by Abe Moss
“You know it’s really not a good idea to come to someone’s work like this and—”
“I know,” he said, and his face flushed that incredible bright red she’d seen the previous night. “I promise you it wasn’t my idea. My friend convinced me, and I knew as soon as I saw that… look, on your face, that I’d made a mistake.”
He paused for her to say something, but all she could do was stare impatiently, hoping he’d just spit it all out.
“Obviously this wasn’t a coincidence,” he continued. “Can I make it up to you?”
“How did you know where I worked?”
“Your friend at the party? Dolly? It was actually her idea I come here, except… I’m mostly sure now she was joking? Maybe? And yet…”
“And yet here you are,” Maria said, tapping her foot. He was sweet, she could admit. Adorably, inconveniently sweet.
“Here I am,” he repeated, trying not to wither under his own shame. “So… can I? Make it up to you, I mean? Maybe we can get something to eat when your shift is over…”
“You just ate.”
Just as his cheeks were beginning to return to their normal color, he blushed intensely a second time.
“Well, I know, but… I just mean, maybe I could take you out to eat? If you haven’t already, or… if you’re even hungry at all…”
“How about I’ll think about it?” Maria suggested, wishing desperately not to be standing idle if her manager happened to step out onto the floor at any moment. “Give me your number, and—”
“You’ll think about it?” he asked. “Okay… yeah, that’s cool. Sure…”
She took her pad and pen out from her apron pocket and handed them over. He glanced repeatedly at her as he scribbled down his number. Nervous. Perhaps a little giddy. If there wasn’t a chance he might see, Maria could have grinned.
He handed back her pad and pen. “Call me or text whenever you feel like, then.”
“Whenever I feel like?” she joked.
“Well… let me know today if you’d want to do something, I mean…”
Maria nodded that she understood. “Nice seeing you again, Jessup.”
That earnest, boyish smirk revealed itself as he turned away, finally taking his leave and letting her get back to work.
It was handsome enough that she looked forward to seeing it again sometime soon.
✽ ✽ ✽
Sitting on the edge of her bed with the door shut, Maria held her phone to her ear, heart pounding, waiting for an answer. The phone stopped ringing. Silence on the other end. She waited. The sounds of hands fumbling with the phone, a voice muttering. Her mother’s voice.
“Hello? You there?”
“I’m here,” Maria said.
“Oh, good. I wasn’t sure if I accidentally hung up. I’ve been expecting the phone to ring all day, and the first I forget about it, of course that’s when you call…”
Maria laughed humorlessly. “Yeah.”
“Are you doing okay? It’s been a while since either of us have heard from you.”
“Yeah, of course. I’m fine.”
“You’re still going to your sessions? Every two weeks?”
“You know I am…” Maria lay flat on her back, eyes moving across her ceiling rapidly, thinking things she’d never say aloud. “You get the statements, don’t you?”
“Well, yes…”
“Then you know I’m going…”
Her mother was quiet.
“Well I’m glad things are okay, then…” More noises on the other end, hands trading the phone back and forth. Waiting in silence, Maria was tempted to ask her mother what on earth she was in the middle of doing, but decided she didn’t want to know. “You have any plans for spring break next week?”
“Not yet…” Maria said. She hoped such phrasing implied she was leaving it open, just in case. Her mother likely wouldn’t interpret it that way, however, so she spoke the rest quickly just to make sure. “Something might come up, though. I don’t know.”
Another pause. “If you don’t end up with any plans, we’d love it if you came home for a couple days, at least. Your dad could come pick you up and you could spend just a few nights.”
“That was quick…”
“Hmm? What?”
“A couple days turned into a few nights all in the same sentence.”
“Oh…” Her mother laughed in a strange, shrill way. “I did say that funny, didn’t I…”
“Mom,” Maria said, unable to hold it in any longer. She needed to say it. If she didn’t, and she did end up going home for the break in a week, she’d dread the waiting. The expectation. The anticipation. “I don’t want to visit Michael’s grave. I’m sorry.”
