by Myers, K. L.
The steps here should be enough. I took over Brecken’s office to use as my writing cave. I thought it would make me feel closer to him, but it was weird. The pictures of Emery on the walls made me feel uncomfortable. The ones of me, mingled with her pictures, made it even worse. I thought about removing the pictures, all of them, but it felt too much like removing him.
After a few weeks though, I let that feeling fuel my creativity. Once I started typing, there was no stopping me. I wrote night and day. Before I knew it, I had over a hundred thousand words on paper. The one thing I couldn’t do was find the right ending.
I still can’t.
A knock at the door pulls me from my thoughts. Jamal is always so polite about his knocking, but I wish he would stop distracting me. Typically, he only bothers me when he needs something, but tonight, he has checked on me multiple times, and it’s starting to piss me off. He knows it’s best to leave me be when I’m writing. I need to stay focused.
“Miss, you really should start taking it easy. You’re not resting as much as you should.”
“I’m fine, Jamal,” I sigh. “Please just let me be.”
“I can’t. You’ve been at it for over thirty-six hours. It’s time that you take a break and get some rest.”
I glance up at the clock on the wall and do a double take when it reads midnight. He’s right. I’ve been pushing myself to finish this story with almost no sleep the past day and a half. No wonder I’ve nodded off in the middle of typing a few times.
Standing, I stretch, feeling achy everywhere from sitting too long. “Okay, I’ll take a break if it will make you feel better.”
Jamal nods with a smile before saying, “It's time, Miss.”
“Time for what?” I ask, feeling my irritation growing again.
“Time for you to see the doctor. You have delayed this long enough. Mr. Wade would not be pleased with you. I’ve scheduled you an appointment for this afternoon.”
My fury with Jamal is instant, and I lash out without thought. “You had no right, Jamal. You’ve overstepped your bounds. You need to know your place.” The minute the words leave my lips, I wish I could take them back.
“And you need to stop being a hardhead and think about the child growing within you.”
It’s so out of character for Jamal to talk back to me that I stare at him in surprise. Words come quick to strike back, but I don’t say them. He’s right. I should be thinking of the baby. My grief should not override the health of my child. And because of that, I don’t argue.
“You’re right.” I look to the floor, unable to keep eye contact as I admit, “I’ve been avoiding everything since he died.”
He doesn’t say anything. He simply allows me to come to grips with truths I’ve been too scared to see. I appreciate him giving me the time I need. Walking to Jamal, I rest my hand on his shoulder. “You’ll drive me?”
“Of course. Your appointment is at three o’clock.”
On a yawn, I say, “I’m going to my room for a bit. I’ll be ready by two.”
* * *
Dr. Price’s office isn’t at all what I expected. There’re no signs on the door indicating that a medical practice is inside and no receptionist or patients in the waiting room. In fact, the waiting room consists of only two chairs. A bell rings upon our arrival, and a portly older gentleman strides through the open door across the room from where we entered.
“Jamal, so nice to see you again.”
Jamal shakes hands with the older man before turning to me. “This is Willow, sir. Mr. Wade’s friend.”
He turns to me with a warm smile as he extends his hand. “Come, Willow. Let’s have a quick chat.”
Jamal turns and takes a seat in one of the chairs while reaching for a magazine. Quickly, he begins flipping pages as if I’m not standing before him.
“Aren’t you coming with me?” I ask, nervousness taking over.
“No, Miss. You must do this on your own.”
I look toward the older man once again, his hand still stretched to me, and cautiously walk past him through the open door.
“First door on the left,” he calls out from behind me.
I stop in the doorway, unable to comprehend what I’m seeing. It’s a full surgical center, complete with an X-ray and ultrasound machine. Stainless steel gleams at me and sets my nerves further ablaze. The baby chooses now to move, and it’s what I need to propel me to action.
“What the fuck is this place?” The words leave my mouth before I can sensor them, but I’m not sorry for what I’ve said.
