“But we…”
She put her finger over his lips. “I’m sorry, Matt. I want you, but I won’t do it. As much as I don’t want to hurt you I hope you understand why I’m doing this. Can we please just be friends?”
He blinked as his eyes filled and his throat worked. Abi wanted to take the words back but she’d thought hard about this before saying anything. Her heart broke watching him, but she couldn’t let this get any more complicated than it already was. “If we can’t be friends, I’ll open a shop in Seattle and visit Ryan when I can. I don’t want to cause you more pain than necessary by being here.”
If he said no, she’d stay in Seattle. That thought hurt him more than seeing her every day and not being able to have her. What a decision to make, but what choice did he have?
Chapter 19
Dinner that night was uncomfortable for everyone. As soon as the dishes were done, Matt left Mia and Ryan alone to talk and went for a walk on his own. He was standing on the sand throwing random shells in the water when a small dog ran up and sniffed his feet.
“You little rascal. Matt, I didn’t realize it was you.” Bradley huffed as he came closer. “Little beast insisted on a late night walk. He’ll be the death of me one of these days.”
“You enjoy letting him boss you around. Admit it.” He threw another shell and watched it disappear in the froth of the incoming waves. The sun was setting and only a faint line of pink shone over the horizon.
“True. At least he gets me out of the house.” He paused next to Matt. “What’re you looking so down in the dumps for?”
Matt shrugged.
“Don’t be like that, young man. Talk it out. Always helps.” Bradley shoved his hands in his pockets and waited quietly.
“Mia has the same condition as her uncle.”
“Figures. That’s gotta be tough. But treatments are available, right? I’m guessing there’s more to your mood than just the diagnosis.”
“She won’t have children because she doesn’t want to pass it on.”
“Ah.” Bradley dug his toes in the sand. “And because she thinks you do want to procreate, she has broken up with you. Do I have it right?”
Matt gave a bitter laugh. “If you could call it that, yes. Not that we were really a couple yet, but it was heading that way. At least I thought it was.”
“And that cheeses you off, correct?”
“Correct.”
“I understand her logic.” Bradley picked up the stick his dog dropped at his feet and threw it.
Matt jammed his hands in his pocket, frustrated. “So do I, but the genetic component is not a sure thing. There’s a fifty-fifty chance, from what I understand, that her children will get it or not. Nothing is guaranteed.”
The dog came back with the stick and dropped it again, whining until Bradley threw it.
“Losing a parent is traumatic, is it not?”
Memories of that fateful day jumped to the front of Matt’s mind. He’d pushed it so far away, he barely thought of it anymore. Trust Bradley to bring it up. “Yeah.”
“I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Just the chance of it happening is enough to make one balk at marriage and childbearing.”
Matt hated how the retired psychologist managed to score a direct point every time. “You hit below the belt, you know that?”
Bradley grinned. “It’s a knack I have. Took me years to perfect it.”
“So what do I do?” Matt took a turn at throwing the dog’s stick, and it raced down the sand to get it.
“Is she worth fighting for? As you say, you’re not really a couple yet. At least not where you think you should be.”
“She’s the only one I’ve ever met who I really want to try with.”
Bradley pursed his lips. “Well, in that case, I suppose you need to look at the alternatives. Do you really want children? If so, do they need to be of your blood? Could you use a donor egg or could you adopt or foster? IVF is simpler these days. Lots of things to consider, if you ask me. No one answer suits everyone.”
“You’re right. I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
“My pleasure. You know I only want what’s best for you kids.” He called the dog and snapped its lead on. “How’s April? Isn’t she about due?”
The thought of a new baby in the family gave him a moment of happiness. “Yes. We’re waiting for the word. Drew is still pushing for her to go to the mainland but she’s adamant that Liam deliver the baby on the island.”
“Ah the joy of overprotective fathers. It’ll do him good to sweat a bit. I hardly think April would put either herself or the baby in danger.” He patted Matt on the shoulder. “Think about it seriously before you go off half-cocked and promise something you won’t be able to stick with. None of the options should be taken lightly, and rushing into a decision you’re not a hundred percent focused on could cause more damage than you realize later on when your wants and needs change.”
“What do you mean?”
“You love her already, that’s obvious. What you should be doing is trying to convince Mia that it can work between you.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, Bradley.”
* * *
Mia heard the back door close and listened as Matt went to his room. He’d been out for ages.
She was hurting just as much as he was. She hated to hurt him and it was selfish of her to want him as a friend but she couldn’t help herself. She wanted Matt in her life, even if they couldn’t have everything. Surely a good friend was better than nothing? She punched her pillow and tried not to worry about what would happen if he said he didn’t want her on the island.
When she woke in the morning, her eyes stung and her head throbbed. It’d been the worst night tossing and worrying about her future. She crawled out of bed when she heard the coffee machine kick on and stumbled into the bathroom. A hot shower did little to wake her up or shake off the dread she felt about seeing Matt. But she couldn’t put it off any longer. Mia needed to know what he’d decided about her opening a shop on the island.
