Being with a few relatives and beloved friends is just right. You know an inn or a guesthouse wouldn't have an instrument, not one to our standards, and if we'd take the little piano we'd get complaints or curious passers-by disturbing us. Besides, I cannot stop music from welling up inside me, I have to write it
down or have it take over my mind, and I know I'm not much fun to be with in that state. Georgiana doesn't mind my spending hours on composing, but only because she has all of you to keep her company. All by ourselves in a strange place things would be very inconvenient for her. Somehow our wedding wasn't that much of an impact, we were so close before, you know.
Of course there is the physical part of it, but a large estate offers more private space for those explorations than anywhere else, which you should know, having read of Pierre's exploits.'
The last was said with a large wink, and Elizabeth wondered whether he did so without blushing, it was a bit too dark to really see.
'Have you looked for a harpsichord already? I suppose you'll want one to stay in shape?'
'I looked, but I didn't find one. Darcy said to check the other attic, apparently there is another one this size, with stuff other than furniture. So much wealth, Elizabeth, gathering dust. I thought I was used to riches by now, having seen several great houses, and your London attic. Of Carlton House we only saw the one room. But this is just unimaginable, why does one family have so much?'
Frankly, Elizabeth hadn't looked at it that way, she just saw the quaintness of old things. She had never realised the wealth they represented, the raw material and the labour involved. They tended to forget, but Eric came from roots possibly even more humble than Nick's.
'I see what you mean,' she said slowly, 'I merely saw a lot of old stuff to sort through and use, when Fitzwilliam would just buy new furniture. But that is just it, isn't it? For then even more wealth would rest up here, where no-one can profit by it.'
'I don't think Mr Blackwood would see it that way, Mrs Darcy.'
That was Nick's voice, she hadn't seen him coming closer, nor heard him. But of course he had told them when and why he had learned to walk noiselessly.
'I thought I'd offer to watch the lamps for a bit, Anne would like your opinion on some things she likes a lot. And we can easily take turns here.'
'Thank you, Nick, I'm glad you and Eric thought of me. But what did you mean with Mr Blackwood being of a different opinion? Other people could use this furniture instead of it sitting here, couldn't they?'
Ever polite, Nick addressed Eric before answering Elizabeth's question.
'Oh, sorry, Mr Fielding, I didn't see you before. I don't want to be in your way.'
Eric sounded a bit hurt as he said firmly, 'I am no more a gentleman than you are, Nick, and you know it, so please, just Eric. And I'd like to know Mr Blackwood's opinion, too. I'd say it is a big waste of resources to keep a fortune in furniture up here where it does no-one any good.'
'Thank you, Eric. I know where you came from, but everyone shows you such respect, I thought I'd do the same. Now, imagine that table Mr Darcy got all of you as a present.'
They nodded, it was a beautiful table, but they had seen three similar ones so far in this attic alone.
'The tradesman who sold it to Mr Darcy was mighty pleased to sell such a large piece. It was probably an order that had been cancelled, or a show piece he never thought he would sell. Every time Mr Darcy or anyone else buys a piece of furniture, or one of those riding skirts Anne is talking of having fitted tomorrow, some trader or businessman makes a living. Every piece of furniture you use from the attic costs a trader business. And since Mr Darcy is the wealthiest man in these parts, his custom is important.
So, while this attic may seem wasteful to you, to a man like Mr Blackwood, who lives off trade, or the local crafters, it is a gift.'
Elizabeth nodded, now she understood. But Eric asked, 'I get that, you are obviously much more practical than I am. But isn't it unfair that some have barely adequate furniture when so much beautiful stuff is forgotten up here?'
'That I cannot deny. My parents and my siblings would love to have quality furniture like this, even a single piece, but they'll never even come close. And yet some tradesman would suffer a loss if they were to get some of these forgotten pieces. It's how the world works, how trade works.'
Elizabeth decided they could use some time together, get to know each other.
