by Kat Mizera
That night, Tessa forced herself to stay awake as Toli watched video of the last couple of games, making notes on his phone that she never understood. He was completely immersed in all things hockey right now, and she sighed heavily. Though he made an effort to spend ten or fifteen minutes with her any day he was home, the playoffs were different than the regular season and she was trying really hard not to let him see her getting upset.
He glanced up, obviously sensing her restlessness. “What is it, sweetheart? Are you okay?
“I need you,” she said softly, meeting his eyes meaningfully.
He paused, raising his eyebrows. “Did the doctor say—”
“I’ve had the green light for over a week, but you’ve been really distracted.”
He put his phone down and reached for her. “Honey, we talked about this. If you need my attention—”
“I just did.”
He bent his head and kissed her. It had been two months since they’d had sex, and though it wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was a long time for them. They had sex almost every day when she wasn’t pregnant or recovering from childbirth. They’d never waited the recommended six weeks after the kids were born, usually not even lasting a full month. This time was different, though, and he hadn’t even thought about bringing it up because he knew how hard of a time she was having.
“I know you’re busy,” she whispered against his mouth. “But if you win tomorrow, you’ll be even busier and I can’t wait anymore.”
“Oh, baby.” He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her chin, trailing his tongue along her jawbone. “I’m so sorry. Everything about this pregnancy and this season of hockey have been hard on you. I promise this summer I won’t even think about hockey.”
“Liar.” She laughed lightly, knowing that even if he retired he would work out as hard as ever.
“Well, a little,” he amended. “But not as much as I’ll think about you.”
“Make love to me, Toli,” she breathed against him, reaching down to pull off her nightgown. She still wore a nursing bra to bed because even though she couldn’t breastfeed now that she was taking anti-depressants, she was still making milk and it was driving her crazy.
“So big,” he laughed, running his big hands over her swollen breasts.
“And painful,” she sighed.
“Does it hurt?” he asked gently, lightening his touch.
“Not when you do that,” she said. “But they hurt when I have a lot of milk. Since I can’t breastfeed this time, I’m hoping it’ll dry up soon.”
“I’m sorry, my love.” He kissed the space between her cleavage, loving the feel of her warm skin and the sound of her happy sigh.
“Mommy!” the door burst open and Alex came running in, his little face covered in tears.
“Oh, hell,” Tessa sighed under her breath as she pulled up the sheet and turned to him. “What’s wrong, darling?”
“My tummy hurts.” His big blue eyes were brimming with tears and she held out her arms so he could climb up and nestle against her.
“Come here,” Toli said gently, taking him from Tessa and resting his son on him instead. “Where does it hurt?”
They had a short conversation and Toli sat up, his son in his arms. “Mommy doesn’t feel good,” he said quietly. “How about you go cuddle with Miss Sasha for a little while?”
“But I want Mommy.” Alex screwed up his face as though he was going to scream.
“Listen to me,” Toli spoke softly but firmly. “Mommy isn’t feeling good—just like you’re not feeling good. Do you want Mommy to be sick again?”
Alex hesitated, glancing at his mother. “No, Daddy.”
“Okay, so let’s go cuddle with Sasha and then, if your tummy still hurts in a little while, you can come lay with Mommy and Daddy. Deal?”
Tessa had to smile at the way Toli handled their children. It was different with the babies, of course, but now that Alex was able to communicate more, Toli was really amazing. He hadn’t been a big part of his older son’s life because Anton had lived in Dallas with his mother, but now that he had children at home Toli was so good with them. She felt a little guilty that he was pawning Alex off on Sasha, but his stomachache seemed mild and they were just a few doors down if it got worst. And she desperately needed time with her husband.
Toli was back a few minutes later, shutting the door behind him and locking it. He slipped off his boxers and crawled back into bed with her, instantly pulling her close again.
“Are we terrible parents?” she whispered in the darkness.
“No.” He kissed her. “We’re exhausted parents who need a little break. It’s just an hour or so. If Sasha can’t calm him, I’ll go get him and bring him in with us.”
“We haven’t made love since she moved in,” Tessa said softly. “Do you think she’ll hear?”
“We’ll try to be quiet,” he nodded. “But honestly, she lives in our home and we’re paying her a fortune to be here—I’m sorry if it’s embarrassing and we’ll do our best not to carry on for long periods of time, but if she can’t handle a little noise, she may have to reconsider living here.”
She smiled against him, loving when he took charge and did or said exactly what she’d been hoping; it felt like it had been a long time since he’d put her needs first and she missed it. It was one of the reasons she’d never nagged him about his devotion to his career, and for the first time in over a year she felt in tune with her husband again.
“Love me, Toli,” she whispered, tugging off her panties.
