by Tad Williams
“Fritti Tailchaser!”
He turned and met the Master Old-singer’s gaze. Despite the merriment wrinkling his nose, his eyes were warm and kind.
“Tailchaser. All things in earth’s season—only given time. Remember that, won’t you?”
Fritti flattened his ears and turned and ran to the Meeting.
The waning days of spring brought hot weather, long trips into the countryside—and Tailchaser’s first meeting with Hushpad.
As he drew closer to his maturity the daily company of his brothers and sisters became less important to Fritti. Each day the sun was longer in the sky, and the scents carried by the drowsy wind grew sweeter and stronger. So, increasingly, he was drawn on solitary rambles outside the range of dwellings among which his family lived and slept. During the hottest parts of the Hour of Smaller Shadows—his hunger blunted by his morning meal, his natural curiosity freed—he would range through the grasslands like his brethren of the savannahs, holding imaginary sway over all before him as he stood on a hillside, grass stems tickling his belly.
The deeps of the woods also lured him. He delved at bases of trees for the secrets of scurrying beetles, and tried the strength of outer branches, feeling the intriguing breezes of the upper air swirl through the sensitive hairs of his face and ears.
One day, after an afternoon of intoxicating freedom and exploration, Tailchaser emerged from the low scrub that girdled his woods and stopped to pull a twig loose from his tail. As he sat splay-legged, pulling at the bit of branch with his teeth, he heard a voice.
“Nre‘fa-o, stranger. Might you be Tailchaser?”
Alarmed, Fritti leaped to his feet and whirled around. A fela, gray with black striping, sat regarding him from the stump of a long-dead oak. He had been so wrapped in his thoughts that he had not noticed her as he passed, though she perched a mere four or five jumps away.
“Good dancing, Mistress. How do you know my name? I’m afraid I don’t know yours.” The bramble in his tail hanging forgotten, Fritti observed the stranger carefully. She was young—seemingly no older than he. She had tiny, slim paws and a softly rounded body.
“There is no great mystery regarding either name,” said the fela with an amused expression. “Mine is Hushpad, and has been since my Naming. As to yours, well, I have seen you from a distance at a Meeting, and you have been mentioned for your love of rambling and exploring—and here I have caught you at it!” She sneezed delicately.
Her attractive green eyes turned away; Tailchaser noticed her tail, which she held coiled around her as she spoke. Now it rose, as if of its own volition, and waved languorously in the air. It was long and slender, ending in a tender point, and ringed from base to tip with the same black accents as her sides and haunches.
This tail—whose lazy beckoning instantly captured Fritti’s admiration—was to lead him into more troubles than his own bounding imagination could conceive.
The pair romped and talked all through the Hour of Unfolding Dark. Tailchaser found himself opening his heart to his newfound friend, and even he was surprised at what spilled out: dreams, hopes, ambitions—all mixed together and hardly differentiated from each other. And always Hushpad listened, and nodded, as if he spoke the dearest kind of truth.
When he parted from her at Final Dancing, he made her promise to meet him again the next day. She said she would, and he ran all the way home leaping with delight—arriving at the nest so excited that he woke his sleeping brothers and sisters and alarmed his mother. But when she heard what it was that made him squirm and tickle so that he could not sleep, his mother only smiled and pulled him to her with a gentle paw. She licked behind his ear and purred, “Of course, of course . . .” to him over and over until he finally crossed into the dream-world.
Despite his apprehensions of the following afternoon—which seemed to pass as slowly as snowmelt—Hushpad was indeed there to meet him when the Eye first appeared over the horizon. She came the day after, too . . . and the one after that. Through all of high summer they ran together, and danced and played. Friends watched them and said that this was no mere attraction, to be consummated and then ended when the young fela finally came into her season. Fritti and Hushpad seemed to have found a deeper congruency, which might ripen later into a joining—a thing rarely seen, especially among the younger Folk.
