The scent hit me, making my mouth water. My stomach rumbled.
“Is it strong coffee?” I asked.
“Of course, madam.” Zack smiled as he poured it for me and passed it over. I grabbed it, enjoying the warmth that seeped through the mug.
“Thank you.” I took a sip, enjoying the flavor as it warmed me to my core. I felt more awake in moments.
“Anything else, madam.”
“No, this is all. Thank you.”
He did a short bow. “Of course. When your phone arrives, I will bring it. I can also help you set it up if you wish.” He gave me a friendly, knowing smile.
I chuckled, handing him a tip. After another small bow, he quietly left, the door clicking shut behind him.
He is a good human servant. We should take him back with us.
I sent my magic out like a whip, hitting Berry’s leg. He whined and jumped away. “Never, ever say something like that again,” I said, bitter rage rising. “Never about that.”
Berry’s head tilted down in apology, his butt low to the ground. I apologize. I like how he takes care of you. That is all.
“We can’t lie. That means you were serious.”
I said should, but did not mean I would. I like anyone who takes care of you.
I ignored him as I made a small plate. The food was normally enjoyable, but it tasted dull as I ate. Too many problems weighed down on me.
“We have to avoid them,” I whispered, poking at my eggs. “I can’t see them again.”
They most likely are thinking the opposite. They found us pretty quickly.
My chest warmed at the thought. They did find us quickly. I had a feeling they were there because I was and not because of chance. Ten years had passed, yet they were still searching for me. They hadn’t given up yet.
I smiled at that thought. Then grinned. Then it all was swept away by the reminder that we could never be. Not anymore.
They should have moved on. Found someone to love, someone to start a family with. While that idea destroyed me, it wouldn’t be fair or nice of me to wish for anything else. I only ever wanted their happiness.
I briefly wondered what they were up to.
How far did Foster make it in the army? That was one thing he had always been stubborn about. As soon as we graduated, he entered training. As he served, he did well. His aspirations to go further grew more and more after each deployment.
What about Jason? That man always had a head on him. He was always about numbers, about making things better. What was he up to now? Was he able to start his own company like he always wanted?
Or Waylon? What had he been up to? Waylon had a way of taking things apart, picking at it, finding all of its flaws, and then building it back up, making it better. Did he pass the bar exam to be a lawyer?
Did they succeed in life? Did they have loved ones? A family? Anything at all? Or were they like me, stuck in time, unable to move forward. They were my limbs, and when I was taken, it had felt like they had been amputated.
You are thinking about them again.
“It’s impossible not to.”
Remember what is at risk. What do you think will happen to them if you do not remain focused?
That was the bucket of cold water that I needed dumped on me. If the walls between the realms fell, dangerous fae would be able to cross. Faerie and magic wouldn’t be the only danger.
“Okay. Okay. The tear. Let’s think about that then. I can think about that.”
Good.
I bit my lip before saying, “It attracts the fae. It’s a dangerous addiction.”
The tree said that it was the most recent. That a weakness appears every few days.
“Tree? Berry, don’t call Alder a tree.”
If he calls me a puppy, then I will call him a tree.
“Your insults don’t work if they can’t hear you.” Shaking my head, I tried to get back on track. “Okay, so they keep appearing. Maybe he’s experimenting, trying to find the right way to do something. If he’s able to create tears now, that means he’s getting close.”
Closer than we have time for. Enough tears and the entire foundation will collapse.
I imagined a crack in a glass. A mirror in Faerie had gotten cracked. I didn’t bother to have it fixed right away. The crack got worse, spreading out like a web until finally it shattered, unable to support itself anymore.
Was that what Laikynn was trying to do? Create cracks all around the city until there was enough for the barrier to crumble.
That would work.
Berry jumped to his feet and growled at the door, all the hair on his neck standing up.
“What is it?” I got to my feet, pulling on my reserve of magic, ready to defend.
They are here.
“No,” I whispered, paling as I went lightheaded.
“Joslyn, open the door.” Jason’s voice was hard. It was muffled, but I’d recognize his voice anywhere.
It was deep and clear. Jason always had more confidence in him than anyone I knew. That confidence always originated from his voice. It did so now.
“We aren’t leaving,” he said. “We need to talk. Now.”
Foster’s voice broke through. It was rougher than I remembered, sounding exhausted, like the years had beaten him down. “You will want to talk to us. Trust me. This isn’t the kind of conversation you want to have through the door.”
They know.
“How?” I whispered.
I do not know, but they know. We should let them in.
Someone banged hard on the door, making me jump. My heart pounded.
“Josie. Let us in.” Waylon.
All three of them were there, and I had no choice but to face them. They weren’t giving me a choice, and I knew them enough to know they weren’t going to let me ignore them.
I sighed, gathering all the strength I had in me to face them. My heart pounded, threatening to break through my ribs as I got closer to the door. Fear coursed through me, my body trembling as I reached for the locks.
I wasn’t ready for them. I’d never be ready for them.
