“What do I do until Bella finds me?” I called after him.
“Whatever you want.” He popped his head back in. “Just don’t run…or do. I’ll find your ass either way.”
After another grin aimed my way, one I wouldn’t dare call friendly, he disappeared again.
When Bella hadn’t arrived within twenty minutes of Luce being completely gone, I slipped out into the hall. Sun filtered in from all the windows, creating a cozy atmosphere.
Not immediately spotting anyone but a few acolytes that were still as statues, I wandered down the hallway. I saw Cam’s door was open just as I reached the stop of the stairs.
Backtracking, I walked towards his room.
He was inside making his bed, smoothing down the top portion of the comforter. I raised my hand to knock on the doorframe so he knew I was there, but he turned before I could.
“Hey,” he greeted, his tone friendly.
“I just got here.”
He smiled, making himself look pretty and boyish. “I know, come in.”
I wandered inside and looked around again, seeing him all over the place. He had such a jovial disposition, I wondered how many people knew how badly he was suffering. I knew someone like him once.
“Surprised you can walk,” he remarked flippantly.
It took me a moment to catch on to his meaning. He was joking, but his assessment wasn’t too far off.
I think my vagina was broken, but that didn’t stop the masochistic cunt from wanting more.
“What do you do all day?”
“Smooth change of subject,” he laughed. “Better get used to it. Sex and our kind of Satanism go hand in hand.”
“Devil worship?”
“The devil you’re thinking of doesn’t actually have anything to do with it. Our symbols and insignias represent the Savage faith and domination. He’s the person we choose to follow,” Cam explained. “Our king of depravity and bloodshed.”
“Luce?”
“Soon. Just like his daddy-o.”
I hadn’t once considered Luce’s parents were very much alive and well. Meaning, at some point I’d have to meet them.
“So, where do you fall in all this?” I asked, going to sit on his bed.
“I get all the perks by being his brother and best friend. His right hand.”
“And that’s good enough?” I eyed him.
“See,” he pointed, “I knew you had it.”
“Had what?”
He scooped some dirty clothes off the floor and tossed them in a basket before coming to join me on the bed.
“You’ll look out for him,” he stated confidently.
“I’d look out for you too.”
He stared at me with an obscure expression, a smile slowly spreading across his face. “You’re a good girl, Star. I’m glad we kidnapped you.”
“Thanks?” I laughed.
He grinned and shook his head.
“I have a lot of baggage to deal with right now, but even lost inside my own shit I would do anything for the Savages, especially Lucifuge.”
Unsure what else to do, I did what me and the girls always had. I reached beside me and took his hand.
“Don’t we all have baggage?”
“I dunno. You seem to have your shit together, considering where you came from and what they put you through. This person in front of me,” he gestured with his free hand, “isn’t a façade, though there’s some crazy in there somewhere.”
I skipped over his ‘crazy’ comment. “I am not close to having it together. I don’t know how to live in this world. I’m just going with the chaotic flow of life and winging it.”
He laughed softly. “Winging it just landed your ass on a throne, so you aren’t doing too bad.”
“I lost my girls in less than a month. Two are dead, possibly a third. I didn’t know Hayley well, but she could be gone too. I’m the only one left. We’ve been together since being imprisoned at the asylum…” I trailed off, tucking a strand of damp hair behind my ear.
“I want to grieve for them, but I don’t see the point. I stopped doing that so long ago I’m not sure how to do it anymore.”
He gave my hand a squeeze, remaining silent for a moment. “I think you’re where you need to be.”
I didn’t want to shoot myself in the foot and readily agree, but I readily agreed. “What about you?”
He expelled a breathy laugh.
“My brother is the reason I look like this.”
I glanced at his scars. How the hell did he do that?
“Dragged me behind a car,” Cam answered my obvious thought.
What the fuck? I knew Cam had siblings, that was common knowledge through the asylum, but I thought they were off doing the same thing Addy and Nyx were. “Your brother sounds like a shitty person.”
He chuckled and let go of my hand so that he could lie back, staring up at his ceiling.
“I’m only alive because I didn’t really want to die, but that doesn’t do shit for the pain. At first, every day was a struggle not to plant myself in an early grave.”
I clasped my hands on my lap and remained silent, listening.
This was what I wanted. Sometimes to get someone to open up you had to spill your hurt first. I’d listened to lots of the girls talk, the ones not born at A.R.C and who hadn’t been brainwashed. They all had a story to tell.
“I tried to end it all a few weeks after I could walk again, but I fucked up. The agony was worse than the first cut. So was the blood. I blacked out and came to regretting it. Feeling worse. If you can believe that.”
That confession made me inexplicably sad. Suicide had never crossed my mind, but I wasn’t a stranger to it. The idea of death could be an escape to some, a freedom from the life that they were tired of facing down.
That’s what made it so freeing for the people at A.R.C. They got tired of fighting for nothing.
“It’s okay to hurt, Cam, but don’t think you’re alone. It’s so obvious people care about you. I care about you and I’m just getting to know you. So there’s no way you’re not loved.”
