by Damian Maher
5 THE SKY FULL OF STARS?
On the flight from Broom to Sydney they were seated separately, and Jacob was constantly trying to see William’s head ten rows in front of him. His love for William was new and different, but it felt as strong and as beautiful as his first love. It can’t be that I miss him so much already.
At that moment William turned his head and grinned. Jacob waved at him and pointed toward the galley, indicating that they should meet there.
“I remember watching you on the flight to Australia,” William said. “‘He’s watching the same clouds, but from the other side,’ I was thinking. Now we’re watching the clouds together.”
“I am a marrying kind. So, if we are on the same side, I guess we . . .” Jacob was trying to say something.
“What? Are you proposing to me?” William asked, grinning broadly.
“ In a way . . . aren’t we almost, kind of, married already?” Jacob asked.
“My answer is yes !” William exclaimed and fell into Jacob’s arms. Luckily, no one was looking.
“Let’s do it, then!” Jacob said. “Let’s marry!”
“How many people can say that they have been married to a woman and to a man?” William joked.
“Oh well. Some might call me a pervert,” Jacob said. “But seriously . . . I know that I couldn’t love another woman. If I weren’t bisexual, it would have been impossible for me to find a new love.”
“You deserve happiness, Jacob!” William said.
“All I know is that we have to be together. That’s all I know,” Jacob said, looking into William’s eyes.
“That was so touching! Oh! So touching! I have to cry!” one of the flight attendants said, drawing back the curtain, holding a napkin in his hand, sniffling. “I wish you luck, guys. I wish I were so lucky.”
William and Jacob looked at one another and simultaneously hugged the crying flight attendant.
“You’ll find your guy,” William said.
“Yeah! There’s a man waiting for you out there!” Jacob said.
“I want him to be much younger than I am! I think my man is being born right now!” the man joked, waving his hands and wiping his eyes.
They all laughed, surprised by the situation. *
“I’ll have to forget about this endless flight if I ever decide to go to Australia again,” William said, exhausted and barely able to stretch his legs as they waited at the baggage claim area at Heathrow Airport.
“William, I know you’re tired, and you want to go home and take a shower and sleep, but . . .” Jacob hesitated, his face serious.
“What?”
“Would you go with me to the cemetery? That would mean a lot to me.”
“I’d like to do that,” William said tenderly, his eyes watering.
In the cab Jacob noticed his restlessness growing, and the overwhelming hurt seemed to be returning.
As they approached the grave, Jacob kneeled and kissed the soil that had been put over the people he loved most. Tears were streaming silently down his cheeks.
“I would like to be with them. This is so horrible,” Jacob said as he stood up. He took William’s hand, but he felt that that wasn’t enough. He nestled into William—he had to—even if someone saw them. Feeling the safety of William’s hands, smelling his warm body, feeling his hair, touching his cheek, he couldn’t restrain himself anymore as something broke in him. At first his crying was silent, but the waves of realization in his soul made it stronger and stronger and stronger, until he couldn’t stop and gasped for air. He held William tight, needing him more than he had ever needed anyone.
They hugged for a long time, until the crying subsided.
“I hope that you feel how much Jacob loves you,” William whispered as they looked at the grave stone together, hands over each other’s shoulders.
“And I hope that you know how much Jacob is loved.”
In this moment Jacob felt a full circle forming in his heart; everything in his past and in his new life connected. The suffering was still there, but he felt relief knowing that he had actually started outgrowing the pain of his devastating losses.
“Thank you,” he sobbed. “There are no words to express—”
“It’s all right,” William said, holding Jacob in his arms. “It’s all right.”
“Life does go on—with you,” Jacob whispered into William’s ear, holding him tightly.
*
There was a new life ahead of them, and they both tried hard to define the direction of their lives and their priorities, based on each other’s needs. They commuted to see each other almost daily, and they spend weekends together.
“This isn’t working,” Jacob said after two strenuous months. That evening he had driven once again for more than an hour and a half to see William. “This is draining us both. What shall we do?” William asked.
“I guess we need a master plan. We have to reorganize our lives in a way that will bring us together. What if we both sold our apartments and bought a house together?” Jacob proposed.
“I’ve been thinking the same thing,” William said. “We also have to find ways to work near each other. I could find another teaching job. Or preferably, something else . . .”
“Agnetha—Miss Andersen—told me today that she wants to retire. That was a shock to me! I couldn’t imagine working at the company without her. She is the company. She has committed every day of her life over the past three decades to our company. She wants to retire early, but she will stay long enough to train her replacement. She already has an eye on one of her assistants, Livia, and I think I’ll go with her choice. I’ll write an extra hefty goodbye check for her.”
“And?” William asked.