“Always,” he whispered back, his body pressed to hers as he continued to kiss her. Her skin was soft and smooth, despite her lingering pregnancy weight. She was one of the lucky ones, who shed the weight within a few months. Although this time it wasn’t coming off as fast because the surgery kept her from working out, she was still much slimmer than many other women he knew who’d had children less than two months before. Really the weight just remained in her waist and lower stomach; the rest was already gone. Her arms, legs and hips were already back to what he remembered and her hands, feet and face had slimmed down within a week. Honestly, he didn’t even notice, but it bothered her and she really hated not being able to work out. Going to yoga today had been good for both her and Sasha, who desperately needed a break from their children. He’d promised Sasha a paid vacation once hockey season was over because the truth was that she’d been working nearly twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week since she’d arrived, although he made sure she had down time in the evenings when he was home.
“Am I fat?” Tessa whispered as she leaned against him.
“No.” He laughed softly, one hand cupping her round, sexy ass. “You’re as beautiful as ever and I wish you wouldn’t think about that when I’m about to make love to you.”
“How could I not?” she asked sadly. “Three babies in less than four years has kicked my body’s ass.”
“But we’re done, yes?” He brushed his lips across her shoulder, using his tongue to give her goose bumps. “So now you focus on you again.”
“When? I’m so tired all the time, and just taking them to the babysitter at the gym was exhausting. AJ cried the whole time we were gone and—”
“He’ll get over it,” he said quietly. “And next year Andy will start pre-school too, so it will just be one at home four days a week for several hours. Plus now we have Sasha and can get as much help as we need.”
She sighed. “I don’t want you to stop being attracted to me.”
He shook his head as he brought her hand to his erection. “Does this feel like I’m not attracted to you?”
“It feels like a guy who hasn’t had sex in a while.”
He rolled his eyes. “You need to stop.” He pushed her onto her back and moved on top of her, keeping most of his weight on his elbows because of the incision on her abdomen. “Do you hurt, my love?”
She shook her head. “I think we need to go easy, but it doesn’t hurt with you on top of me.”
Taking their time to build up slowly didn’t seem to be working and it was mere minutes before she was whimpering with need. He sheathed himself inside of her in one smooth motion, making them both sigh with longing. Two months was an eternity in their lives, and Toli paused to look down at her. He whispered how much he loved her in Russian because she liked it better than when he said it in English, and her hips rose against his. She wrapped her arms around his neck with so much obvious need he fell in love with her all over again. The way she always responded to him was sometimes almost more than he could stand, even after all this time.
Buried deep inside of her, his hands on either side of her face, he kissed her like it was the first time again; slow, sexy, passionate. She whimpered, dragging her nails down his back. He growled low in his throat, thrusting forward as gently as he could, ever aware of her healing abdomen.
“I’m okay,” she breathed against his mouth. “You can go harder.”
“No.” He stopped moving, his eyes boring into hers. “Slow and gentle, until you beg for me.”
She smiled against his lips, contentment in her eyes. “I’ll beg you all night long.”
“Da.” Yes. He found her mouth again, determined to draw this out after so many months of emotional distance between them. He needed her just as she’d needed him and it hurt him that he’d been inadvertently been hurting her. They always found each other’s souls in bed, when they were raw and naked, both inside and out. That had been missing and now that they’d found it again, he wished he’d forced the issue sooner.
“Ahh, Toli.” Her breath hitched in her throat. She rose to meet him as he plunged long and deep, methodically, making her ache for more. “Harder, please.”
“Maybe.” He nipped at her lips, the skin under her chin, her throat, and then glided his tongue back into her mouth. He brought her legs up around his waist, keeping pressure light as he readjusted inside her. Their hands came together at their sides and she arched her back to keep their bodies pressed tightly together; any space at all was too much distance right now. She needed him and they needed this intimacy badly; between pregnancy and post-partum depression she’d never felt so alone.
Tessa’s breathy moans and whimpers were making Toli crazy. With her legs wrapped around him, he was immersed in her hot wetness and sweat broke out on his forehead as he struggled to stay in control.
“Don’t fight it,” she whispered, her eyes finding his. “I want to feel you letting go.”
“Not until I feel you give me everything,” he spoke slowly in Russian; she always understood what he said even though she didn’t speak much herself. “I need to know you’re still mine.”
“Always yours,” she breathed, her eyes fluttering closed as she closed her mind to everything except what he made her feel. Her body, her mind, her soul—there was never any doubt that he owned all of her. And she would give herself to him as she always did, freely, without holding back.
“Come for me, sweetheart.” He picked up the pace slightly, knowing that’s what she wanted.
“More, Toli… Please!”
He gave in, unable to hold back anymore, her slick tightness making him crazy. Even after four children she was wetter and tighter than any woman he’d ever been with and being inside her was heavenly. He never wanted to stop making love to her, even amidst all the craziness of the last year or so. The passion between them was what had gotten him into this situation in the first place, but now that she could no longer get pregnant, he planned to be inside her every god damn day. Their relationship went much deeper than sex, but it was these times, when it was just the two of them, their bodies slick with sweat and desire, that they found exactly what they needed. Her tiny hiccup as she began to ride the crest of the orgasm washing over her made him growl with pure yearning; he needed her to let go as much as he needed to.
