“That’s a really good quality to have. Is he planning on going into teaching?”
“Maybe get some work in the field under his belt first, but I think he’ll end up pretty much as you did.”
“It’s a pretty good plan, I think.” Nick nodded. “I didn’t exactly plan this, though.”
“I’m glad you did come back, either way.”
Nick decided that it was time to change the subject. It was about to head down a depressing road if they continued to talk about that. “Is Ben ready for the world of publish or perish?”
“He’s already got a couple of big papers in his name. He helped a lot with some of mine. So much that I’ve given him a lot more credit than grad students normally get.”
“That’s great. Too bad he’s about to graduate. Otherwise, I would be competing with you.”
William laughed at that. “I would fight tooth and nail!”
Caroline passed over some of her homemade bread. “Have some.”
“Are you going to call me too skinny next?”
“Will it get you to taste it?”
“I would taste it without that. It was always delicious.” Nick took the treat and savored the taste of it. It was indeed delicious, and reminded him of easier days as an undergrad. The act that showed his professor truly cared. It was a little thing, but had helped him out so much. And he knew that he wasn’t the only one who appreciated it. Dr. Caroline Ewing was known as the sweetheart of the chemistry department. A teacher that loved her students more than anything else, and would give just about anything to help them out. She often fed students that struggled to get enough to eat, and always kept snacks around in her office to help people out.
In fact, the woman had started the food pantry there on campus and a lot of the non-traditional students were very grateful for it. Nick thought about thanking her for all the work the woman had done, but decided that it would be way too preachy. Instead, he just smiled. “It’s fantastic.”
“I was going to take some over to the lounge in the physics department. I made too much for today,” Caroline said.
The mention of the physics department caused a pang of guilt in Nick’s chest. He had already run away from the sight of Rosalinda once, and that couldn’t last forever. He would have to get over her if they were going to have to work together. “That sounds like a great idea.”
“We should get going.” The other professors smiled as they made their way back into the building together. In spite of having celebrated their thirtieth anniversary earlier that year, they were still very much in love.
It was a story that Nick knew a lot of the students took note of, but he wondered how many had dreamed of it like he had. Had Rosalinda? There was no way to ask her. Not after having been out of contact for so long, and with him leaving her after the one night that they spent together to marry another woman.
It wasn’t like he couldn’t keep in touch with Rosalinda; he just had let the messages and calls get fewer and further between as they had both thrown themselves back into school. He regretted it now, and his mind wandered over the realm of what could have been had he not been so impossibly dumb.
He considered quitting this job and finding someplace else to be. But that would just be running away. He wasn’t going to do that. He just had to figure out how to handle it on his own.
7
Necessary Evil
Rosalinda paced in her office, looking down at the report in her hands as she did so. It was for the project she was helping the chemistry department with, and it was already a few hours late.
She had to go deliver it. She knew that already, and there was no reasonable way to get out of it. But it had to be delivered to the building next door, and there was a good chance that Nick was there. She had checked the class schedule. He would be on a break at that moment, which meant that she could run into him.
A soft groan escaped her lips as she remembered the taste of his lips on hers and the musky scent of his aftershave. Would he even recognize her? She knew that single motherhood had aged her a bit more than she should have aged, but it was something she couldn’t avoid. She didn’t want to avoid it.
It was time to buckle up and deliver the papers anyway. Nick would probably be there, but it didn’t matter. She had to do it. Her breath caught when she thought of him, once again spending a few minutes caught back in memories that she was trying desperately to fight.
Rosalinda shook her head and gathered up the stack of reports. It would have been easier to email them, but there was no telling if Professor Ewing would be able to get them unless she also went there and talked to someone after she left a copy in his inbox.
She was determined to make it work, and forced herself to take off before she got another chance to argue with herself. It was time to move on and get her life in order when it came to Nick. And that meant she had to keep her secret. Nick didn’t need to know about the little boy waiting for her to get off of work.
She headed to the chemistry building. The campus was pretty, and a few of the trees were starting to bloom. The sight was just enough to drive Nick out of her mind as she was staring at the beautiful scenery of the southern New Mexico desert.
“Hey!” One of her students caught her attention.
Rosalinda jumped. “What’s up?” It was time to try to play it cool.
“What’s going on?” the student asked, tilting her head.
“Uh, not much. Just running something over to the chem building.”
“It’s pretty busy in there today.”
“Something going on?”
“Uh, not really, just a lot of classes right now, I think.”
“It always looks busier just because the halls are so small and dark,” said Rosalinda.
“Definitely needs more windows,” the student agreed, smiling. “I hope you get it done, Professor Carlisle.”
“I plan on it,” she assured with a smile. “It won’t take me very long.” She glanced over her shoulder. She couldn’t lie to herself; she was hoping that she didn’t see Nick around her while she was distracted. “How are your classes going?”