'I'm going to leave those lamps in your excellent care, Eric, Nick. I think you may have to write to Mr Blackwood to solve this puzzle for us, Nick, I'm certain it will continue to plague us all. If you come to a conclusion by yourselves I'd love to hear, but now I feel like joining the search. A little bird told me you had a nice thing going in an attic once, Nick?'
With his charming, most cheeky laugh, the burly guard replied, 'I most certainly did, ma'am. Even Mr Blackwood had some lovely pieces stored, and until I lost my heart to Miss de Bourgh I had a great time among them.'
'You should ask him about that, Eric. I think he may have put Pierre to shame.'
And with that she was off, looking for Anne.
Eric realised he had not really talked privately with Nick, yet, though of course they had come to know each other reasonably well the last few weeks.
Hanging out in Darcy's town house, and now working together on the second-floor rooms, Eric felt a tremendous sympathy for the other man, he supposed they were much of an age as well as of low birth but used to a middle-class household. Of course Mr Blackwood was a gentleman, but as far as Eric understood he was in the wrong trade to be as respectable as either Darcy or Frederick. And Eric had never actually served anyone; although he had been as dependent on Mr Zumpe as any servant on his master, he had never done anything but playing the piano. Right now, Nick's expression was a mixture of embarrassment and cheek, and though Eric felt much at a disadvantage because he had been a virgin less than a month ago, Elizabeth's remark had made him curious.
'You know who Pierre is, Nick?'
'Anne told me, he's the main character in a very naughty book with explicit descriptions of the art of making love. She said Mrs Darcy gave it to Mrs Fielding a few days before your wedding to 'improve her mind'. I think that is the best thing one could do for any young woman or man, I admire Mrs Darcy tremendously.'
Well, Eric could not fault him for that, he'd had a thing for Elizabeth from the very first.
'Don't we all, as mere men? Up to and including the Prince of Wales?'
'So that is also true? I thought Anne was making fun of me, I couldn't believe it.'
'It's true all right, he was practically dripping with admiration when we were playing at Carlton House. There are some pieces that need my utmost concentration, but sometimes I can watch my audience and he kept checking her out. Fortunately he turned out quite a good sort, despite his reputation.'
Nick showed some exasperation here.
'Tell me about it, I've been there often enough. Of course I wanted that reputation, was proud of my prowess, but to have my mistress' lady friends looking me over as if I was a piece of meat they considered buying was less than pleasant. Seriously, some could barely refrain from checking the goods right there in the drawing-room, when the mistress had me over to introduce me to some new friend.'
Remembering the surreptitious touches outside the concert halls, Eric understood completely, some ladies had no sense of shame whatsoever, and
Eric suspected those were the ones that sought out Nick.
'Didn't that make you feel like, well, one of those paid women?'
Nick laughed and shook his head.
'No, I liked it. Once I had them to myself I was the one in charge, they were no longer my superior. We were just a man and a woman, and they'd do anything for me. I did that for ten years, and if I hadn't met Anne I suppose I'd still be doing it.'
'Ten years? You can't be much older than I am! You must have been just a boy when you started!'
Eric definitely felt very
naïve, and what Nick said next didn't make it any better.
'I was sixteen, and I'm twenty six now, twenty seven this summer.'
'You were sixteen when you had your first woman? Nick, I'll be twenty eight this fall, and Georgiana was as much my first as I was hers. You know when we got married, you were there.'
'Did you miss it? You're a handsome man, women everywhere admire you, and not just for your looks. You could have had anyone, so I guess you probably didn't want to be with someone.'
That was the plain truth.
'Until I fell in love with Georgiana I never had the slightest interest in any woman. Not that way. I grew up with my patron's daughter and when she started to look at me in a certain way I couldn't understand, she was like a sister to me. My patron wanted me to marry her, but I just couldn't, it would have been wrong, we would both have been very unhappy. When I told him that, he kicked me out, and Mr Darcy saved me from the streets.'