“Toli!” Her cry was loud enough to wake the neighborhood and he covered her mouth with his as she bucked against him. Feeling her flutter around his cock, so hot and wet, was all it took and he slammed home one last time, holding her still as he pushed himself as deep as he could go. His own cry was buried in her mouth and for a long time they didn’t move. Her fingers crept into his short hair, holding his head to hers, their lips still locked together.
“Please don’t leave me,” she said in a tiny voice.
“Leave you?” His eyes widened in surprise. “How could I leave you? You, me—this—why would I leave? What we have is all I’ve ever wanted.”
“You wanted petite and sexy, not hormonal and fat.”
“Oh, my beautiful sweetheart.” He nuzzled her nose with his, smiling down into her now tear-stained face. “Are you crying? My love… no.” He kept his eyes on hers, using his thumb to brush her tears away. “I love you. You’re hormonal because I was a dumbass who forgot to wear a condom after promising you I would take care of it—this isn’t your fault. It’s mine.”
“I’ve never been insecure before,” she sobbed, closing her eyes as tears slid down her face.
“It’s just the hormones, love.” He wanted to move, so he could lay on his side and pull her into his arms, but he was terrified that losing the intimacy of this moment would send her even further over the edge emotionally. “Everything is fine with us. I’m still as in love with you as I was the night I met you at that bar.”
She tried to smile through her tears. “You’re still in such great shape and I can’t compete with twenty-five-year-olds anymore.”
“What on earth would I want with a twenty-five-year-old?” he demanded. “She’d be after nothing but my money and after all the time I’ve spent teaching you how I like to make love, you want me to start over with some puck bunny?”
She laughed, sniffling and swiping at her face. “Yeah, but she’d be hot.”
He made a face. “Fuck that. You’re hot—and I married you because I love you. You’re so deeply intertwined with me I don’t know where I stop and you start.”
“Maybe on the ice?” she teased, burying her face in his shoulder.
“Can I move to get you a tissue?” he asked softly.
Her eyes met his. “No. Yes. Maybe.”
He smiled. “Just tell me when.”
Her arms slid around his middle holding him tightly to her. “I love you so much—all this fighting and sadness scared me.”
“We’re not fighting anymore,” he whispered, kissing her eyelids and running his lips across her forehead. “I promise, no more. I’ll never doubt you again, and if you’re still sad in a few days, go back to the doctor and up your meds. Everything is going to be okay, sweetheart. Playoffs or not, you’re my priority. Say the word and I’ll retire.”
“No.” she shook her head slowly. “I need you, but I can’t take that from you. When you’re ready to retire you’ll do it. Until then, I just need you to be more in tune to me emotionally when you’re not playing. I’m fine when you’re on the ice.”
“Yeah?” He looked down at her squinting. “Are you sure? I’m never letting hockey take precedence over you again. Never.”
She smiled. “I know. It’s okay. I just needed to know you still love me.”
“God, yes.” He pressed his forehead to hers and cupped the side of her face. “So much. More than anything in the world. Knowing I’ve made you doubt that breaks my heart—I could never stop loving you.”
“I need to hear it a lot,” she admitted. “For a while.”
“I’ll tell you every hour on the hour if you don’t mind my waking you up.”
She smiled. “Maybe every hour from eight a.m. to Midnight.”
He c
huckled. “Deal. Can I get up now?”
“No. Yes. Maybe?”
He kissed her.
The Petrovs, Vol. II
Las Vegas Sidewinders Book 11.5
1
Sasha Hart-Keller hummed to herself as she made breakfast for her four charges. Six-year-old Raina was a big help, but with a newborn whimpering in his bouncy seat, breakfast could be tricky. Usually at least one of the kids’ parents, Toli and Tessa Petrov, was around to help but Toli had an early meeting and Tessa was still asleep. She’d had a difficult time with the birth of their youngest son, A.J., and the subsequent hysterectomy had thrown the whole family off-kilter.
After her disastrous semester at college last fall, this job had been fortuitous for all of them. She needed to do something to get her mind off of what had happened to her and the Petrovs needed help. Toli was a professional hockey player for the Las Vegas Sidewinders and they were in the playoffs, so he was constantly at practice, meetings, or traveling, leaving Tessa to handle everything. She’d needed help and Sasha had needed something to do.
Sasha loved the big, busy family and had fallen into a routine easily. Though she was the child of wealthy parents herself, this was a much-appreciated distraction from the shit storm of her own life.
“Sasha, are you driving me to school?” Raina asked as she alternated putting bites of waffle into her mouth and into the mouth of three-year-old Alex.
“No. Tiff is going to pick you up when she takes her kids.” Tiff was Tessa’s best friend and lived across the street.
“Okay.” Raina was pretty chill most of the time.
When Tiff beeped the horn outside, Raina quickly wiped her mouth, guzzled the last of her milk and grabbed her backpack. “Bye!” she yelled, running outside.
“Have a good day.” Sasha smiled as she sank down with A.J. in her arms.
Five minutes later, Tessa came in yawning as she paused to kiss each of her children. “Good morning.”
“Good morning.” Sasha grinned at her and Tessa narrowed her eyes.