by M. A. Church
Hamza activated the door, but before stepping through, he glanced at Neo. “I’ll speak to you tomorrow. Maybe by then you’ll have your priorities straight.” Hamza swept through the door, and it swished shut behind him.
Several guards scrambled to follow him. He just started walking, not paying attention to where he was going. You don’t want support. You want to be told you’re right. Neo’s words lashed at him. How dare he? Fuck that. How dare Neo?
Jolak’s wails of anguish, Duran’s lifeless eyes staring at the ceiling, the stench of burned flesh, the scent of fear, the gasps of horror from males in the war room….
So much devastation.
So much blood.
So much death.
All of that played on repeat in his brain as he stormed down drab corridors. The worry, the dread, the sheer helplessness of it all coiled in his chest, a serpent ready to strike. Roaring, he punched the wall. His guards bumped into each other as they staggered back.
Not a one of them said a word, but their concern covered him like a wet blanket. Hamza rested his head against the wall, one hand braced against its rough surface. Prickling coldness seeped through his skin. Which was fucking fine. It only added to the chill that encased him.
But his hand did throb. Sighing, he glanced at it. The skin was swelling, and he’d probably have some nice bruising soon. He clenched his fist, and yeah, it hurt, but he assumed since he could move his fingers nothing was broken. It was such a small injury, compared to what so many of his people had suffered.
“Um, Sire?”
“What?” Hamza snapped. Shit. That was unacceptable. The males were there to guard him, not be subjected to his fluctuating emotions. He stepped back and faced them. “I apologize. I’m a little unsettled at the moment. What did you want to ask?”
“Ah, can you tell us where you’re going? It’s late, and… well….”
And they were probably wondering why their new king was aimlessly wandering the hallways with only his guards for company and punching walls. Hamza wished he had an answer for them. He wanted his bed, his mate, and sleep—and not necessarily in that order.
You don’t want support. You want to be told you’re right.
“I’m going to my office. I mean, the one that was set up down here. Where I met my advisors.” Gods, he was babbling. “I only need two of you. The rest go back to my quarters. I’ll be fine.”
Fine? He wasn’t sure he’d ever be fine again, and having his guard witness his breakdown was mortifying.
“Yes, Sire.”
Two followed him to the room but stayed outside. Thankfully a couch had been provided. Setting an alarm on his comm, he sank down on it. Folding his arms under his head, he got comfortable. At least this was better than the floor.
Closing his eyes, he willed himself to sleep.
THE NEXT morning he woke stiff, sore, and not in the best of moods. A quick check of his comm showed no messages from Neo but plenty of updates of the ongoing palace renovation. Sadness threatened, but he shoved it aside. He was not at fault here.
But at least they’d be ready to move back into the palace this afternoon. The rebuilding was finished. Fortunately they possessed the technology and equipment to accomplish this so quickly. He made a mental note to thank the crews who had worked nonstop to provide the major things like electricity, water, and reduplicators too. The building was essentially livable, although little things, like fancy knickknacks, were still being attended to.
He returned to his quarters, preparing for whatever he might encounter. Hopefully Neo had come to his senses last night. As the door slid open, he saw Neo standing by the kitchen counter, holding a mug. He was dressed only in a robe, and his long red hair flowed over his shoulder. Hamza’s hand itched to run through it. He’d missed Neo last night—he missed sleeping next to Neo, missed being wrapped in Neo’s arms.
It’d been a damn long, lonely night.
Neo glanced over at Hamza. The guarded look in his eyes stabbed Hamza. Neo then looked away, his gaze falling to the mug he held, studying the contents.
Well then. Guess he had his answer. He stepped inside their quarters. The anger he tried to keep buried was pushing its way back up again. He needed Neo to stand with him, not against him. He passed Neo, not speaking either, and entered their room. On the way to the bathroom, he paused by their unmade bed. Neo must’ve just gotten up.