'I'm sorry to hear that. One of my charges fell in love with me and her father, my master, would have let us get married. But as you said, she was like a sister, I couldn't have done that with her. You were so right to refuse. So you never wanted to be with a woman until you met Mrs Fielding. And if you never felt the need, why be bothered about that? I suppose I didn't particularly want to be with a woman at sixteen, looking back knowing what I know now I guess I was used. I'd taken a position in a trader's household, I was a good fighter and he wanted a guard to protect his shop at night but he was too cheap to hire an adult.
My duty was to stay on the ground floor in the shop at all times to guard the wares, while the family lived upstairs. The merchant was older than his wife and they didn't have any children, yet. She was very kind to me, I had a hard
time adjusting to the working hours and the responsibility, and to being treated as a servant, my youth had been rather free because my parents never minded their children much, and my new mistress made me feel wanted and even loved. When she joined me downstairs of an evening I didn't think anything of it and enjoyed the company.'
Eric was almost afraid of what was coming next, but he knew this was a rare moment, most likely Anne hadn't even heard this. They had all just accepted Nick being a philanderer, neither of them had ever wondered how he'd gotten that way.
'She took me to the master's office, where I had been only once, when I was hired, and sat me down on an easy chair. I was sixteen but I looked older, I was already as broad as I am now, and I had to shave every two days. She offered to kiss, which I liked very much, and then she stroked me in progressively intimate places. She did not take much time but merely teased me into frantic lust and had me take her on the desk. I lost it, but she loved it.
During the next months she came to me often, and strangely enough I did not fall in love with her, but merely enjoyed the action and the attention. Until she got with child.
No-one ever suspected, but somehow I knew it was mine. Her attentions wavered, I suppose I'd given her what she wanted, a child, and I didn't grieve, but I decided I'd had enough anyway. My master did not look like me at all, he was blonde, tall and skinny. I'd have been in serious trouble if she had a dark, burly boy or girl. And besides, I had grown used to being pleased, she'd taught me all she knew and we'd explored a lot besides. I knew nothing would be forthcoming from her and I needed the thrill, preferring by now not to get attached to my lovers.
So I asked for her recommendation and got it, finding a new position quickly with one of her friends. The same situation unfolded and a year later I left, again, with good recommendations. I knew that wouldn't always be the case, I'd grown more worldly-wise and discovered about protection, deciding to not get any woman with child again. The next time I chose a place with more freedom and more choice of ladies, my reputation as a guard had spread and I could pick from several, without having please my own mistress at the risk of exposure. I suppose that was seven years ago, I learned quickly. Since then I've guarded people's valuables while pleasing their female visitors, my last position my best, chaperoning two adolescent girls for an upper-class family, their mother's circle of friends providing me with a near-endless number of
ladies to conquer. Until I met Anne and lost my heart for philandering.
Having tasted true love I can never go there again, but the reputation sticks to me and I need to keep it to protect all four of us. So now you know what I did for ten years.'
He did not sound sad, so Eric dared ask the question that burned him.
'I suppose your experience makes you very skilled. I was afraid the first time, I'd never done anything important before without thorough preparation.'
Now Nick laughed merrily and observed, 'I have reason to believe you improved your mind very thoroughly, Eric. But yes, I do believe I'm skilled, and I do think it matters, especially to a woman. I've had so many ladies who had never been pleased by their husbands. Some even said they preferred not to have their husband touch them. But I'm sure you didn't start out playing the piano as well as you do now, it takes time and practice to learn a skill. And if you ask your wife what she enjoys, and tell her what you enjoy, and explore together, I'm certain you will do incredibly well. There is such love between you, it took me ten years to find out that skill wasn't everything, that love was much more important.'
Somehow, though Eric's common sense had already suggested as much, it was a real relief to hear a true expert say love was enough, love and a willingness to learn.
'Thank you, Nick, I hoped you'd say that.'