Tailchaser was picking his way through the litter of the dwellings of the Big Ones, in the fragmented darkness of Final Dancing. He had spent the night roaming the woods with Hushpad, and as usual his thoughts lingered with the young fela.
He was struggling with something, but did not know what it was. He cared for Hushpad—more than for any of his friends, or even his siblings—but her companionship was somehow different from the others‘: the sight of her tail twining delicately behind her as she sat, or held delicately upright when she walked, tickled a part of his imaginings he could not put a name to.
Deep in these deliberations, for a long while he did not heed the message that the wind carried. When the fear-smell finally reached his pondering, puzzling mind he started with sudden alarm and shook his head from side to side. His whiskers were tingling.
He leaped forward, galloping toward home; toward his nest. He seemed to hear terror-cries of the Folk, but the air was still and quiet.
He clambered across the last rooftop, down a fence with a scratch and bump—and stopped short in amazement and fear.
Where the pile of rubble that had been his family’s nest had stood ... there was nothing. The spot was swept as clean as wind-scoured rock. When he had left his family that morning his mother had been standing atop the heap, grooming his youngest sister, Softwhisker. Now they were all gone.
He darted forward and fell to scratching at the mute ground, as if to unearth some secret of what had happened, but it was M‘an-ground, and could not be broken by claw or tooth. His mind felt blurry with conflicting passions. He whimpered, and sniffed at the air.
The atmosphere was full of cold traces of fear. The smells of his family and nesting place still hung, but they were overlaid with the awful scents of fright and anger. Although the impressions were much jumbled by the action of time and winds, he could also sense who had done this thing.
M‘an had been here. The Big Ones had lingered for a long time, but had themselves left no mark of fear or anger. Their reek, as always, was nearly indecipherable of meaning—more like the busy ants and borer beetles than like the Folk. Here his mother had fought them to the end to protect her young, but the Big Ones had felt no anger, no fear. And now his family was gone.
In the next days he found no trace of them, as he had feared he would not. He fled to the Old Woods and lived there alone. Eating only what he could catch with his still-clumsy paws, he grew thin and weak, but he would not come to the nests of other Folk. Thinbone and other friends occasionally brought him food, but could not persuade him to return. The elders sniffed sagely and kept their peace. They knew wounds of this type were best nursed in solitude, where the decision to live or die was freely made, and not regretted later.
Fritti did not see Hushpad at all, for she did not come to visit him in his wild state—whether out of sorrow for his situation or indifference he did not know. He tortured himself with imagined reasons when he could not sleep.
One day, almost an opening and closing of the Eye since he had lost his family, Tailchaser found himself on the outskirts of the dwellings of M‘an. Sick and debilitated, he had wandered out of the protection of the forest in a kind of daze.
As he lay breathing raggedly in a patch of welcome sunlight, he heard the sound of heavy footfalls. His dimmed senses announced the approach of M‘an.
The Big Ones drew near, and he heard them cry to each other in their deep, booming voices. He closed his eyes. If it was fated that he should join his family in death, it seemed appropriate that these creatures complete the job that their kind had begun. As he felt large hands grasp him, and the smell of the M‘an became all-pervading, he began
to pass over—whether to the dream-world or beyond, he did not know. Then he knew nothing at all.
Slowly, cautiously, Tailchaser’s spirit flew back to familiar fields. As thought came back he could feel a soft surface beneath him, and the M‘an smell still all about. Frightened, he opened his eyes and stared wildly about.
He was on a piece of soft fabric, at the bottom of a container. It gave him a trapped, terrified feeling. Pulling himself onto his unsteady paws, he tried to climb out. He was too weak to jump, but after several attempts he managed to get his forepaws over the edge of the container and scramble out.
On the floor below he looked around, and found himself standing in an open, roofed-over area attached to one of the dwellings of the Big Ones. Although the smell of M‘an was everywhere there were none in sight.
