“Probably not,” I agree. The months since Wes and I first kissed haven’t yielded any solution to our main issue; I simply came to the conclusion I wanted him more than I cared about the consequences. And I clung to a naive hope the fascination with him would fizzle and I would never be worse off. “It just—happened.”
Sarah nods, although I can tell from her expression she doesn’t understand how it could. Honestly, I’d probably be thinking the same thing if I were her. She and I aren’t the type of people to just let things happen. We overthink and overanalyze and assess every outcome. But in this instance, any reasonable outcome wouldn’t have included Wes.
“I should get going,” Sarah says, sliding off my bed. She hesitates before speaking again, and I know they’ll be cautionary words even before she utters them. “Be careful, Maeve. Just be careful.”
I nod. I don’t need the reminder.
As soon as Sarah leaves, I shower and change into a pair of jeans and the gray sweatshirt Wes gave me. I finally washed it, so it doesn’t hold even the slightest hint of cedar and bergamot anymore. All I smell is the lavender scented laundry detergent my mother buys, but the oversized material is still comforting.
I grab my phone and head downstairs. “Liam?” I call out.
“Yeah?” he shouts back from the living room.
“I’m ready to go.”
Liam pokes his head out of the doorway. “Go where?”
“Mo’s! I told you last night I’m covering Clare’s shift, and you said you need the car later, so that you would drop me off. Mom’s at work.”
All my explanation yields is a blank expression.
“I did?” Liam asks.
“Yes!” I exclaim impatiently. “Come on, I have to go now or I’ll be late.”
“Fine,” Liam grouses, grabbing a baseball cap from the front hall and heading out the front door. I roll my eyes as I grab the sedan’s keys from the hook by the door and follow him. He’s already realized his oversight when I emerge outside, having retraced his steps halfway back up the front stairs.
“You might need these.” I toss the car keys to him.
“Thanks. I’m losing it these days. Dad’s got my head so full of football plays I barely even remember the day of the week. I just have to get through tomorrow.” Something twists in my chest in response to the reminder Glenmont and Alleghany’s annual clash will be taking place tomorrow night.
“You will,” I reply.
Liam grunts as he pulls out of the driveway and heads in the direction of Mo’s. He’s never been one for small talk, and I’m grateful for that as we drive along. We haven’t spent much time together, just the two of us, in months. We’ve both been exceptionally busy, but I know that’s not all of it.
Liam and I have always gotten along. We’re similar, but in a way that complements each other. We look alike, but we’re not identical. We’re both athletic, but we’re very different athletes. Liam takes the role of a general heading into battle; I’m more of a cheerleader, constantly pulling my teammates along with me. Liam’s reserved and shy, and I can be, but I’m often friendlier, more social. We rarely argue, because we each stick to our own paths. We’ve never dated each other’s friends, we’re never in the same classes, and while our friends overlap, our closest ones are distinct from each other. He’s closer with our dad, I’m closer with our mom.
We have an unwritten agreement I broke the very first time I talked to Weston Cole, and one I’ve made a mockery of since he kissed me. There’s no real reason for Glenmont’s rivalry with Alleghany. It’s tradition. A nonsensical, sacrosanct tradition. It feels delinquent that I’m so blatantly disregarding it. But it’s nothing in comparison to the guilt swarming me when it comes to my brother. I can live with being disloyal to Glenmont. Betraying Liam? That’s a lot harder.
I have to tell Liam, and I don’t know how to. It was one thing when I didn’t know exactly what Weston Cole and I were. I wasn’t willing to tell Liam about a fling. After my birthday? Well, fling doesn’t really apply. If it ever did. I’m factoring him into my future. He told me he loves me. I gave him my virginity.
I’ve been dreading the game against Alleghany for months. If Alleghany wins tomorrow night, I know Liam is not going to take it well. Learning I love their quarterback, and have been seeing him for months? I feel nauseous just imagining his reaction.
“Maeve? Maeve!” I’m so lost in my own thoughts I don’t even realize we’ve stopped in front of Mo’s until Liam starts calling my name.
