by Lori Qian
Having the interview date set, we really felt like we could relax a little—but of course we knew there were no guarantees.
chapter 46
While we were going through all this stress of wondering if we would ever be able to leave China and how to plan for the years to come, we got some news that was at once wonderful and stressful: we found out I was pregnant!
We had been trying since the previous August, with no results to speak of. Well, after six months or so of trying and no baby, I began to worry, of course. William, calm as always, said it just wasn’t the time.
Well, the months went by, and each month we would get our hopes up only to be disappointed again. Around March we figured something was wrong—and that very same month, I got pregnant! The thing is, though, that we didn’t know it at that time. I had been sick off and on and incredibly stressed, so I attributed all the nausea and missed periods to that. Finally, though, on July 1, William said, “Why don’t you just go over to Clifford hospital today and check? You have missed two periods now, and I have a feeling.”
I really didn’t have a feeling, but I think that was just me being pessimistic. I thought it would just be too good to be true. Nonetheless, I went to see the doctor.
When I walked into the hospital, I asked where to register. (This was a private hospital so not as complicated as typical Chinese hospitals.)
“Ni hao, zai na li keyi kan yi sheng. . . .” I simply asked where I could see a doctor and pointed to my stomach, hoping she would put two and two together.
“Er luo.” The woman pointed down the hall.
“Xie xie.”
I found the right line, got the right paper, and then found the right room. Now, I just had to wait.
I looked around at the other patients and wondered if any other women were here for a pregnancy test. I felt so calm, as if I already knew I was pregnant and everything was going to change for the better. When was it that I had first imagined being a mother? Probably as a little girl; as far as I could remember, that desire had always been there. I could picture myself as a mom, and I knew exactly the kind of mom I’d be. I hoped.
“Ms. Lori,” a voice called from the doorway.
I followed the nurse to the exam room, where I had blood drawn. She then handed me another form and told me to go to another waiting room, where I would get the results. It was all so straightforward.
The other room was down the hall and around a corner. I couldn’t even sit down. I was just too excited. I just stood by the counter and hoped I would get the results soon.
A doctor came up to the counter and gestured for me to approach.
“Ni hao, Ni hao,” she said as she passed me a paper.
“Xie xie,” I said, looking at it and realizing I had no idea what it said. I couldn’t read it. I scanned the form, hoping something would pop out as a result. A plus sign? A happy face? As she started to walk away, I quickly called her back.
“Ni hao, ma fan ni. Zen me yang?” (Excuse me, what’s the result?)
She started talking. Quickly. I just wanted a yes or no. I heard “you” (have), so I stopped her.
“Ni de hise shi wo zhen de huai yun le?” (Do you mean I am pregnant?)
She smiled. “Shi, shi!Huiyun le!” (Yes, yes, you are pregnant!)
I asked the girl standing next to me if I had heard right and she smiled and said “Shi, shi . . . baby,” showing me that she knew a little English and could make it clear to me that I was pregnant. I thanked everyone, in English and Chinese. I jumped. I may have squealed. I couldn’t believe it, and yet at the same time I’d already known before they told me. I had never been happier.
I called William right away and could hear the excitement in his voice. It just seemed like the most unreal, most incredible dream.
“I got the results,” I blurted out. “You were right. I’m pregnant.”
“Oh my gosh, my sweetheart. . . .” He was quiet for a few seconds—a wonderfully good quiet, the kind of quiet you are when if you’re not, you’ll get choked up.
“They gave me another form for a second test. I think it’s the ultrasound. I’ll call you after.”
“Okay. I love you. Can’t wait to see you.”
I went on to get the ultrasound still not really sure I could believe what was going on. On the one hand, I knew it was real, but I also had this feeling like maybe the doctor would look at the machine and tell me there had been a mistake, that there was no baby there. So as I saw her looking at the machine I watched her eyes closely and I asked her if she saw a baby. She smiled and turned the screen toward me. Not only did she see a baby but she could tell which part was the baby’s head. So it was confirmed: I had a baby, and the baby had a head. Now it was real.
When I talked with the doctor, she said that according to the ultrasound, I was over three months pregnant already. That meant I had gotten pregnant right when we decided to seriously try. And all these months I had been feeling terrible, confused, stressed, trying to figure out what to do the next year, there had been a baby inside me who was probably trying to tell me to calm down, that none of my plans were right because he or she would change everything.
As it turned out, July 11 proved to be a very great day. While I was at the hospital learning that we were going to be parents, William was at the US Consulate, having his interview for immigration. He’d had his interview that morning and received his visa with absolutely no problem. Finally, something had gone right in this process. Finally, here was something that didn’t require a fight. What a contrast from our experience with the tourist visa.