Dr. Price laughs, and it reminds me of Brecken. How he would laugh when I was sassy. This is the doctor who kept his secret. I can trust him. The thought puts me at ease.
“This is my office and medical center. I’ve equipped it with everything I need and then a little extra. Just in case,” he says with mischief and humor twinkling in his eyes. “My patients never need to step foot in a hospital.”
“How can that be?”
“Money, Willow. The clients I deal with have money and need discretion. That is what I offer... for a fee.”
“Are you licensed?” Shit, I shouldn’t have asked that. “I mean, of course you’re licensed. What I meant is, how can this be legal?”
“I assure you, everything is legal and on the up-and-up. I just keep everything very private. My patients pay for the anonymity I provide. Please, have a seat on the table.”
For the first time in a very long time, I’m scared. I do as I’m told, but I’m shaking. I shouldn’t be doing this alone.
“Jamal tells me you believe you’re around six months pregnant. Is that correct?”
“Ya, um... y-yes,” I stutter, feeling terrible I haven’t seen a doctor sooner. He must think I’m a terrible person.
“I’m going to step out of the room. Please undress from the waist down. There’s a sheet to cover yourself with. When I come back in, we can see how your little one is doing.”
Dr. Price gives me another smile before excusing himself. I undress and climb onto the table, covering myself with the sheet.
I grip the cloth tightly, fear of the unknown making me want to vomit. “I wish you were here,” I whisper to the air, hoping wherever Brecken is, he hears me. That he sees I’m here.
Dr. Price returns and lowers the blanket until the cold air touches my whole belly. He squirts warm liquid on my stomach, and with a click of the remote, the lights dim, and he places the wand on my abdomen.
It’s a weird pressure as he moves the wand side to side, pushing in a little in a few areas. He types something into the computer but doesn’t say anything to me. Something’s wrong. I waited too long to see a doctor. Oh God, what have I done?
“Are you ready to see your baby?”
His question shocks me back into the here and now. It takes me a second to realize what he’s asking. Am I ready? I nod, even though I don’t know what I want.
“I’m going to turn the monitor on above your feet. You’ll be able to see what I’m seeing on my screen.”
I nod again, too worked up to speak. The monitor comes to life. Blacks, greys, and whites fill the screen, and as the wand moves over my belly, I see it. My baby.
There’s a head, and back, arms and legs, and it’s moving. A little person is inside of me. It’s unbelievable. It’s a miracle.
“Based on the measurements, I’d say Jamal was pretty accurate. Your baby is measuring out just over twenty-six weeks. Would you like to know the sex?”
Would I? Flashes of pink burst into my mind. Dresses and bows. “Yes, please.”
“There,” he says, “see that right there?” He points his laser light on the monitor above me.
“Is that?”
“That right there is exactly what you think it is.” He chuckles. “You’re having a boy.”
“A boy? I’m having a boy?” A bundle of energy with beaming blue eyes is all I can see. Brecken’s eyes.
“Yes, you are, my dear. Do you want to
hear his heartbeat?”
With the flip of a switch, a whooshing sound fills the room. It’s the most glorious thing I’ve ever heard. Like a galloping horse, his little heart beats on and takes over all the love mine has to offer. I’m having a son. I wish Brecken were here, seeing our son, hearing his heartbeat. God, he would love him.
Dr. Price pulls the wand from my belly, and the room goes quiet, making me ache for the comfort the sound has brought to me. “Can we listen to that again, please? I’d like to record it on my phone, so I can hear it any time I want.”
“Of course. I’d be happy to do that for you.”
Dr. Price grabs my cell for me and restarts the machine. With the sound of my little man’s heartbeat thumping along, I smile and hit record.
When he sees I’m appeased, Dr. Price turns the machine off. I grip my phone, thinking of the next time I can listen to my little man as he does an internal exam. “Everything is normal. I just need to take some blood.” I must look horrified because he chuckles lightly and says, “Just for standard testing. You can get dressed, and I’ll be back in a minute to do that lab work.”