He was about to hobble away to freedom when he felt a powerful urge: hunger. He smelled food. Casting his eye about the porch, he saw another, smaller container. The food smell was making his mouth water, but he approached it cautiously. After sniffing the contents suspiciously, he took a tentative bite—and found it very good.
At first he kept an ear cocked for the return of the M‘an, but after a while abandoned himself completely to the pleasure of eating. He bolted down the food, cleaning the container to the bottom, then found another full of clear water and drank. This gorging on top of his enfeebled state almost made him sick, but the Big Ones who had put the meal down, perhaps foreseeing this, had provided only modest amounts.
After he drank he wobbled out into the sunlight and rested for a moment, then rose to make his way up to the forest. Suddenly, one of his captors walked around the corner of the bulky M‘an-nest. Fritti wanted to bolt, but his body’s fragile health would not permit it. To his amazement, however, the Big One did not seize him, or kill him where he stood. The M’an merely passed by, leaning to stroke the top of Tailchaser’s head, and then was gone.
So began the uneasy truce between Fritti Tailchaser and the Big Ones. These M‘an, on whose porch he had found himself, never hindered his coming or going. They put out food for him to take if he wished, and left the box for him to sleep in if he so desired.
After much hard thought, Fritti decided that perhaps the Big Ones were a little like the Folk: some were good, and meant no idle harm, while some were not—and it was this second kind that had brought ruin to his family and his birthing-place. He found a kind of peace in this balance; thoughts of his loss began to recede from his waking Hours—if not from his dreams.
As health came back to him, Fritti once more found pleasure in the society of the Folk. He found Hushpad also, unchanged in whisker or tail. She asked him to pardon her for not visiting him during his upset days in the woods. She said she would not have been able to bear the sight of her playfellow in such distress.
Pardon her he did, and happily. With his strength returned, they once more ran together in the countryside. All was as it had been, except that Tailchaser was more given to silences, and a little less to happy chattering.
Still, his time with Hushpad was now even more precious to Fritti. They talked now, from time to time, about the Ritual that they would enter when Hushpad came to her season, and Tailchaser became a hunter.
And so their high summer waned, and the wind began to sing autumn music in the treetops.
On the last night before Meeting Night, Fritti and Hushpad climbed the hillside overlooking the M‘an-dwellings. They sat silently in the dark of Deepest Quiet for a long while as the lights below flickered out one by one. Finally, Tailchaser raised his young voice in song.
“So high
Above the waving treetops,
Above the teeming sky—
We speak a Word
Side by side
Upon the rugged world-back,
Beyond the sun and tide—
This voice is heard....
We are traveling together
With our tails in the wind
We are voyaging together,
We are sun-redeemed and warm.
Long now
We have danced within the forest.
Looking only straight ahead—
Lacking but the Word.
Soon, though,
We will understand the meaning
In our whishers and our bones—
Now that we have heard....“
When Tailchaser finished his song they again sat quietly throughout the remaining Hours of the night. The morning sun rose to scatter the shadows and interrupt them, but when he turned to rub Hushpad’s nose in farewell an unspoken promise hung between their commingling whiskers.
3 CHAPTER
They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
—Edgar Allan Poe
The morning after Meeting Fritti awoke from a strange dream, in which Prince Ninebirds of Bristlejaw’s song had taken Hushpad and was running away with her in his great mouth. When Fritti’s dream-self had tried to pull her free, Ninebirds had seized him, and given a savage yank. He had felt his dream-form painfully stretching, stretching, becoming as thin and attenuated as smoke....
Shaking himself all over, as if to scatter the dismaying fantasy, Tailchaser rose and performed his early-morning grooming—smoothing down the sleep-ruffled fur all along his body, coaxing errant whiskers into place, and ending with a fillip that put his tail tip in perfect order.