“Glad to be out of the physics department.”
“We’re not that bad,” Rosalinda laughed in protest.
“It’s just not for me, I guess.” The student looked a little embarrassed.
“It’s not a huge deal. Not everyone has a brain for physics,” Rosalinda said, waving off the embarrassment. “I get it. I don’t have much of an English brain, and actually have to be really careful with my paperwork because of it. But you can learn this stuff.”
The girl breathed a sigh of relief. “That makes me feel a lot better.”
“Most of us remember what it’s like to be in college,” Rosalinda said with another smile. “But I should get moving. I’m supposed to be on a deadline.”
“I’ll get out of your way, then.” The student scurried off, and it was Rosalinda’s cue that she needed to get moving before she risked running into Nick.
She rushed into the door and up the stairs to the second level of the building. The building was cramped, and there was a lot of activity. Unlike most of the buildings on campus, this one didn’t have a lot of the study areas with comfortable tables and chairs where students could work. Most of those students went over the physics building, which had more space and a lot more natural light.
The darkness made this place always feel like a dungeon. And in a way, that was exciting. Like she was exploring a small hidden part of the world that no one else knew about it. Except that it was on a college campus, and it was a dark and dreary part of it. And she had to rush to make sure she didn’t run into Nick here, because this was the building where he worked.
The path to Professor Ewing’s office was clear, and she made it there without anyone seeing her. The door was already open, and the male professor looked up. “What can I help you with?”
“I wanted to bring by copies of those reports.”
“
You could have just emailed them,” he said.
“I did, but since it’s so close to the line I figured I would bring over the hard copies.”
“Thank you for that,” William offered with a grin. “How have you been doing?”
“I’ve been doing pretty good, actually.” Rosalinda smiled and nodded as she placed the pile of papers onto the desk.
“What about that little boy of yours?”
Her hackles raised. She didn’t want to talk about that here, but she couldn’t give that away. “He’s doing great,” she smiled.
“You sure you’re doing alright?” the man asked, looking across the desk at her. He was clearly at least a little concerned about her.
She knew that she had to play it cool. Things could get to a weird level really quickly if she let it go that far. “Yeah, why?” she asked.
“You just had a weird look on your face for a second. I had to check.” William Ewing offered a kind smile.
“It’s fine, really. Everything is going great. I got a little behind on the paperwork for my part of it, that’s all.”
“Home stuff?”
“School is starting up for both of us.” She forced a laugh.
“That’s got to be a rough part of the year. You did a great job.”
“You haven’t even looked at it yet,” Rosalinda said with a smile, feeling a little more safe.
“You always do great grant proposals. I’m sure it’s going to be just fine.”
“I barely got it done for you to get it turned in tomorrow,” she protested.
“I knew you would. You always manage it somehow. Even with how busy you are.”
Rosalinda laughed. “I try.”
“You do a lot more than try.”
“Yeah, things like that. It’s been a little crazy,” she admitted with a shrug. “Dominick’s officially in the second grade, and I’ve been having to deal with new semester craziness.”
“No one likes new semester craziness,” William agreed. “You could have delayed the report. It wouldn’t have killed anything.”
“Delaying grant proposal doesn’t end very well for anyone.”
“I’ve gotten them approved before.”
“Maybe I just wanted to actually visit somebody,” Rosalinda said with a smile. “I don’t know. I just felt really proud that I still managed to do it on time. And it’s good seeing you again.”
He nodded, then looked over her shoulder. “Nick,” he said, and waved the man in.
It was then that Nick stepped into the room. He looked oddly pale, considering he had just moved from Southern California. “I was just coming by to see if that TA was around,” Nick said.
“He’s not,” replied the older professor. “Got his own classes to work on.” William smiled. “Did you need some help with something?”
Nick didn’t seem to process the question right away. “Uh, Nah. I think I’m fine.” He fidgeted nervously.
Rosalinda didn’t say anything, just looked anxiously in his direction.
“Ok, thanks.” Nick finally met Rosalinda’s eyes. “I’ll get out of here,” he said. “I have stuff I have to do.”
William Ewing started to introduce Rosalinda, but Nick was out of there faster than the older professor can speak. He laughed instead. “That boy is always in a hurry somewhere.”
“Is he?” Rosalinda felt her blood drain out of her cheeks.
“Yeah. I don’t blame him. He’s looking to impress people.”
“He seems rather impressive.”
Her comment was met with a laugh. “A lot of young women seem to think that.”
“I guess I’m no different.” She tried to play it cool. The last thing she wanted was for someone to spot the history between them. “He seems nice.”
“He’s pretty nice, yeah.”
She nodded. “I should get back to my office now. I’ve got stuff that needs doing.”
“Anything interesting?”
“I don’t think so. Most of it’s pretty tedious.”