Dr. Price knocks shortly after I’m dressed. As he performs the lab work, he tells me, “I gave Jamal a schedule of when you need to see me. He has my number. Please call if you have any questions.”
“I will. Thank you, Dr. Price.”
“You’re welcome, Miss Summers. Oh, don’t forget these.”
He hands me a small white envelope, and when I peek inside, I’m graced with pictures from the ultrasound. Choked up with emotion, I swallow loudly and say again, “Thank you.”
“Take good care of the two of you.”
As I walk out to meet Jamal, I realize I’ve fallen in love for the third time in my life. First with Abe, then with Brecken, and now with a boy I haven’t even met. Rubbing circles on my belly, I smile as Jamal stands to greet me. “We’re ready to go home.”
“Yes, Miss.” He smiles back. I’m not sure how he knew I needed this appointment. Not just for the baby’s sake, but for my sanity. Brecken was right. He is the best friend a person could have.
That night, I set the ultrasound pictures and my phone on Brecken’s pillow. “This is for you,” I whisper to the air as a tear slips from my eye. I press play, and the galloping sound from earlier fills my ears. “Do you hear that, Brecken? That’s our son. He’s strong like you. How else will he be like you?” The tears fall harder as my son’s heartbeat wraps around me. Although I’m sad Brecken isn’t here with us, peace flows through me.
I finally understand why Brecken wanted this for me. Why he wanted me to live. Life is beautiful and unexpected. Even in the midst of devastation, when darkness threatens to consume everything, light can always find its way in.
Brecken was that light. He showed me the way out. Now, I have to decide what to do with my freedom.
32
On the Red Carpet - Three Years Later
Willow
After years of enduring multiple casting calls, negotiations with producers and studios, Captured by a Monster wrapped up filming. Tonight, the world will get to see the premier.
No one will know the movie is based on a true story... my story. I changed the names. My character became an actress. Brecken’s character wasn’t rich, handsome, and compassionate. I wrote him as an average man with a dark past and a wicked soul. I had to change it up to protect Brecken, myself, and the little family we’ve created.
I can’t imagine what would happen if the world knew I fell in love with a murderer and borne his child. There isn’t a happy ending. The audience is left dangling, trying to figure out who the real monster is.
I knew when I started writing again that it had to be something that was near and dear to my heart, or I wouldn’t pour my soul into it. I had to write something that would tantalize the readers. Coming back into the scene with anything subpar would be unacceptable. It wasn’t hard to put pen to paper and just let my emotions flow out in words. Three months of non-stop writing produced the most amazing manuscript.
The publishing house pushed for a quick release. They had been begging me to get back in the saddle after Abe died, so they were anxious to read what I had written. My publisher fell in love with the story and immediately contacted several studios telling her peers that the next big blockbuster was sitting on her desk. When they found out it was a book from the long lost Willow Summers, several jumped at the chance to bring it to the big screen.
Watching Josh Duhamel bring life to Brecken and Michael B. Jordan play Jamal warmed my insides. Finding an actress whom I wanted to play me was harder. You never think about who would best represent you until you’re forced to see who the director feels best fits your character. Knowing that they had no clue I was the heroine made it hard to explain why I couldn’t get on board with a few of their selections. In the end, Olivia Wilde was someone we all could agree upon.
The limo pulls to a stop in front of the Chinese Theater in Los Angeles. A dark-suited man opens my door and reaches in to grab my hand. He escorts me onto the red carpet. Jamal and Wade quickly move ahead of me to wait at the entrance to the theater.
Jamal has been a godsend to me, and Wade absolutely loves him. I wasn’t sure how all this would play out since Jamal has been pretty sparse over the last two years. He’s there in the morning as well as the evening, but during the day, he disappears. Almost as if he has another life somewhere to attend to.
