“Yes honey, of course, I am coming,” I said as I stood up and went inside. I didn’t even want to look around. I didn’t want to see anything that reminded me of the kids. I went straight to the stove and started lunch. I could hear Emily practicing her saxophone upstairs and could also hear Max’s IPad playing music.
“Mom be careful!” Max yelled walking in to the kitchen. The macaroni was boiling over.
“Let me help you with the cheese!” he eagerly said grabbing the packet.
I rubbed his curly hair as he stirred the pot. I was so scared. I grabbed Max a bowl and Emily walked in the kitchen.
“Mom, I don’t feel very good,” she said holding her head.
It was at that moment I recalled that the night before Colton disappeared, he didn’t feel well. The night Jordan went home with Bill, she didn’t feel well either. Now Emily? NO!
I grabbed Emily in my arms and started squeezing her tight.
“Mom, stop, I am going to puke if you squeeze me any harder,” Emily whispered.
“Can I go up to bed?” she asked, looking at me as if she needed permission.
“Why don’t you go get in mommy’s bed and watch some TV. I will be up soon and will rub your back,” I said while rubbing her cheek with the back of my hand.
Max finished his macaroni and went to take a shower. I started cleaning up the kitchen, scared to death as to what was going to happen in the morning. Just as I shut the dishwasher door, Max walked in the kitchen.
“I am so sorry Mom, I threw up in the shower and there are noodles everywhere," he cried.
“Go get in bed with your sister. I am on my way up,” I said calmly.
When Max walked out of the room, I fell to the floor in tears. I didn’t bother with the cleaning or even turning off the lights. I went upstairs where Emily and Max were watching Spongebob. He was laying in her arms just like he always did. I climbed in the bed next to them and rubbed their heads until they were sleeping. I lay there in silence for hours just watching them, thinking if I saw them wake up in the morning, everything would be ok. It was 2:00 am when my eyes started closing on their own. I tried to cry silently to not wake up the kids. Then I fell asleep.
I woke up to an empty bed, an empty house, an empty life. I numbly walked down the stairs and went to the kitchen. I was so scared. I picked up the phone and called my mom’s number.
“Hello?” a soft elderly voice was on the other end, almost immediately comforting me.
“Mom? It’s me Bonnie,” I said with my voice shaking.
“Bonnie Boo..how is my baby girl?” she replied.
My mom moved to Arizona for her arthritis about ten years ago with my step dad. We talked every day and she always knew how to make me feel better.
“Mom? Can you tell me about the days the kids were born?” I asked her in the middle of tears.
“Oh yes, such wonderful days. I am so blessed that you invited me to the birth of my precious grandchildren. Such wonderful kids. All four of them," she said as I cried and cried on the phone.
“Just breathe Bonnie. Just breathe baby,” she whispered.
******************
“Just breathe Bonnie. Take a deep breath for me ok?" I could hear a man’s voice loudly near me.
“Big breaths Bonnie, come on big breaths,” he demanded.
“Are there any other survivors in the home?” another man asked.
“No, just her,” he replied.
“Her four children were all found upstairs, but it was too late,” I could hear their conversation but I couldn’t reply.
“Very good Bonnie, deep breaths,” he continued.
“We called the father of the children and he is on the way,” a woman’s voice softly said.
“The neighbor mentioned they have all been very sick with what they thought was the flu. Their carbon monoxide levels were through the roof. They were so high it should have killed them before now,” someone said.
“The oldest boy died first since his room was closest to the furnace, then went to each room thereafter,” the woman said.
“Does she have any next of kin we can contact?” I heard a man ask.
“No, she doesn’t,” I could hear Judy saying while choking on tears, “her mother in Arizona passed away last year,” she continued, barely understandable.
“I don’t understand, they were fine today. Bonnie was just at the store getting groceries this afternoon,” Judy cried.
“Keep breathing for me Bonnie,” I heard the young man say again.
“Her levels are as high as the children’s. If she survives, there will be extensive damage.”
I kept hearing a lot of different people talking and rushing around. I could hear sirens and screaming. I was trying to scream, as I was dying inside but I could barely breathe. My babies were gone.
**********************************************************
The sun was shining so brightly in my face that it hurt my eyes to fully open them. When I got one eye opened, I could see two cardinals outside in the tree. The snow was so bright and their red feathers stuck out beautifully.
“It’s time to eat Bonnie,” Judy said, wheeling me over in my wheelchair to the dinner table.
“It’s your favorite dinner Bon. It’s chicken enchiladas,” she smiled as she put a spoonful in my mouth.
“It’s almost spring again Bonnie. You know how you love to watch those beautiful cardinals out your window every year,” she sweetly said, while wiping my mouth.
“You did a wonderful job tonight Bonnie. I will be back to see you tomorrow at breakfast ok? I am going to wheel you over to your favorite window again so you can enjoy the sunset,” Judy said as she ran her hand through my hair.
She parked my wheelchair by the window and kissed me on the cheek. She walked past all of the dinner tables as I heard another woman say, “See you tomorrow Judy.” I turned my head to look back out the window. I saw Judy walking down the sidewalk past a sign that read Whispering Wind Nursing Home. I looked back at the cardinals. I could even see my children having a snowball fight. I could almost smell a hint of what would be spring in no time.
Just Breathe Page 3