As we took our evening stroll later that night, we both thought about the day the previous October that had been so terribly miserable. What a difference we felt now. We had accomplished a lot, and we were incredibly grateful. We walked by a lovely park with flowers and bronze statues of important leaders in China’s history. We sat there and relaxed for a while, looking up at the stars in comfortable, happy silence.
chapter 47
Miracle number one was that we’d received William’s visa. We had the thing we had been working so hard for. The visa was good for six months, which meant that we could leave any time before January 8. Miracle number two was that we were going to have a baby. The baby was due December 18. As we sat and reflected on these blessings, we became keenly aware of the irony of our situation. The timing was—well, sort of impossible. That is, were it not for the baby, we would stay in China one more semester. I would continue teaching, earning a good salary, and William could keep working gaining his experience and getting ready for his graduate school entrance tests. Then we could leave mid-December. It would be perfect.
But with the baby due in December, that plan didn’t work. I couldn’t get on a plane in the beginning of December and go to America. That meant that if we stayed this semester, I would need to have the baby in China. And this was not a dream-come-true idea for me.
I had hoped to have the baby in America, around my family. They had already missed our wedding, William’s baptism, and so many things. I thought this would be something they could share in. Also, while we knew it was possible to have the baby here and then get the paperwork completed, we also knew it was very difficult. The Chinese government had to give their permission, and this took time.
Still, when all was said and done, for financial reasons, it made so much more sense to stay right there in China. The healthcare at the better hospitals was fine and was so incredibly cheap. We could just pay cash and have absolutely no debt or insurance worries. In many ways this made sense, and for a while, we were thinking this was the best option.
But then, what about the visa? It expired on January 8. If I had the baby December 18, could we really get all that paperwork done in two weeks and leave the country? Would the baby and I feel good enough to do so? If we didn’t, William would lose his visa.
We thought about extending it, which made us nervous, as we’d learned this could be risky. But if we did go back,
when would we go? I couldn’t work only half of a semester; my school needed at least a full semester commitment. It was all so incredibly complicated.
We sat one night on our living room floor with our pros and cons lists, insurance information, and my work contract spread out on the floor, trying hard to figure out a solution. After a while there was just silence as we both tried to think our way out of this problem. Every time one of us had an idea, the other one could point out why it wouldn’t work. This seemed impossible. Here we were with two of the most important blessings of our lives—a chance to go to America and a baby on the way—and we couldn’t find a way to make them both happen.
It seemed no matter what good things happened to us, there was always an accompanying challenge. We walked and talked every night, going over and over every possibility, and what scared us to death was that there really wasn’t a good answer. Either way, we were risking something, or at the very least guaranteeing ourselves more challenges.
Finally, one night, William said to me while we were out on a walk, “Haven’t we been forgetting something?”
“What?” I braced myself, thinking he was going to add yet another dimension to this puzzle.
“What happened to our scripture study?” he asked. “It seems for a long time we haven’t studied the scriptures. We used to read them every night.”
“That’s true. . . .” I sighed absent-mindedly. “I guess it’s been a couple weeks now that we haven’t.”
I wanted to share his enthusiasm, but at that moment, I was so focused on the tangible, gigantic problem that I couldn’t see past it. I have to admit that in that moment I didn’t think going inside and reading our scriptures was going to change the world, but I knew that it mattered to William. I sighed and realized that I really appreciated this reminder from William. His faith was reassuring. Despite his fairly recent conversion, he had an unwavering vision of what his baptism meant and he lived it with sincerity every day and in every context. He seemed to take nothing for granted, and considered himself privileged to have learned more about spirituality. He wanted to do everything he could to keep that feeling in his life.
We went home and read our scriptures aloud, alternating back and forth, reading one verse aloud and then listening to the next until we had finished about one chapter. We closed the book and William prayed. He prayed for peace, for guidance, and for God to watch over our families. He also expressed gratitude for all that we already had. We got ready for bed and had a good night’s sleep, the first I had had in quite a while.
The next morning we began the day with scripture study and prayer, as we normally did, before going about our routines. There was definitely more peace in both of us throughout that day. As we discussed things that night, we had fresh ideas. It wasn’t as if a solution quickly came to us, but at least we were thinking beyond where we had before. It was as if two and two suddenly could equal five or six or seven, rather than only four. There were all these options we hadn’t considered before.
Most of them had to do with the graduate programs William would pursue. He had assumed he would pursue his MBA, and to do so required at least six more months of work experience. This was why he’d been feeling that it was so crucial to stay here and continue with his company. However, as he explored and talked with people, new ideas came, new possibilities that were even more in alignment with his professional and academic goals.
Harry and Dana had been such good sounding boards and advisors during these decisions and we always felt grateful that we had them to sort of test out how crazy our ideas sounded. Harry had once remarked that he admired the way we attacked life, but he, like many others, had wondered if it made more sense to stay in China a bit longer. Once we told him that we felt we needed to go sonner rather than later, he was on board and even helped us research programs. In fact, it was Harry who found the graduate program William eventually ended up applying for.