While Neo might be trying to come across as indifferent after their fight, the absolute wreck of their bed said otherwise. Pillows were strewn all over the floor, and the sheets were twisted. It hurt, seeing how restless Neo must’ve been last night, but it also reassured him. Maybe he could somehow still reach Neo.
He showered and dressed, then stepped back into the living area. Neo was still staring at his mug. Hamza cleared his throat to get Neo’s attention. “We will be starting the process of moving back into the palace today. The small things haven’t been finished, but overall, we’re ready.”
“Okay.”
“I received a communication that Takeo and Szin are planning to stay on Tah’Nar for the time being since Dale and Keyno are remaining here for now.” Hamza joined Neo in the kitchen and prepared a cup of coffee. “Keyno must since he’s my warlord. Dayo and Raiden also have requested quarters in the palace. Since Dayo just gave birth, it’s too soon for them to return to the Unity.”
“Okay.”
Okay? That was all Neo had to say? “Chad and Gibor will, of course, be here since Gibor is a blood general. Both John and Doc have spoken to the Royal Physician and offered their expertise.”
“I know.”
That was it? Nothing else? No comments? Just… nothing? “Ti and Colt are staying aboard Beylord II.”
“Okay.”
“Dammit, Neo!” Hamza slammed his mug down. The hot liquid spilled over his fist, and he hissed. Neo sounded so cold. This wasn’t the Neo he knew, and it disturbed him. Were they just going to ignore the fact they slept apart last night? “That’s it? Just one- or two-word responses?”
“You told me what’s going on. I responded.”
“Did you even miss me last night?” Hamza demanded, getting straight to the point.
“Of course I did. Very much so.” Neo narrowed his eyes at Hamza. “It hurt like hell when you walked out on me, and I slept like shit. Is that what you’re wanting to hear? But you did the walking out, not me.”
“Do you think I enjoyed how things were left last night?” Hamza bellowed. “I hated it! I missed you too and also slept like crap. Fucking hell, I need you to stand with me, to support me. Especially right now. I already feel like an, like an—”
“I do support your need for retribution.” Neo interrupted softly. “While I don’t agree with banning mates on the ships, if you’d taken the time to discuss it, I might not have felt so… unnecessary. And that was how you made me feel. Unnecessary.”
Hamza ran his hand through his hair. “Neo—”
“I understand your need to avenge Duran. I support that too. Fully. Their leadership needs to pay for what they did.”
“Then why—”
“I said their leadership,” Neo stressed, holding up his hand. “Not all of the Ne Reyn. Like I said last night, I can’t back you when you’re wanting to wipe out an entire species based on the actions of its leaders. I will never agree with that and don’t support it.” Neo placed his cup on the counter. “By the way, Jolak stayed with my dad and dabba last night, so he should be returning soon. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get dressed. I’m sure there are a million things to do if we’re moving back into the palace.”
Hamza watched helplessly as Neo stormed to the bedroom. His stomach gurgled unpleasantly, and he rubbed it listlessly. They’d never been at such odds before, and he detested it. And it scared him.
The division between them was growing. They’d never stood so far apart before on an issue, and he wasn’t sure how they would meet in the middle, or even if they could. He wasn’t willing
to bend, and it didn’t appear as if Neo would either.
Maybe… maybe he should follow Neo and keep trying to talk to him. He just needed to find the right combination of words to make Neo understand because they had to sort this out, somehow. There were enough problems already in the kingdom, without adding his personal trouble to it all.
Determined, he hurried toward the bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. The door slid open, but the room was vacant. The soft patter of water caught his attention. He dropped his shirt on the bed and toed off his boots. Unsnapping his pants, he let them fall.
Stepping out of them, he moved toward the bathroom where Neo stood in the shower, steam swirling around him. One arm rested against the wall, and his head rested against it. His posture screamed defeat and sadness. Pain rose in Hamza’s chest. Everything within him demanded he tend to his mate.
He opened the shower door, and Neo’s head snapped up. Tears glistened in his eyes.