“Thanks for the ride,” I tell him, preparing to climb out.
“You good, Maeve?” Liam asks, looking at me with concern.
“Yeah, I am,” I reply. “Just thinking about my own game.” We're playing in the state championship next Friday. Just eight days from now. It’s my final chance to win it. We lost in the final last year, and it was the first time Glenmont ever made it that far. That’s what I should be thinking about. Planning the drills for the morning practices I’ll be running starting Saturday. Wes is a distraction, but I can’t bring myself to regret a single thing that's happened between us.
I head inside Mo’s. I hardly ever work during the school year, but Clare couldn’t find anyone else to cover her shift tonight. It’s quiet and empty inside, the only customers an elderly couple already close to finishing their meal.
Steve, the cook, gives me a smile from the kitchen as I step behind the counter. “Hey, Maeve.”
“Hi, Steve,” I respond.
"Hope you brought some homework or something, looks like it’ll be a slow night,” he tells me.
“I see that,” I reply.
I busy myself with scratching out soccer drills to run at morning practice on paper napkins for the next couple hours. The bell above the door tinkles a few minutes before my shift ends, and Matt strolls in.
My stomach sinks in response. I still haven’t said anything to him, and it’s one of the many things gnawing away at my conscience right now.
“Hey, Maeve,” he greets me easily.
“Hi, Matt,” I reply. “My shift’s about to end, but if you know what you want I can put your order in before I head out.”
“Oh, I’m not here for food,” Matt replies. “I’m here to pick you up.”
“You’re what?” I ask, sure I misheard him. My mom is supposed to get me on her way home from the office.
“Well, me and the guys. We were at your house, your mom said you needed a ride, and we were headed out anyway.” He gives me a mischievous grin that makes me feel like I’m missing something.
“Oh-kay.” I draw out the word as I stuff the napkins I scribbled on in the front pocket of Wes’s sweatshirt and grab my phone. “Goodnight, Steve!” I call out as I follow Matt towards the door.
“See ya, Maeve!” Steve replies.
Rather than the sedan I’m expecting to see, Sam’s silver Suburban is the car waiting in the parking lot. I climb into the car filled with every senior member of Glenmont’s football team.
“What the hell is going on?” I ask Liam, who’s sitting in the front passenger seat. Sam is the one who answers.
“We’re just taking a quick trip. To Alleghany’s football field.” He gives me a wicked grin from the driver’s seat.
This can’t be good. “Why?” I ask cautiously.
“Just a little something I came up with,” Sam replies as he pulls out of the parking lot, heading in the direction of Alleghany. Unease continues to trickle through my veins. I pull my phone out of my pocket and send a quick text to Wes. Running late. Be there as soon as I can. I hope he doesn’t check my location. I don’t want to risk sending him a longer message, though. Not in a dark car filled with Glenmont football players.
We pull up to the football field, and the stadium is quiet and empty. But the lights are on, same as in Glenmont. Eternally shining.
Everyone piles out of the car, and I reluctantly follow. I look around, seeing Wes’s school with fresh eyes. I’ve only been here twice bef
ore: when I was a freshman and when I was a junior. We alternate who hosts the Glenmont versus Alleghany game each year. They’ll be traveling to us tomorrow night.
“Come on, Maeve.” I turn back to see each football player is grabbing a plastic bag from the trunk of the SUV. The contents clank and clink. I follow them out onto the pristine field, and watch as Glenmont’s football team begins distributing metal horseshoes across the green grass. It’s kind of brilliant, and I’m relieved we’re not vandalizing anything. As far as pranks go, this is pretty harmless. Hopefully Wes will think the same. And after the pool prank he admitted to, he doesn’t have much of a leg to stand on with this.
Matt offers me a handful of his horseshoes, and I scatter them across the field. This feels like penance, in a way. I’ve been far from a loyal Stallion as of late.
Thanks to my help, Matt’s bag depletes faster than everyone else’s. Sam’s the closest one to us, and he’s a good fifty feet away. We stand, watching the spread of metal horseshoes glinting under the bright lights, and I take a deep breath.
