CHAPTER XV.
THE OLD ADMIRAL AND HIS SERVANT.--THE COMMUNICATION FROM THE LANDLORD OFTHE NELSON'S ARMS.
While those matters of most grave and serious import were going on atthe Hall, while each day, and almost each hour in each day, wasproducing more and more conclusive evidence upon a matter which at firsthad seemed too monstrous to be at all credited, it may well be supposedwhat a wonderful sensation was produced among the gossip-mongers of theneighbourhood by the exaggerated reports that had reached them.
The servants, who had left the Hall on no other account, as theydeclared, but sheer fright at the awful visits of the vampyre, spreadthe news far and wide, so that in the adjoining villages andmarket-towns the vampyre of Bannerworth Hall became quite a staplearticle of conversation.
Such a positive godsend for the lovers of the marvellous had notappeared in the country side within the memory of that sapientindividual--the oldest inhabitant.
And, moreover, there was one thing which staggered some people of bettereducation and maturer judgments, and that was, that the more they tookpains to inquire into the matter, in order, if possible, to put an endto what they considered a gross lie from the commencement, the moreevidence they found to stagger their own senses upon the subject.
Everywhere then, in every house, public as well as private, somethingwas being continually said of the vampyre. Nursery maids began to thinka vampyre vastly superior to "old scratch and old bogie" as a means ofterrifying their infant charges into quietness, if not to sleep, untilthey themselves became too much afraid upon the subject to mention it.
But nowhere was gossiping carried on upon the subject with moresystematic fervour than at an inn called the Nelson's Arms, which was inthe high street of the nearest market town to the Hall.
There, it seemed as if the lovers of the horrible made a point ofholding their head quarters, and so thirsty did the numerous discussionsmake the guests, that the landlord was heard to declare that he, fromhis heart, really considered a vampyre as very nearly equal to acontested election.
It was towards evening of the same day that Marchdale and Henry madetheir visit to Sir Francis Varney, that a postchaise drew up to the innwe have mentioned. In the vehicle were two persons of exceedinglydissimilar appearance and general aspect.
One of these people was a man who seemed fast verging upon seventy yearsof age, although, from his still ruddy and embrowned complexion andstentorian voice, it was quite evident he intended yet to keep time atarm's-length for many years to come.
He was attired in ample and expensive clothing, but every article had anaval animus about it, if we may be allowed such an expression withregard to clothing. On his buttons was an anchor, and the generalassortment and colour of the clothing as nearly assimilated as possibleto the undress naval uniform of an officer of high rank some fifty orsixty years ago.
His companion was a younger man, and about his appearance there was nosecret at all. He was a genuine sailor, and he wore the shore costume ofone. He was hearty-looking, and well dressed, and evidently well fed.
As the chaise drove up to the door of the inn, this man made anobservation to the other to the following effect,--
"A-hoy!"
"Well, you lubber, what now?" cried the other.
"They call this the Nelson's Arms; and you know, shiver me, that for thebest half of his life he had but one."
"D--n you!" was the only rejoinder he got for this observation; but,with that, he seemed very well satisfied.
"Heave to!" he then shouted to the postilion, who was about to drive thechaise into the yard. "Heave to, you lubberly son of a gun! we don'twant to go into dock."
"Ah!" said the old man, "let's get out, Jack. This is the port; and, doyou hear, and be cursed to you, let's have no swearing, d--n you, norbad language, you lazy swab."
"Aye, aye," cried Jack; "I've not been ashore now a matter o' ten years,and not larnt a little shore-going politeness, admiral, I ain't beenyour _walley de sham_ without larning a little about land reckonings.Nobody would take me for a sailor now, I'm thinking, admiral."
"Hold your noise!"
"Aye, aye, sir."
Jack, as he was called, bundled out of the chaise when the door wasopened, with a movement so closely resembling what would have ensued hadhe been dragged out by the collar, that one was tempted almost tobelieve that such a feat must have been accomplished all at once by someinvisible agency.