'In a way, the very fact that you are afraid to fall short is enough to avoid disappointment: my ladies always told me their husbands were more than satisfied with their own prowess. So much so that they never though to ask their wives.
Would you mind lending us the book? Pierre's book? I've been very curious about him, and I'd like to know whether what Mrs Darcy hinted at is true: that I really am as good as Pierre at this one thing.'
'Of course, Anne wanted to borrow it anyway. I'll talk it over later with Georgiana.'
After that, Nick asked him questions about Eric's own youth, and for as long as the others browsed through the stacks of furniture and the boxes of fabric and cushions, they talked and got to know each other a lot better.
On Saturday, Elizabeth was excited once again because they were going out together, Fitzwilliam on a road horse this once to make her feel safer, but not the black since he was still on his way from London. Mrs Reynolds had
arranged for the seamstress to visit later in the day and Elizabeth was planning to be there, for she could use another set of riding skirts and blouses, she seemed to have gained some weight around the waist and across her breasts. Of course that suggested she might be with child, but she had no idea what that felt like, she didn't feel any different. Maybe she should write to Charlotte or to Jane and ask. Or to both, though Jane's visit would be early enough to ask, it was less than a month before they'd all gather at Pemberley.
She remembered Jane mentioning being less stable, and she had cried pretty easily that time they found out about Miss Bingley marrying Grenfell, but Elizabeth felt exactly the same as before, except that it was such a relief to not be bothered by reporters and princes.
'You are more beautiful than ever, my love,' her beloved whispered in her ear as they crossed the lawn towards the stables. 'Where shall we ride today? Do you want to keep it short not to suffer muscle aches?'
She could hear he hoped she'd answer that question with a negative, he really wanted to ride out across his very own hills and through his very own woods, and since she wanted nothing more than to be with him and please him, she said, 'I think I can stand a long ride, and I really want to see that hill again, the rock-strewn one with the view. Shall we go there today?'
He knew instantly which hill she meant, and as soon as they had mounted they were off, Barley eager to be accompanying his paddock-mate on a trip.
Elizabeth hadn't realised before that Fitzwilliam's bay road horse was in th
e paddock with Barley, but now she recognised the sturdy animal by his irregular blaze.
'Did they group our horses together in a paddock on purpose, so they'd get used to each other? Or is that just coincidence?'
Fitzwilliam was surprised by her observation and replied, 'Now you mention it, my favourite hunter was in that group as well. I suppose Hugo thought of that, or maybe Peter or Mrs Norman suggested it. But I'm certain they wouldn't have done it if the horses hadn't liked each other.'
It was a real treat to ride out together, the weather was fine, the horses were relaxed and eager for a long ride, and Fitzwilliam kept eyeing her with admiration. His falling in love with her was the best thing that could ever have happened to her, no exceptions.
When they returned, her legs were tired and a bit sore, but they'd had a magnificent ride, almost one and a half hours of striding along shady forest lanes, trotting through seemingly endless meadows, already drying up and
turning green, and cantering across gently sloping hills covered in a rougher kind of grass. The view was spectacular, and Elizabeth couldn't wait to take the others to this place. Their ride ended behind the house, on the long slope down towards the lake, and as they passed the Roman temple Elizabeth had a naughty idea. Why not go inside for ten minutes and make out a little? No-one would see them there.
'Let's stop here for a few moments, my love,' she said, and tied Barley to a small tree where he could graze a little. Fitzwilliam followed, from the main space of the temple they could still see the horses, and Elizabeth felt a little twinge of excitement. As soon as they were well and truly inside, she caught her beloved in her arms and took a firm grip of his neck, pulling his face towards hers. He did not hesitate to return her kiss, and soon they were making out with passion. A short glance towards the horses proved they were still patiently chewing grass, a little difficult with a bit but like most horses, they managed.
The temple had several windows to let in the light, and each of them had a ledge she could easily sit on. Excitement growing, she wriggled her hand inside Fitzwilliam's shirt, her other stroking the fastenings of his pantaloons.
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