We had been so focused on what we had considered the “best” program that we’d never thought to truly ask ourselves if it was the right fit for us.
Over the next month, I finished teaching summer school and then resigned for the following year. I gave the school plenty of notice and ended things on a good note. We reinstated our health insurance so that we would be prepared to have the baby in America. We decided not to ask the consulate for an extension on the visa. We secured a new place to live, since we were no longer eligible for teachers’ housing. We sold our extra things—all the things we wouldn’t take to America with us. We moved. We bought airline tickets. We told our families. We told everyone concerned. We began the process of applying to the one school William wanted to attend, Brigham Young University. We put all our eggs in that basket because that was the basket we wanted. We gathered every piece of information we could. William studied day and night. I wrote about all that had happened to us. We prayed. We read our scriptures. We talked. We planned.
Finally, finally, finally, everything was okay. We were okay. Our baby was okay. We were happy in this transition period, and that’s what it was. It was a transition to what would be the next chapter in our lives.
chapter 48
We went to Wuhan on a quest to get William’s transcripts. We were prepared for the worst, having gone through similar processes before. On the day we arrived, we were reminded of how unlikely it would be to get the transcript at this time, because the college was moving locations. Two people, an administrator and a secretary, had told us this.
On a hunch, we decided to go out to the new campus and ask there. The place was completely deserted and the room we were told to go to was locked. We just happened to run into a woman coming out of another room, however, and when we asked her where we could locate his transcript, she said, to our surprise, that it was her office that handled that. We walked in and she began looking through records. Within five minutes, she had located William’s transcript and was making a copy of it. This seemed like a good sign.
After getting the transcript, we were in a rush to get back to the hotel because we realized we’d forgotten our money belt that morning. All our cash and credit cards, as well as our passports, were inside. We prayed nonstop on the way there that it was still on the bed where we’d left it. We were actually afraid we wouldn’t even have the cab fare to get to the hotel, but then we remembered that William’s tithing money was tucked away in one of the zipper compartments of my purse. He’d forgotten to turn it in the previous Sunday. Thank God! With that, we had plenty of money to get back to the hotel.
We burst into our room when we got there—and found that the money belt was right where we’d left it. We felt like this was a day of miracles. It wasn’t even lunchtime yet on our first day in Wuhan, and already we had gotten the one transcript and had not lost any money. Absolutely amazing!
We took what we’d gotten to the notary and had him start working on that. Then, for the rest of the day, we just relaxed. I was dealing with a bladder infection, which was not making things very pleasant. It had crept up the morning we left, and although it wasn’t severe, it was very uncomfortable. So I rested that afternoon while William studied, and then we watched a movie together on our computer.
We were so excited to be this far along in the process already. The next thing we needed to do was to go to Huang Gang and get William’s junior college transcript. We would head for Huang Gang the next morning.
We took a small bus to Huang Gang—the kind of bus where usually people are usually smoking the whole time. Thankfully, William asked everyone on the bus to please not smoke, and they complied. Without that terrible smell choking the air inside, it wasn’t a bad trip at all.
Our day in Huang Gang, though, was not to be as successful as was our first day in Wuhan. First of all, the college now had three campuses, and we couldn’t figure out which one actually kept the records, as we kept getting different answers from everyone we spoke with. First we went to one campus and found nothing, not even an open records office. Someon
e there told us the records would likely be at another campus, so we took a taxi there.
The weather was incredibly hot, and between the general discomfort of pregnancy and my progressing bladder infection, I wanted nothing more than to lie down. However, we had very limited time, so I didn’t let William know just how miserable I was. Besides, he was trying so hard to make me comfortable. We were taking taxis everywhere, which usually we didn’t do because of the cost, and he was really going out of his way to make sure I was okay. And it wasn’t his fault that this was the way things were done in China. We could not simply make a phone call and order his transcript. We had to go in person and track it down.
Well, we found the records office, but by that time the people who worked there had already gone to lunch. We were told they’d be back at two thirty and it was now about eleven. We shrugged and decided to get some lunch ourselves.
The only place nearby was totally disgusting, but it was food, so we ate and made the best of it. We found a clinic next door where we looked at medicine for my infection, but we were really afraid to take anything for fear that it might hurt the baby. We had looked in Wuhan, too, but we had been told there that not all antibiotics are safe during pregnancy, and we just didn’t want to take a chance. I was in pain but we decided to go without the medicine for now. We went back to the college to wait until two thirty.
It felt like an eternity that we had waited, and nobody was being very helpful. At three, the girl who was supposed to work in the records office still hadn’t shown up, so William decided to walk to the other side of campus to get some information as to where she, or anyone who could help us, might be. He returned ticked off because he had been informed that she was right in the basement of the building where we’d been waiting.