“I know that now. At the time, all I felt was alone. I lost my brother and failed to keep my baby sister safe. Luce was the one who found me. He, Ice, and Bella made sure I lived. You’re the only other person who knows about this, by the way.”
“I would never tell anyone.”
“Oh, I know,” he chirped. “I’d kill you if you did.”
I didn’t think he was joking.
“Where’s your brother now?” I asked. There wasn’t much gossip on that front for me to take any guesses of my own.
“Butcher? He’s chained up in our torture room,” he replied nonchalantly.
“Oh,” I faltered. There wasn’t much else I could say to that. Now I knew who the Butcher was that they kept referring to. I decided to change the subject. “You know, your scars aren’t that bad.”
“Star? You don’t have to lace sugar with shit. I see them every day.”
I rolled my eyes and shifted on the bed. “You don’t see them the way I do. You’re a very pretty man. They only enhance what you’ve already got going on.”
He choked on a laugh and sat up. “Now I know you’re fucking around. Pretty? I’m at least undeniably gorgeous.”
“At least you know you’re something,” I muttered, shaking my head at him.
“They really don’t bother you?”
I scowled at him.
“No. In case you’ve missed the giant X’s all over my back, I have some of my own. These are part of who we are. If someone has an issue with something as vain as our skin, screw them. We didn’t ask to look this way.”
“You know…” he trailed off and glanced away. “Hearing you be all gung-ho and chipper makes me feel like a bitch.”
I bit down on my lower lip in an effort not to laugh, ultimately failing. Cam watched me with an inquisitive look on his face.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, it
’s good to see you smile.”
We sat there, him continuing to watch me. There was something in his eyes that had me catching the shift in him.
Before he could lose himself to a moment and do something that would result in Luce murdering us, I leaned in and wrapped both my arms around him. He hugged me back quicker than I thought he would, his embrace tight and solid.
“Thank you,” he said quietly.
I thought silence best suited as a response, so I kept quiet.
Bella popped her head into the room, pulling a face that said, ignore my presence. She gave me a thumbs up and tiptoed backward.
I’d go to her once Cam was done. I was starting to think maybe he just needed a damned hug.
My heart hurt for him. He was doing his best to pretend to be okay. I couldn’t fix him. His demons had to be befriended from within.
No one’s damage was the same. We all had to handle our pain in different ways. I knew this firsthand. Some struggled more than others to overcome their trauma, drowning them in a bottomless sea of bitter memories.
I was fortunate to have somehow held my head high above the waves. There were days I went under, but something always brought me back to the surface.
Maybe it was this. What if I really was always meant to wind up here?
I may not have been able to fix any of them by my willpower alone, but I’d be here as a life vest until they could stay afloat on their own.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
I stared at the spot she’d been sitting in long after she was gone.
What the fuck was I doing?
I would’ve put my mouth on her, and my dick in her if she hadn’t cock-blocked me with common sense. Luce and I were as close as two men could be, brothers in every sense of the word, but he wouldn’t give a shit about that if I fucked his girl.
It could be argued that they hardly knew one another, but I saw the way he looked at her. It was the same way Romero looked at Calista. How Grimm was with Arlen. Hell, my parents too. You couldn’t timestamp something that strong, and I felt sorry for anyone who tried to destroy it.
Plus, dicking Star down kind of defeated the whole brotherly code. Honestly, I saw her as more of a sister. An attractive one. It’s why I never went after Nyx once Butcher had her, even knowing I was the better man.
Thinking about it, I should’ve known then that he was a grimy piece of shit. He never wanted her; he just didn’t want me to have her.
Fuck it, though. Right? It worked out in the end. Maliki worshipped the ground Nyx walked on.
If everyone else around me had these epic ass connections, maybe I could too. Or maybe I would be alone.
I wasn’t worried about it right then. I did, however, need to fuck sooner rather than later. I hadn’t been with anyone in… I couldn’t even remember.
For the first time in a while, my head felt as clear as the sunlight pouring through my window. There was something therapeutic about talking shit out.
It made Bella and Ice’s relationship clearer. He was her go-to person. I often heard them talking late into the night. Star waltzed her tiny ass in here and made herself mine.
Leaving my bedroom, I went in search of Luce. It took asking an acolyte to be pointed in the right direction. I walked outside, unbothered by the heat or the sun.
I’d spent too much time running around outside as a kid to be fazed by the Badlands’ heatwaves.
I spotted Luce and headed towards him. He was watching the acolytes finally burn the bodies in our pit. I stood beside him, peering down at all the bodies.
Some had decomposed to the point you could see the maggots wriggling inside them as flies and gnats made a buffet of their rotting flesh and guts. Kevin was one of fresher corpses amongst them, face-down.
“When did he die?”
“He’s not dead. I just wanted to watch him burn alive.”
“Nice.”
“Are you supposed to be in the sunlight?” Ice joked, coming to join us.
He had on grease-monkey clothes, which meant he was playing with one of the Jeeps or his classic Chevy.
I flipped him off.
“I need to tell you something,” I said to Luce.
“I know.”
“Did you just profile me again?”
“It’s not something I do intentionally.” He shrugged.