She walked down the stairs and into the aroma-filled kitchen, ready for her world to come crashing down.
“Hey. Morning.”
He was incredibly cheerful, which gave her hope. “Morning.”
“I have coffee ready. Waffles are coming. Do you want bacon with yours?”
She tried to focus on his eyes and read his mind but she was too foggy. “Sorry. I didn’t sleep well. Waffles? Sure. Anything.”
He peered at her, a grin on his face. “Did someone have bad dreams again?” He poured her a cup of coffee and put it down in front of her.
Mia wrapped her hands around the mug. “My brain wouldn’t stop. Look, about yesterday…”
Matt held up his hand to stop her practiced speech. “Think nothing of it. You’re right. You shouldn’t bring a child into the world with those odds. I happen to agree. I also lost a parent and know how that feels, so I’m the last person who should be telling you what to decide. Let’s not dwell on it. I want you to eat your breakfast and then you can show me the shop you’d like to open. I can grab the keys from my father and we can walk down and check it out a bit later. What do you say? Friends?”
Mia was lost for words. He seemed too eager to please her. Too content with the situation. It worried her more than him being angry or sad. “Sure.”
“Excellent. I’ve got a guest coming in early this morning, so once he arrives, I’ll grab the keys and we can go.”
“Morning, you two.” Ryan walked into the kitchen, his hair wet from the shower. “Slept like a baby again. There’s something about the sound of the sea at night. Soothes me to sleep.”
Mia smiled. “That’s good. I’m glad.”
“So, honey. Have you made a decision about your shop?”
Mia stared at Matt, who was busy crisping up the bacon for their breakfast. “Yes. I’m going to take Atticus’s offer and lease the shop on the back street if he approves of me doing some renov
ations. I’m not convinced about the television shows yet, although they’re very tempting. The offers are there, but I haven’t signed a contract. I’m still thinking about that. I don’t have to make a decision any time soon, though.”
Ryan threw his arms around her shoulders and hugged her. “I’m so happy to hear it. It’ll do you a world of good to get away from Seattle. Have a life for a change. You can stay with me when I find a place.”
Mia had the feeling that if she stayed with her uncle, she might be cramping his style. From what she’d seen, he was very taken with Gigi. The first time Mia had seen them together, the spark between them was apparent. “We’ll see. I think the shop has accommodations over it, although I’m not sure yet what it will take to fix it up. It’s under investigation.”
“I can’t wait to see it.” He rubbed his hands together. “It’ll be good to see you building something again.”
The more she thought about it, the more she agreed with him. “I’m looking forward to it. Matt’s going to go down and have a look at the building with me after breakfast, if you want to join us. That’s if you don’t already have plans for today?”
If she didn’t know better, she’d say her uncle’s cheeks turned pink. “Gigi is picking me up later. There are a few cottages I want to see and she’s offered to be my guide. It’s time I found myself a permanent home. Not that living here at the B&B has been a hardship; Matt has looked after me very well. But now that I’ve made the decision, I need to start making plans of my own.”
“So you’re really selling the condo? You don’t want to hold onto it for an investment?” Mia sat back as Matt put a plate in front of her. “Thanks, Matt.”
“Same for you, Ryan?” asked Matt.
Her uncle gave Matt the thumbs up. “I spoke to the realtor during the week. He has interested buyers on his books looking for an investment property like mine. It shouldn’t take long to sell in this market and to be honest, I have enough money set aside for my future. I want to be able to pay cash for a house on the island.”
“Wow, you really are going ahead full steam.”
Later that morning, Mia opened the door to the shop and walked inside with Matt close on her heels. She explained what she wanted to do and waited for him to reply.
He wandered around the shop. “I like it a lot. Honestly, if you set up a business here, I can guarantee you’ll be run off your feet. People love your style already. You have a huge following, even here on the island. You have the kind of knack for design that I’d kill for.”
“Thank you. It means a lot to me.”
He wandered around the space, peering out the back window and tapping on the brick wall with a smile on his face. “So, put a door or an archway in here to get to the next two shops?”
“Yep. That’s the idea.” Mia could see it already. If she kept the bricks how they were, added whitewashed shelves, and laid a new floor, the space would be perfect.
“Pretty sure Dad won’t mind.”
She was counting on it. The other available space on the island wasn’t as big or as appealing to Mia as this space. Plus the small attic apartment over the middle shop would do for her to live in. “I’ll make him an offer today and then I can sort out the finer details. I have merchandise to buy and an apartment to pack up. I’m still not sure whether I should sell my Seattle condo or lease it out. The family house is already leased, so I don’t have to worry about that one.” She walked over to the wall and leaned back against it, watching Matt. “The board is dealing with the sale of the business so I can walk away now if I want to. I just need to clear out my office and show the new people the ropes.”
The smile that curved his lips made her warm inside. It was going to be hard seeing Matt around and not being able to have him. But she’d chosen her path and it was up to her to follow it.
She pushed off the wall and spun around the dusty shop, taking it all in. “I don’t believe I’m actually doing it. I honestly didn’t ever think Ryan would retire and lead me to start again.”