She added the apology as an impulse. Just as she’d started to say it, the weight of her words crushed her, even more with the knowledge of how it would crush her mother. But it had to be said.
“Oh. All right… Have you talked to your therapist about this?”
“It wouldn’t be very effective if I managed not to talk about why I’m there for an entire year…”
“I know that, I just mean…” Her mother sighed on the other end, the sound of blustery wind through the phone’s speaker. Sharp. Maria held the phone from her ear for a moment until she was finished. “Of course you don’t have to go with me. I understand.”
“Thank you…”
“I really hope you’ll come down here. I want to see you so badly.”
It happened suddenly. The emotions. She’d done a good enough job forgetting she had any throughout the conversation thus far, but now they ambushed her. Tears sprung to her eyes like savages from their bushes. She swallowed the lump in her throat so she could speak, or try at least.
“I miss you too,” she said. “I’ll let you know for sure by Monday. Is that okay?”
“Sure. Okay. Sounds good…”
“All right, well…” She sat up, and gravity claimed the couple tears she’d failed to hold back, spilling down her cheeks. She wiped them away. “I’ve got some things I need to get done for the day, so I’ll let you go. I’ll text you Monday.”
“Oh—okay! Have a good rest of your weekend, and… do something fun! Love you.”
“Love you, too… Bye…”
“Goodbye—”
She ended the call.
✽ ✽ ✽
Shortly after speaking with her mother, there came the sound of the front door opening and closing. Maria listened to what sounded like Dolly returning home, kicking her shoes off, dumping her bag on the floor. Then footsteps came to Maria’s door.
“Maria?” Dolly said softly. “Are you asleep?”
“No.”
The door opened without further questions. Dolly gave Maria a big smile, though her eyes carried immense guilt in them.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “He asked about you at the party last night and… yeah, I was feeling pretty good, and when a cute, friendly guy asks about your spinster roommate, you’re inclined to tell him a thing or two.”
“Dolly…”
“I know, I’m not known for being a matchmaker, but…”
“It’s fine.”
Dolly cocked her head, surprised. “It is?”
Maria nodded. “He came to my work, hopefully for the first and last time, and gave me his number. That’s it. I survived.”
Dolly’s enthusiasm drained visibly from her every pore. “Survived? Last time? You mean—”
“I’m not interested in dating right now,” Maria said. “It’s just… not a big priority for me. Or at all, actually. I’d rather just focus on school, and my life…”
“Dating is part of your life, though.” Dolly came and sat on Maria’s bed beside her. “Have you even dated before? Ever?”
“Of course I have.”
“When? In high school? What about now?”
“I just told you, I’m focusing on school.”
“You can do both, you know. A little dating isn’t such a time sink. It’s fun. B
oys are fun.”
“I’m sure they are, but it’s not the kind of fun I’m looking for right now. I’m sorry.”
Maria gave an apologetic grimace. Dolly merely stared with deadened eyes.
“I know there’s a way to get through to you, I just haven’t found it yet.”
“Nope. I’m immovable.”
“What about for me?” Dolly said. “Do it for me?”
“Do what for you? Start a relationship with someone just so—”
“Woah, woah, woah…” Dolly stopped her, showing Maria the flats of her palms. “Hold on a second. I never said anything about relationships. You’re getting way ahead of yourself.”
“That’s what dating is.”
“No, dating is dating. Relationships are… something different.” Dolly stared thoughtfully at Maria, pondering and curious, and the longer her eyes studied the more Maria wished to disappear. “No wonder you’re so against the idea. Your imagination skips over the best stuff and goes directly to the worst. Relationships are work. They’re hard. Dating is just the fun stuff. That’s all I’m talking about. The fun stuff.”
“I’m not super worried about fun stuff right now.”
“Do it for me?” Dolly said again, begging as her last-ditch effort. “You think he’s cute, at least, don’t you?”
