by JP Sayle
I turned to glance at Sawyer as he spoke. My eyes narrowed as he stood by the bed, the blanket that had hidden what he wore now lying in a heap on the bed. With my heart battering against my ribs, I struggled to hear what Sawyer was saying when all I could focus on was the pink and blue adult-size Babygro he wore.
The dummy and the blanket hadn’t fazed me in the same way that seeing him dressed as a child did. It brought images to the forefront of my mind of my sister as a baby, toddling around the house when she was two looking utterly adorable. Did he wear a nappy under that suit?
Feelings I wasn’t sure how to cope with rode roughshod through me, and my hands fisted tightly around the tubs I held. Tension seemed to fill the small room as I remained transfixed by Sawyer.
I got the distinct impression I’d betrayed my thoughts when Sawyer stepped back to the bed and lifted his blanket, slinging it around his shoulders. His eyes looked anywhere but at me as his face paled.
“I think it’s getting late and maybe you should go home. I’ve got work in the morning.”
There was a finality to his tone that forced me to acknowledge my panic at him asking me to go. But I wasn’t sure I was ready to face up to everything that was a part of Sawyer’s life yet. My hands trembled as I stepped over to the chair and placed the tubs down on the table.
Any hunger I’d previously felt was buried under the ball of anxiety now clawing at my guts. With great effort, I turned and faced Sawyer, unsure whether this would be the last time I’d get to look at my Angel.
His downcast gaze and sagging shoulders were too much for me to resist. I was across the small space in a heartbeat, cupping his face and bringing his head up so that I could look into his eyes. “Can you give me some time to think about… everything? This is a lot to take in.”
Tears sheened his eyes and for a moment I thought he was going to say no, but then his head moved a fraction in a slight nod. “Okay… I’ll… give you time.” He licked his lips, the action drawing my gaze to them. “I only ask that if you come back, you know for sure that this is what you want.” His voice broke and tears slid down his cheeks onto my fingers. The unspoken part about how I’d break his heart if I didn't was there in his teary eyes.
The air whistled past my lips before I could clamp them together to stop myself from offering false promises. Instead I nodded, choking back a sob that rose so suddenly that it left me defenceless against the onslaught of emotions. I swallowed as I released his face and stepped back. My hands itched to return and soothe the deep furrows that marred his sad face.
Knowing now was not the time, I fled out of the door before I did something ill advised. I kept my eyes focused on my car, even as my head and heart warred with each other over what they wanted. My head wanted to process everything, but my heart wanted to take hold of the man and never let him go.
That thought scared me more than I wanted to admit as I got in my car and drove off, not once looking back.
Continue on to find out what happens next!
Can one man overcome society's view of what is classed as ‘normal’ and accept his hidden need to take care of the Little side of Sawyer?
Sawyer is miserable after Boyd walks out of his life, saying he needs time to think. Now he’s back, but Sawyer is more confused than ever by Boyd’s behaviour.
Then Boyd offers him a place to stay, after deeming his home unsafe.
Willing to live in close proximity to Sawyer, Boyd hopes this will show Sawyer that he can trust him with his little side. Only there is a sinister presence working to discredit Boyd’s business and stop him from finding happiness at all costs. Will Boyd be able to figure it all out before he loses what’s most important to him: Sawyer?
The Little Side of Me, (book two) The Flamingo Bar Series, is a close proximity, gay romance with an age gap, and age play. This is the long awaited HEA and the conclusion to The App: Littles, where you first met Boyd and Sawyer.
Warning: The author recommends that The App: Littles should be read first in order to fully understand the backstory.
Each story is crafted by my boys but I couldn’t do that without the support of Mandy, Julie, Tina and Guy. A team that a girl couldn’t live without!
Prologue
Sawyer
I stared glumly at my phone as I tried not to think about how many days it had been since Boyd had all but run away from me, from the reality of what was a vital part of me.
“Sawyer…Sawyer, do you want the rest of that pasta?” Theo asked, his face peering down at the plate in front of me.
“Nah, you can have it. I’m not very hungry.” That was the understatement of the year. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt like eating. The plate was whipped away as Theo plonked himself down next to me.
“Cheers! I’m bloody starved. I thought the lunch rush was never going to end. I hate it when we have those small parties in the private dining area, they never seem to want to leave.” He huffed out a loud sigh before shovelling a huge forkful of pasta into his mouth. The fork, that if I wasn’t mistaken, I’d just been using to eat.
“You do know that fork wasn’t clean?” I baulked at the thought of shared saliva.
“Yeah, and? I’m sure you don’t have cooties or anything else I could catch.” He studied me for a few seconds as if looking for something that might alert him to any diseases I had.
Once he'd finished his perusal, he shrugged, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. “What are you like?”
“A loveable fool,” he quipped back through a mouthful of half-chewed pasta.
“Shut your mouth, I don’t need to see what you’re eating, man!” I rolled my eyes at him when he opened his mouth wider. “You’re gross. I’m sure that’s why you’re single.”
The light of humour that had been dancing in his eyes faded as he looked down “Maybe,” he answered, before his gaze returned to mine. “What’s your excuse?”