He then assisted the old gentleman to alight, and the landlord of theinn commenced the usual profusion of bows with which a passenger by apostchaise is usually welcomed in preference to one by a stage coach.
"Be quiet, will you!" shouted the admiral, for such indeed he was. "Bequiet."
"Best accommodation, sir--good wine--well-aired beds--goodattendance--fine air--"
"Belay there," said Jack; and he gave the landlord what no doubt heconsidered a gentle admonition, but which consisted of such a dig in theribs, that he made as many evolutions as the clown in a pantomime whenhe vociferates hot codlings.
"Now, Jack, where's the sailing instructions?" said his master.
"Here, sir, in the locker," said Jack, as he took from his pocket aletter, which he handed to the admiral.
"Won't you step in, sir?" said the landlord, who had begun now torecover a little from the dig in the ribs.
"What's the use of coming into port and paying harbour dues, and allthat sort of thing, till we know if it's the right, you lubber, eh?"
"No; oh, dear me, sir, of course--God bless me, what can the oldgentleman mean?"
The admiral opened the letter, and read:--
"If you stop at the Nelson's Aims at Uxotter, you will hear of me, and I can be sent for, when I will tell you more.
"Yours, very obediently and humbly,
"JOSIAH CRINKLES."
"Who the deuce is he?"
"This is Uxotter, sir," said the landlord; "and here you are, sir, atthe Nelson's Arms. Good beds--good wine--good--"
"Silence!"
"Yes, sir--oh, of course"
"Who the devil is Josiah Crinkles?"
"Ha! ha! ha! ha! Makes me laugh, sir. Who the devil indeed! They do saythe devil and lawyers, sir, know something of each other--makes mesmile."
"I'll make you smile on the other side of that d----d great hatchway ofa mouth of yours in a minute. Who is Crinkles?"
"Oh, Mr. Crinkles, sir, everybody knows, most respectable attorney, sir,indeed, highly respectable man, sir."
"A lawyer?"
"Yes, sir, a lawyer."
"Well, I'm d----d!"
Jack gave a long whistle, and both master and man looked at each otheraghast.
"Now, hang me!" cried the admiral, "if ever I was so taken in in all mylife."
"Ay, ay, sir," said Jack.
"To come a hundred and seventy miles see a d----d swab of a rascallylawyer."
"Ay, ay, sir."
"I'll smash him--Jack!"
"Yer honour?"
"Get into the chaise again."
"Well, but where's Master Charles? Lawyers, in course, sir, is allblessed rogues; but, howsomdever, he may have for once in his life thishere one of 'em have told us of the right channel, and if so be as hehas, don't be the Yankee to leave him among the pirates. I'm ashamed onyou."
"You infernal scoundrel; how dare you preach to me in such a way, youlubberly rascal?"
"Cos you desarves it."
"Mutiny--mutiny--by Jove! Jack, I'll have you put in irons--you're ascoundrel, and no seaman."
"No seaman!--no seaman!"
"Not a bit of one."
"Very good. It's time, then, as I was off the purser's books. Good byeto you; I only hopes as you may get a better seaman to stick to you andbe your _walley de sham_ nor Jack Pringle, that's all the harm I wishyou. You didn't call me no seaman in the Bay of Corfu, when the bulletswere scuttling our nobs."
"Jack, you rascal, give us your fin. Come here, you d----d villain.You'll leave me, will you?"
"Not if I know it."
"Come in, then"
"Don't tell me I'm no seaman. Call me a wagabone if you like, but don'thurt my feelings. There I'm as tender as a baby, I am.--Don't do it."
"Confound you, who is doing it?"
"The devil."
"Who is?"
"Don't, then."
Thus wrangling, they entered the inn, to the great amusement of severalbystanders, who had collected to hear the altercation between them.
"Would you like a private room, sir?" said the landlord.
"What's that to you?" said Jack.
"Hold your noise, will you?" cried his master. "Yes, I should like aprivate room, and some grog."
"Strong as the devil!" put in Jack.