“I’m not answering your loaded questions,” Maria said with an incredulous grin.
Dolly sensed a weak spot.
“You’d make such a cute couple. He’s handsome, you’re pretty as hell.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“You are.” Dolly leaned her head back, staring blissfully toward the ceiling. “I can seriously picture the two of you. Like… really.”
“You’re talking about a relationship now, though, aren’t you?”
“No,” Dolly said, and inched closer. “I’m still just talking about the fun stuff.”
Maria couldn’t help laughing. But she still couldn’t bring herself to look Dolly in the eyes.
“I’m scared to think how exactly you’re ‘picturing’ the two of us.”
Dolly bit her lip. “Mmhmm. It’s exactly what you’re thinking. I might even think about it some more tonight after I go to bed. It’s that good.”
Maria couldn’t bear it anymore. The only way to contain her laughter—which would only encourage Dolly’s insistence—was to stand up and busy herself with something else. She left Dolly on the bed alone and pretended to be organizing things on her dresser.
“Give me your phone,” Dolly said. She stood as well, waiting expectantly behind Maria. “You kept his number, right?”
“He just wrote it on a note. Not in my phone.”
“You kept the note, at least? Please tell me you kept the note.”
Against her better judgement, sighing tiredly as though she had no choice, Maria went to her bag on the floor next to her bed and fished the note out. She unfolded it, read the number once to herself, then handed it to Dolly. Dolly beamed as she read it.
“Of course you kept it,” Dolly said. Then, in a mocking tone, “It’s just not a big priority for me.”
“It’s not.”
She waved the note in her hand. “This says otherwise. You could have thrown it away. Also, look at this handwriting! Did you see this? Immaculate. Looks almost like mine…”
“Maybe you should call him,” Maria joked.
“No, you’re calling him. Right now.”
“What?”
“Yes. Right now. I’ll help you. Or don’t call him, if that’s too weird. Text him.”
“Dolly, I’m telling you—”
“I know, I know. I just don’t believe you, is all. And I don’t think you believe it, either. I can tell.”
Maria sighed. She sat heavily onto her bed once more, the mattress giving a low groan. She was defeated, and Dolly didn’t need any confession. She offered the note back to Maria, then grabbed Maria’s phone from the nightstand and handed it to her as well.
“I’ll help you,” she said, and plopped down next to her with an excited squeal.
✽ ✽ ✽
It was easy enough. Through text, it was almost too easy. Jessup agreed on a date that evening, promising he’d have room by then for a burger. And that was that. It happened so quickly, under the streamlined influence of Dolly’s expertise, Maria hardly realized she’d just set up a date when it was done.
“See?” Dolly said once the details were agreed upon. “Fun stuff.”
Internally, Maria had to admit she’d never have done it without Dolly’s pressuring her. That wasn’t to say she didn’t want it otherwise. She did, on some deeper level just like Dolly assumed. But it was hard giving in to such things, when just the mere idea felt like wishful thinking.
“Let me help pick out your clothes. Oh my god.”
“What?” Maria asked, concerned.
“Nothing. I’m just excited.”
They spent nearly forty-five minutes altogether deciding what she’d wear. During the whole process, Maria couldn’t stop thinking to herself how grateful she was for Dolly’s help. And her energy. It was almost enough to replace her anxiety with some excitement of her own.
“Take off your hoodie,” Dolly said. “I want to see what this sweater looks like.”
“Can’t you just… look at the sweater?”
“I need to see it on. Off with the hoodie, I say!”
Maria removed her hoodie, feeling especially exposed even wearing a tank-top underneath. It wasn’t like the hoodie covered up the scars on her neck in the first place, but somehow wearing it was safer. The scars were all the more emphasized, she thought, when you could see the otherwise smooth skin beneath them. Dolly seemed not to notice at all. At first, anyway. As she stepped toward Maria to hand her the sweater, she paused. To Maria’s despair, Dolly’s eyes traveled down her neck and she frowned.