“I was trying to say that I asked my siblings if they were interested in buying my share of the company, but they weren’t. They prefer to rely on me to keep things running. But I’ve decided that in the future I won’t be engaged with the company on an everyday basis. I’ll only supervise the work of the new manager. I was thinking that perhaps we could both work for the company in a different way. Our company is constantly developing new products, which means that new hotels and destinations have to be checked out and prepared for business on a regular basis. Wouldn’t that be something for us? We could travel and have a lot of inappropriately good time while working. You studied English, and we could use your knowledge: you could, among many other things, write tourist guides for our customers.”
“That’s great,” William exclaimed. “That’s the job I’ve always wanted. If we succeeded to weave all those things together, we would really have an incredible life.”
They sold their apartments in less than two months, and by September they had found an old but recently renovated English house surrounded by tall trees, a huge backyard, and a lake. It was sold unfurnished, so they were able to choose the furniture and the decorations together.
The huge living room was the room they loved most—lying on the sofa, feeling each other under a comforter, listening to the fire in the fireplace and observing the sky reflecting on the lake. It turned out that the connection they had felt in the Outback transferred into their everyday life, only gaining in strength.
The house witnessed the burning passion between them. They craved each other constantly. To William, Jacob sometimes felt like an endless herd of bulls giving him that look. He liked that, of course, and in his fantasies he secretly wanted yet another herd of bulls preying on him, but, at the same time he hoped that eventually Jacob would calm down a bit.
But there was a serious downside to their wonderful house. It was big, and as they weren’t made to do household chores, the cleaning was left undone.
“We are in a desperate need of a good housekeeper. But where would one find someone honest and reliable? Someone who can also cook and maintain the garden? It’s impossible to find someone like this,” William said.
“It might not be as impossible as we think!”
“Roberta? Who?” William was baffled. “You know . . . Roberta . . . from Pine Creek!” Jacob exclaimed. “Roberta!”
“Oh! The hooker?”
“She is not the hooker. Well, she is, but she desperately tries to provide for her children. She’s a lioness with a golden heart. What if we invited them all for the winter holidays, and we’ll just see how it turns out. I simply can’t forget this woman. I’ve met so many fake people in my life, but she touched me deeply with her honesty. We have enough money. We could employ her and help her with her children. There are more than enough rooms for all of them in the guest house. What do you think?”
“Children? I would love to have children around. Okay! Let’s invite them. I like the idea. I’ll be a good uncle,” William said .
Indeed, when Jacob invited Roberta and her children, they agreed to visit for a fortnight.
*
There was one thing still burdening Jacob’s soul. In William’s family everyone knew that he was gay, but Jacob hadn’t told anyone the news about his turning gay. Since their mother’s death, Jacob and his two siblings had organized family lunches with their father from time to time. After Jacob’s wife and daughter died, he was only expected to participate as a guest.
“I am living with a man now,” Jacob suddenly blurted out at one of those Sunday lunches.
“What?” His brother, John, almost dropped his knife and fork. “You’re kidding us, right?”
“I am living with a man,” Jacob repeated.
“That’s all right,” Jacob’s sister, Tara, said, “but it’s still a surprise. I never noticed that you were after boys.”
“I’m not after boys. I happened to fall in love with a man. We met in Australia, and he saved me. I was going to kill myself,” Jacob said.
Tara jumped up and hugged him.
“I love you,” she said.
“It’s all right now. I believe that I have finally regained my will to live. It’s all because of William,” Jacob said.
“Is he a faggot?” Jacob’s father asked. “Do we have a faggot in our family now?”
“ Yes, father. We have two faggots, in fact. I don’t expect any empathy from you. You are as mean to me as you always were. It’s hard, but I’ve learned to survive it,” Jacob said. His father was mentally present with only one foot, but still, it seemed that with this foot he set out to do as much harm as he could.
“We don’t want faggots in our family. The next thing is a gay parade in our living room! Where this will all end?Jacob’s father persisted.
“Just ignore our charming daddy,” Tara said.
“Just so you know, I support you, Jacob,” John said. “I don’t care, as long as you are happy.”
Father’s head started to drop as he closed his eyes and started snoring.
“I would like you to meet William,” Jacob said. “Perhaps you two could come over and visit us.”
“That would be great,” John said.
“And there’s another thing I want to tell you,” Jacob said. “It’s regarding our company. Miss Andersen decided to retire as soon as possible, but not before she trains a new manager. Actually, she has chosen Livia.”
“I can’t believe she’s retiring. That’s a big shock! She is the heart of our company. But Livia is definitely a good choice,” Tara said.
“I agree,” John said.
“And I won’t be working in the company as much as I used to. I’ll be . . . more like you two. My partner and I will be traveling to check out new destinations and hotels. Livia will be our new top dog, and I’ll only check how things stand once a week, if everything is proceeding as usual.”
“I’m happy for you,” Tara said. “You did the right thing. Anyway, we are already loaded with money. That’s the one thing this old man was really good at.”
“Cheers to that!” John proposed, and they all joined in.
“It’s time, Daddy!” Tara said, waking him up. “We have to take you back, Daddy!”
*
In the winter Roberta and her children came from Australia for their holidays, and this meant that the peace and quiet Jacob and William were used to was over.