"Yes, sir-yes, sir. Good wines--good beds--good--"
"You said all that before, you know," remarked Jack, as he bestowed uponthe landlord another terrific dig in the ribs.
"Hilloa!" cried the admiral, "you can send for that infernal lawyer,Mister Landlord."
"Mr. Crinkles, sir?"
"Yes, yes."
"Who may I have the honour to say, sir, wants to see him?"
"Admiral Bell."
"Certainly, admiral, certainly. You'll find him a very conversible,nice, gentlemanly little man, sir."
"And tell him as Jack Pringle is here, too," cried the seaman.
"Oh, yes, yes--of course," said the landlord, who was in such a state ofconfusion from the digs in the ribs he had received and the noise hisguests had already made in his house, that, had he been suddenly putupon his oath, he would scarcely have liked to say which was the masterand which was the man.
"The idea now, Jack," said the admiral, "of coming all this way to see alawyer."
"Ay, ay, sir."
"If he'd said he was a lawyer, we would have known what to do. But it'sa take in, Jack."
"So I think. Howsomdever, we'll serve him out when we catch him, youknow."
"Good--so we will."
"And, then, again, he may know something about Master Charles, sir, youknow. Lord love him, don't you remember when he came aboard to see youonce at Portsmouth?"
"Ah! I do, indeed."
"And how he said he hated the French, and quite a baby, too. Whatperseverance and sense. 'Uncle,' says he to you, 'when I'm a big man,I'll go in a ship, and fight all the French in a heap,' says he. 'Andbeat 'em, my boy, too,' says you; cos you thought he'd forgot that; andthen he says, 'what's the use of saying that, stupid?--don't we alwaysbeat 'em?'"
The admiral laughed and rubbed his hands, as he cried aloud,--
"I remember, Jack--I remember him. I was stupid to make such a remark."
"I know you was--a d----d old fool I thought you."
"Come, come. Hilloa, there!"
"Well, then, what do you call me no seaman for?"
"Why, Jack, you bear malice like a marine."
"There you go again. Goodbye. Do you remember when we were yard arm toyard arm with those two Yankee frigates, and took 'em both! You didn'tcall me a marine then, when the scuppers were running with blood. Was Ia seaman then?"
"You were, Jack--you were; and you saved my life."
"I didn't."
"You did."
"I say I didn't--it was a marlin-spike."
"But I say you did, you rascally scoundrel.--I say you did, and I won'tbe contradicted in my own ship."
"Call this your ship?"
"No, d--n it--I--"
"Mr. Crinkles," said the landlord, flinging the door wide open, and soat once putting an end to the discussion which always apparently had atendency to wax exceedingly warm.
"The shark, by G--d!" said Jack.
A little, neatly dressed man made his appearance, and advanced rathertimidly into the room. Perhaps he had heard from the landlord that theparties who had sent for him were of rather a violent sort.
"So you are Crinkles, are you?" cried the admiral. "Sit down, though youare a lawyer."
"Thank you, sir. I am an attorney, certainly, and my name as certainlyis Crinkles."
"Look at that."
The admiral placed the letter in the little lawyer's hands, who said,--
"Am I to read it?"
"Yes, to be sure."
"Aloud?"
"Read it to the devil, if you like, in a pig's whisper, or a West Indiahurricane."
"Oh, very good, sir. I--I am willing to be agreeable, so I'll read italoud, if it's all the same to you."
He then opened the letter, and read as follows:--
"To Admiral Bell.
"Admiral,--Being, from various circumstances, aware that you take a warm and a praiseworthy interest in your nephew, Charles Holland, I venture to write to you concerning a matter in which your immediate and active co-operation with others may rescue him from a condition which will prove, if allowed to continue, very much to his detriment, and ultimate unhappiness.
"You are, then, hereby informed, that he, Charles Holland, has, much earlier than he ought to have done, returned to England, and that the object of his return is to contract a marriage into a family in every way objectionable, and with a girl who is highly objectionable.