Shock left Hamza speechless. Alarm fired his blood. The hopelessness that shrouded Neo was thick, triggering the urge to battle whatever upset Neo. He’d give his life to protect his mate. Any Tah’Narian would.
“My love,” Hamza whispered, his voice cracking.
A lone tear trailed down Neo’s cheek.
The bleakness frightened him, and he wanted it gone. He longed to see Neo’s happy smile. Hear his carefree laugh. Problem was, he put that look of devastation on Neo’s face. He had caused this. Just him. Pain pierced every fiber of Hamza’s being. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry, love.”
With a sob, Neo threw his arms around Hamza. “Oh, thank the gods. Thank the gods! I was so afraid that you wouldn’t relent, that I couldn’t reach you, that you couldn’t see how wrong this is!”
Hamza froze. For one unit second, just one, he seriously debated letting Neo think what he wanted. Having Neo in his arms—warm, wet, and willing—heated his blood. He missed the feel of Neo against him. The hard cock pressing against his hip said Neo felt the same. But the joy from those stolen moments wouldn’t be worth the damage done to their relationship, and he knew it.
“Gods help me.” Ashamed that he’d even consider such dishonesty, he gently pushed Neo back. “Neo, I love you.” He grabbed Neo’s hands. “You are the most important person in this universe to me, and while I love having you in my arms, I can’t let you think I’ve changed my mind. I said I was sorry, and I am. I’m sorry I walked out of here last night. Sorry I stayed away. Sorry I hurt you and continue to hurt you.”
“Fuck,” Neo spat, leaning against the shower wall.
“And as much as I want to make love you with you, I can’t. Not like this.” He dropped Neo’s hands.
“I thought—”
“I know what you thought.” And it was killing him. “That’s why I had to stop this.”
Neo shoved his wet hair out of his face. “What are we going to do, Hamza? How are we going to come together on this?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
“If you do this, I don’t know where that’ll leave us. I can’t forgive you for such an action. I’m a doctor, have you thought about that?” he asked, shaking his head. “Life is precious to me. All life.”
Hamza rubbed his chest, the ache bothering him. “I guess I should get out of here and let you finish. I’ll send you a message when we’re ready to start moving people out of the bunker and into the palace.” As he stepped out, he stopped. Turning, he grabbed Neo and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “No matter what, know that I love you.”
“I know you do.”
And that was it. No declaration of love in return. It destroyed him. Stumbling out of the shower, he jerked a towel off the counter and dried off.
But anger quickly drowned out the desperation.
Fury carried him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Those damn females. They not only killed his dabba, they were destroying his relationship with Neo. He, by all that was sacred, wouldn’t stand for it. They were to blame for all this. All of it! And the sooner they were nothing more than a memory, the better things would be. Neo would see. He’d come around. He’d have to, because Hamza wouldn’t accept the alternative.
A little voice in his head whispered he was delusional.
The shower cut off as Hamza finished dressing, and he hurried from the room. Right now he couldn’t bear seeing Neo in all his naked glory, knowing he’d more than likely be rebuffed if he approached. That sent his blood broiling even more.
Just as he entered the living area, a low chime echoed through their quarters, signaling someone was at the door. The urge to rip the palm plate from the wall was nearly overwhelming. His unit day was just starting, and already he wanted to kill something.
He stalked to the door and waved his hand over the wall plate for it to open. It slid back. “What the hell—”
Jolak blinked. “Really, Hamza? I know I taught you the proper way to greet someone, and my young, that isn’t—”
Hamza ignored Jolak. Instead all of his attention was commanded by who stood with his atat. His growl echoed down the corridor. The guards outside the door shifted uneasily, discreetly searching the passageway as if looking for a threat.
“What is wrong with you, Hamza?” Jolak spluttered.
Hamza actually flinched at the surprised annoyance in Jolak’s voice, but the sight of gray skin the color of the sky after a spring rain had completely caught him off guard. His gaze snapped up to meet eyes that were completely black, including the sclera. Long, dark cerulean blue hair hung in dozens of braids thick as a finger around Kia’s shoulder.