“What is that?” Dolly asked.
“What is what?”
“That thing you’re wearing.” Dolly stepped closer and reached for it. All at once Maria felt a wave of relief. “What is this?”
Dolly held Maria’s grandmother’s necklace in her hand. A leathery circle with strange designs. She turned it over, and her look of revulsion never changed.
“It’s a family heirloom, sort of…”
“You wear this all the time? I’ve never seen it.”
“I usually wear it under my clothes. But yeah… most of the time.”
“You’re wearing it tonight? Are you… sure?”
Maria took it from Dolly’s hand and tucked it down her tank-top.
“Don’t worry about it. He won’t see it.”
“Must be important to you,” Dolly said, her mouth twisted exaggeratively.
“It was my grandmother’s. And then my mom’s. Just think of it as a lucky charm.”
That was a lie. She wasn’t sure why she said it. Maybe she thought Dolly would understand that better. People had their superstitions. The truth was that the necklace wasn’t lucky at all, if you really wanted to consider that…
“Oh. I see.” Dolly smirked devilishly. “You’re hoping to get lucky, is what you’re saying…”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Don’t worry,” Dolly said, and winked. “I get it.”
Hoping to let the subject end there, Maria didn’t try to argue Dolly’s point further.
✽ ✽ ✽
“He’s not coming to the door?”
Dolly looked Maria from head to toe, not the first time she looked at her as though she were an animal she’d never seen before. Alien.
“I told him to message me when he gets here and I’d come out to his car.”
“That’s not what you do!” Dolly complained, pouting. “And I wanted to see him…”
“I don’t know what kind of guy he really is yet. He doesn’t need to know which apartment is mine…”
“Fine…”
Maria was dressed and ready. Fairly casual. Just jeans a
nd a sweater. She told herself it was what she would have normally worn otherwise, but that wasn’t entirely true.
“What kind of car does he drive?” Dolly asked, pulling down the blinds and observing the street from their third-floor window.
“He said it’s a white sedan. Toyota, I think? Or a Honda. I don’t remember.”
“Hmmm…” Dolly squinted. “A responsible car…”
Maria looked out the window beside her, only for a moment. The sun was already setting, though they had some light left. She paced from the window toward their little corner of a kitchen, arms folded, chewing her lip.
“You nervous?”
“A little.”
“What about?”
She contemplated telling Dolly the truth. At least a version of it, anyway. Her past. Her family. Michael. What if the subject ever came up on a date? How could it not? What would she say? Not just to Jessup, but anyone?
“Nothing about the date…”
Just then her phone vibrated in her back pocket. She took it out, saw it was a message from Jessup. Without reading it, she went to the window, looking out, and saw a car parked at the curb with its lights on, waiting.
“That’s him.”
Dolly pulled the blinds down dramatically to see for herself. “Where? I can’t see anything…”
“You’re ruining the blinds. And you saw him last night, remember?” Maria grabbed her purse off the counter. Her purse, like most of the clothes she owned, was plain and unremarkable, just how she preferred to be. “Remember when you told him where I worked, and then he… came to my work, and asked me out on this date, and…” She shook her head. “I shouldn’t be going on a date with this guy.”
“Yes you should!” Dolly said. “Don’t think so much. You’re eighteen. He’s eighteen. At least I think. That means you’re both stupid as hell. It’s adorable. Yeah, coming to your work wasn’t great, but that’s just how excited he was. You should be excited, too.”
Maria went to the door. With her hand on the knob, she turned to Dolly one last time. “I might text you from the bathroom and ask you to call me in a few minutes if I need an out, though.”
“Of course.”
Maria stepped into the apartment corridor and shut the door behind herself.
✽ ✽ ✽
He was standing outside his car door, at least, waiting as she came outside. He was dressed similarly—jeans and a sweater. He waved when he saw her, and the excitement on his face was unmistakable. Maria felt a fluttering inside her as she recognized it.