"You, admiral, are his nearest and almost his only relative in the world; you are the guardian of his property, and, therefore, it becomes a duty on your part to interfere to save him from the ruinous consequences of a marriage, which is sure to bring ruin and distress upon himself and all who take an interest in his welfare.
"The family he wishes to marry into is named Bannerworth, and the young lady's name is Flora Bannerworth. When, however, I inform you that a vampyre is in that family, and that if he marries into it, he marries a vampyre, and will have vampyres for children, I trust I have said enough to warn you upon the subject, and to induce you to lose no time in repairing to the spot.
"If you stop at the Nelson's Arms at Uxotter, you will hear of me. I can be sent for, when I will tell you more.
"Yours, very obediently and humbly,
"JOSIAH CRINKLES."
"P.S. I enclose you Dr. Johnson's definition of a vampyre, which is as follows:
"VAMPYRE (a German blood-sucker)--by which you perceive how many vampyres, from time immemorial, must have been well entertained at the expense of John Bull, at the court of St. James, where no thing hardly is to be met with but German blood-suckers."
* * * * *
The lawyer ceased to read, and the amazed look with which he glanced atthe face of Admiral Bell would, under any other circumstances, have muchamused him. His mind, however, was by far too much engrossed with aconsideration of the danger of Charles Holland, his nephew, to be amusedat anything; so, when he found that the little lawyer said nothing, hebellowed out,--
"Well, sir?"
"We--we--well," said the attorney.
"I've sent for you, and here you are, and here I am, and here's JackPringle. What have you got to say?"
"Just this much," said Mr. Crinkles, recovering himself a little, "justthis much, sir, that I never saw that letter before in all my life."
"You--never--saw--it?"
"Never."
"Didn't you write it?"
"On my solemn word of honour, sir, I did not."
Jack Pringle whistled, and the admiral looked puzzled. Like the admiralin the song, too, he "grew paler," and then Mr. Crinkles added,--
"Who has forged my name to a letter such as this, I cannot imagine. Asfor writing to you, sir, I never heard of your existence, exceptpublicly, as one of those gallant officers who have spent a long life innobly fighting their country's battles, and who are entitled to theadmiration and the applause of every Englishman."
Jack and the admiral looked at each other in amazement, and then thelatter exclaimed,--
"What! This from a lawyer?"
"A lawyer, sir," said Crinkles, "may know how t
o appreciate the deeds ofgallant men, although he may not be able to imitate them. That letter,sir, is a forgery, and I now leave you, only much gratified at theincident which has procured me the honour of an interview with agentleman, whose name will live in the history of his country. Good day,sir! Good day!"
"No! I'm d----d if you go like that," said Jack, as he sprang to thedoor, and put his back against it. "You shall take a glass with me inhonour of the wooden walls of Old England, d----e, if you was twentylawyers."
"That's right, Jack," said the admiral. "Come, Mr. Crinkles, I'll think,for your sake, there may be two decent lawyers in the world, and you oneof them. We must have a bottle of the best wine the ship--I mean thehouse--can afford together."
"If it is your command, admiral, I obey with pleasure," said theattorney; "and although I assure you, on my honour, I did not write thatletter, yet some of the matters mentioned in it are so generallynotorious here, that I can afford you information concerning them."
"Can you?"
"I regret to say I can, for I respect the parties."
"Sit down, then--sit down. Jack, run to the steward's room and get thewine. We will go into it now starboard and larboard. Who the deuce couldhave written that letter?"
"I have not the least idea, sir."
"Well--well, never mind; it has brought me here, that's something, so Iwon't grumble much at it. I didn't know my nephew was in England, and Idare say he didn't know I was; but here we both are, and I won't resttill I've seen him, and ascertained how the what's-its-name--"
"The vampyre."
"Ah! the vampyre."
"Shiver my timbers!" said Jack Pringle, who now brought in some winemuch against the remonstrances of the waiters of the establishment, whoconsidered that he was treading upon their vested interests by sodoing.--"Shiver my timbers, if I knows what a _wamphigher_ is, unlesshe's some distant relation to Davy Jones!"