Chapter Nine
Everyone’s first response when I opened the door was to stare at each other. They scanned me as intently as I did them. Ten human years ago, they had been boyish. They were handsome then, but seeing them now stole all the air from my lungs. They were breathtaking. Age did them well. They were harder now, in a way that could make a person feel safe being near them.
They had filled out. Foster was the biggest, muscles straining against his clothes. Jason was fit, but his suit told me his profession had nothing to do with physical strength. Waylon was lean, years of running morphing his body into someone who could not only outrun me, but held a hidden strength not meant to be overlooked.
All three of them looked good. Healthy.
But tired.
Lines of exhaustion deepened the wrinkles in their faces. Darkness mottled the skin underneath their eyes, making them look duller.
I had a feeling I looked similar. Or would have if I were human. I definitely felt as tired as they did.
“Let us in,” Jason said.
I mutely stepped back, unable to find a response. My lips had decided to remain pressed together as I tried to work past the disbelief and fear that swirled inside me.
Never did I ever think I’d see them again, and yet there they were, standing before me. So many emotions crashed into me, and it took all my effort to work through them. Still, I couldn’t begin to explain how I felt.
It was an odd combination of mortification and elation. Of guilt and desire. My love for them had been dulled through the decades, but it was like it was only in hibernation, and now that they were in front of me, it all woke up and slammed into me as a strong force that threatened to scatter me into a million directions.
The silence stretched as we moved into the living room. Their gazes flickered as they took in the room, but there was nothing readable from them and they were stranger
s now. I couldn’t easily understand them as I did all those years ago.
There were nuances to them that were different, and it hammered in the fact that we couldn’t go back to how things used to be—even if I weren’t in the position that I was in.
“Josie,” Foster whispered.
He came closer, reaching for me. I jumped back, out of reach. His expression fell; any hint of joy in his face disappeared. My heart ached as he fought to hide his pain. There was nothing more I wanted than to feel their touch, but if they did, I’d break.
Jason snorted. “What, too good for us now?”
“That...”
Careful, Berry warned.
I sighed. “What are you doing here?”
Jason flinched, his jaw tightening as his anger rose.
“I think we should ask you that. What are you doing here? Why? What do you want?”
I blinked as his fury slammed into me.
“I...” My shoulders slumped. I didn’t know where to start, what to say. What to tell them. I didn’t prepare for seeing them. I had refused to even think it was a possibility that I’d see them.
“You what?” Jason asked in a dark voice.
“Okay, enough.” Foster stepped between us, creating a barrier of safety. The moment he did that, I felt like I could breathe again. “Jason, we talked about this.”
Jason cursed and glared out the window.
“Josie...” Foster began before stopping himself. He looked like he wanted to reach out for me, but after his first attempt, knew better not to.
“Are you guys hungry?” I blurted out, needing to break some of the tension. “I ordered too much food.”
I motioned at the cart.
Waylon still hadn’t said anything, but he did get up and pour himself some coffee. He grabbed some slices of bacon before sitting down. His eyes stayed on mine, challenging me to something. I wasn’t sure what that was though.
Tell me when and I will bite all of them.
I reached for Berry, drawing comfort from him. It helped. Not a lot, but it helped.
“What is he?” Foster asked, eyeing the dog.
“He’s mine.”
“That’s not an answer.” Foster was pushing for something.
I tilted my head as I tried to figure out what he was trying to find. “What does he look like to you?”
“A fucked-up dog,” Jason muttered. Berry growled a warning.
Foster sighed. “Since this isn’t going to go anywhere unless we dive into it, I’m going to lay it out there. It’s been ten years, we deserve answers.”
They do not deserve anything.
I tightened my grip in Berry’s fur as a reprimand. He got the message and huffed his irritation.
If Foster noticed anything between Berry and me, he didn’t say anything.
“Tell me, what is he?” Foster nodded toward my familiar.
I kept my mouth shut.
“Say it. Say he’s your dog.”
I grunted, my mouth refusing to even attempt to say the words. It’d be a flat out lie.
“Say it’s a wolf then.”
Berry got to his feet and growled, showing off his canines. His eyes glowed, reflecting his anger.
I will eat him.
My shoulders slumped. “You can’t eat him,” I said out loud.
Foster’s eyes widened a fraction as Berry huffed, nose curling in disgust.
I bet he does not taste good anyway. Too much lean meat.
My mouth curled up as I bit back a laugh.
“Josie?” Foster asked cautiously, eyeing Berry, recognizing the threat he had antagonized.
“Meet Berriar.” I rolled the r’s out in a fae accent. Shaking my head, I smiled. “He’s mine. He keeps me safe.” At least that was the truth.
Foster eyed Berry. “That’s good,” he whispered. His gaze mine again, the challenge hardening his face. “Is your name Joslyn Naevana?”
“Yes.”
His eyebrows rose. “Are you still Joslyn Evans?”
I hesitated, went to form the word ‘no’ and realized it didn’t work. I couldn’t say no. Elation flooded through me as I grinned and said, “Yes.” It was the truth. Unbelievably the truth. I didn’t believe I was anymore, even as I replied, but it was still the truth.