“Finally there is some life here,” William said with a smile as they watched the girls playing outside.
“They never saw snow in Pine Creek, and now, the first time they’ve experienced it—if only an inch—they have to make up for all the past winters. Thank you for inviting us,” Roberta said. “You don’t know how much it means to us.”
“I told you we would meet again!” Jacob said.
“I don’t know. Two men in the house? At least let me make myself useful. Would you like me to cook? I could do some things around the house. I see that the curtains need to be taken off and washed,” she said. “Please, let me make it up to you. We’re so happy to be here! We can barely survive in Pine Creek, and now my daughters can play in the snow!”
Sadness and joy overtook her at the same time, and she started to cry.
“It’s all right, Roberta,” William said, taking her hand. “Jacob wanted to talk to you, anyway.”
“We were thinking, if we are allowed to bring it up, what if you and your daughters stayed here? You see that the guest house is more than big enough for you, and we would employ you as a housekeeper,” Jacob said, fearing that might offend her. He mentioned quite a large salary.
“What?” Roberta took her hands from her face, shocked. “You’d do that for me?” She began sobbing. Both Jacob and William almost could feel the knots of her deep, existential worries unraveling.
“How did I deserve this?” She looked up, her eyes red and swollen. “Since my husband died, every single day has been a war—or a battle, at least. I did everything I could for my kids. This is the first opportunity that might change our lives for the better.”
“You’re a decent person. Remember that evening we met? We recognized each other. And, to me, that’s kin,” Jacob said.
“I’ll do the best I can. I’ll really try hard not to disappoint you,” she said.
“Don’t worry, Roberta. Just relax and enjoy life,” Jacob said. “Everything is possible. Good things do happen!”
Then they all watched her daughters playing outside, screaming, having a joyful, wet snowball fight.
“Now everything will be different. Finally!” And she exhaled.
It turned out that William, Jacob, Roberta, and her children were a perfect match. They became a family, and it was quickly decided that the girls would be enrolled in school there. They didn’t want to return to Australia, and Roberta flew to Australia briefly the next spring, only because she had to take care of some paperwork. The girls wanted to stay in England, with Jacob and William, and with their new friends. Since she was earning decent money, Roberta decided to keep their Pine Creek family home as their holiday house. Through an agency she began renting it to tourists, earning additional money.
*
Their first business trip brought Jacob and William to Spain. They landed on Ibiza, and a fast ferry took them to the nearby island of Formentera, the smallest of the four Balearic Islands and the least developed and the least crowded. They immediately fell in love with this small Mediterranean island paradise, where it is still possible to find a strip of white sand and crystal-clear water out of earshot of other tourists.
“It can’t get any better!” Jacob said after they had rented a bike and inspected all the island beaches. “ The beauty of the white sand, the clear sea, the fields in the middle of the island, the charming Mediterranean vegetation—it’s just overwhelming. I hope we’ll be able to do some good business with Julio.” Their business partner, Julio, owned two hotels on the island.
“It feels like our third home—after the Australian Outback and London,” William said as they stood by the lighthouse at the eastern tip of the island. “The beauty is so simple and pristine here—so powerf
ul!”
Julio noticed their enthusiasm about the island, and he told them that his sister was selling her hacienda located a few kilometers from the island’s small port, La Sabina. She had moved to Madrid and needed money.
“Would you like to see the house?” Julio asked them after they had sealed a great deal with his two hotels.
“Sure,” Jacob agreed.
William grinned in disbelief.
“My sister put a lot of love into this hacienda.
She built it using the typical island architecture. The garden is beautiful. On the back side of the house there is a pine forest that inebriates with the most beautiful scents, but on all other sides you have a direct view of the sea. It has a certain Caribbean feeling, although many people say that Formentera is even more beautiful than the Caribbean islands. The house is small, but the lot is huge, so the neighbors are far enough away not even to be noticed. This house really is a gem.”
The Spaniard did his best describing the hacienda, but nobody could really have captured in words the beauty they saw when they arrived. The authentic country casita was furnished in the minimalist Formentera country style, with white walls providing a calm, light atmosphere that contrasted with the burning red bougainvillea growing over the porch. Outside they saw everything they might need during their summer days, including a barbecue grill.
“There are many trails and paths for long, peaceful walks, jogging, or cycling alone even in the busiest season,” Julio said.
“Shall we buy the house?” Jacob asked William when they were alone.
“Yes! We could work here from April to the end of October. At least in summer, there are excellent international connections from Ibiza. The climate is wonderfully mild—superb for older people,” William said.
“How much is it?” Jacob asked as Julio approached.
After Jacob had swallowed the price, he offered Julio a hand, saying, “Sold! Could you leave us here, Julio? We can walk to the hotel.”
“The money is worth nothing if it doesn’t make us happy,” Jacob said as Julio left. “Living here would give our life a whole other dimension.” “ I’m in shock. Is this really happening?”