"Hold your ignorant tongue," said the admiral; "nobody wants you to makea remark, you great lubber!"
"Very good," said Jack, and he sat down the wine on the table, and thenretired to the other end of the room, remarking to himself that he wasnot called a great lubber on a certain occasion, when bullets werescuttling their nobs, and they were yard arm and yard arm with God knowswho.
"Now, mister lawyer," said Admiral Bell, who had about him a large shareof the habits of a rough sailor. "Now, mister lawyer, here is a glassfirst to our better acquaintance, for d----e, if I don't like you!"
"You are very good, sir."
"Not at all. There was a time, when I'd just as soon have thought ofasking a young shark to supper with me in my own cabin as a lawyer, butI begin to see that there may be such a thing as a decent, good sort ofa fellow seen in the law; so here's good luck to you, and you shallnever want a friend or a bottle while Admiral Bell has a shot in thelocker."
"Gammon," said Jack.
"D--n you, what do you mean by that?" roared the admiral, in a furioustone.
"I wasn't speaking to you," shouted Jack, about two octaves higher."It's two boys in the street as is pretending they're a going to fight,and I know d----d well they won't."
"Hold your noise."
"I'm going. I wasn't told to hold my noise, when our nobs were beingscuttled off Beyrout."
"Never mind him, mister lawyer," added the admiral. "He don't know whathe's talking about. Never mind him. You go on and tell me all you knowabout the--the--"
"The vampyre!"
"Ah! I always forget the names of strange fish. I suppose, after all,it's something of the mermaid order?"
"That I cannot say, sir; but certainly the story, in all its painfulparticulars, has made a great sensation all over the country."
"Indeed!"
"Yes, sir. You shall hear how it occurred. It appears that one nightMiss Flora Bannersworth, a young lady of great beauty, and respected andadmired by all who knew her was visited by a strange being who came inat the window."
"My eye," said Jack, "it waren't me, I wish it had a been."
"So petrified by fear was she, that she had only time to creep half outof the bed, and to utter one cry of alarm, when the strange visitorseized her in his grasp."
"D--n my pig tail," said Jack, "what a squall there must have been, tobe sure."
"Do you see this bottle?" roared the admiral.
"To be sure, I does; I think as it's time I seed another."
"You scoundrel, I'll make you feel it against that d----d stupid head ofyours, if you interrupt this gentleman again."
"Don't be violent."
"Well, as I was saying," continued the attorney, "she did, by great goodfortune, manage to scream, which had the effect of alarming the wholehouse. The door of her chamber, which was fast, was broken open."
"Yes, yes--"
"Ah," cried Jack.
"You may imagine the horror and the consternation of those who enteredthe room to find her in the grasp of a fiend-like figure, whose teethwere fastened on her neck, and who was actually draining her veins ofblood."
"The devil!"
"Before any one could lay hands sufficiently upon the figure to detainit, it had fled precipitately from its dreadful repast. Shots were firedafter it in vain."
"And they let it go?"
"They followed it, I understand, as well as they were able, and saw itscale the garden wall of the premises; there it escaped, leaving, as youmay well imagine, on all their minds, a sensation of horror difficult todescribe."
"Well, I never did hear anything the equal of that. Jack, what do youthink of it?"
"I haven't begun to think, yet," said Jack.
"But what about my nephew, Charles?" added the admiral.
"Of him I know nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Not a word, admiral. I was not aware you had a nephew, or that anygentleman bearing that, or any other relationship to you, had any sortof connexion with these mysterious and most unaccountable circumstances.I tell you all I have gathered from common report about this vampyrebusiness. Further I know not, I assure you."
"Well, a man can't tell what he don't know. It puzzles me to think whocould possibly have written me this letter."
"That I am completely at a loss to imagine," said Crinkles. "I assureyou, my gallant sir, that I am much hurt at the circumstance of any oneusing my name in such a way. But, nevertheless, as you are here, permitme to say, that it will be my pride, my pleasure, and the boast of theremainder of my existence, to be of some service to so gallant adefender of my country, and one whose name, along with the memory of hisdeeds, is engraved upon the heart of every Briton."