Matt laughed as he watched her. “I think he’s realized that his health comes first. When he first mentioned it, I was worried about how you’d react.”
He’d known? She paused and stared at him, shocked. “But you never said anything to me about his plans.”
“No and I’d do the same again. It’s not my business and that’s what I told him. Ryan and my father were discussing it in my kitchen before he told you. I didn’t want to be involved because as far as I’m concerned, your business is just that: yours. I had no intention of trying to sway you either way.”
He really was different from anyone else she’d met. “Even if it meant I’d move here?”
“Of course I want you here, but I wasn’t about to be sneaky to get you. I want what you want, Mia.” He stepped closer. “I want you to be happy. Nothing more or less than that.”
She leaned against him, tears clogging her throat. She wanted him so much but if friendship was all she was going to be able to offer him, so be it. Her voice was muffled against his shirt. “You’re a good man, Matt Hope. A good man, indeed. I don’t deserve you as a friend.”
God, how she hated that word. The more she said it, the more it frustrated her. They could’ve had so much more if she wasn’t so scared of her own mortality. Of course, their children might not get her heart condition. But they might. Just like her and Ryan and her father. How could she pull Matt into a relationship knowing everything could go wrong and ruin things between them? She only had to look at how her mother reacted to losing her husband to see what impact it could have on a spouse.
No. Mia wasn’t going to drag a good man like Matt Hope down, no matter how much she wanted to be with him.
Chapter 20
Two weeks later, Matt wandered down to Mia’s shop to see how the renovations were going. The builder was there working on the interior. Mia had had plans drawn up and the job started before she went back to Seattle to start packing up her apartment and make it ready to lease out.
“Hey, Matt.” Russell put down the piece of timber in his hand and tipped up his safety goggles.
“Russell. How’s it going?”
“Pretty good. The apartment upstairs is almost finished. Plumber was here yesterday and everything is connected except the shower, which he’s coming back for. Painter will be here later in the week once I’m done finishing the drywall, and then all the attention will be on the shop.” He pointed at the holes in the wall that led into the next two shops. They’d been cut out last week and now all Russell had to do was frame them up.
“Once this mess is cleaned up, you’ll get a better idea of how it’s going to look. Dave Higgins will be in to do the wiring this week too.”
Matt was impressed with the work. Even in its unfinished state, he could see the look Mia was going for. “Looks good to me.”
“She has some great ideas, that girl of yours.”
“She does. I think this is going to work out very well indeed.” Matt walked around the pile of odd bricks and peered through to the middle shop. A large stack of timber sat in the middle of the floor. “Shelving timber?”
Russell nodded. “Yep. Going along all the back walls. Mia’s shipping a heap of stuff over, antiques and such that she’s collected over the years, she said, and wants me to use them in here. Can’t wait to see it all. Might have to hire her to do my house when she gets a chance.”
Matt laughed. Russell lived in a half finished house with the most basic of furnishings and it had been that way for years. “You’d better finish building your house then.”
Russell laughed. “When do I have time? Too many jobs on the island to worry about my place.” Russell stretched his arms. “So, you and her. You’re a couple, right?”
“I’m working on it, so look elsewhere for someone to clean up after you. Mia
just needs to come to terms with island life and the slower pace of business compared to what she’s used to. Might take a bit but she’s a
lmost there.”
“Good luck, then. She’s pretty nice and easy to work for.” Russell pulled his safety glasses down onto his nose and picked up the timber he was working with. “Back to it.”
Matt smiled and left him to it. He had a date with his sister-in-law for coffee and didn’t want to keep her waiting.
April was already seated outside in the garden when Matt got to the café. He kissed her cheek and gave her a cuddle, mindful of the baby belly.
“Not long now. I swear, if this one doesn’t hurry up, your brother is going to drag me to the mainland.” She rubbed a hand over her back and sighed.
“What?”
“It’s just Braxton-Hicks. False labor pains. I got them for days before Leo was born. They started last night, but don’t tell Drew because he’ll have a nervous breakdown.”
“It’s funny seeing him so stressed out. He’s a doctor and knows how babies are more often late than not. He should be calmer about this.”
“He would be if it was someone else’s.” She shuffled in her chair to rub her foot down her other calf.
“Sore?”
“Yes. I hate swollen ankles.”
Matt turned his chair out and tapped his knees. “Up here.”
April sighed and did as he said, lifting her feet up. “Thanks, Matt. You’re too good to be true.”
“Sure.” It didn’t feel like it to him but if he could help April by letting her put up her feet for ten minutes, he was glad to do it. He loved to make people feel comfortable and taken care of.
April stared at him. “Right. Tell me what’s going on.”
He’d thought long and hard about their options before calling April to get her opinion. “Mia doesn’t want to bear children because she’s got a genetic heart condition. I’ve googled surrogates, egg donors, adoptions and fostering. I want your opinion on each of those so I don’t go and say anything insensitive to her when I see her again. I need to hear things from a woman’s point of view.”
Worth Fighting For (Hope Harbor Book 4) Page 14