“Matt, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.” Matt turns to me, his face friendly and open.
“Oh, yeah? What is it?”
“It’s about what Sam said. In the cafeteria last week.”
Matt’s face goes from affable to wary, and I know he realizes what I want to discuss. “Yeah,” he says, scuffing his sneaker against the blades of grass we’re standing on. “I thought you caught that. I’ve been meaning to bring it up, but I thought it would be better to wait until next week. Once your season had ended.” He takes a deep breath. “I like you, Maeve. I really like you. I have for a while. I wasn't sure what to do, because of Liam, and I know you’re crazy busy with soccer and everything right now. But I’d like to take you out sometime. On a real date.”
“Matt . . . ” I start, and then stop. I’m not sure what to say. This is harder than I thought. I glance down to collect my thoughts, which is a mistake. Because suddenly Matt’s right there. He tilts my chin up and kisses me, and I freeze. It’s unfamiliar. He’s several inches shorter than Wes, but my response is what feels most foreign. My body is bereft of the delicious shivers and pulsating heat Wes’s touch always incites.
Matt’s kiss feels wrong. Disloyal. How my first kiss with Wes should have felt, but didn’t.
I break through the shock and push him back. “Matt! You can’t just kiss me! I didn’t realize how serious you were, and I—I’m sorry, but I’m with someone else.”
That pulls him up short. “What? Who? You said you were too busy to date anyone at the start of the year.”
I sigh. “I know I did.”
“Who is it?”
“You don’t know him,” I lie.
“Real convincing, Maeve. You don’t have to make someone up to spare my feelings. I just wish you’d give me a chance.”
“I’m not making him up,” I insist. “I swear.”
“Maeve! Matt! Let’s go! We’ve got to get out of here,” Sam calls. I look over to see he and everyone else have finished spreading the horseshoes over the field and are heading back towards the parking lot. I hope none of them saw Matt kiss me. I turn back to Matt, but he’s already jogging away.
This time, I claim the passenger seat from Liam. I don’t want to risk having to sit next to Matt. Awkward tension crackles between us, and I hope everyone else in the packed car is oblivious to it.
“Check this out!” Sam leans over the center console and shows me a picture he took of the field. It’s an impressive sight, I have to admit, looking at the metal half-moons scattered across the entire field.
Until I spot something in the corner of the photo that makes my stomach drop with a sickening slosh.
It’s me and Matt. Kissing.
Panic claws at me. “Don’t send that photo to anyone, okay?”
“Already did. Cole’s going to lose his mind.”
He’s right, but not for the reason he thinks. Wes will care less about the stupid prank. Matt kissing me? I doubt he’ll be so cavalier.
I look at the photo again. My back’s to the camera, but the insignia on the back of the sweatshirt is clearly visible. Wes’s sweatshirt.
“You need to drop me off first,” my voice is panicked, and I don’t bother to hide it. “Now.”
Sam gives me a weird look, but puts the car in gear. “What’s the big rush?”
“I have a study thing,” I improvise wildly.
“Now? It’s almost ten.”
“I told one of my teammates I’d help her out. This was the only time we could both meet.” I’m barely cognizant of the words coming out of my own mouth, but Sam doesn’t question me further, so they must have made some sense.
I jump out of the car as soon as we pull up outside my house. I dart inside only to grab the sedan keys, and then climb in the car. There aren’t any messages on my screen, and my unease grows. I text Wes Leaving now, and he doesn’t respond. I check his location. He’s at home.
The drive to Alleghany is an agonizing one. Did he check my location? Did he see the photo? I park in front of his house. There are a couple of lights on, but I’m saved from the conundrum of how to enter his house when I hear the pound of a basketball against the pavement.
Wes is shooting hoops into the basket fixed above the garage door. His shoulders tense underneath the “Alleghany Football" shirt he’s wearing as I approach, but he doesn’t turn or greet me. I know he’s already seen the photo before I see his face.