"Quite ekal to a book, he talks," said Jack. "I never could read onemyself, on account o' not knowing how, but I've heard 'em read, andthat's just the sort o' incomprehensible gammon."
"We don't want any of your ignorant remarks," said the admiral, "so yoube quiet."
"Ay, ay, sir."
"Now, Mister Lawyer, you are an honest fellow, and an honest fellow isgenerally a sensible fellow."
"Sir, I thank you."
"If so be as what this letter says is true, my nephew Charles has got aliking for this girl, who has had her neck bitten by a vampyre, yousee."
"I perceive, sir."
"Now what would you do?"
"One of the most difficult, as well, perhaps, as one of the mostungracious of tasks," said the attorney, "is to interfere with familyaffairs. The cold and steady eye of reason generally sees things in suchvery different lights to what they appear to those whose feelings andwhose affections are much compromised in their results."
"Very true. Go on."
"Taking, my dear sir, what in my humble judgment appears to be areasonable view of this subject, I should say it would be a dreadfulthing for your nephew to marry into a family any member of which wasliable to the visitations of a vampyre."
"It wouldn't be pleasant."
"The young lady might have children."
"Oh, lots," cried Jack.
"Hold your noise
, Jack."
"Ay, ay, sir."
"And she might herself actually, when after death she became a vampyre,come and feed on her own children."
"Become a vampyre! What, is she going to be a vampyre too?"
"My dear sir, don't you know that it is a remarkable fact, as regardsthe physiology of vampyres, that whoever is bitten by one of thosedreadful beings, becomes a vampyre?"
"The devil!"
"It is a fact, sir."
"Whew!" whistled Jack; "she might bite us all, and we should be a wholeship's crew o' _wamphighers_. There would be a confounded go!"
"It's not pleasant," said the admiral, as he rose from his chair, andpaced to and fro in the room, "it's not pleasant. Hang me up at my ownyard-arm if it is."
"Who said it was?" cried Jack.
"Who asked you, you brute?"
"Well, sir," added Mr. Crinkles, "I have given you all the information Ican; and I can only repeat what I before had the honour of saying moreat large, namely, that I am your humble servant to command, and that Ishall be happy to attend upon you at any time."
"Thank ye--thank ye, Mr.--a--a--"
"Crinkles."
"Ah, Crinkles. You shall hear from me again, sir, shortly. Now that I amdown here, I will see to the very bottom of this affair, were it deeperthan fathom ever sounded. Charles Holland was my poor sister's son; he'sthe only relative I have in the wide world, and his happiness is dearerto my heart than my own."
Crinkles turned aside, and, by the twinkle of his eyes, one mightpremise that the honest little lawyer was much affected.
"God bless you, sir," he said; "farewell."
"Good day to you."
"Good-bye, lawyer," cried Jack. "Mind how you go. D--n me, if you don'tseem a decent sort of fellow, and, after all, you may give the devil aclear berth, and get into heaven's straits with a flowing sheet,provided as you don't, towards the end of the voyage, make any lubberlyblunders."
The old admiral threw himself into a chair with a deep sigh.
"Jack," said he.
"Aye, aye, sir."
"What's to be done now?"
Jack opened the window to discharge the superfluous moisture from anenormous quid he had indulged himself with while the lawyer was tellingabout the vampyre, and then again turning his face towards his master,he said,--
"Do! What shall we do? Why, go at once and find out Charles, our _nevy_,and ask him all about it, and see the young lady, too, and lay hold o'the _wamphigher_ if we can, as well, and go at the whole affairbroadside to broadside, till we make a prize of all the particulars,after which we can turn it over in our minds agin, and see what's to bedone."
"Jack, you are right. Come along."
"I knows I am. Do you know now which way to steer?"
"Of course not. I never was in this latitude before, and the channellooks intricate. We will hail a pilot, Jack, and then we shall be allright, and if we strike it will be his fault."
"Which is a mighty great consolation," said Jack. "Come along."
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