Walking through the tall grass behind his sleeping porch, he could not shed the sense of foreboding that his dream had cast over the day. It seemed important, for some reason he could not remember. He should not—and could not—forget the dream. Why?
Practicing paw swipes at an accommodatingly bouncy dandelion, he remembered. Hushpad! She had not been at the Meeting. He must go and look for her; discover what had happened.
He felt a little less apprehensive than he had the previous night. After all, he decided, there were many possible reasons for her absence. She did live in a M‘an-dwelling; they might have closed her in, prevented her leaving. Big Ones were capricious that way.
Tailchaser made his way across the field of grass and through a copse of low trees as he skirted the Old Woods. It was some distance to where Hushpad lived, and the journey took him a good part of the morning. At last he came in sight of the M‘an-nest, standing by itself in the solitude of surrounding fields. It looked strangely empty, and as he approached he could find no trace of familiar smells.
Calling, “Hushpad! Tailchaser here! Nre‘fa-o, heart-friend!” he jogged closer, but was met with silence. He noticed the entrance hanging open, as was not usual in the nests of M’an. Reaching the dwelling, he cautiously poked his head inside, then entered.
Not only was the M‘an-dwelling empty of life, to Tailchaser it seemed empty of everything. The floors and walls were bare, and even his soft footfalls echoed as he moved from room to room. For a fearful moment the emptiness reminded him of the disappearance of his family—but something was different. There were no smells of terror or excitement; no trace of anything upsetting having occurred. Whatever reason the M’an had for leaving, it seemed a natural one. But where was Hushpad?
A top-to-bottom search produced nothing but more empty rooms. Curious and puzzled, Fritti left the dwelling. He decided that Hushpad must have run away when the M‘an left. Perhaps even now she was hiding in the forest, needing his company and friendship!
All that afternoon he roamed the wooded places, calling and hallooing, but could find no trace of his friend. When evening came he went to Thinbone for help, but the two of them had no more luck than Fritti alone. They ranged far and wide, and asked all the Folk they met for tidings, but none could help. In this way ended the first day of Tailchaser’s search for the lost Hushpad.
Three more sunrises passed without any sign of the young fela. Fritti found it hard to believe that she would simply leave the area, but no trace of violence had been found, and the other Folk had not seen or heard anything out of the ordin
ary. Day in and day out he continued searching for her—tired, but with a terrible, relentless need. First his family and his birthingplace, now this.
Even Thinbone gave up after the third day.
“Tailchaser, I know it is a terrible thing,” his friend said, “but sometimes Meerclar calls, and we go. You know that.” Thinbone looked down, searching for words. “Hushpad has gone. That is that, I’m afraid.”
Fritti nodded his understanding, and Thinbone went off to join the other Folk. Tailchaser, however, did not plan to give up his search. He knew what Thinbone said to be true, but felt strongly—in a manner he did not fully understand—that Hushpad had not gone to Meerclar, but was living somewhere in the fields of earth, and needed his help.
A few days later Fritti was sniffing his way through a hedge of privet in which he and Hushpad had played many games of Roll-and-Pounce when he met Stretchslow.
The older hunter made less noise than the wind-tossed autumn leaves as he approached, his tawny body moving with confident economy. When he reached Fritti—terribly self-conscious in the presence of the mature male—Stretchslow stopped, sat back on his haunches and gave the young cat an appraising stare. Trying to bob his head respectfully, Tailchaser caught his nose on a privet twig and let out an embarrassed mew of pain. Stretchslow’s cool observation softened into a look of amusement.
“Nre‘fa-o, Stretchslow,” said Fritti: “Are you .-.. mmm . . . are you enjoying the sun today?” He ended with an awkward gesture, and since the day was quite gray and overcast he suddenly wished he had said nothing at all—perhaps even stayed underneath the privet bush.
Seeing the younger cat so discomfited, Stretchslow sneezed a laugh and sank to the ground. He reclined there lazily, head held high and his body appearing misleadingly relaxed.