“I… I….”
How could he possibly explain to his atat that seeing Kia, someone who appeared so damn Ne Reynian, standing outside his door, rocked his very soul. Yes, Kia had Tah’Narian DNA, but by all that was holy, he didn’t look it.
The turbulent feelings choking him at seeing Kia sickened but also confused him. And that only pissed him off more. He’d grown up with Kia. And Laken. And how the hell was he supposed to respond to someone who was once part of the very people who killed his dabba? How did Jolak stand being near Kia? He couldn’t understand it.
“Hamza!” Jolak barked.
“I—I… I can’t—I apologize, but I have to go. Excuse me.” Thank the gods Kia moved out of his way, otherwise Hamza wasn’t sure what he would’ve done.
That shame followed him all the way to the transporter pad.
Chapter Twelve – Neo
NEO STRODE into the living area as Jolak swept inside, Kia hot on his heels.
“Would you kindly explain to me what we just witnessed?” Jolak ordered.
“I, ah, well, since I didn’t see what transpired, maybe you could fill me in?” Neo asked. Great. Fucking lovely. This he did not need. Not right now, and not right after what just happened in the shower.
“Hamza took one look at us and lost all sense of decorum. First, he answered the door by snapping at us. Well, not at us necessarily, but he was definitely spoiling for a fight. He saw us and turned red, then a few unit seconds later every bit of that color drained from his face. The emotions ran the gamut from shock to blazing anger. I wasn’t sure if he was going to throw up, pass out, or pull his phaser. Then, he all but ran out of here.”
Neo could only imagine. “Yeah, that pretty much describes him right now.”
“I see,” Jolak said. “Actually, no I don’t, so let me reiterate: What is going on?”
Neo eyed Kia. He needed to speak to Jolak, but the very last thing he wanted was to do it in front of Kia. “I’m not sure if now is an appropriate time to get into this.”
Silence followed Neo’s answer. “Is it because of me?” Kia finally asked.
Neo refused to meet his gaze.
“I thought so.” Kia placed his hand on Jolak’s arm. “My friend, Hamza’s action wasn’t directed at us. I believe it was directed at me. At least, at who I was before I mated Malk.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“Are you suggesting—”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Why, that’s ridiculous!” Jolak exclaimed. “Of course Hamza’s reaction wasn’t aimed at you. Neo? Tell Kia it wasn’t aimed at him.”
“Shit.” Neo rubbed his face. This unit day just kept getting better.
“Let me make sure I understand this. You’re telling me Hamza acted like he did because Kia is partly Ne Reynian?”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“That’s the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard. Kia might’ve been born Ne Reynian, but he has Tah’Narian blood! He’s mated to a Tah’Narian. Hamza grew up around Kia. He knows this.”
“Yeah, well, you’d think so, right? We need to talk, Jolak. This desire for vengeance Hamza has…. It’s gotten out of hand.”
“Should I leave?” Kia asked.
Neo considered it. What he had to say would hurt Kia, but then again, Kia understood better than most what the Ne Reynian females were capable of. “Please stay. I’d like your advice as well.”
Jolak sailed into the living room and sat. Kia took the other end of the small couch, so Neo dragged a chair from the kitchen and dropped into it. “I guess before I start, I should ask if either of you have had first meal.”
“We’ve already eaten,” Kia said.
“Well then, here goes. And Jolak? I’ll apologize now. I realize this is a hard time for you, but—”
“It is. Very hard. But I have a feeling I’m in jeopardy of not only losing my mate but also my young. So say what you have to say.”
“Hamza has been very clear; he wants revenge for the murder of Duran. We all know this.”
Jolak’s eyes gleamed. “Know and agree with.”
“But would you still agree if you knew to what extent he wishes to take it? He plans to obliterate the entire species, which means he’s willing to slaughter innocents in this quest for vengeance, and that’s wrong. But he refuses to recognize that. He wants blood, plain and simple.”
Jolak jerked back against the couch. “Genocide. He’s talking about genocide.”