There was a seriousness to his question that I didn’t often associate with Theo. He was all about clowning around and avoiding any topic of conversation that was in any way serious.
My gaze narrowed on him and I found myself answering truthfully. “People struggle with what I’m into.” Recalling the look on Boyd’s face when he'd seen my outfit, I responded glumly, “When they're faced with the reality, they don’t tend to stick around.”
Hadn’t the lack of contact from Boyd this last week proven that? I sank lower in the seat and sniffed.
“I’m sure that you’ll find a Daddy—”
I lurched forward in my seat. “I thought I said never to mention that at work,” I ground out through clenched teeth. When I’d gone to Adam’s stag do at Lenny’s home, we’d had a few drinks and a game of truth or dare had resulted in me sharing more about myself than usual. Now, as I stared at Theo, I wondered if he’d been blabbing to the other staff.
He shifted closer to me. “Listen, I’ve said nothing to no one, just as I promised. It’s just that you were so happy last week, and I thought maybe you’d met someone. Then you got all miserable and testy and I couldn’t help wondering if something was wrong? You can talk to me. I promise I won't say anything to the others.” He patted my knee, his face wearing an earnest expression that I found hard to resist.
“I did have someone…but he’s not sure about everything…about me.” I inhaled before whining, “It’s been a week and nothing. No message, no call. Nothing. I wish he would just let me know that it’s over.” Tears clogged my throat as I closed my eyes to avoid seeing the sympathy on Theo's face.
“If it’s been a week, and he hasn’t messaged or called, then doesn't it show that he’s taking this seriously?”
Trying to think past my misery, I let what he’d said sink in. Was that why Boyd hadn’t been in touch? Was he taking the decision seriously?
While I was mulling Theo’s suggestion over, my phone rang. Picking the phone up off the seat where I’d left it during my conversation with Theo, I answered it, despite not recog
nising the number.
The sound of a woman’s voice filled my ear. “Hello, is this Mr. Rowland?”
“Yes, it is,” I answered, trying to figure out why the voice sounded vaguely familiar.
“This is Gloria from Convener’s Construction Company. I’m sorry for the delay in getting back to you to sort out a date for one of the men to come around and discuss your needs,” she tittered, making me wonder what the heck was tickling her.
“Oh, yes, that’s right,” I replied, doing my best not to let the wave of sadness rolling over me suck me under. The call was just another reminder of how I’d got hold of the number for the construction company.
“Are you still interested, Mr. Rowland?”
There was something a little odd about the question, but I couldn’t grasp what it was. “Erm, yes, yes I am.”
“That’s wonderful. What date and time would suit you?”
My heart rate took off as I heard a voice in the background asking Gloria a question. Was Boyd there? You’re imagining things now.
I strained to hear, but there was nothing except the sound of breathing on the other end of the phone. I rolled my eyes at my overactive imagination as I chatted about dates and times. Thinking the universe was out to get me as she offered several different times that didn’t work for me, I was about to give up when she asked if I would be free that evening. “I won’t get home until about five-thirty. It will be starting to get dark. Will that be a problem?"
There was a long hesitation that had me pulling the phone away from my ear to see if it had cut off. At the sound of her voice, I pressed it back to my ear.
“Yes, that should be fine. This will be more of a fact-finding meeting to see what you have in mind.”
By the time I hung up, Theo had finished off the remaining pasta.
His gaze shifted from the plate back to me. “That sounds positive. Does that mean you might actually have found a builder to finish off your home?”
The guys had all come out at one point or another to look at where I lived. I was never sure if it was to see if I practised what I preached, or if they were just curious. “It looks like it, but I’m not going to count my chickens just yet.” I sighed, recalling all the other disastrous builders I’d had.
When Adam popped his head around the door looking for Theo, I checked the time and grumbled, but got to my feet anyway.
A buzz of excitement carried me through the rest of my shift and all the way home. After storing my bike away, I checked the time, my stomach fluttering as I strolled over to the half-constructed house. In the evening dusk, the roofless house appeared sad and forlorn, much like its owner.
The past week had weighed heavy on me, and what Theo had mentioned earlier about me being miserable and testy was probably right on the money. It was exactly how I felt, and nothing seemed to take the edge off, not even wearing my favourite all-in-one.
Maybe getting someone to finish the house would help me to keep my mind off Boyd?
The sound of an engine drew my gaze to the end of the driveway where there was a large black van with Convener’s Construction in silver writing down the side of it. It was being driven slowly over the rocky ground. As it got closer, I put a bright smile on my face, hoping that it was convincing.
My eyes widened and my mouth hung open as the van stopped and I got a good look at the driver. What the fuck? Was Convener’s Construction Boyd’s business?
Of course it's his business. Why do you think he’s here?
To see me?
The flicker of hope that sprang up was hard to push down as Boyd got out of the van and strolled towards me. His hair was windswept, and his caramel eyes held mine captive as if they couldn’t bear to look anywhere else.
His expression was cautious once he was stood in front of me. “Hey. A little birdie tells me that you’re in the market for a construction company to finish off your house?”
Although his tone was light, I could hear the underlying anxiety he couldn’t quite mask. “A little birdie, is it?” I asked, playing along for now, wanting to see what this was all about.