“You knew,” his voice stutters, and it guts me. “You knew that was the one—the one fucking thing that I couldn’t forgive.”
“Wes—I didn’t cheat on you. I know the photo looks bad. I do. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where I was. But it was not because I was cheating on you. I made it clear to Matt I’m not interested. He caught me off guard, and I pushed him away. I didn’t know Sam was taking a photo—it was just a split second, and I—”
“Leave.” Wes finally turns to me, and it’s with an expression I haven’t seen since the second time I encountered him. In that Alleghany kitchen. Glacial. Austere. Distant. Light years away from how he normally looks at me.
“Wes. Please listen—”
“We’re playing Glenmont tomorrow night. I can’t even look at you, and I’ve got to go there tomorrow—Was that your plan all along? To get me to fall in love with you and cheat on me the day before we play the Stallions?”
I jerk back, stung by the accusation.
“How the fuck can you ask me that?”
“Or is it that he’s from Glenmont? And can cheer for you at soccer games and is friends with your brother? You got sick of slumming it in Alleghany? Thank god I didn’t tell any of my friends about you. That none of them know the photo they sent was you cheating on me with Matt fucking Crawford on my fucking field.” Venom leaks from every word.
“Are you sure you’re not just looking for an easy out now, Wes?” I fire back. “Shit got real between us and you can’t handle it, so you’re willing to look at one photo and forget about the past six months?”
I’ve never seen Wes look so angry. “You need to fucking leave, Maeve. Now.”
So, I do. Before either of us can do any more damage. Before I say anything else I can’t take back. Before I let Weston Cole see me cry.
chapter nineteen
Maeve
I’m a zombie the next day. The only bright spot is I don't have to see him at school. It’s also the worst part. I’ll see him at the game tonight, but that’s an annual event.
After tonight, there’s every possibility I’ll never see Weston Cole again. Less that twenty-four hours ago, I was trying to figure out how to tell Liam and my parents about him. It’s a dizzying change. And no one knows. It feels like the world has just fallen out from under my feet, but to everyone else, my life looks unchanged. I’m grateful to be spared from the stares and the gossip I’ve seen my classmates endure after break-ups, but this is almost worse. It�
�s like we never happened. Never existed.
His name is a constant refrain in the halls throughout the day. I don’t have to see his messy brown hair or knowing blue eyes, but I can’t escape his presence.
Matt ignores me at lunch, but I’m too emotionally tapped out to care. I’m hurt, indignant, and incensed by the accusations Wes hurtled at me last night, but I also feel guilty and ashamed. I don’t know how I’d react if I received a photo of him kissing another girl, because the possibility never even crossed my mind. I doubt it crossed his.
Practice is brutal, and it’s a relief to focus on something besides the ache in my chest. But even pushing myself to the limits, I can’t bleach Wes’s disgusted expression from my mind. Forget his stinging words. Pretermit the staccato of the basketball bouncing against the pavement, each ricochet pounding the pain deeper.
The whole team showers and changes in the locker room, and then we head over to the football stadium for Glenmont’s game against Alleghany.
I take a seat on the cold metal of the bleachers, surrounded by my teammates. Everyone around me is laughing and cheering. I feel like I’m going to throw up.
The nausea gets worse when Alleghany players begin trickling onto the field. I scan them, but Wes isn’t one of the blue jerseys. Panic mixes with the stress. He wouldn’t skip the game. Not because of me. Right?
“Weston Cole looks pissed,” Becca says beside me. I don’t reply as I follow her gaze to see Wes is entering from the opposite end of the field. Chris Fields is walking along next to him, talking urgently. Wes’s face looks like it’s carved from stone. I know the effortless confidence he’s known for on the field irks Liam, but the menace in his strides is intimidating, and I see him receive several double takes from the Glenmont football team. I wonder if that's why he chose to take the long route onto the field.
Both teams fall into huddles around their captains, and I bounce my gaze between the two clusters. One royal blue, the other maroon. The groups disperse, most heading to the sidelines. Twenty-two head out onto the field. Then the game begins.
Kiss Now, Lie Later Page 16