William nodded along. “Try to take it easy.”
“Only one more class before I’m heading home for the night, actually.”
“I wish I was. But I’m staying late tonight to meet with a student.”
She nodded again. “I’ll let you get to it, then.”
“That sounds great.”
She hustled out of the office, and down the hall to the stairs. Her head swiveled back and forth as she watched for Nick. The last thing she wanted was to run into him again. So, she rushed down the stairs and back over to her own office.
“Clear,” she said as she closed the door behind her. “Thank God.”
Rosalinda shook her head. There was a lot going on, and she was going to run into trouble if she kept working there. Nick had seen her. And that meant she was going to have to talk to him at some point.
“Doesn’t matter,” she said to herself. “You’re already late.” She grabbed her bag, and headed out of the building and down to the parking lot.
She ended up only being a few minutes late when she went to get her son, loading him into the back of the car. “Park?” she offered.
“Park!” The kid was jumping in the back.
“Which one?”
Dominick thought about it for a few moments. “The one at your school!”
She laughed. “Really?”
“Really! Let’s go! We can get dinner there, too!”
“That’ll be really nice.” She smiled, and navigated through the streets. “Alright. We’ll do that.”
“Yay!” The kid shouted in his booster seat. He was bouncing back there.
“You’re really excited about this.”
“I’m a kid, and we’re going to a playground.” He said it like it made all the sense in the world.
“You have to be full of sass?”
“Grandma says I got my sass from you,” Dominick pointed out to her.
“That’s probably the truth.”
“It is! I’m the best cuz you’re the best!”
She chuckled almost all the way to the small park in campus housing. It wasn’t a fancy place; just a jungle gym, a slide and couple swings on that rubbery gravel that they used to help kids who fell off of the furniture. Dominick rushed out of the car as soon as the door was opened. He had already unbuckled himself and gotten ready to rush for the equipment.
Rosalinda stood back and watched the boy play. A smile stuck on her face as she watched the boy’s blond hair bob up and down on the equipment as he headed for the slide.
He would hop around the playground for a while, so she headed over to her bench to watch her son play through the afternoon.
It was almost dark before she piled him into the car and they left.
8
Fear of the Unknown
Nick felt a weight on his chest as he rushed back to his office. He had seen her again. Walked right into a room that she had been in, and he didn’t even notice until he was right next to her. He couldn’t even speak directly to her, it had rattled him that badly.
He knew that he’d looked like a fool. He knew that she had noticed him. It was clear that she had recognized him, and he had gone right back to acting like a schoolboy with a crush. It was shameful.
He slammed his head onto his desk. “Damn it.”
“What’s wrong?” someone asked. Nick hadn’t heard anyone come up. That was probably because he hadn’t paid much attention; but the voice was male, at least. It wasn’t Rosalinda.
He slowly picked his head up from the desk. “Sorry.”
“You want to talk about it?” It was the TA, Ben. “Professor Ewing said that you were looking for me.”
“It was something silly,” replied Nick. “Not really important.”
“You sure about that?”
“I guess so.” Nick shrugged. “I was just trying to come up with some questions for the homework, and was wondering if you had some advice.”
“I usually just go wi
th the questions similar to the ones I like from the book,” said Ben. “I change the numbers, but keep the form the same. It helps prevent them from just pulling the answers out of the back of the book.”
“That makes sense,” agreed Nick. “I’m still getting the hang of this, thanks.” He cursed himself for not stopping to ask Professor Ewing instead, but he had been so flabbergasted by the appearance of the young woman that he had been in love with all those years ago.
“It’s not a problem. You sure you doing alright?”
“Yeah, just been a long day.” It was a lie, but that didn’t matter very much. He wasn’t going to just state what the truth was. Not now. Probably not ever.
“You definitely look like you’ve had a long day.”
“You have no idea.” Nick let out a wry laugh. “It has just been a hell of a day.”
The TA laughed. “They get better. Just at the start, it feels like the paperwork gets out of control.”
“And then having to be in what feels like a thousand places at once.” Nick nodded. He was happy for the excuse that was handed over to him; it was definitely something that he could work with.
“That’s pretty bad, yeah. I took a long time to get used to it.”
“How many years is it going to take?”
The question was met with a laugh. “Give it a couple of months, and you’ll be old hat it.”
“Thanks for all the advice.”
“It’s all cool. Anything else?”
“Not really.” Nick needed to let him go. He had a lot going on, and he didn’t want to think about stuff like that, or his job. He didn’t want to think about anything but the woman who had haunted him through an unhappy marriage. He wanted to leave and go driving along while he got his thoughts in order. “I’m just going to take off for the night.”
“Have fun. I’ve still got a few things to do before I leave.”
“That doesn’t sound fun at all,” Nick said, forcing a laugh as he got himself up from his desk and grabbed the small messenger bag he carried.
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