I blamed his dad for this. Romero creeped everyone the fuck out by doing the same thing. You didn’t know if he was about to murder you slowly or offer to be of assistance. There wasn’t much in between, as far as he went. My dad managed to deal with it, though. I’m sure he had advice.
“Agito,” One of the acolytes instructed, motioning for us to move back.
The three of us moved a few steps away from the pit, watching as two more acolytes walked the perimeter and sprayed the bodies with turpentine. Wasting diesel on a dead man was a Badlands faux pas.
“I thought about fucking Star a few minutes ago.”
Ice glanced over at me, his facial expression clearly asking, What the fuck? Luce, on the other hand, didn’t so much as blink.
“You’ve thought about doing that a few times. What’s your point?”
“She was never on my bed with me when I considered it.”
I wasn’t going to openly admit I’d thought about fucking Star until I knew if this was one of his twisted means of getting me to talk myself into a trap.
I trusted Luce with my life. I wasn’t worried about anything like that. I didn’t want to piss him off or hurt him.
And it could have been the sun, but I think that time he reacted.
“Did you fuck my girl, Cam?” he asked dryly.
“No. I didn’t touch her. Much.”
“Your idea of ‘much’ is either a kiss on the cheek, holding hands, or hugging. If she wasn’t mine, your idea of ‘much’ would have been getting your dick sucked.”
He was spot-on. I was almost envious of how well he knew each of us. It worried me too, fucking frankly. For Lilith, Samael was nearly as perceptive.
“She made sure I understood her love is platonic.” I added the love part to mess with him, but I didn’t think it was too far off, if I were being real.
“Of course, it’s fuckin platonic. I’m not concerned whatsoever. I told you already, I know who she isn’t.”
“Seriously? You’re not at all bothered?”
The acolytes began dropping the fire starters, going from one end of the pit to the other to ensure everyone burned.
“No. I’ve considered fucking your mom a few times.”
“Yo, what?” Ice started to laugh.
“Bro.” I curled my lip in disgust.
Luce shrugged us off. “Blue’s hot. She’s got this whole innocent doe—”
“I get it. I don’t need details.”
The sick fucker grinned, laughing to himself. Kevin’s pained screams filled the air as the flames finally consumed him. Luce waited until the man resembled an easy-over egg that had popped its yolk before turning to me.
“Do you want her?” I detected a note of concern in his tone. He wouldn’t give her up, he’d already laid his claim. But if I told him yes, it would bother him every day thereafter.
Luce was made of grit and iron. There wasn’t any other choice for him. He was going to take the throne over from his father. He was something ripped straight out of nightmares, but when it came to his family, his heart bled red and was encased in gold.
I chose to be honest with him, like I always had been.
“Nah. Star is beautiful and has hella heart, but I wouldn’t want her for the right reasons. Besides, she’s all caught up in you. I want a girl not hung up on one of my brothers and that hasn’t already had his dick inside her. Trust me, being Star’s new bestie is more than good enough for me.”
“Bestie?” he reiterated.
“You can’t have everything,” I joked, adding in a serious tone. “I liked the idea of saving her, but that girl is fully capable of saving herself.”
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That was all I needed to say for him to know what I’d meant. Somehow the idea of healing Star had me thinking it’d make up for not finding Lilith. She looked so small and vulnerable at first. How was I supposed to know her balls were probably bigger than mine?
That was wrong of me, anyway.
Star was not my baby sister. The only way to make me feel better about Lilith was to find her. I had to know for myself that she was okay.
The three of us watched the fire burn in silence. We needed to sit down and have a real conversation.
Doing it by a pit of flaming corpses in the hot ass sun wasn’t where I wanted to get any deeper or more meaningful.
“You know what I do want?”
“What?” they asked at the same time.
“I think I need pussy.”
“About time. I was thinking you’d gone nomad,” Ice laughed.
“Those blue balls you’re about to have are going to be fierce,” Luce mused.
We joked around for the next fifteen minutes, still by the pit when the acolytes began putting the fire out and another approached with a box, the kind my mother would keep her jewelry in.
Luce immediately switched back to his ultra-serious mode and waited for the man to reach us.
“This was left at the end of the lane, my liege.”
We all looked from the thin black box to the bold red envelope addressed to Astraea.
CHAPTER TWENTY
It didn’t take me much time to figure things out.
I knew A.R.C was so invested in Star and her brother because of who their mother was. If my findings were correct, which they were, she had been a renegade her damn self. How their dad ended up at the place I imagined she would’ve warned him about was anyone’s guess.
The man handed his kids over on a fucking platter. He was supposedly dead because of it. I had to give it to him, he did an excellent job disposing of his secrets, but I did an even better one recovering them.
That’s how I knew the A.R.C wouldn’t give her up without at least trying to get me to give her back. I thought my messenger would’ve made it clear that wasn’t an option. Holding a jewelry box and an envelope addressed to Star, I guess not.
They weren’t the only interested faction. The Stags were in on this too, which I found mildly amusing considering their leader didn’t give a shit about anyone. Creed wouldn’t need the A.R.C to secure a bride, he’d force some unlucky bitch to be his and call it a day.
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