“There’s no going back after this, Cassidy.”
Back to what? Her lonely life?
This had been one of the hardest days she could ever remember. She wanted Shane to take her to heaven and make her forget, if only for a minute. Or, two. Maybe three.
“What are you waiting for?” She tilted her head and parted her lips. “Kiss me.”
Shane didn’t hesitate and covered her mouth with his.
She let him take control, abandoning all resistance. It was wonderful. Freeing, actually.
Her hand sought his jaw and stroked it. The stubble from his five o’clock shadow tickled her fingertips. She liked the sensation so much, she went in search of others, finding the silky texture of the fine hairs at the base of his neck and the strong muscles of his neck and shoulders.
A groan emanating from deep inside his chest distracted her. He withdrew long enough to whisper against her lips. “You are incredible.”
Was she? Shane made her feel that way. Incredible and sexy and desirable. It was a heady combination, and an addictive one.
“Tell me to stop,” he said.
“And if I don’t? Will you kiss me again?”
His answer was to make her every romantic dream come true. She clutched the fabric of his vest in her fists, pulling him close and sealing their lips together. He, in turn, wrapped his arms around her. Never had they been closer. Had more intimate contact. Been more attuned to each other.
Too far!
The words exploded inside her head and caused her to abruptly pull back. “Wait.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Slower.” She expelled a long breath. “I need to go slower.”
“I can kiss you as slow as you want.” One corner of his mouth quirked in his trademark disarming grin.
“No more.” She placed a restraining hand on him. “Not tonight.” And not in front of all these people.
“All right. As long as it’s not for good. It’s not for good, is it, Cassidy?”
“I need some time.” She had to stop letting him kiss her. Stop kissing him back.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I took advantage of you.” He eased away.
“No more than I took of you,” she admitted.
He smiled. “Feel free to do that anytime the mood strikes you.”
“Shane.” Her pleading eyes searched his.
“I get it.” Patting her leg, he stood. “I’ll see you tomorrow. At the trail ride.”
“Tomorrow,” she repeated.
The next instant, he was gone.
She should be thinking about Benjie and Hoyt, the trail ride and the changes coming at her like a freight train traveling full steam ahead. Instead, she missed the warmth of Shane’s body. The scent of his skin. The taste of his lips.
It was scary how quickly she’d gotten used to him. Scarier how miserable she’d be if he left.
* * *
THE WEATHER HELD. Cassidy had worried up until the moment they set out on the trail ride that they might be rained out. Slowly, the clouds transformed from dark and gloomy to a washed-out gray. Other than the periodic gust of wind, it wasn’t a bad day. Weather-wise or otherwise.
Hoyt and Cheryl hadn’t expected it, but along with Ryder and Tatum’s children, all the Becketts accompanied them, including Cassidy’s parents, and her siblings and their respective future spouses. When ascending the first hill in single file, the line of horses they rode stretched better than thirty yards from first head to last tail.
Liberty brought up the rear, leading a coal-black mare she was training for a client. The young horse carried a pack saddle. Inside was the light picnic lunch Sunny and Cassidy had quickly assembled. Cheese spread, crackers, beef jerky, individual cups of applesauce and leftover chocolate chip cookies comprised their fare.
Ryder rode double with Tatum’s youngest son seated in front of him. Other than that, everyone had their own mount. Shane, Cassidy couldn’t help observing, stayed close to her. Perhaps because Benjie stayed close to Hoyt. Either way, she appreciated his presence.
Her hands ached from constantly gripping the reins too tightly, and she forced her fingers to relax. A moment later, they strained again. Stop it, she told herself. All was going well. Nothing bad had happened. There was no reason for her angst. Yet there it was. By the end of their first hour she was exhausted.
When they reached a long flat area on the south ridge and her father announced this was probably as good a place as any to break for lunch, she was more than ready. Hopefully, stretching her legs for a bit would relax her. Calm her. Distract her.
While the four children darted to and fro, burning off excess energy, the men tethered the horses to any available low-slung branch. Sunny and Cheryl distributed the food. Cassidy should have helped. Her mind, however, refused to settle down, and she wandered aimlessly.
Finding a large rock to use as a stool, she sat, took a long pull from the bottled water she’d brought in her saddlebag and watched the children play. Benjie, younger than Tatum’s oldest by a year, was still taller. He had inherited his height from Hoyt, as well as his outgoing personality and his sense of humor, which, in Benjie’s case, often manifested itself in class clown behavior.
What had he inherited from her other than his looks? Cassidy didn’t think of herself as timid. More like guarded. And cautious. She wasn’t one to leap without first looking. Funny, at Benjie’s age, she’d been just as adventurous. Just as carefree. Her father’s drinking had changed her. After the accident and her parents’ divorce, she’d become a whole different person.
Speak of the devil...
Her father approached. “You doing okay?”
“Fine,” she automatically replied. No one ever wanted to hear the truth.
