you at all," she said, clapping me on the shoulder. "But this'll make 'er day, won't it?"
"Perhaps." I laughed a bit uncomfortably. "Is she here?"
"By the water there, having a bit of a pout." Liz nodded in the direction of the stream. "Go on then."
"Thanks," I said as Liz trotted off singing a song I didn't recognize.
I followed the stream, listening to the water as it rushed over the rocks. The rain of late must've caused the increased flow. Out of earshot of the celebration, I found Mae, also clad in a white robe, crouched beside the stream filling tiny bottles with water. Unlike Liz, her robe fell perfectly around her and the daisy chain in her hair had her looking like a flawless wood nymph. She didn't look up when I approached, though she appeared deep in thought. I said nothing. Instead, I dropped to my knees beside her. She glanced at me then did a double take, her expression lifting with her smile when she met my gaze.
"Hi," she said, then biting her lip as if to hold onto her excitement. Maybe the lip biting wasn't a sign of shenanigans anymore.
"What've you got there?" I nodded toward the bottles.
"For blessings," she said, glancing to the water then back to me. "I didn't think you'd…"
"That's what Liz said, too."
"I'm sorry."
"I know. Everything's fine."
"But El—"
"It was my fault." I shook my head. "Let's just…"
Mae reached between us and brushed the back of her hand down my cheek, ending in a glide across my lips. The gesture, I expected, my reaction, I didn't. Why did I like it when she touched me like that? This time, I wasn't moderately inebriated. I dropped my gaze and she gathered up the bottles in a woven bag.
"C'mon." She stood, offering me her hand. Like last time, I took it and she led me back to the party.
A group of people frolicked about wearing leafy green masks. It creeped me out a little, especially when they smiled. Joyful sounds of laughter filled the air along with the music of guitars and fiddles. Mae set the bag down by a pile of supplies and brought me over to the buffet table.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"Not very."
"Is it because you're nervous?" Mae squeezed my hand that I hadn't realized she was still holding.
"Yeah." I laughed a bit as a whoosh of heat hit me from behind. I started and Mae pointed toward the bonfire.
"Just the fire. Let's sit over here so we can watch," she said, urging me toward a blanket set out beneath a ribbon-wrapped tree. She sat first, tugging me with her.
"Tell me about the robes?" I asked. "Some of the other things I recognize from what I've read."
"The robes aren't anything special. Beltane is clothing optional. Naked is called skyclad. Not everyone chooses to go skyclad so the robes are a nice middle ground. You will see some naked people though, just a warning." Opal stopped by and set down a basket of daisies beside Mae. "Thanks."
"Welcome. Glad you made it, Ella." Opal smiled then pranced off to rejoin the group that began to gather around the fire as the setting sun dipped lower in the sky.
"Can I put a daisy chain in your hair?" Mae asked.
"Yeah." I tugged out my ponytail and slipped the bauble over my wrist. "You're not leading this event?"
"Not today. They're more than capable." Mae scooted behind me, running her fingers through my hair. "Your hair is a lighter color when it's down. More blondish."
"It's always been that way." I pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on them as Mae continued to smooth out my hair. She pulled some of it back and to the side, which sent soothing chills over my shoulders and down my arms. As a group of folks gathered in a circle around the fire, a few others sang a giddy tune as they skipped around the maypole, weaving the ribbons in a similar fashion to the way Mae's fingers felt in my hair.
"I like it down," she said, pausing briefly as she tucked the daisies into the braid. I couldn't see it yet but I could tell by the motions. I closed my eyes for a moment, allowing the heat of the flames to warm me a bit. Who was I kidding by coming here? I stopped caring about Beltane and Wicca five days ago. Admitting it to myself brought prickles of tears against my eyelids. I didn't let them fall.
"You okay?" Mae asked, her voice soft. There's no way she could tell my emotions from behind, I haven't moved or breathed in any unusual way.
"I'm fine," I said as Mae tied off the braid with a string of twine.
"There you go," she said, patting my shoulder. I reached back to touch it, smiling when my fingers met the soft petals.
"Thanks."
"Welcome."
Upbeat music continued well after the sunset and the more people drank and indulged, the louder it got. I enjoyed the music. The tin whistles and fiddles left me with positive vibes as I watched various groups of people dance around the maypole. When the bonfire and luminaries offered the only
light, folks danced around the fire in a circle. Clothes and robes lay forgotten on the ground.
"Marlow! You and Dromeda, be the symbol, ay?" Liz called out over the ruckus to the naked couple holding hands.
"What does she mean?" I asked Mae who remained seated somewhat behind me.
"Beltane is the celebration of rebirth. Of love and joy. It's the time when the Gods and Goddesses come together to consummate their passions for each other. Traditionally, lovers make a vow to live together for a year and one day. If it doesn't work out, they can go their separate ways after. If it does, they can plan a handfasting at Midsummer. Handfasting is like a wedding," Mae explained as I watched Marlow and Andromeda get on the ground together. He pulled her into his lap and I tensed a bit when it appeared they were doing exactly as Mae described.
"Are they really?"
"It's symbolic. At the moment…" As if sensing my discomfort, she moved closer to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. She startled me briefly but I let her stay.
"They're a couple?"
"For a few months now." Mae chuckled in my ear as a dozen people clapped for them, egging them on. Some paired off, naked and kissing, dancing and touching. Others still clothed or in robes, danced and hooted. A group of women did some sort of square dancing beside the buffet while holding bottles of liquor. Liz was one of them. It took me a moment to notice that not all of the couples were male-female. Demetri and Kane snogged heavily against a tree near the maypole and Raven seemed to be flirting with a naked brunette.
Slowly, Mae pulled me back to lean on her while she rested against the tree trunk. Her arm draped over my shoulder, falling on my stomach as she cradled me between her knees. Without looking at her, it seemed easier to allow myself to relax into it. She brushed my hair away from my neck, placing her chin on my shoulder. Confusion muddled my mind though I found myself giving in, resigning to a part of me I didn't quite understand.
"I don't think that's symbolic," I said as I watched Marlow spear Andromeda quite heatedly in front of the onlookers.
"You don't seem too unnerved by it." Her voice, hot against my neck, sent goosebumps over my skin.
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