I’ve wondered often if there’s a special lady in his life but don’t want to intrude by asking. I figure if he wants me to know, he’ll tell me. And I worry if he isn’t telling me, it’s because he doesn’t know how to explain our family to her.
Glancing down the carpet to make sure my baby boy is safely away from the crowd, I make my way to stand with the cast for pictures. The crowd of people lined up for autographs is overwhelming. Brecken would have loved this, and I wish he were here to share in this moment. To see our story unfold on the big screen. I hope he sees it wherever he is, and I’ve made him proud.
When the camera flashes are quieted, I make my way toward my son. Movement in the crowd as a woman lashes toward me frightens me, but security is quickly at my side, separating me from the lunatic spewing hate at me. I should be used to fanatics telling me I’m going to hell for what I write, but with Wade here, I’m on edge.
When I reach Jamal, Wade’s little arms reach out to me, begging me to take him in my arms. I pick him up and kiss the top of his head. He squirms and giggles, making me laugh too.
Until…
Movement to my left catches my eye. There, standing between two young women, in jeans and a leather jacket, is a man who bears an uncanny resemblance to the only person who could make this night complete. I have to do a double take as my heart soars with the possibility. I step toward the ropes that separate me from the crowd as he turns and walks away.
“Jamal” I say, frantically reaching for his arm. “Did you see that man?”
“What man, Miss?”
“The guy who was over there.” I point to the now vacant spot. “I could have—” I pause, needing a minute to collect my emotions. “I could have sworn it was Brecken.”
“I’m sorry. That must have been hard for you.” He gives me a reassuring smile. “It’s time to head inside.” Jamal takes my arm and escorts me and my son into the theater.
* * *
When the ending credits roll up the screen, the applause is deafening. Excitement fills me from head to toe knowing that my story has the potential to be a box office smash. Wade falls asleep in my arms as the driver heads toward our home. Once inside, I settle my son in his bed, tuck the covers around him, and kiss his forehead before making my way to my room to change out of my evening gown.
Still flying high on the excitement of the evening, I make my way toward the kitchen, stopping in my tracks when I find Jamal sitting at the kitchen table. Not alone but with another man. His back is to me, so I can’t see his face. Jamal calls out my
name as the man stands, turning to face me.
“Oh my god.”
33
If Only I Could Turn Back Time
Brecken
I don’t know what I expected from Willow when she saw me, but passing out was not it. The instant she realized it was me, her eyes widened and rolled back into her head. Her body began to sway as her legs gave out from under her. I reached out to catch her, but I wasn’t fast enough. I was helpless to stop her from dropping to the floor, but both Jamal and I were at her side immediately.
Jamal held firm to Willow’s hand as he begged over and over, “Miss. Please wake up, Miss.”
For a few seconds, I don’t know who to be more concerned for. Jamal looks about to cry, but Willow unconscious wins out. Patting Jamal on the back, I drop to my knee and reach for Willow’s face, gently rubbing my fingers over her cheek. “Willow, wake up, baby. Wake up.” I don’t know how many times I speak the words, but finally her eyes flutter open.
“There you are, beautiful.”
She blinks several times, and when it seems she’s able to focus, I smile and quietly say, “It’s me. I’m home.”
Fear. Anger. Pain. All these emotions and more I can’t decipher pass through her eyes in seconds as she tries to scamper across the floor away from me. “Ho-ho-how can this be? How are you here? You died in front of me.”
Shit, I knew there was a chance she’d be freaked out, but I was hoping she’d be more excited by my reappearance. The I’ve-seen-a-ghost expression, eyes bugged out of her head, is not a good thing. I should have come up with a better plan. Come back sooner. Maybe never gone away, but she needed me to. I hope she can forgive me when I tell her the truth.
“Please hear me out?” I ask, more begging than anything as I offer my hand to her.
She grabs it, surprising me, and I help her to her feet, pulling out a chair for her before I take the seat across from her. I take a few deep breaths before I bring us back to the night she believes I died.