“Mind if I join you?” He lowered himself onto the rock beside her.
“Not at all.” Did she mind? Cassidy wasn’t sure.
That in itself was interesting and new. She’d spent the last six months being angry at her father and making every effort not to be alone with him. Now, all of a sudden, she didn’t care?
“You okay?” he asked. “You seem preoccupied.”
“It’s been a rough week. A strange week.”
“I can relate.”
He probably could, no doubt to Hoyt.
For the first time, Cassidy was curious about her father’s reunion with her younger sister. “What was it like, meeting Liberty after all those years?”
“Weird.” He gave a low chuckle.
“Seriously.”
“I am serious. Took me weeks, months really, to get used to the idea. Not that I didn’t love her right away. But she was a stranger to me, and me to her. I wanted us to instantly click. Instead, it took time.”
“Benjie and Hoyt are clicking.”
He followed her gaze to where Hoyt and his wife sat with Benjie, eating their lunch. “It does look that way on the surface.”
Cassidy wasn’t sure what to make of his remark. “You think they aren’t?”
“Hoyt’s trying hard. Too hard. Though I understand his motives. But he needs to rein it in a bit. I did the same with your sister. Rushed the connection before either of us was ready, and it backfired.”
“Benjie’s excited to have a father.”
“Sure he is. But watch him closely. The initial thrill is wearing off, and even if he doesn’t realize it, he’s starting to wonder what impact this new dad is going to have on his life and if all the changes will be good ones.”
She hadn’t realized her father was so perceptive, or so deep. He was noting the same subtle differences in Benjie she’d observed these last two days.
The man apparently had sides to him she’d yet to see. Sides, she admitted, were intriguing to her.
�
�What makes you say that?”
“He asked me before the ride if Hoyt planned on taking him to Wyoming.”
Cassidy sighed heavily. “My fault. He’s heard me telling the story of when Ryder left. I should talk to him again.”
“You and Hoyt should both talk to him. Assure him he has nothing to fear.”
Why hadn’t she thought of that? She was the worst mother in the world, concerned only with herself.
“I will. We will,” she amended. “After the ride.”
Several moments passed in silence. The three older children, having finished their meals, were pleading with Shane to join in their antics. Why not Hoyt?
Perhaps because Shane wasn’t trying too hard the way Hoyt was, at least, according to her father. Shane was also someone the children knew better. Visiting only periodically, Hoyt might never be someone Benjie knew well.
She turned to her father. “Would you have come back more often if you’d known Liberty was your daughter?”
“Absolutely. Regardless of the grief your mom gave me.” He removed a pack of gum from his shirt pocket. She accepted when he offered her a piece. “Not sure I’d have moved back permanently, but visited, yes. Frequently.”
“Was it hard on you, being so far away from me?” Cassidy hadn’t realized how desperately she wanted to learn the answer to that question until she’d asked it.
“It was terrible. I missed you something awful,” he said earnestly. “I’d have visited more often if you hadn’t hated me like you did. Still do, at times.”
“I was angry,” she defended herself. “With good reason. And I didn’t...don’t hate you.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between the two. Anger and hate.”
Guilt consumed her. If she hadn’t treated her father in such a cold manner, her parents might still be married and Ryder wouldn’t have left. “I’m responsible for the rift in our family.”
“Not at all, baby girl.” He brushed a knuckle along her cheek. “That’s my fault entirely. I’m the one who drank away the arena’s profits. The one who drove while intoxicated, with you in the passenger seat, and ran the truck into the well house. I’m the one who let your mother down time and again and divided our family.”
Baby girl? He’d called her that endearment when she was little.
Memories from years ago promptly assaulted Cassidy. Unlike before, these weren’t painful or hurtful. They were lovely and sentimental.
She could see the two of them walking across the back pasture, her small hand enclosed in his larger one. Four, maybe five years old, she’d begged him to take her to pick the wild hollyhocks, their large, delicate white blossoms in stark contrast to their coarse stalks. Another time, he’d found her in the haystacks, sobbing after the family dog died unexpectedly from an infection, and comforted her with a story of dog heaven.
It hadn’t always been bad between them. Mostly it had been good. Ryder had tried to tell her, but she wouldn’t listen. Shame on her.
“If I could do it over again,” her father said, “I would. Fight harder for you. Truthfully, I’m not sure what I regret more. Losing out on knowing your sister for the first twenty-four years of her life or the night of the accident.”
The moment had come for Cassidy to atone. Six months ago when her father returned—heck, last month before Shane showed up—she wouldn’t have said that. How things had changed. And how incredibly quickly.
“I’m the reason Mom divorced you.”
He chuckled again. “I hardly think so.”
“No, it’s true. After the accident, I was scared. I insisted she make you leave. I forced her to choose, and she picked Ryder and me over you.”
Her father sat back and scratched his whiskered jaw, a bemused expression on his face. “Your mother isn’t that easily manipulated. Believe you me, she wanted me gone.”