I was still Joslyn Evans.
That meant the world to me. More than anything. I wanted to jump around screaming, voicing my excitement at that fact.
I was still me. Despite it all, I was still Joslyn Evans.
“How?” Jason interjected, cutting through my revelation. “How is this even...?” He shook his head.
“Jason,” Waylon warned, finally speaking. “Behave yourself.” His voice was exactly how I remembered it. Smooth as honey, rich as chocolate, dark as sin.
Jason’s mouth clicked shut, and he clenched his hands.
Foster leaned forward, inching closer to me. He was so close, and I desperately wanted to reach out and touch him. But I couldn’t do that. Not if I wanted to keep my sanity. I’d die for them. I’d remain here and die for them. I knew that as well as I knew any other truth about myself.
“You know,” I finally said.
Foster didn’t move for the longest time before finally nodding. I grimaced and glanced at the other two with an unspoken question. Foster picked up on it and answered. “They don’t know like how I know. But they do now. I explained after last night.”
“How are you aware?”
His smile was feral. “The military. Take enough dangerous missions and you start to notice shit.”
I clenched my teeth and glared at the coffee table, unable to look at them. My throat tightened, and I tried to swallow past the screaming fear that was building. They knew I wasn’t human.
That scared the shit out of me. Any shred of hope I had at explaining away what had happened last night fluttered away, not that I had an explanation ready to use anyway.
“You’re one of them,” Foster said.
I flinched.
“You’re fae.”
“Yes.”
The silence in the room pounded against me. No one moved. No one so much as twitched. I ducked my head, letting my hair fall over my face, wishing it were a blanket I could wrap around myself to hide.
“Josie,” Foster said in a heartbroken voice. “Look at me.”
“No.”
“Josie.”
Whether he cared about my reaction or not, he still reached out for me. Still touched me. One hand moved my hair out of my face, the other grabbed my chin and steadied me as he forced me to face him.
His touch was electrifying. It burned. His warmth dug into my skin and scorched my soul.
“Don’t,” I warned, trying to move away from him. I couldn’t handle it. I was cracking.
“Josie.” Foster tried again. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into him. His body was hard, firm. Steady. Foster had always been a steady rock. Decades. Decades of missing his touch, missing all of their touches, and suddenly it was there again. Still the same. His scent, his gentleness. None of it changed. His presence seeped into me, tore me open.
Fear slammed into me. “No!” I shoved him away, hard. Magic followed, forcing him away, using its strength to make up for what my body lacked. It did what I wanted. It forced Foster away from me. “Do not touch me.” I bared my teeth at him.
“Shit.” Jason was on his feet, moving to the other side of the room, closer to the door, his eyes round with fear. Waylon didn’t move, his stillness eating at me.
Foster. He was the opposite. He refused my request.
“No.” He gritted his teeth and grabbed me. Before I could fight back, he had me locked against his body, his arms steel bands around me. “No, Joslyn. I don’t care. I don’t care about any of that shit. I’m not letting you go. Not again.”
“Let me go,” I whispered, my voice cracking. My body wanted to melt into him, to take what he had to offer.
Berry growled, and I could practi
cally feel him readying himself to pounce.
“Don’t, Berry,” I whispered. It was low enough for only Foster and Berry to hear. “Don’t.”
He needs to release you right now.
“Don’t,” I whispered. I reached up and gripped Foster’s shirt. “Don’t hurt him.” I turned my head pressing into him. “Never them.”
Berry didn’t reply.
Foster’s grip around me tightened as he buried his face into my neck, his hot breath trailing along my skin, making it pebble in awareness. I had always been sensitive to the guys’ touches. That hadn’t changed at all.
Foster pulled away, a little redness in his eyes as he fought his emotions. He cleared his throat and asked, “What’s going on, Josie? What happened to you?”
I stepped back, my heart feeling heavy as I sat down in the closest seat. I didn’t glance at Jason, who hadn’t moved. If the fear were still in his expression, it’d destroy me. I didn’t look at Waylon either, since I couldn’t read what he was feeling or thinking. That left all my attention for Foster, and it seemed he understood—to a degree—what was going on with me.
“Um, I don’t know how to start.”
Foster smiled, briefly looked at Waylon. Some kind of joke passed between them. I knew that much. Foster chuckled, but it wasn’t with humor. “The facts. Start with the facts. What happened ten years ago?”
I played with my fingers, hardening myself to tell them what I could without telling them too much. “I was taken.”
“By the fae, right? To, uh, Faerie?” Foster said.
I took in a sharp breath. How much did he know? I hated not knowing.
“Yes.”
“How long?”
“How long what?” I asked.
“How long have you been in Faerie? In Faerie time.”
I narrowed my eyes. He knew far too much for a human. Either he saw way too much while serving or he had a connection.
“I know time runs differently, so how long?”
I clenched my teeth.
“Joslyn.” Ice slipped into Foster’s voice. Berry hated the tone and growled, stepping closer. He only stopped when I shook my head at him.
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