“Yes, a little birdie happened to mention that you needed a builder who knew his stuff when it came to ECO building.” He grinned at me and my heart sank.
Was that the only reason he was here, for business? Did he only want my money? Quelling the pain in my chest with a deep breath, I willed the tears clogging my throat and making my eyes ache to stay put. It seemed like Boyd and I just weren’t meant to be. His next words seemed to confirm my questions.
“Do you want to show me the plans you have and talk through the work that’s already been started?” His expression remained friendly but there was nothing that indicated if this visit was about more than just business. With each passing second, my heart sunk further to my feet and I gave up trying to figure out what Boyd turning up meant.
I waved towards the half-built house. “Come on, I’ll show you what the last builder did before he pissed off.” My shoulders slumped and I walked across the uneven ground.
Chapter One
Boyd
Stalking out of my office, I headed to my work van. I didn’t tend to drive it often as I preferred my Nissan Navara truck, but when I went to price up new jobs, I always took the van to identify myself.
If my fingers were trembling as I hit the fob to open the van, I pretended not to notice. I swallowed a disgruntled sigh and kept staring straight ahead. I could all but feel Gloria’s eyes boring a hole in my back. I’d bet my whole crew’s monthly wage bill she had her nose pressed up against the glass watching me.
As I hopped into the cab I glanced at the window and, sure enough, there she was. Her grey eyes were almost silver in the light as they filled with glee and she gave me a thumbs up. A sigh escaped me as I shook my head, started the engine, and drove out of the yard and onto the main road.
The woman was a bloody menace. She liked nothing more than to stick her nose in my business, stating it was just motherly concern for me. It may well have been, and I really appreciated it, but it was nothing if not embarrassing to have her call Sawyer, then explain he could be…
Well, I wasn’t sure yet what he could be, but she’d figured out there was more to the silly story I’d given her than I’d let on. She was better than a bloodhound sniffing out a scent, and she could wheedle information out of anyone. I’d swear, even those men that trained in the SAS to keep secrets would weaken under her interrogation.
Clearly, I’d lost my marbles, asking her to call Sawyer in the first place. It must be that because it wasn’t the only moment of madness I’d had. Hell no, I’d gone and jumped off the deep end. But there it was, I’d wasted god knows how many hours figuring out how to get to see Sawyer today.
The last week had felt never-ending. There had been no more disasters at the Flamingo Bar, that we’d found out about. That, however, didn’t help with the suspicion that came from waiting to see what disaster would befall us next. And that, it appeared, had made Brett antsy to the point the men on the job site were starting to complain about his short fuse. He’d always been quick to flare up, but this was like he had a permanent rocket attached to his arse, the way he kept flying off the handle.
Topping it all off, Sawyer had become the constant companion to my thoughts. The leather needs fitting in the booths. What is Sawyer doing? Did the wood arrive for the shelves? Is Sawyer looking for another builder? On and on they went, only, I didn’t have answers for the latter, and it was driving me to distraction.
The plan to take some time to think over what it all meant to get involved with Sawyer was harder than I’d anticipated for two reasons. First, I missed him more than I’d expected to. It had been a little shocking at how fast he’d managed to tuck himself inside my heart. A heart that ached at odd times for the loss of the contact we’d had.
I blew out a noisy breath as I glanced in the rear-view mirror, before indicating and switching to the lane that would take me towards Sawyer’s. Then my
mind drifted right back to the second reason I’d struggled. It was probably more important than the first because it revolved around my lack of knowledge around Littles. The lack left me at a loss at how to assess if him being that way was something I’d cope with long term. No matter how much my heart wanted him, my head kept throwing up a picture of him in a toddler outfit.
If the sight of him dressed in an adult baby grow sent me into a tizzy, how would I cope with more?
More what? You won’t know if you keep hiding! You’re a grown arse man, aren’t you?
I cursed under my breath at the very same thoughts that had driven me to go all around the houses to ensure I would get to see Sawyer today. I couldn’t even say what had possessed me to get Nathan and Carl, the co-owners of the Flamingo Bar, involved in the elaborate scheme to keep Sawyer in the dark about who he was meeting this evening. The fact I’d cut out of work early after I’d got Nathan to talk to Carl, who was the chef at the restaurant Sawyer worked at, to find out Sawyer’s work schedule, showed how desperate I was. And did I like it? Not one fucking bit!
Give over! How happy were you when it all worked out?
As my head pointed out the obvious, I slouched in the truck seat and was so distracted that I nearly missed the turning for the road to Sawyer’s land. Hitting the brake hard, I stuck my hand out the window in apology at the blare of the horn behind me. Indicating to turn left, I drove onto the dirt road. I cursed anew at how my van shook over the rocky ground, rattling my bones.
Then I caught sight of Sawyer in the fading sunlight. His rainbow coloured hair haloed his head in brightness. He wore an old pair of ripped, baggy jeans and a thick woollen jumper the colour of heather. His expression after he’d slammed his mouth shut was hard to read as I stopped the van a few feet from him. Inhaling shakily, I got out of the van and worked on keeping my anxiety at bay.