“Because I insisted.”
“Because of my drinking and its effect on our lives.”
“I ruined your marriage.”
“While I’d like nothing better than to lay the blame at someone else’s doorstep, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in twenty-plus years of AA meetings it’s no one’s responsible for my marriage hitting the skids other than me. I had choices, and I made one wrong one after the other.”
Cassidy looked for Hoyt. He’d taken Shane’s place with the children. Benjie beamed up at him, obviously hanging on his every word.
Had she made a mistake not telling Hoyt the truth all those years ago?
Her father, mother and Shane, they were each of them right. She couldn’t alter the past. The best she could do was affect the future.
“Thanks, Dad.” She squeezed his hand, feeling the walls between them slowly crumble. It was a shame they hadn’t had this talk before, though Cassidy wouldn’t have been receptive.
He beamed at her with the same joy her son showed Hoyt. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”
“Say what?” She smiled.
“Dad, with just that tone.”
She glanced away, afraid her face would reveal the depth of her emotions. “I can be stubborn. And difficult.”
“You’re your mother’s child.” He tucked his finger beneath her chin and lifted her face to his. “Makes me love you all the more.”
Impulsively, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him close. Not the same as saying she loved him in return. Still too many walls between them. But it was close. And enough for now. The rest, she was suddenly confident, would come.
“Well, well, well,” he said, his voice gruff. “That’s the nicest thing to happen to me in quite a while.”
She released him slowly and said softly, “Same here.”
Neither of them moved from the rock. Rather, they enjoyed their newfound closeness in mutually agreeable silence. It lasted until Benjie came running up to Cassidy.
“Can I have another cookie?”
“Sure.” Why not? she thought. Nothing said celebration like a chocolate chip cookie, and she had reason to celebrate today.
Benjie scrambled back to Hoyt, carrying not one but two cookies.
“He’ll do right by Benjie,” her father said, referring to Hoyt.
“You think? I’ve kept my distance from him for six years. I have no idea what kind of person he’s become.”
“Give him a chance.”
“I will.” Before, she’d felt cornered. Pressure coming at her from all sides. Today, the pressure had been lifted. “Shane’s a great dad. I never saw that coming. He was every bit as wild as Hoyt back in the day.”
“Shane’s been through a lot. Nothing like staring your future in the face to mature a person.”
“Are you talking about his fall from Wasabi last year?”
“No, his daughter.”
Cassidy was staring her future in the face, too, and it wasn’t easy.
“I know you got mad at me the other day for interfering in your relationship with him.”
“You were out of line,” she agreed.
“Only because I care about you.”
She now knew that to be the real reason, whereas she hadn’t before.
“I approve of him for you. He’s got backbone and strength of character, which he’ll need plenty of.”
Cassidy narrowed her gaze at her father. “Because I’m stubborn and difficult.”
“Because you stand up for your convictions,” he said, with a fondness in his voice that made her smile. “And if Shane isn’t bursting with admiration for you like I am, he’s not the man for you.”
She shook her head. “I’m not ready for a relationship.”
“No one ever thinks they are. That’s what makes it wonderful when it happens.”
“You’
re talking about you and Mom.”
“Mark my word, I’m going to marry her.”
He’d been saying as much all along. But until today, Cassidy hadn’t supported the match. Funny how one’s perspective could be suddenly altered.
“Mom’s a long ways from being convinced.”
“She’ll get there.” He winked at her, then pushed to his feet. “I’d better check on the kids’ horses. Benjie’s saddle looked a little loose during the ride. Girth probably needs adjusting.”
After giving her shoulder an affectionate pat, he left, stopping first to talk to Cassidy’s mother. She could see the love and devotion in his face. What would it be like to have a man look at her like that? She searched out Shane, finding him engrossed in conversation with her brother. Probably about arena business.
She supposed she should get after it, too. Help with the cleanup and run herd on the children. The last person she expected to come over and give her a hand was Cheryl.
“Here, let me,” she said and bent to collect the empty juice boxes strewn on the ground.
“Thanks.” Cassidy held open the trash bag.
“It’s absolutely beautiful up here.”
“I’ve always loved this spot.”
What an incredible day, Cassidy mused. Benjie playing with Hoyt. She and her father having their long overdue reconciliation. Working together with Cheryl and casually conversing.
“Hey.” Shane appeared beside her, his green eyes alight with curiosity. “Your day must be improving.”
“Very much so.”
“I’m intrigued.”
She took in his rugged, handsome features and the easy grin that always started her heart fluttering, and smiled in return. No reason the day couldn’t continue to improve. All she need do was open herself to the possibilities.
Chapter Eleven
By the time they returned from the trail ride, the arena was in full swing. Tom Pratt had scheduled his popular calf roping clinic. This was the renowned expert’s third such event at the Easy Money and, with each one, attendance increased.
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